This is the rough draft, it is being edited currently, if you can reply promptly, preferrably within the next few hours i will edit it according to your comments. This is for school so your comments may affect my grades a bit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CalloÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s Greed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

--Mal Brittle was an old man at the time. He sat at the fireplace smoking his pipe slowly. Breathing deeply. As Mini Brittle came over he watched her intently, and he raised his eyes and smiled. The wrinkles in his face gave him a glint in his eye.

 

 

 

--ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅCome, sit, IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve been thinking about our boy, Callo,ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Great story mate, I cant believe you asked me to read it and I accidentally said yes but it is a very good story tell me when you've done the next part.

 

 

 

:P

 

 

 

Hys

:) thanks i need more readers lol and next part might sometime tonight or tomorrow possibly.

haha nice ? 8)

Its alright. It gets a bit repetitive with saying "he" so much. Also one of my personal pe peeves is haveing a strainght out description of what a character looks like at the beginning of the story. Even if you do give a description don't say stuff like "he was 5'5" and 100lbs."

thanks for the comments, im getting it edited currently but i have the rough draft posted above.

hey... read my story? i put a lot of work into it...