Nutty Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 In the olde days of runescape... Alchemy was hard to do... Only Items could be crafted into gold.. But in the year forthcoming... Alchemy would become a magic of it's own... PRECHAPTER 1: THE EXPERIMENT Mosutwa and her fellow scienticts had the ingrediants. they put them into the cauldron. they started a fire for the cauldron, and stepped back. "Daho, now do the alchemy!" Mosutwa shouted! A Man ran up to the cauldron, stuck his hand, and a rune dagger into the cauldron. He channeld all of his energy into the cauldron. From afar, the cualdron was shinning! It finnaly turned white as Daho's arm began to dissapear! "GYAHHHH!!" Daho was screaming in pain! Mosutwa turned to her left and saw one of her subordinates starting to dissapear entirely! Everyone was loosing some sort of limb, or dissolving! Mosutwa Ran out of the building. The building imploded onto itself and there was a silent white explosion. Mosutwa walked limping over to the cauldron. there was now a golden claw in it! that meant that the experiment had wroked... <-- this one better work.... >__< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin742 Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 Good way to open the story, now create it. With a quill or reading spectacles, visit the Varrok Library today.Become one of the first members of the Order of Honor!http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=572462http://s8.invisionfree.com/The_Order_of_Honor/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 I don't get it. Too many exclamation marks!!! if you put them after every sentence!! It looks really childish!! Also... grammar check work before posting? Um, maybe take things a little more slowly. Forcing the whole story beginning into about 5 paragraphs isn't good. Make it several pages, and add more description and flow. (Also maybe join sentences together, this will help flow) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gattree Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 Good start, I'm just not sure where the story is going to go. I hope it doesn't end up unfinished like most stories in this library. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archimage_a Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Many of the unfinished stories are there because the writer got ignored... Anyway I think it might be an ok story but spelling really is an issue. At the moment it is fine because it is easy to understand but later words can be mistaken for others... http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sephiroth_king Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 For all of you that didn't get the meaning of the stroy... You have seemed to have recopied a RuneScape version of Full Metal Alchemist (Final season done, people this show rocks it's a must see) anime on t.v. Wasn't impressed at all, especially with the exclamation marks after every sentence!! It looks childish. But you recopied the show because the main character uses alchemy to ressurect his mother (which is a forbbiden alchemy, for anyone who doesn't know) and his brother loses his body, he loses his arm, then sacrifices his leg to bring back his bro. And that's it, so don't EVER try to make FMA (Full metal alchemist) into RSA (RuneScape alchemist). Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aznmidget448 Posted November 23, 2006 Share Posted November 23, 2006 Sounds interesting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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