Gaalsien Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Important note: a guy running from a bad thing is a little cliched but just try and stick with it. Please. Hey. My first post ever! Anybody who gives good, smart, intelligent review gets 1k. This here's my lil' ole' story. If you want to be in it for some strange reason just ask and I'll try and fit you in somewhere. Important notice: I suck at writing. I also make glaring mistakes, plot holes, inconsistencies, and 'inconsistancies' is about as developed as my vocabulary gets. ----------------------------- Danger level 8 I ran like my life depended on it, mainly because it did, stumbling over the scorched rocks and rubble that littered this barren hellhole. Danger level 4 "I'm gonna kill you! Hehehe!" He was so close I could feel his rank breath on the back of my neck neck. Once again, his scimtar carved cruel, crimson lines across my back, and I screamed in agony. Danger level 1 "Sanctuary!" I screamed, diving for the blessed line. "Sanctuary!" The scimitar swung again. This time, it struck bone. I collapsed on the floor, limbs flailing and twitching, as the last of my life points ebbed away. I watched, through far away and glassy eyes, the Pker stoop low to my corpse. He took twelve gold and a tinderbox from my clothes, and continued on his merry way, looking for his next victim. ------------------------ Smokeeagle co-writes. He'll probably show up in a bit when I direct him to this site and he signs up. (But he's a bit stupid so that could take a while.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ice_ring Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 that was a pretty awesome description of someone running from a pker. As his scimtar carved cruel, crimson lines across my back, I screamed in agony. i would have worded it a little like that. only thing i saw really wrong. nice little bit :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangelo Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Could make it a pker nigtmare poem :P Good description Should write a long story :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 22, 2004 Author Share Posted November 22, 2004 Hey, thanks for the reviews. Any suggestions on where it should go (other than straight in the bin)? ----------------------------- The pain was gone. Looking down, I found so had my body. With vague anoyance I realized my iron longsword, that I had loved like a woman, was gone too. There was a great deal of light here, wherever here was, seeming to glow from everywhere at once. It shone through the thick, white smoke curling around the place. Turning in a circle, I found that it was pretty much like this as far as the eye could see. Wow. The afterlife sure was a big let down. I'd expected beer flowing, busty maidens, valkyries, quaffing. But you probably had to be a true hero to get that. Not that I'd got much chance to prove myself, I thought angrilly. If I ever got my hands on that damn pker again I'd- "So you're the dead noob." I would've jumped a mile in the air had I had legs to do it with. "Who said that?!" The massive voice spoke again, blasting my non-existent ear drums to screds. "It was I, Zamorak the Great. Lord of anger, chaos, violence and sarcasm!" "Do you have to yell like that?" "I am not yelling!" roared the Diety. "This is my normal voice. THIS IS ME YELLING!" "Argh! Shut the hell up!" A sudden, deathly silence filled the void. "Did thou just tell the Great God Zamorak, ever present Diety of anger, chaos, violence, and sarcasm to cease his spaking?" the voice threatened. "Um.....no." "I think you did...." "Nope. " "I'm quite sure you did." "Must've been some other guy." "DARE THEE NOT TO LIE TO THINE GOD!" "Fine. I admit it." And I waited for my soul to be crushed into a thousand pieces. Zamorak sighed. "If thou weren't still needed I'd be crushing your soul into a thousand pieces by now," he assured. I nodded understandingly. "However, sadly, you have a destiny left unfinished back on.....whatever the hell that place is called." This suprised me somewhat. I had a destiny? Although, knowing my luck, it was to die on a sacrificial alter. "Soul reasignment will commence now." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangelo Posted November 22, 2004 Share Posted November 22, 2004 The second one is good but not as strong as the first Maybe submit the first one to libary of Varrock? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 22, 2004 Author Share Posted November 22, 2004 I've tried but no reply yet. It's probably not as strong because it gets more like a comedy as it goes along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 My soul landed back in my body with a painful thud. I opened my eyes and stared up at the storm-tossed skies. "Owwww." My back was killing me, but in a less literal way than before and, running my fingers over it, I found the deep gouges had healed. My shirt however, whom I'd also loved like a woman, hung in tatters. Rummaging in my ear, I found a maggot eating away at my brains and pulled it out. I sat up. A huge block of mithril swung in a graceful arc into my face. CRUNCH! "Ah, you *****rd!" The man looked confused for a minute: ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWhat did you say?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangelo Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 This is amazing story! yours and the ogre child are best i've read on the forum Mine is one of the worst Maybe i should re-read it, spell check etc lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 Thank you. I could do that for you if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 "You going to Falador?" "Not in this weather, n-" "How does 500 gold sound?" "Hop on." Thanking the man, I threw my sack onto the back of the cart and climbed up after it. I found it filled with bundles of wheat, which I lay back in, protected from the now densely falling snow. With a crack of a whip and a lurch, the cart started to trundle its way out of Varrock. We passed out of the city walls passed and were soon heading at a steady pace along the dirt track that led up through open farmland, barbarian village, more farmland, and finally came to Falador. "Hey! Hey, you, ******! Give me back my ****ing money!" I sat up. Down the road, the man known as Smokeeagle was running. I was by now armed to the teeth with the latest in high-tech smithing, whilst he had nothing. Still, there was something about the crazed look he had in his eyes and the slight foaming at the mouth that worried me all the same. "Um. Can you make this thing go any faster?" I asked the driver "Goin' as fast as they can," the man replied, looking at the two aging donkeys that pulled the cart. From out of the sack I pulled a beautiful marvel of engineering; a ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅBalastor and Oakarm one-shot crossbowÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangelo Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Funny story! Laughing at it all the time. Write more :P And go read my story :( tale of the great archer about 6 posts below Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ste_mc_efc Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 dead proper good i mite rite a story soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 25, 2004 Author Share Posted November 25, 2004 Cool. What about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ste_mc_efc Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 dunno toying with an action romance not much romance tho in fact not much at all or a horo but its wether i get a good start or not (wotever i do ill try to put humour in it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 26, 2004 Author Share Posted November 26, 2004 Yeah, action romances without the romance are great. Tell me when you post it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 26, 2004 Author Share Posted November 26, 2004 "I-hate-the-stinkin'-wildy," I muttered, crunching across a field of human bones, skulls shattering underfoot. Ahead through the swirls of black smoke, I could make out a building. This was good because it could offer a safe haven. This was also bad because other people probably thought the same way. As I neared, I realised it was a church. That was good. Nobody'd attack somebody in a church, right? Who was I kidding: this was the wildy, the home of the lowest, scummiest low-life scum in all of Runescape society. I lifted the crossbow with shaking hands, pointed it at the thick mahogany door, and gently pushed it open with my foot. My finger itched on the trigger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ste_mc_efc Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 lol ye they are rnt they it wint be posted for ages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 26, 2004 Author Share Posted November 26, 2004 Pushing the door aside, I was greeted by an unpleasant, but familiar, sight. The same darn PK'er that had killed me before. I muttered a breif thanks to Zamarok or whoever and pulled the trigger of the crossbow. Hundreds of bolts screamed through the air towards the *** and was amazed to see every single one hit home. What I saw afterwards amazed me even more: The PK'er just chuckled and turned round towards me, gently plucking all the bolts from his body. Flinging the crossbow aside, I drew my recently purchased Mithril two hander and took up a defensive stance; if the damn pkÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢er wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t going to be killed by five hundred steel arrows, there wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t much chance of the sword doing much. But by Zamarok IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d at least have a go. The pkÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢er dashed forwards screaming, his scimitar head high above his head and brought it down where my face had been about a second ago. I laughed; this guy wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t as good as he used to be. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅYouÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢re losing it!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangelo Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 Nice children nice A bit of a nothing ending to that one though, you need to add more on i reckon but still an A* job again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 27, 2004 Author Share Posted November 27, 2004 Thanks. I guess they're not actually chapters so they basically continue on from each other so don't exactlyhave an ending to be nothing. I'll try and stick a cliffhanger in from now on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
io13 Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 what a kooool story i liked 8/10 ( 10 being the best story ever.) keep going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 27, 2004 Author Share Posted November 27, 2004 Two chapters by me in a row. You lucky fellows (Smokeeagle) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While wiping the blood and puke off of my armour, there was a loud rumbling noise and the floor shook violently. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWhat the hell is going on?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Quit hogging all the fame! lol P.S. I read that footnote... git. -Smokey :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted November 28, 2004 Author Share Posted November 28, 2004 :D Sorry. I'll let you post the next one then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Fine then, I will... :) Again, there was a great deal of light from all directions and standing in front of me, looking slightly bemused was SmokeEagle, who waved. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHey,ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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