Would you read this book?

[andufusthebronze]

This is my most recent draft of the Query Letter for my current project, a novel titled 'Ace, King, Queen'.

A Query Letter is what you send to either a Literary Agent, or a Publisher, along with the first 3 chapters of your work in a hope to get them interested. However, if the query letter isn't good enough, they won't look look at the chapters. Thus, it is important to have a good query letter.

I don't feel that this draft is perfect, but I would like some feedback on it. So any constructive criticism is welcome, but the fundamental question remains: would you read this book?

 

Dear Agent,

 

The relationship with his brother in tatters and his lack of a soul beginning to decay his senses, Gael Brett is a teen on the verge of suicide.

 

A victim of mankind and depression, Gael is dragged even further into the world of deception than hes grown accustomed to: but this time in the name of salvation. If he can obtain an entire deck of souls, then his shall be returned to him.

However, as with all offers of this kind, there is, of course, a catch. He is not the only one attempting redemption, and the charity of the organization which now counts his soul as their own will only extend to the return of one contenders essence.

 

Torn between an attempt of reconciliation made by his brother and his only chance to feel again, Gaels lies entrench themselves within his reality, until his crimes against humanity far exceed the petty theft from days of old.

 

ACE, KING, QUEEN, a fantasy/gothic novel of [insert number] words is a sinister competition seen from the point of view of both competitors.

 

I have previously had a poem published in the Writers Forum magazine.

 

Thank you for your consideration,

 

Andrew E. King.

[Sy_Accursed]

In my experience (I've wrote to agents before) thats not at all right.

 

You're meant to do a formal cover letter that covers who you are, and very briefly (like 1 or 2 sentences) gives the genre and a vague overview of the core plot points of the story.

It should be addressed to "Dear Sir"; that is the convention for writing to unknown people and it should end with Yours faithfully, yours truly or yours sincerely; for formalities sake you are meant to do faithfully (Uk) and truly (US) if its sent to unknown persons.

 

Then a lot of what you've put should be put in a synopsis/plot overview as the general submission package is cover letter synopsis and the 3 chapters.

Also synopsis for publishers/agents should not be so vague and back of book/advert style. It should literally cover the core plot points from start to end in plain detail; they don't want an advert they want to know precisely where the book is going too so they can evaluate the depth/worth of the plot.

 

I may be wrong but thats what I've used and found to be recommended by most advice sites.

 

As for the novel concept I dunno it sounds very generic to me; when the fantasy market is one of the most overfilled I dunno if such a generic sounding work would appeal a young hero is kinda cliche, broken down family/lover relationship again kinda cliche, a victim figure with mental issues again quite cliche, a world of deception and darkness from which he msut triumph again very cliche. You may have some genisu twist in there but what you've written just screams generic dark fantasy to me. But summaries are a pain in the ass to write well, so it could just be bad summary/concept writing.

[andufusthebronze]

Hmm I dunno. Every writer book I've read has suggested this format of Query Letter, and there are websites such as http://queryshark.blogspot.com/ that are run by agents to help you to write them in a style similar to this.

 

You send this Query and 3 Chapters.

Then, if they like it they request a full, at THAT point you send the cover letter, the full synopsis and the entire manuscript.

 

The Query Letter is an attempt to entice them to the general plot.

 

And really? In honesty, no-one's told me that about this plot before. I wasn't even sure the book was fantasy because of the fact that all it has is souls.

Broken down family/lover figure was changed in the redraft from his best friend because I felt it worked better, and I thought best friend relationships struggling were a lot more common in books aimed at young people than sibling relationships.

I could argue all of your points but that would render this exercise useless. Thank you for your comments, I shall have a look at what I can do rewriting it to make it sound less generic.

 

Actually, I have one more question. From this letter, what do you think happens in the book?