blaah

It's nice when the Jesus-y people give out free concert tix

I feel like this one was posted, the ages make more sense

That image had been posted here before but I feel like the numbers were definitely different

My stomach just made a rumbly noise. I'm not hungry.

Last night when my mom was returning me here she was driving around a curve and I had my hot cappuccino's lid half off and of course big spill on my hand and thigh

I'm laying in an odd way that makes it hard to type and stretches part of my abdomen weirdly

There's a weird smell in here coming from either the hall or outside. It smells like wet cat food. Which doesn't smell good.

I haven't been forced into a situation where I've had to make friends since 6th grade, so I forgot how

It's not like I just recently latched onto people who don't like me, they just recently decided they don't know if they like me or not

I have personal issues with confidence, etc. so I'm seeking help by my mother's orders tomorrow. I gotta like myself more before I can get anyone else to like me

No homework, no laundry, no clue what to do.

Don't open the hide tags if you don't want to hear about my life! THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR! And, if for some odd reason you have some sort of reply, hide it! Anyway... Hi [hide][hide=Long text]E: Why do you delete everything I post on your facebook? C: Cuz it doesn't need to be on there why do you make a big deal of everything? E: I'm not it was just a question, you don't delete anyone else's C: Cuz everyone else matters to me. Dont get me wrong were friends but your obsessed with me. And ive known jerad was coming home for a week. E: When were you gonna tell me? C: Friday. But you make a big deal of everything! Are you kidding you didnt go home sunday cuz I told you jerad was coming home. Yes im spending the weekend at there house! Sunday im taking him to the cities. And next year im planning on moving up there with him. Does any one know... no cuz we r waiting and making sure... so there you happy you know my life story? E: Actually, I stayed home because I had a mental breakdown Sunday when mom got home because I didn'twant to leave home. I have hardly any friends and all their lives are pretty solid and I don't know how to change mine. I spend a ton of time alone. I don't know what I want, and I don't know if I'll ever know hot to get it. Yeah, every time I find something to look forward to I cling to it and lately everything keeps falling through for me. Half the time when people try to comfort me they're being hypocritical. I'm a burden to everyone. I don't tell anyone how I feel because I don't want them to feel sorry for me, but then nobody understands. I don't feel like myself. I'm getting help wednesday because that's what mom and I decided would be best to try. I know you don't care, but that's why. E: Also, in case you wonder, I worry about you sometimes. You're isolating yourself too. C: I care but i wanna spend time with him em! I want him to stay in my life forever. He is a lot further way then you are. I cant just decide wednesday to come spend one night with him. I hate having him gone so much I went out and got a promise ring for him even though he wont wear it. I dont want him to leave and i dont do the stuff i do to please or make ppl happy or anything i do it so i can be on my own in my own life my own fiance my own family. You dont know how much it hurts to hear you say so your gonnabe with him and keep it when your with your bf and dont do something stupid! Thats why i tell you when hes coming home or i go there or something! I didnt even know he was coming home till one of the girls i went to school with ruined the surprise! So now im hurt cuz i would have had the surprise then know ahead of time. C: No im making myself my own person my own life E: I completely understand you need your time with him, I'm just going through a lot lately and I'm sorry for taking it out on everyone. Sometimes I just feel like all I'm doing every day is trying not to cry in front of anyone else. I was just upset this time because I thought I was going to see you. I know what's important to you, and I know you still care about me too, just in your spare time. I just worry about you because you've changed so fast and if anything happens you're so connected to him that I don't know what you'll do. And I don't have hardly anyone, you and jessie both have super important relationships and I'm just stupid and invasive. C: Yeah E: And jessie's the same way, both of you only have a select few people who you can talk to, but while you're both in good places I feel like such a baby C: If something happens to me and him okay I tell him idk what i will do and he believes ill be strong so idc im not worried bout something happening im looking at the future and how it will be E: Yeah. It's not like I worry about anything happening. I just worry about it something does happen. You're strong, but it'll be a test, especially since your whole life is tied to him already this fast. Which is scary at such a young age. C: Im 18 and can make my own choice! And he is my whole life becuz i want it that way and we have been together for almost 10 months! Dont tell me im to young to make this decision! This is my turn im not living at home all my life im growing up and living my life. E: I'm not arguing with your decision, I'm just telling you why I worry. You don't need to get so defensive about it, especially with how confident you are C: Well this is my life and im living it. And over christmas break idk how much ill see you cuz im doing christmas eve with him and he is coming to christmas with my family E: Yeah. I know it's your life. I just hope to stay in it in the long run, at least a little bit. C: Yeah we will see jerads not ur biggest fan E: That shouldn't matter if you make your own decisions. C: Well no matter what he comes first to me. Him and trayten E: Yeah. But what I meant was even tom said ginger hates some of his friends but she doesn't prevent him from being friends with them C: Idc E: Just don't let him control you C: He doesnt but i understand him and he understands me. How bout you dont control me E: Clearly I don't control you. if he understands you, he should know you need people to act silly around occasionally and make glittery signs for neighbors and whatever else we do that you and him don't do C: I have fun with him our rleationship is not sex and that its fun and living and being together E: Yeah I know I didn't say that, I just mean you and I do different thinks like getting nails done and coloring and things he doesn't care for C: He cares he just doesnt always like to go. E: Yeah, that's what I mean. You don't both have all the same exact interests C: No just 95 E: Right. But everyone you know has friends, whether they're in relationships or not C: Yeah and he is not only my bf hes my friend and not only my friend my best friend -- long delay, I had class -- E: Yeahh I have a couple best friends and a few close friends, but that's all hard to define. C: Yup E: it's cold C: Yeah -- long delay, I didn't feel like replying -- C: I think I'm handing in my two weeks tomorrow [at her job not at his family's restaurant, at Gander Mtn] E: Oh why? C: 12 to 8 tuesday thru saturday E: Oh. Gander's gonna cry right before holidays lol C: Lol ik E: You work there tonight right? C: yupp tonight and thursday and sat morning then wednes friday sat at bbp&c [restaurant] E: Yee better make sure nobody needs anything from gander for xmas lol C: I dont think so E: Yeahh C: K E: Welllll suppose you'll be going in soon so have a good shift[/hide] Yeah, I should have been mean. I should have told her there's no way in hell she'll be able to move up there with him next year because she spends her money like an idiot. I should have told her the way she talks about her relationship reminds me of a 13 year old. I should have told her quitting her job at Gander Mountain is a stupid decision. I should have told her to stop flattering herself. I should have told her that yes, I did stay home because jerad was coming home, because when she insensitively told me that over text I cried and remembered all the other things that have disappointed me lately and how all my personal issues are preventing me from finding other things to look forward to and that's what triggered my mental breakdown. I should have told her that I don't worry about something happening to them because I hope and pray something does happen to them. She's so stupid and she's not going to grow up with him. I should have told her that losing all her friends because he doesn't like them is the stupidest thing she could do because of a high school relationship. I should have told her that if he won't wear the stupid promise ring, he obviously doesn't want to show that. I should have reminded her that her parents' marriage lasted one year, my dad got married and had a kid around 18 and divorced quickly, and the divorce rate is high in those young relationships like that. I should have asked her how long the couples at the last two weddings had been together for before they got married, because both those couples had been together over 6 years. I should have asked her what ever happened to wanting to look into graphic design, because she won't be able to get into her boyfriend's college. I should have asked her how she expects to get a job in a college town. I should have told her that if I controlled her, I'd have gotten her to dump Jerad and look at how stupid she's been acting before getting back with him if she still somehow thought that was right. I should have told her that her brother Trayten, who is one of her top priorities, told the neighborhood that he thought her dress at her aunt's wedding was [bleep]ty. I should have asked her, if I don't matter to her, why does she fill me in on all her life's details? Why does she tell me what's going on around the house? Why does she send me random pictures of interesting things to make me smile? If I don't mean anything, why does it matter what I say? If she doesn't care what I think, why doesn't she tell me the truth? And if she does care, why can't she say it without qualifying it with something about how she cares about jerad most? She's an idiot. And yet somehow, I still care. I have few enough people in my life that I'm holding onto everyone. We hadn't gone at it like that since August, and it wasn't as intense then. Of course, the core cause of that argument was that jerad thought I was interfering with their relationship. Well looky there, who's interfering with whose relationship? You can't get "friendship" licenses, and you don't have "best friendship" relationship statuses. Just because a friendship is technically hard to define doesn't mean it doesn't matter! Sorry it's not socially normal for us to buy each other jewelry on a random date each year. Sorry I didn't take note of the day your family moved to my neighborhood. Sorry my parents can't overpay you for a job and give a job to your brother's girlfriend. But you know what I can do? I can color 50 pictures for your wall to give your room character. I can go get my nails done with you. I can sing obnoxiously loud in your car. I can babysit your little brother and hang out with your family without you around. I can eat Taco Bell with you because your picky whiny boyfriend doesn't like TACOS (sure fire sign he's secretly gay). I can give you a TAMPON. And you know what I can and may have to do that he'll never do? I can listen to you cry about him, help you find a new job outside of his family's restaurant, burn all the pictures of you two together, and agree with you about how STUPID you've been acting throughout this relationship. Because who else will be there? You've burned enough bridges. And what if you two make it? Well, I can say that before him, you probably pictured me in your wedding. I don't know if that stands. But there's no way he can be the groom AND the maid of honor. You may have found it necessary to prom dress shop with him (WTF), but you can't do that with a wedding dress. So. She doesn't know what she wants. I'm the most obvious example of that. She'll tell me I don't matter, then say she cares, then say our friendship won't last if her relationship does, then tell me about her employment status and what's going on in her life. Girl please, I thought I didn't know what I want. It's gotta be even harder to figure out what you want when you're high off happiness thinking you do know what you want when that's only part of the picture.[/hide]

Well

So

I think I'm hungry, but I don't think I want to eat

November 3rd. Free ticket with a valid college ID

Skillet, Disciple, Manafest, and We As Human.

[bleep] seems to be censored in many places but not whorebag.

It's easiest to complain about her, she's not what my happiness depends on. Jessie was saying how she wished Cyndi had picked me, but that was unfair of her to say; Jessie was also going away with her boyfriend, and it's stupid that everyone just depends on everyone else to take care of me. Do they know how I feel? Like a burden. Like a child who has to be babysat. It's good that Jessie at least cares that I'm taken care of, but they can't all depend on each other to make sure I have someone to depend on. And I know I have you guys.

If someone posts a game link I'll click it. Oh, I will see Cyndi this weekend a tiny bit though. I've told her countless times, I take what time I get. We're going out to lunch Friday when I get home. I feel like if I tell her what we're doing she'll cooperate. Unless it interferes with god I mean Jerad

I don't know how or when to tell her. I refuse to sink to her level and text them to her, but I don't want to ruin the little bit of time I get with her or leave her with bad thoughts. I'm not even completely sure what I'd have to say.

I have no homework. It just feels awkward. I'll probably go to bed soon, but I gotta stay up up until at least midnight so I can tell Josh happy birthday on his official birthday.