Confused Flames: Chapter 25: Finishing Death redone! Fin!

This will be using a character I created for the RPG a while back, if you care to read, heres the link! http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=600567&start=0

Anyway, busy atm so I'll depart, leaving you to read, but first, a prologue

A billion flames, some flickering, some blazing, and some going out. a flame goes out next to a figure with no true form. And he touches it, causing the lamp to disappear, replaced by a new one. He sees all the flames, what they are doing, and what they are failing to do.

Several flames stood out, others reappeared, others left. These the non-figure looked at with interest, but the number remained even, no need to worry.

He decided to watch one of the flames, this was a mover, more than others... Fienrir? No matter... whats this? Another powerful flame? Ah... too boring... who wants to watch some guy called Indiana Jones steal artifacts? Well, besides mortals. The non-figure sighed, a thousand year nap is never kind, one wakes up, finds the world on the brink of destruction... oh well. It was sooooo hard... not to destroy the whole freaking population and start it over... but still... that would be harder, but more fulfilling.

But here was one that would prove nice to observe, settling into a more comfortable position, the strange being began to watch.

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Hylean looked over his shoulder again, who was watching him? Shrugging the feeling off, he went into the room where his very displeased father awaited.

Not a bad start, but I couldn't really tell what was happening.

Seven kittens out of ten.

you don't have to, it'll all make sense soon, does a magician do his best trick first?

Yes, but you can't really tell how good a magician is by his first trick..

That's why I could only give you an 'average' grade..

Yes, but you can't really tell how good a magician is by his first trick..

 

That's why I could only give you an 'average' grade..

touche

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Anyway, I decided that more background is needed, this takes place in a World Sephiroth King created. As such, his character being the important hero he is, Fienrir will make an appearance or two, not in conflict with his story if I can help it. Also, this takes place after The Corrupt and Advent, for the most part. For the links to the awesome stories

The Advent:

http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=601029

The Corrupt:

http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=607277

Tonight I will update the story

Chapter 1: Evil and misguided intent

A thousand souls wailing in torment, and a figure laughing, over all their tortures. This cruel figure leaned over one screaming soul and grabbed it, smiling, as it heard the cries for mercy, of any kind. And he gave the only mercy his evil allowed, complete destruction. Satisfied for a little while, the cruel figure stepped out into a more beautiful scenery.

Brisk air, unaffected by the flames below flowed, blowing motes everywhere. Pines grew gracefully, with snow just hanging from them. The snow did not feel the anguish as they floated down, resting lightly on his shoulder, melting into the fabric. Cooling the hellbent figure. The land darkened, and, by some strange phenomenon, the snow became lighter, almost luminescent, stars in a cloudy sky.

How ugly.

The cruel man hated the view, but it was necessary to hide his... guests. Moving out, he searched for some new meat sacks.

A family of a young farmer and his wife were beginning to set up a shelter. Obviously they intended to set up a farm as soon as Spring started in a few weeks. They'll be here for a while he thought gleefully. They won't miss Spring, at least.

They were weak, he was strong, and he reveled in it. Disgracing the wife in front of a paralyzed husband's eyes. Then blinding him in front of the ruined woman. Such cruelty. He picked up both now unconscious meat sacks and left. Whistling a tune he once heard when he was more, happy, he left the remains of a camp, he would rid himself of that evidence later.

They were a bit heavier than the last two hunters, probably because the wife looked pregnant. He tossed the husband to the ground. He would come for him too. Heaving her back on her shoulder, he trudged onward. Its a dog's life being evil.

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Hylean, now a young 18, barely a man, walked into the reading room of his father's house. Everything, he mused was his father's.

"You called sir?"

"Yes! How do you explain this?" His father, the Seer of Camelot, was waving some paper around, very angrily.

"And it is?"

"A note of complaint, you beat the snot out of Grant Nif! He had to have stitches! Not to mention a cast, numerous bandages, and, last but not least, braces for his once perfect teeth! What do you have to excuse this... this... DISGRACE!"

Hylean was taken aback at this, he hadn't had this kind of reaction from his father, and he had done worse things than this. "You know I never start those fights. Grant Nif tried to fight with me for nearly 3 hours. He got what was coming. Not what he deserved."

"Tch! That won't cut it!"

"What do you want me to do then? Shame me by forcing me to apologize for a fight HE caused?"

"His parents, at least."

Hylean stared at him. His father obviously had cracked. "Those trigger happy individuals? The worst neighbors anyone can possibly have, and the bane of the village meetings for nearly 100 years? YOU want me to apologize to THEM?!?"

"They're claiming you assaulted him, and his sister."

"His sister wasn't even within 100 feet of me! I didn't even see her!"

"They're pressing charges! Charges!!"

"I won't give them a chance."

"How? Not even my position can save you now! You think that I can fix everything? Like I always have? Well I can't! And you'll pay for it! By Guthix! You'll pay for it!!!"

An awkward silence began between them, and the Seer forced himself to calm down, that doctor kept reminding him about blood pressure. Calm down...

"Everyone likes you... you'll have no problems, but, it is still a bad thing. Times have changed. The wars, if anything, have proved this. Life is more sacred, and you beat Grant to within an inch of it. Good for nothing he is."

"I'm not going to be on trial for anything!"

"Hold on! It'll only take an hour, the judge has..."

"I don't give a darn! I do something Camelot has wanted to do for years and I'm punished for it?"

"That may be, but!"

"No buts! I'm leaving!"

"To where?"

Hylean didn't answer, but walked away. Where? Falador first, his sister should be able to help him out for a bit. Then, after he would find something to do, he would do it. Far away from anything that his father touched. Look all he wants, he'll never be able to find him! He'll show HIM that he wouldn't be pushed around by some 4th class clan that never controlled itself.

The Seer, feeling like his old age, sighed. Hylean, son though he be, was beginning to be a burden. Why did he have a free and normally happy spirit? Why was it burdened? That Grant kid would heal up, his family only seemed to die of old age,no matter how much poison was put in their well. His heritage was too important to just leave it and go gallivanting off to somewhere or other.

The Seer allowed himself to think ahead. He was not seeing the future, just thinking it logically, no magic involved. Hylean would leave within an hour, saying good bye to no one, he would teleport to Falador, to meet with his sister, with whom, he would set himself up and start... A bit too far there. The Seer let the train of thought go it did no good to think about the future if it didn't happen.

Hylean left in a little after an hour, teleporting to Falador, with his sword, money, throwing knives, and runes. He was prepared!

Chapter 2: The Second Floor of the Inn

Arriving in Falador, and finding a good inn, is very easy. The gates rarely close by day, and even by night if its a bright moon, and there is only one inn. The inn that his sister worked in was spacious on the first floor, but his sister, Ranguvar, wasn't assigned there, rather, she worked on the second floor.

He walked up without challenge, the second floor was for the more colorful characters, and the drunks. Looking around he saw his sister, chatting with the guys, obviously, they were underestimating her. One, completely drunk tried to grab her, she neatly grabbed HIM and used wind strike right in his chest, letting him go, she let the drunk go.

"Hey, brother, mind helping me?"

Hylean nodded, her reaction time was actually faster than when they had fought as brother and sister. After hauling the unconscious man out, she began to pass out ales. The patrons at the bar were decidedly more wary about the pretty (powerful) barmaid.

An old man walked up to Hylean and sat down next to him. He was the proprietor of the bar, an old crooked man, Mr. Hintak. He waited a moment, and called Ranguvar for two ales, then began to talk.

"I understand you're her brother. Sorry about hiring your sister to such a place, but I need someone with her... uh... skills. Sorry and all that..."

The man was obviously insecure, time to reassure him. "Its okay, she'll be the right age in a month or so. We were popped out pretty quick, one after another." The words had the proper effect, as the old man wriggled a bit at the shameless words. "Not that my family isn't grateful for the money you sent us, I just need a job for the moment."

"You're not here to take her back? Yes! Sorry... Well, there's is something that comes to mind, if you have no problem killing someone evil? Sorry, your a bit young..."

Hylean was intrigued, "Tell me more. I value the lives of others, but not of evil people."

"I need erm, Wines of Zamorack."

"Well?"

"Well what? Oh, sorry, they're just north and a bit west of here, you get me two, and I pay you on delivery, half in board and food, half in gold. Sorry, sounds a bit little, but..."

"Fine." Hylean got up, his sister had shooed the customer's away, the people there had been drinking too much, time to send them home before she had to knock a couple drunks around. Needless to say, they were willing to quit before inebriation.

"Well then! Brother! Its been what? A couple months?" She hugged him close to her, and he hugged her too. "How's dad and mum? They doing well?"

Mr. Hintak walked away, he had no business prying into family matters. She was a good worker, he didn't mind what she did provided there wasn't a major ruckus. Then, all Zaros would break loose, they would discover he had hired an underage bartender with tremendous magical powers... Ugh. He took a couple tablets for ulcers, he worried too often.

"Well, Mom's okay, sis, Dad however, has a blood pressure problem."

"Oh dear! He is alright though?"

"Oh yes, he turned red when he heard this! Yelled at the doctor: 'High blood pressure! I'll tell you why I have high blood pressure!' He had a mini heart attack right on the spot! Reaching up, he pointed at me and conked out! We panicked a bit, but the doctor assured us he will be perfectly okay if he stays calm, and takes a pill."

"You're laughing!"

"But its funny! Oh, okay, but its funny! I mean, we didn't laugh then, but after we thought about it, mom and I had a good one."

"Ugh, I'll never understand why mum is so sarcastic with dad. Anything else happen?"

"Well, I beat Grant Nif within an inch of his life..."

"Again! And let me guess, you're here because of this? Right? Come on!"

"Fine! yeah, I beat him up pretty badly. I know what I did is fundamentally wrong, but... you know..."

"Yeah, if I was there, I would've probably done the same, but still, you can't hurt people who are persistent enough to get your goat, you've got to take it in, and let it wash over you."

"Like that drunk guy?"

"Well... that was physical contact."

"Okay then... Anyway, I'll be staying here, working for that old man, getting wines of Zamorack."

"Dangerous, but at least you'll be earning your keep."

"I assure you, I was already planning to."

She winked at him. "Sure! I know you better than anyone else, but I trust you'll be doing that tomorrow. Good night, its been a long day."

Hylean watched her retreating figure. He never understood why she wouldn't get a boyfriend. Remembering she would only have one equal, at least proportionally, to her skills. And it would seem you need to be a god or demon for that! Laughing at the thought, he looked about for the old man, he would need to sleep somewhere tonight.

Love it Nine kittens out of ten!

The only thing I could find wrong was this-

A thousand souls wailing in torment, and a figure laughing, over all their torments.

Now this sentence is perfectly fine but.. well you never want to use the same world twice in a sentence, except for articles and such..

As for the characters-

Hylean was intrigued, "Tell me more. I value the lives of others, but not of evil people."

This I thought was the most interesting statement of all. This clearly shows that Hylean has a rather black and white view of life in general, witch is generally expected of someone so young.. Perhaps we could hope for a good 'gray' character that would screwer his perspective on life completely, yah no, make it interesting?

Note, I wasn't criticizing anything in the above paragraph..

Thank you, these are the comments I love to hear. (Not the praise bit, though I love that too, but rather, corrections and insights.)

I will correct the torment things, changed to tortures.

I hope I conveyed that his father sees things in black and white. He knows its bad to take a life, but, if the life is squandered, he has no problem ending it.

Anyway... The gray characters will come and go, most will die off. I never write these things with an ending in mind anyway, I write on instinct. Of the mind, not the heart, of course.

If you had read the RPG story, you will realize a bit of whats going to happen.

Also, Sephiroth King, (I know you will read this) notice the comment about god or a demon?

The only reading I could get from his father(you are talking about the father, yes?) is that he was a rather grumpy, worried old man who was somewhat concerned about the actions of his children.. However, since Hylean is really too young to start developing his own opinion's on life away from the influence of his parents, we can infer that he and his father probably share the same beliefs, except Hylean obviously would be more reckless....

Chapter 3: A Thousand Crying Souls... and wine!

Rinkshak, the Tormentor of Souls, by self acclamation, looked over his pit of torture. After a moment, he noticed something, pleasurable. The souls were crying louder, no, just the older majority, the crescendo of yells and screams got louder and louder, climbing decibels until Rinkshak felt a great euphoria. HE was tormenting them! He had complete control... WHAT!?!

The souls were no longer crying out, they were, no! Impossible! Souls just don't... no, NO! Rinkshak's yells of anger reverberated in the pit. The vast majority of his souls were gone! He had to get more!

He calmed himself down. This was easily overcome. They just reached the end of their lifespan if they still had a body. It was natural... but all at once? He was frustrated and he knew it. He forced himself to stay calm. He had allies. They would help him. They knew he was only interested in souls, all spoils were theirs.

He removed himself from his chair. He could afford to get more anyway. Grabbing a soul, he devoured it, listening to the delicious screams as he ate it. Ahhh so good!

He left the pit. His allies weren't far away.

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Hylean woke up with the sun, only to find his sister had already awakened.

"Hylean! You lazy bum! Come on! Breakfast is on the second floor, then we leave for our duties, including whatever old man Hintak has you doing."

Hylean nodded. He could go without breakfast, but it wouldn't be good if he had to do any fighting. Sitting down, he ate his breakfast stoically, he didn't like talking while eating. Finishing, he washed his dishes and grabbed his stuff.

Mr. Hintak grabbed him before he left. "You sure you'll be alright? I mean, its not too late to bow out, I have easier tasks to do..."

"Yes, I'll be okay. No one ever was able to kill one of my family outside of trickery."

"Erm... Yes... well, sorry for stopping you... had to give far warning after all..."

"See you then!" He shook the old man's hand then waved to his sister. The Falador guards paid no attention to him. They didn't care what happened, after all, they were supposed to deal with threats from outside. Walking north, he went up the stairs and continued trekking. It was too bright a day to worry about anything.

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In a dark hall full of a billion candles, thousands started to wink out. The non-figure turned away from what it had been doing. The flames of the hero was an inferno, devouring all those around him. These were barbarian flames. Looking, the watcher saw that a thousand barbarians had been destroyed by one man.

He also saw that the Dome of Edgeville had been destroyed. Anger permeated the candles that were nearby. Some flared as well, some flared then died down. Sputtering their last, a thousand more disappeared. The entity was surprised, he hadn't even noticed the movements of troops. Then, he heard an argument in the nearby room of the dark citadel he was in. Those two... they call themselves brothers... and they fight like goblins, each trying to kill the other somehow or other. Of course he wouldn't let them. But there was always that chance.

The being shifted himself. The flames were even, no discernible color change. Despite the massive amount of death, everything was okay in his perspective.

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Falador's fifth division walked over the lands, looking, daring, any opponent to come at them. Following Saradomin, looking for revenge, any Zamorakian was dead meat. A temple was in sight, they readied their weapons and charged. They would wipe the entire place off the map!

Zamorakians are a lot tougher than what they assumed. Only one was able to limp away as the victors despoiled the dead.

These particular Zamorakian monks guarded the much sought after wine of Zamorak. No Saradominist punk was going to take it without slaughtering them all! Heaven help you if you even mentioned taking the relics!

The only reading I could get from his father(you are talking about the father, yes?) is that he was a rather grumpy, worried old man who was somewhat concerned about the actions of his children.. However, since Hylean is really too young to start developing his own opinion's on life away from the influence of his parents, we can infer that he and his father probably share the same beliefs, except Hylean obviously would be more reckless....

Yeah, but Hylean is cocky for good reason, he is a good wielder of all three schools of combat (magic, meelee, ranging) Read the RPG is you want a spoiler on his skills.

Yes, his father worries a lot. But, he taught him right and wrong to a great degree. But, don't worry, he'll start losing some convictions after a while.

Some good stuff there. There's a few grammatical errors here and there, as far as syntax and such, but a good story. Though, if you're wanting to really charactierize people, it might help to go a bit more in depth. It feels like they're getting a rather cursory treatment. It's getting the point across, though.

Overall good : .

thank you!

Yes! My barb war, my edge dome collapse! Fienrir destroying...Uh, everything! Great job, I love this story so far, but uno stole my corrections... :evil:

I also noticed the reference to God or Demon!

Also, Nom_anor, if you wanna go in depth you'll have to read my story, this one is supposed to connect with it...If you're talking of the barb war scene...

Keep up the God work...And if you'll excuse me, I'm still editing my story, changing the chapters I...Changed. :D

Very good, however I noticed some mistakes..

You keep spelling Zammorakian wrong. Now, I'm not going to make to go back and fix it in all those places, however it did annoy me..

Rinkshak, the Tormentor of Souls, by self acclamation, looked over his pit of torture. Then he noticed something, pleasurable.

There's something wrong about the sentence in bold, it just doesn't sound quite right.. Then again, I've never been a fan of using the word, 'then'.

The souls were crying louder, no, just the older majority. The crescendo of yells and screams got louder and louder. Climbing decibels until Rinkshak felt a great euphoria.

All three of those sentences could be combined into one, and the sentence in bold has no subject..

That Rinkshak guy is messed up.. You say he gets his 'pleasures' from eating other people's souls?! :ohnoes:

Rinkshak is the most evil character I have ever created...

Also, I'll take a look at the sentence structures, see what I can do...

Thank you for your input!

Chapter 4: A Tankard o' Soul

Hylean couldn't believe his luck! All the Zamorakian forces were outside, doing whatever, perfect! He went into the window of the chapel, no one was around, and several wines of Zamorak in sight, without a guard. Oh no wait...

"Hey! Punk! You don't touch Lord Zamorak's tipple! Prepare to die illegitimate son!" The Zamorakian charged up power in his arms and fired an air blast at Hylean, which he dodged. Hylean drew his sword and threw it at the warrior. He fell, dead, as Hylean took two Wines, and he retrieved his sword.

He grabbed the Falador teleport runes as more Zamorakian monks ran in, finding too late, he had teleported.

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Rinkshak sent his allies to get people from the nearby town of edgeville, there weren't many people who could fight, all running off somewhere or other, into some twilight area. It wasn't his business, let mortals run about as they will. He knew that he couldn't just enter a city in his current form. Transforming was painful, but, the rewards for it was so, so DELICIOUS!

Falador's guards gave him a short stare, but let him pass, obviously, they were jealous of his looks.

*Sniff Sniff...* mmmm... a most delicious soul... time to woo it, delicate... yet strong, different from any he had tried to get before. She promised to be a challenge.

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Ranguvar served the tables at the second floor of the bar. A very handsome man came in, sending all the women and girls hearts a flutter. And he sat down in her area no less! Controlling herself, she walked up and sweetly asked him his poison.

"Whats good right now?" He replied flashing a smile, well calculated to capture her heart. Well, he came close.

"Well, the house special, Asgarnian Ale, also there's your Mindbomb and your Dwarven Stout, sir. What would you like?"

"Soul?"

"Sorry sir?" She was completely off guard, and didn't react fast enough. He would make his move now!

"Yes! Please, I would like your soul!" He grabbed her in the head and tossed her down, attempting to immobilize her by stunning, he was disappointed. The family of the Seers of Camelot are sterner stuff than he thought! She allowed herself to bounce on the ground and used the momentum to gain a footing. She sent her hand into the puch at her side and absorbed runes for air wave.

But Rinkshak was too fast for Ranguvar to aim properly, and her attack missed, blowing a hole in the wall. Rinkshak grabbed her in the back of the head, throwing her into the middle of Falador square, where Hylean just teleported into her path.

Bowling into him, she nearly broke the containers of wine. Looking at her, he gave her a "I'm your brother so you'd better tell me who to beat up" glance that she was familiar with. Rinkshak jumped from the gaping hole in the inn and landed without bending his knees.

"Sniff! Sniff!* Whats This?!?! *Sniff! Sniff!* Yum! mmm..." He licked his lips and smelt the air multiple times... something smelled SOOO good!! He must have it! Continuing to absorb all the air he could, he acted like a drug addicted man smelling what he can't be without. He allowed himself to wallow in it. So, so good!

Finally, he stopped, he must have the real thing! "I have never smelled souls so, so, so *Sniff, sniff, gulp!* (taking a bite out of the air, he made as if to chew it.) scrumptious! I must have them!"

Hylean let his sister down, and put a cork into the wine jugs, while putting them in his pack. "Okay, that is probably the sickest things I have ever heard! Now, people mess with me, and I kill them, people mess with my family, I leave absolutely no room for survival!" Hylean's voice sent waves of anger toward Rinkshak, who took these in like a drowning man tries to breath.

"Such lovely anger, if you'll permit me, I'll change myself into something that will defeat you." He didn't move a muscle, but his skin crawled and shifted. He gained a paunch, but that lifted, until his entire torso was a round ball, but, somehow proportional. The arms and legs shifted to match this new body, the arms were longer, and the legs looking stronger and faster. His head expanded a bit, and his mouth widened, revealing now pointed teeth. His eyes widened and became black holes, with stars swirling into them. His mouth began to salivate and an over long tongue began to lick all parts of his face. "Heh! I will have a tankard of your soul, lovely barmaid!"

Hylean and Ranguvar looked at each other, nodding. They would have to fight together to defeat this pitifully wretched, but strong, creature.

I editted a bit, Chapter 4 that is, just posting this for those who had already read it.

Lovely.. exciting.. very, VERY good indeed, I love it!

However, there were a few errors here and there..

Falador's guards gave him a look, but let him pass, obviously, they were jealous of his looks

This needs to be two sentences, and you double-worded looks(this is not necessary, however it would improve your speech if you change it..)

The family of the Seers of Camelot are made of stern stuff!

A bit to many 'ofs' here(once again, not necessary, however it would improve your speech if you change it.)

Continuing to absorb all the air he could, he acted like a drug addicted man smelling his addiction.

Double-worded again here... -.-

Does Rinkshank look like Voldemort or something? What exactly ishe?? :ohnoes: *shutters*

Definitely a good villain..

Note- If you think I'm being a little to harsh on the corrections, just tell me and ill lay off..

I might not be able to write today, but I'll do the corrections...

And, Unoalexi, I am grateful

Well, I do have time...

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Chapter 5: A Seer's awakening

Ranguvar and Hylean did not give the bloated creature time to attack. Grabbing each other's arm, Hylean used his strength to slam Ranguvar into the ground. She had her other hands in her rune pouch until the last second, blasting earth waves into the ground. Sending shock waves toward Rinkshak.

Rinkshak jumped away from the unidirectional spell, right into Hylean's sword slashes. Ranguvar had used the last of her momentum to fling Hylean toward where they assumed their enemy would be.

Rinkshak was not unprepared. He used his now gauntleted hands to block and retaliated. Finally, after neither gave ground, Rinkshak let Hylean's sword sink into the flesh in his paunch. Hylean struggled to take it out, then Rinkshak assisted by punching Hylean in the chest, causing blood to squirt out of Hyleans mouth on impact with the town walls.

Ranguvar jumped, then, using some of her myriad of air and mind runes, used wind strike to fly towards Rinkshak at a great speed. She summoned Fire wave and launched it directly into Rinkshak's face. He laughed at her, but grimaced after realizing his hair was on fire. Hylean had gotten up again, and staggered, after that, ran at Rinkshak, using air and chaos runes, he shot towards Rinkshak.

"Seer's village sibling's assault!" They both called, coordinating their attacks. Ranguvar grabbed runes for a powerful entangle, casting it on the target, then began hitting him with all kinds of attack spells. Stuck, Rinkshak felt the full power of Hylean, enhanced by his great speed. Hylean, a mere inch from the face of the accursed being, twisted his sword in, attempting to kill his enemy faster.

"Kah! Kah! Kah!" laughed Rinkshak, wounded to death. "It seems I have been defeated! Kah! Kah! Kah! *splurg! sploosh* I guess I'll do one last thing to hurt someones soul. Graaaaaahhhh!" Rinkshak started to convulse, and he disintegrated into an ash. Hylean crouched, clutching his injured chest, panting. The ash rose up, as if in a wind, then, forced itself into Hylean's mouth, nearly choking him, but, it changed.

"Hylean!" Ranguvar ran to her now fallen brother. She lifted him up, but suddenly, he resisted, screaming. Grabbing his head in one hand, and with his other, smashing Ranguvar down. His sister flew into the inn and lay unconscious. Hylean stared at the offending hand, attempting to wrest control from the evil spirit.

He found himself laughing. "Kah! Kah! Kah!" Hylean couldn't believe it, He had dealt a deathblow! "Well, then, little warrior, prepare to lose your, *slobber* soul! And I get a new body, stronger too!" Hylean screamed!

-Camelot-

The Seer felt the trouble in Hylean's and Ranguvar's spirits. But he let it go. He had left his own family to a land of danger! Let him reap the rewards! ... Oh for crying out loud! The Seer teleported to Falador, arriving a millisecond after he left Camelot.

-Falador-

Hylean beat down the rousing spirit. Then his father came and spoke a word of power. Placing a few runes and a strange talisman against the back of his head, the Seer chanted a couple lines of a strange incantation. Hylean immediately felt the soul in him die, but it left some, mementos.

"I don't know who you were fighting, and I don't care. I just released a whole lot of power in your system. If you misuse it, you will be forever an outcast. I allowed all the Seer, and our family abilities, to come into play. THIS WILL HURT A LOT! See you then! Send Ranguvar my regards if you wish, don't worry, she's not dead." And the Seer teleported back, secretly worrying all the way.

Ranguvar woke up to see her father disappear, and a second later, she roused her body. She struggled over to Hylean, who was staring, comatose, at the sky. Hylean did not react at all. She dragged his body over to Mr. Hintak, who helped her take him up to his bed, apologizing all the way.

"Oh dear! I'm so sorry! I would never have hired you if this sort of thing... Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! hmmm... are those wines of Zamorak still there... Sorry! Ak! Sorry... dropped him." Hintak, completely at a loss, babbled on.

Ranguvar concentrated on figuring out what had happened. Obviously things were okay now, her dad left without doing much, but Hylean was not answering anything they did! Oh father! Why did this happen?!

Rinkshak jumped away from the unidirectional attack. Right into Hylean's sword attack.

 

 

 

Rinkshak was not unprepared. He used his now gauntleted hands to block and attacked himself.

 

 

 

"Seer's village sibling's attack!"

 

 

 

......casting it on the target, then began hitting him with all kinds of attack spells.

YAARGH!! :wall: :wall: :wall:

....The thesaurus is your friend! It was put there by the mighty Bill Gates to be used! So, DON'T FORGET about this valuable tool...

Also, COMBINE YOUR CLAUSES!! The last part of the underlined one isn't a sentence..

Fight scenes are very hard to write, and for the most part you did a good job.. however, you don't have to describe every person's actions in detail, just tell us about the main events.. and let our minds imagine the rest..

I've noticed that you like using 'percussion' sentences, which are great and can really add to the action of the story, however, don't go overboard at the expense of grammar..

Thank you unoalexi! That helps me out a lot!

Chapter 6: A powerful weakling

Hylean woke up. It was morning, the sun was outside and the birds were singing. A cloud was moving across the azure sky causing the sun's light to dilate and paint beautiful shadows on the trees. However, Hylean could not see any of this. He was in too much pain. It took a lot to overcome the pain long enough to collapse into a barroom chair. Apparently his sister was on the bottom floor, he could hear her moving about, a distinctive trill in her voice.

Mr. Hintak, apologizing to someone while backing up, walked up to Hylean.

"So sorry! Did I wake you?"

His voice sent javelins of pain right to the core of Hylean's skull. He groaned aloud, then slumped forward, too weak to keep himself up.

"Oh dear! Are you alright?! Oh dear! Oh dear! I'd better get your sister! Oh dear..." Mr. Hintak tottered off, only to be met with some kind of argument when he opened the door to the first floor. "Please people! I don't know why you are bringing your complaints to me! I am sorry..." The door slammed, and Hylean felt the wave of noise like an air blast to the ear. He really hoped that he could find a way to suppress so much pain. Death was actually starting to look less painless.

Hylean just lay there for a while, hunger soon told him it was around lunch time. He tried to move himself to be noticed, but he couldn't move at all. Not to mention use anything magic-related or otherwise. He tried to move an arm to make a noise, but he couldn't, his whole body felt useless. He wanted a hug...

Fortunately Ranguvar came up, and she was happy enough to oblige him. He couldn't say anything, though, so, she poured some soup down his throat and dragged him downstairs, and put him at a corner seat, where she could see him while she did her job. Mr. Hintak, seeing his distressed, limp state, patted him on the head, then moved toward some confused construction workers, sending them to fix the gaping hole in the second floor wall.

Suddenly, a large, brutish man with the look of a neanderthalic motorcycle biker, complete with a much smaller girlfriend in less clothing than an dwarven umbrella, walked up and jabbed his shoulder.

"'Ey! Bud! Oud o' dat chair! Been sitt'in dat chair for every date since fiive years! Me girl an' me celebratin' fith year toogather! Get oud if you drank too mucsh!" Hylean wished he could glare at him, but his strength was not in him, and his sister had inconveniently gone out for more food stuffs for the bar. The one time she's gone...

He tried to growl menacingly, but it just came out as a small grunt, one that sounded very drunk. The man decided he was, and started to maneuver himself to grab Hylean's shoulder and pick him up bodily, and toss him aside. He got as far as that. As soon as he touched his shoulder, Hylean felt many things gain feeling, which wasn't very pleasant. He screamed, scaring the brute's smaller girlfriend.

"Poot im down! Edgar! Coome onn! Weel get anuder sput!" She said to her boyfriend, but he was not to be deterred, and he picked up Hylean by the shoulder, ignoring his whimpers, and dropped him unceremoniously on the floor.

The girlfriend gave him a sympathetic look, then sat across from Edgar, who was looking over the menu and salivating. He then moved his foot a little onto his fingers, which sent Hylean into near conniptions, the pain was no longer bearable. His mind could no longer control it. Hylean suddenly found strength to wrench his fingers away and grab his shoulder, putting pressure on it to try to end the pain.

"Edgar! Look!"

Edgar looked at the crouching Hylean, who was now completely out of control. He looked at Edgar and smiled. Moving his hand, he moved it close to Edgar's neck, but not too close to touch, and started to squeeze, enjoying the life coming out of the huge man. He felt something on his hand move to his mouth, and he ate it. It tasted very heavy, not unlike a devil's food cake. Hylean twitched and the body that once been inhabited by Edgar shot through the door.

Ranguvar saw the lifeless body fly out, and dropped her packages. Running in, she saw Hylean kill a woman in skimpy garments with his mind, then attack the soldiers, who were standing to fight him. He put his hands down and a shudder vibrated the air. The soldiers died where they stood.

Hylean smiled, then absorbed a strange gas into himself, but he collapsed and Ranguvar ran to him. He was barely breathing. But he had grown a bit larger. What had happened to him?

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In the underground pit that once housed the tools of Rinkshak, a evil stirred. Not as evil as Rinkshak, who had sealed it. But more insidious and cunning, it slithered out, then transformed into a human, and stretched. Sniffing, it smelled a smell not unlike Rinkshak, towards the south, time to settle a score.