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PVP Worlds initiate new drug testing policy

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Troacctid

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PVP Worlds initiate new drug testing policy

 

Following the recent Overload Scandal that has shattered the confidence of PVP fans, the Runescape PKing Council has officially banned the so-called "extreme" potions from all player-vs-player combat activities in the interest of fairness. With the new policy, players will be tested for Special Restore, Super Antifire, Super Prayer, Overload, and Extreme Attack, Strength, Defense, Ranged, or Magic potions before being allowed to participate in any PVP game. The ban will not apply to combat between players and monsters.

 

The change comes on the heels of the exposure of several Major League PKers, including Mod MMG, who in 1998 broke the PK record by killing 70 players in one season, as having used performance-enhancing potions. Mod MMG declined to comment, saying "My lawyers have advised me that I cannot answer these questions without jeopardizing my friends, my family, and myself." Added Mod MMG, "No, really, if I answered these questions, other PKers would come and kill my friends, my family, and myself."

 

Fiara, guardian of the Fist of Guthix, introduced the policy. "I've been pushing for a long time to ban all performance-enhancing potions." said Fiara. "I've already banned all potions from the Fist of Guthix, but until now, Mandrith, Nomad, and the others wouldn't listen to me. They're still soft on the lesser potions, but at least they've done away with the worst of them. These new ones are incredibly dangerous for the PKers who use them. Just look at the damage an Overload potion does to the user's digestive tract!" Fiara then produced the digestive tract of a slain PKer to demonstrate that it was, indeed, irreparably damaged, prompting reporters on the scene to nod in agreement, back away slowly, and/or vomit.

 

Player response to the new policy has been mixed. One disappointed PKer said, "I really wanted 2 use the new pots 4 pvp, but at least i can still use them on the kbd." But not all were so disapproving. "I think this change is for the best," said one player who requested to remain anonymous. "Players with the ability to brew these potions had an unfair advantage. The rest of us just can't compete without potentially damaging our long-term health. I heard Extreme Strength potions can cause uncontrollable aggression, for example--I wouldn't want to expose myself to that sort of thing."

 

"Who said that? That's ********! Who said that? Tell me who said that so I can Slice & Dice them!" said Andrew Gower, known by fans as A-Gow. Gower denied using Extreme potions to illegally improve his PKing.

 

The new policy is effective immediately.

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Excellent satirical newspaper style; it reminded me of The Onion.

Even with all its humour, you managed to include multiple realistic views pertaining to this subject, while still providing support your own point, even if it was harder to catch due to the humouristic facade.

 

Well done! - I'm looking forward to reading future blog entries.

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