Hi, this is the first and second chapters of a second book of a series and no, i won't post the last one. (Its not finished.) i intend to release them at the same time anyway, (i want to be an author when i'm older.) NOTE: don't expect the world this is a first draft, though i did spend a lot of time on it.

 

 

 

I will work on finishing the book, then i will work on punctuation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

19/12/06: edited it, added more on the end

 

 

 

20/12/06: renamed chapter 1, started chapter 2

 

 

 

21/12/06: added the rest of chapter 2 so far.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1: The racist maid

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John's eyes flickered open; He lay still on the floor, feeling the life draining from him, as if there was an energy magnet near by. He remained motionless. He groaned in agony. He knew that he was dying; John tried to muster up the energy to stand but failed. He fell into a crumpled heap, but managed to lie on his side. He examined the stab wound that his old friend Phil had dealt to him. John tried to lift his hand, but failed. His magic was failing him. He tried to cast a healing spell on it, but it seamed just to make it worse. He lay there in a crumpled heap on the library's dirty carpet floor motionless as he waited for a master magician to come and find him. About half a minute later the master known as Issy stepped into the room, and as she looked at her old friend lying there on the floor dying, a tear formed in her eye. Sparkles appeared in her hand and a beam of light was sent directly at the wound. He stood healed and collapsed in Issy's arms. He managed to mumble a small and quite but humble "thank you, Master Issy." And his eyes closed. However John was not dead, but if she didn't hurry to the hospital, he would be. She struggled and just about managed to pick him up. And she tried to lead him to the hospital part of the ice palace. The doors on the way where locked, as if someone did not want him to live. She kicked each door open and ran through the corridors of the palace. Until she reached the last door, the one that lead into the hospital, she blast open the door, with such force that her hood fell down, her glossy black hair shone in the light of the room. Issy laid her old friend on the closest bed, and pulled her hood back up. Then she called the hospital maid, she snorted with competent "we don't treat foreign magicians, they pay with." And this next word she said with complete disdain. "Foreign money." And her nose wrinkled. Issy thought john deserved professional treatment; everyone did, just because he wasn't from the ice islands. She reached into one of the many pockets of her black; blood stained robes and pulled out a small boar-skin bag. She dropped it on a nearby table, the sound of money rang through the room loudly and the nurses eye brows raised.

 

 

 

"That should cover it, I believe." Issy said with a certain dislike for this maid. She got out a small dagger from the sleeve of her robes and sliced open the bag. Shiny coins of silver and gold spilled out onto the small table. Issy noticed it was a desk not a table, with a few blots of ink here and there, when Issy looked up she saw the maid's eyes gleaming at the sight of the money. When the maid noticed her staring she nodded at Issy, and then ushered her out of the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Issy left the corridor the hospital entrance was located in, and on her way bumped into her old apprentice, who she had left to someone else after a certain incident which she chose not to remember, but obviously he did. Because he stood there glaring after her, considering sending a stunning spell, he decided against it and carried on. Issy gave her blessings to whichever poor sucker got lumped with that rude troublemaker.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apparently that racist maiden was actually pretty good, because the next day when Issy came to visit John and see his progress and as she was about to walk into the corridor john walked out the door. Issy rushed over to John and embraced him. He was obviously very shocked and nearly tumbled over but he managed to stabilize himself in time. Just. He had no idea who was hugging him until she let go, and then he realized it was Issy, astonished he tried to speak, and opened his mouth but no words came out. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWas it you who paid for me then?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Read the first paragraph, stopping there for now. As yet needs more flow, and less repition. Honestly, you use the word 'failing' about six times, and motionless twice. It sounds really unprofessional.

 

 

 

Title sounds good but 'Chapter One - Issy and John' not very imaginative.

 

 

 

Otherwise... meh, good.

Pretty good, looks like you did spend alot of time on it and I only saw a couple of errors with your grammar and I noticed the atmosphere changing after the first part.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is this thing with using Issy as a character in stories? Not trying to be rude to Issy, I've seen her in a few stories here so far and I'm just wondering why.

Pretty good, looks like you did spend alot of time on it and I only saw a couple of errors with your grammar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is this thing with using Issy as a character in stories? Not trying to be rude to Issy, I've seen her in a few stories here so far and I'm just wondering why.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Likes my name. 8-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But no, in the title 'Me, Myself and Issy' that character has 0% connection with me. Just a name I decided would suit her.

the title won't be issy and john, i just can't think of a title for it, so its that for now, i use Issy because it fits

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Issy i will try to make the edits with better words with the thing, and about the atmosphere changing it's meant to, as Issy is a master magician so she has that effect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

any ideas for the chapter one title?

I see, yeah pretty good name Issy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for the chapter name I normally come up with the story before I write it and then I write it and last I name my chapters having to do with what happened in each one or what the chapter is building up to. So I'll tell you if I come up with anything.

no need i;'ve got it, the racist maid.

 

 

 

on another note, if you guys where wondering about the name of the book, i will not show the whole last chapter but i will show you a quote, you probably won't understand it anyway :lol: the chapters i haaven't written are wuite important so haha! :thumbsup:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but here it is

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John turned the corner and saw something on the floor, a well-painted picture. There was a man in dark robes with a shadow tidal wave behind him. And then he saw faces in front of the shadow magician. He knew what the picture meant and was of, the shadow magician was about to banish a tribe to the wastelands know as the shadow land. John realised he recognised the face on the magician. It was Phil! John picked up the painting, and ran down the corridor towards the library secret chambers. Now that he was the chief librarian he knew everything about the library, and the crystal librarian. She would awaken if a hero came with an open heart, and put him to the test. If he was the chosen one, the secret of shadow magic would aid him, if not. John shuddered. It corrupted them!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Phil turned the key, and the chest creaked and swung open. A book lay inside the chest, he picked it up. It was very heavy; he strained but got it over to a table and dropped it with a loud thud. He wiped off some of the dust and set a nearby torch on fire for light. The gold writing had lost its shine among the years, and was hard to make out against the black leather backing of the book. Phil brought the torch closer and saw the title clearly ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅShadow Magic.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ