I never step into the light of day

My skin is pale gray

I grew a high forehead.

 

The Illiad

There was a very brave mountain warrior

With spike shield

Playing Runescape

When a beast appeared

Threatening moms and women in the tribe

He took his spike sword and defeated beast

He was hero

hhhhhhhhuh (sound of guy trying to make crowd cheering)

 

Winding nowhere

I walk on a desolate content road

It winds a lot like a toad

I hear a spy kid say code

 

And so I Slayer the man

With my giant great sword

With intricate design

Massive blow out sale @ mens warehouse

You'll ll like the way you look

Hmm. I'm not sure what to say. This is either mindless babble or work of an artist.

 

If you want serious critique:

 

Keep the rhyme scheem the same, and don't make it sound like you're rhyming 2 words just for the sake of rhyming.

Hmm. I'm not sure what to say. This is either mindless babble or work of an artist.

 

If you want serious critique:

 

Keep the rhyme scheem the same, and don't make it sound like you're rhyming 2 words just for the sake of rhyming.

It's not supposed to rhyme actually, where it does is coincidence. I go for meaning rather than rhyming.

Then I suggest omitting the rhymes, so it doesn't look scattered.

The work in all honesty -- seems incnsere. As in you make no nonsense lines, in hopes people will think you're deep. Now, for all I know you're writing style may be very similar to mine i.e. All the lines relate to me. So if I say:

 

Morphine Glass

 

Born in a cave alone and unafraid

I open my sexacapades and dream of another day

Where I invent my own lines

Where I stand to lose what I define

If I could go back in time

Would the shot, end this sign.

 

 

Morphine glass fill me up

Morphine glass you tea cup

Morphine glass I bow to you

Morphine glass I am confused.

 

Born and bread in my very own cake

Stop and stared in my very own wake

Unsure of who I was born to be

I raddled off verses like

tar prescriptions

 

Morphine glass fill me up

Morphine glass you tea cup

Morphine glass I bow to you

Morphine glass I am confused

 

Morphine glass you’re too charming

Morphine glass you’re estatic

Are we really doing this?

I’ve always wanted these color glasses

Here we go”

 

Now, this song makes perfect sense to me. (I wrote it actually L) And despite the fact that the meter is utter crap, it makes no sense to anyone in the outside world. That's my problem, its a tad deep of a song, but posting purposefully confusing material, just makes you *seeem* like an elitist douche bag.

 

For example... high forehead? Switching between rs, illiad, and mens warehouse? A tad of a stretch.

 

Winding nowhere

I walk on a desolate content road

It winds a lot like a toad

I hear a spy kid say code

 

 

Your similie here is pretty bad... How does a toad wind? And the line below doesn't seem to be relevant either. Overall the structure is poor, and it's just so jumbled it's hard to follow.