willpk4cash

i know thats a flaw, i noticed that flaw while writing it but couldnt find a short and appropriate way for them to introduce them selves without completly KILLIN the plot. but u are a keen reader

bin: been stocker: stalker otherwise not bad... keep it up

reviving a dead story 5 months after its posting cuz i like it... for those of you who might have been waitin for it, i started a story on avian and lost it... wasnt taht good anyways, but it was bout his younger days also... in the story avian was like a f2p who had done all he could and tehre was nothing left for him... well IMAMEMBERNOW! =) thx for readin

ok, ill do u a favor and let a dead story stay that way DEAD. so maybe some time yull see a prequil on Avian... who knows. Well... the choice is yours (the reader) you can let an old story die or keep it alive... thx for your support. youve been great readers.

i felt crazy to when i said that... but in the back of my mind i kinda believed that there would be at least 15 people who read these... guess not... if i can get 10 people wanting another, then i will write it. Please tell me the one person you want it to be about. thanks

im glad yall liked it! i love feedback. If you have any questions about what seems to be confusing you, by all means ask. I will be happy to explain confusing items and possibly edit the story if there seems to be a problem. well thanks for taking the time to read. as for a part two, im still considering it. Maybe i could do a prequil on just one character... thats what would be most likely actually i like that idea! its your time to decide! every body who would like a prequil, post the character you would like it to be about, it will most likely be only one character. so please only vote once. great! im looking forward to this if i do not recieve at least 15 votes from different people i wont do the story... so if u want another one, tell your freinds and vote.

really short... cant coment much on the topic. Try typing your story in microsoft word or something, then when you get a substancial amount paste it here. 4 sentences is really really short, this is the story forum... expand on your opening paragraph and submit your entry when you get a chapter or so.

IT IS FINISHED the final chapters are up and i am waiting for feedback! the story speaks for itself.

sounds like The Last Samuri people fighting with the ancient arts of old against tecnology. Not the first time this has been done before, but it has potential if used properly... will be continuing to read

ok chapter 11 up, always enjoy feedback, no story forum is complete with out a comment from KChuges (hint hint) *cough comment will ya cough cough*

Wow, I have fans :lol: i think the proper term would be "fan"

OK!! chapter 11 is up and the whole story is typed! i demand feedback :twisted: no seriously, all i have to do is paste the last chapters in. I will be puting the last in one at a time as to build suspense. I tried to make this last chapter super suspenseful (is that a word?) by adding a little twist at the end. well... wont post chapter 12 until i get at least a little feedback... im not happy unless I know somone read it. thanks guys!

definitely The Tale of a P-Mod its freaking sweet! http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=522393 i have it saved to my comp cuz its the best rs story i have ever read... kchuges, if ur reading this, will u marry me... that was a joke, im serious... really, dont take that literally, ur story is awesome... dont flame me....

CHAPTER 10 UP! rest coming soon Again, im enjoying all the feedback, zonorhc wrote: hey. Im gratefull for the feedback, i will use this all to help improve my writing. I do not in the least bit dissagree with anything you have said. I am just wondering... have u even read my story? the reason i ask, correct me if im wrong, is because i have been puting detail and description in my story. I think so that is. Its not like im just saying: avian bought fish. He went to wildy. He hit a 15 and a 13 on william. william ate a fish. william shot an arrow. avian teled cuz hes a noob. i am puttin quite a bit of detail in my story, its just, honestly guys, if i wrote an entire 700 page "return of the king" story and posted it here on the internet... would any of you read it? When i want long stories, i hit a library, when i want short storyies, i hit the library of zammorak. well thx again guys, chapter 11 will be posted soon

wow, by simply changing the title, i got an overflow of posts (my evil plan worked) well thanks for the coments guys, the idea behind the short chapters was to describe one person a chapter, so although the chapters are short, ive been releasing them 3 at a time instead of one. this may be my opinion, but the beauty of writing about runescape is that there is already a setting in place. I can write short chapters and simply say something like "varrock square" and the readers know what im talking about, in a longer book, take C.S lewis's lion witch and wardrobe, lewis had to spend pages and pages describing this winter world in a wardrobe. or describing Mr. Tumus's hut, I can simply say "edgville bank" and everybody already has a mental picture of it, with out me having to describe it, making the story much shorter and to the point, so you dont have to read as much description, and more action. chapter 10 will be out as soon as i type it... the story is finished and sittin on my desk waiting to be typed.

not bad, keep up the good work. Is that the entire story, or a chapter? I'm just posting so that this story does not die, and so that you know that people are reading this. I hate it when i spend a ton of time on a story, I think its pretty good, but i get no feedback and the story dies... So just letting you know I enjoy it. Good work.

gag! typing error! will fix now any thing else?

OK! i added chapters 7, 8, & 9 just fyi, ive finished writing the whole story now, and all i have to do now is type it and post it. from this point on, I will be posting chapters one at a time now, probally 2 to 3 days apart. They are longer, and I promise, chapter 10 is great! now is when the story all comes together, so read and post your thoughts. thanks

bingo. varrok is a city, in all my stories, i refer to it as being "The Grand City of Varrock" because it is the height of the free player population, and the largest settlement in the Kingdom of Mislain. now, on topic, the first paragraph sounds like it is from a movie, as was above mentioned, yet I like it. It hits home the emotion of Runscape, the lifestyles, and the effort it takes to start out as a nothing and work your way up. The "I cant remember clearly but I believe they all had scimitars. " and the fight scene, and the "smell of green blood" parts were all a little rough. Its a good story idea, but rough around the edges no doubt about that. let me say YOU ARE THE WRITER OF YOUR STORY, and YOU do not have to listen to any thing i say, but i almost would make the Varrock scene more chaotic. The entire city pressing to the southern exit, swarming mobs running through the streets trying to get out, as legions of creatures press inward slaughtering all in their path. but then, out of seemingly nowhere hooded men in ruen armor wearing green capes charge into the city from the east and west gates, arrows stream over head and stop the beasts in their tracks. The creatures are now trapped imbetween the clan from both sides and slowly pushed into the city square where they are crushed by the Hell bringing clan... just kinda how i would do it, i didnt put it in story format, i just am offering a template of a way to capture reader attention with descriptive clan war

fighter pilots rock! always wanted to fly and f14 when i was little... well they arent in service any more so i kinda lost the interest. But lol, when i started playin rs back in 2004, my life consisted of Runescape and Fighter Pilots... and at times those two lives blended together - my main aragorn f14 my mage legolas f14 You see what i mean?

i have a little secret... all these characters are me. I have three accounts, and each person in the story, well, the first letter in their name, is the first letter of one of my 3 accounts. Avian would be my main, and yes, the story is truely based upon my feelings of RS, all my accounts are free player (i hope to become a member once the summer rolls around) but as a free player, you are limited on what you can do, and all i have left to do is really pk. Well, i try to raise smithing, but thats like the hardest skill to raise once u get past 50 (some of yall may know what i mean). I also have been playing since early 2004, and all my old freinds have moved on and quit rs, one day your talking to them in private chat, then they log off and you never hear of them again. Yes i used to pk and hang out with them all, now they're all gone and im alone, yes ive made new freinds, but its not the same. This is why Avian is an old man in the story, a man who has seen better years, a man who is almost waiting to die because he has nothing left in his future. Well, ive written chapters 7 & 8, and i'll post them as soon as i finish 9, and i promise alot of wildy excitement these next chapters. so if you would like to pm me in the game or something and mention the story, offer ideas, etc. my accounts are: avian: aragorn f14 lenali: legolas f14 william: willpk4cash

i dont know what to say. Gattree gave you and earful. Well, the story is going along good and i'm excited about chapter five. As i said earlier, i find it wonderful to be able to critique work like this, and i decided to try my hand at my own piece. All in all, it sucks compared to this... so i cannot complain about yours. but if either you or gatree have some spare time, my story, A Journey of Three, is posted in this forum. And trust me, it could use some critiquing (is that a word?) so keep up the good work.

chapters 4, 5, & 6 now out. enjoy

The Journey of Three Chapter One "Heads up!" yelled Lenali as a third volley of arrows sailed over the mote and plunged into the Dark Knight Fortress. Through the storm of falling arrows he peered over the second story wall to see a legion of soldiers, all clad in different shades of blue and green, marching toward the castle gates from the west. They were suppressed by rows of archers who threw wave after wave into the castle walls. He lifted his blaze orange shield above his head just as another wave of arrows showered the castle, three glancing off his trusty dragon fire shield with an eerie ringing noise. Then, thrusting his staff in the air he chanted a short phrase and watched his summoned ball of fire scream down into the approaching warriors. With a metallic crash the spell hit its target and the tattered body sprawled across the rocky wasteland, never to take breath again. Ducking back down behind the wall, Lenali hollered down to the defenders below to brace the gate. The now running soldiers stormed across the mote and prepared to smash down the doors. Glancing at the small pouch in his bright blue robes, Lenali realized that he did not have the runes to fight for long, and without telling his soldiers below, knew in his heart that his decision to try and defend the castle would lead to the death of his loyal men. He set his staff to fire its last spells, and then, to the knowledge of no one but himself, he slipped one other rune out of his pouch. This delicate magic stone was a law rune. Chapter Two ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅPhhhsssss!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

great. your a great writer with a huge amout of potential, your work just needs some fine tuning. I am glad that you are willing to take advice. I love mideval stories, and i cant wait to see how this one turns out. I feel like i am giving advice to CS Lewis or Rowling or Tolkien himself! keep it up! ***** Hey. I just read the revised chapter 2, and i can tell you put alot more thought into it. I find it funny that Kia went from a self centered woman to a perfect ediquit (how ever you spell "edd-i-kit") little lady, but all the same it was a much better chapter. keep going. looking forward to chapter 3