And yes, I get up at 5am, but somedays I'm just not tired, so Iget up earlyyy. Yea so, talked to Swagger, it didn't turn out well. I miss him so much, I wish he would just return the stuff. But alas, he quit forever. Btw, I got 61 Agility, 74 Firemaking and 62 Runecrafting, but no pics. I tried combat out, I just hate it, I hate it so much. Its hard to find stuff to do. Wait, correction, its hard to get money to feed my habits. ( :twisted: ) like Herblore, Farming, I don't know. I get on, and just stand in the bank. Not talking, not doing anything. For the past alomst 8 years, all I've done is sat on the computer making friends, losing friends, getting rares, losing rares, wasting time, wasting days, wasting life. It all seems so pointless, the only reason I stay is because I could not stand to be parted from my friends. Well, real life just sucks like crap, but, you guys don't want to hear it, you've already told me that. I don't know what to do, my body is programmed to get home from school, and pop on the comp. My body is programmed to like nothing buy RuneScape, it controls my life and I'm aware of it, and am pleased by it, because I know its something that will always be there. I don't know, I really don't, I want to just assimilate myself into School, work hard and pull off grades, and never get on RuneScape again for the reason school is more important, I can tell my friends sorry, can't hang out with them, sorry guys, school is my life. Oh wait, thats right, who would want to hang out with me. Sure I have friends, but one has a crush on me and nudges my foot every 5 mins and pokes me. My other is addicted to hentai (anime porn) and she is bisexual, so my parents would say no, my other friend, the one guy who doesn't think I'm wierd, well, I think he's gay, so I can't hang out with him, my other friends, well, I just don't want to invite them over, because I'm afraid of being rejected. My birthday is on Monday, I sent out no invitations. I don't want to be rejected anymore, I've thrown myself out to to people, and got crushed, I'm resorting to total reclusiveness, 9th grade, right, end of Middle school, the beginning of the rest of my life, I sent out 20+ invitations out, and wondered, why isn't anyone coming? Why can't I have a birthday where at least one thing goes right, why can't I do this, why can't I be this, why can't, why can't why can't? My mom and dad said all I do is complain, I don't know, maybe thats the truth, or maybe they're lying, like all the other times. I can't trust anyone anymore, and it is destroying me, this game has turned me into a monster, school has turned me into a monster, and it is overwhelming me. I can't fight it, this game is more dangerous then Cocaine, it destroys my life. When I go to church and worship God, trying to be alone with him, a thought of Rs pops up. When I go to read my bible everyonce and a while, I long to shut the book and get on. Sometimes, I give into it, and I get on, and when I'm on, I ask myself why I even logged on, This game used to be fun, it used to be happy. Now, its an impulse, nothing more, and I don't know why I bother anymore, I don't why I log on, I don't know why I am typing this. I don't know why I should be happy. Sure I mean, we live in an upper class neighborhood, we have a huge pool with diving board, I just got an ipod, and my bro is getting a 360 for Xmas. But something isn't right. Something inside of me screams that something is wrong, I can't hear it. I can't detect what the words are, but it is trouble, why am I even saying this. I'll just be called an "attention getting Tip.Iter" like last time. Oh well, if they say that, then we never were friends. This is a BLOG, a blog is where you write about what is happening. So, this is what I am writing about. My life. My mom says I need to get a job, I'm terrified of interviews, well that is NO GOOD to my mom, hell, she biked 14 miles to swim in a pool, she got a job at 11, I don't care mom. I'm sorry. Well, I need money, but an overwhelming feeling of apathy is overcoming me, and I can't, or will not, not sure, stop it. There is not one thing I can be happy about in life, without getting ridiculed about it. When I listen to music, people say "that band sucks" I love you too bro. Burn in hell. When I sing (I have a good voice, I really do.) my little bro's friends say "stfu sam u sound like a girl" and unfortunately, I respond to him, which I shouldn't. I can't like certain subjects at school, of course, who would like those right? I can't want to work in fast food cause that is a "loser's job" so stated my dad. Well dad, who cares. And when I talk about RuneScape, my one true love, my wife, ( :roll: ) people say "grow up Sam, you're almost 17, stop playing a 5 year olds game." Maybe they're right, maybe they're all right. Who am I to be right anyways? Well, I think the main thing that has brought me down so far is I need to be liked, God made us social creatures so says my Mom. Well, I need to be social,, but then, I need it to end. I can't go on and on and on with other people. Sometimes I just need to be alone, and well, thats wierd, says the "establishment." Oh well. Who cares. Well, I got a bit off-topic. But oh well. <3 ya too Appy. <3 Well, i'm going to go listen to my ipod now, and go to my room, maybe watch TV. If I don't get back on this week, I want to wish Lowc15 AND Deiophobus77 a VERY HAPPY B-DAY FROM SARU!!! (Yea, all three of us have a b day on the 17th.) Lova ya guys. l0l @ U
