This is my first post in the Varrock Library so plz give me some feed back if you actually read it lol. plz plz post all comments good or bad!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PirateÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s Tale

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Training against pirates in a hidden cave,

 

 

 

I stop to talk to the captain Dave.

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWhy do your men carry around all theses nature runes?

 

 

 

Is it because they like to mine in the AL Kharid dunes?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Its not half bad. I like the ryhming

thank you

No prob its actually good to see some nice poem/song/story.

Good poem we don't get enough of them here. My only suggestion is to shorten some of the longer lines because they seem to get so long at points that you lose the rhyme scheme but other that that its great. 8.7/10

ok ill try to shorten the long lines.

 

 

 

thanks for the advise

is there any other feedback or is it just that no one cares to read the story lol

 

 

 

plz post

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Training against pirates in a hidden cave,

 

 

 

I stop to talk to the captain Dave.

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWhy do your men carry around all theses nature runes?

 

 

 

Is it because they like to mine in the AL Kharid dunes?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

ok ill see what i can do

i made a few changes to the poem but i cant seem to shorten one of the lines any more. have any ideas??

I guess this the end of this thread hope everyone enjoyed the story.

hehe that isn't so bad :wink:

A little father in the cave is some blurite ore,

 

 

 

and long, long ago there was even a little sword store.

 

 

 

The Imcando Dwarves would mine and smith the blurite into swords,

 

 

 

and everyone in all the land bought them for there lords.

 

 

 

I think you mean "farther" instead of "father". also again with shortening lines you might be able to get rid of into. I don't think you'll lose the meaning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other than that its much better.[/i]

BUMP

I kinda like it. A nice little poem/story/etc.

 

 

 

I like the thought of a singing pirate