I'm an idiot.

Entry posted by Kaida23 October 24, 2012

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No, this is not more of my usual self-depreciating humour. This time I really am a huge GD f'ing idiot. :wall:

Two weeks ago yesterday, my girlfriend of three and a half years moved out. I came home from work to the four most horrifying words in the English language: "We need to talk." I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Nothing good comes from that sentence, and this was no different. She said she wasn't happy and hadn't been for some time, and conversations with her over this past weekend have made it very clear to me that the chance to make things right again has long since passed.

Now, I'm not the greatest guy in the world, but I think I'm a pretty good guy, and she was happy with me, faults and all, and I messed it all up. Big time. The specifics of what went wrong are unimportant here, but suffice to say I broke a cardinal rule of relationships...no, not that you perverts! Get your minds out of the gutter. :shame:

I took her for granted.

Maybe I simply didn't see the warning signs, or maybe I didn't want to, and now she's gone. I thought she would always be there, that there would always be time to do this or do that, to fix the things that were bothering her...but I was wrong and now I'm alone with little to do but reflect on what went wrong and why I let it happen.

And let me tell you, it's not a good place to be in. I've spent the last two weeks sleeping poorly and eating worse. It's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning to go to work, where I have no focus and nearly punched a customer who was yelling at me today. I spend half my day wanting to cry and the other half wanting to throw up. I can't even bring myself to get done the one thing that I had been putting off and bothered her the most. It just seems like there's no point anymore.

I'm not telling you all this for sympathy or condolences. I'm not so far gone that I need that from people on a gaming forum that I've never met in real life (awesome though you all are). No, I'm telling you all this as a warning, in hopes that some of you may avoid my fate. That those of you who have found happiness will be able to hang onto it.

Don't take your loved ones for granted.

It seems like a simple thing to do, but it can be a surprisingly easy trap to fall into between work and school and life in general. Cherish the time you spend together, and be glad that you are together. Now, I don't mean that you have to pack every second together with dates and surprises and dancing clowns and all that. No, sometimes simply sitting on the couch watching a movie or your favorite TV show can be good. Just some time to yourselves where you can forget about the bills and the mortgage the fact that the tires on the car are going bald. Those were some of the happiest moments she and I spent together.

If things are bothering her (or him), even if they seem small and insignificant, try and fix them. Don't let them pile up and fester until they're like a dead raccoon under the porch that just can't be ignored anymore, because by then it's too late. Even if it can't be fixed easily and quickly, make the effort. Let her see you're making the effort. Don't ignore it or continually put it off, or it will seem like she's not important to you. The worst thing you can do is make her think she's not important to you.

Now, this may seem strange, relationship advice coming from someone who obviously got it all wrong, but sometimes you can't see what you've done wrong until it all blows up in your face.

Don't let it blow up in yours.