slayernm613 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Well, i had to write an essay about an article I read for english class. I randomly decided to post it: I recently read an article about whale poo. It was so interesting, I had to write about it. I will summarize the article, explain my opinion on it, and go through some comic possibilities. It is quite obvious that whale poo is worthless, right? Wrong! The article about whale poo, in summary, says that it is a very valuable substance called ambergris. When a sperm whale eats a squid, the squidÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s sharp beaks are harsh on the whaleÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s stomach. To protect from this, the whale excretes fats, which envelops the beaks, saving the whaleÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s stomach. When a whale defecates after this, it unloads up to 100 pounds at a time. Eventually, through reactions with salt water and sunlight, the viscous poo crystallizes into ambergris, a valuable fragrance. It may be a fragrance, but the article I read about whale poo, in summary, mentions more colloquial uses of it. The Chinese used it as a fragrance. The middle-eastern peoples used it as a cure-all. They thought that it had the potential to cure heart and brain disease. Old British medical documents say that it can cure colds, headaches, and epilepsy. In order to explain my reaction to this article about whale poo, I must begin with shock. When I read the articleÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s title ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWhale Waste is Extremely ValuableÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà This is where they want I should sign? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaziek Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 ok.. first off.. how old are you so we know what standard you are looking for secondly.. was the article actually called Whale poo? if not then dont use the word poo. use faeces or something slightly more dignified like that. looks ok.. how long was it supposed to be? looks a bit short to be called an 'essay' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baron8000 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 1) you use "in summary" too much for my liking. 2) It kinda sounds like you were given a writing frame and followed it to the letter? If not you have a very regimented writing style. Can't really say more without knowing what the above asked for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xewleer Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 wasn't this (or should be) in the off-topic section? I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slayernm613 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 wasn't this (or should be) in the off-topic section? erm.. it was... i do have quite a rigid writing frame, and poo was the best word that i cold think of, seeing as fesces has a more comical value. it is quite long, a page typed (hey, that's long to me), but it seems shorter on forum is all. im in tenth grade, if you really need to know. This is where they want I should sign? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dark Lord Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Yeah it sounds kind of immature to use 'poo' considering you're a sophomore... I'm a freshman and if anyone used it, they would get points taken off of it. You could say whale droppings or something I guess. SWAG Mayn U wanna be like me but U can't be me cuz U ain't got ma swagga on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bludragon124 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 I was pretty sure ambirgris was obtained by making the whale throw up. I suppose that comes from the stomach too... Whatever. Very... Interesting article. :? Noted raw mackerel drop... Wtfh? Always buying: Watermelon seeds, 2K each. Strawberry seeds, 800 each. Contact Via PM on forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slayernm613 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 the article said vomit was not the way it's obtained. guess futurama was wrong, eh? This is where they want I should sign? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baron8000 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Whats grade ten in Uk terms? or age, just so I can judge better. Also use faeces - it is the proper scientific term after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zonorhc Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 As a future teacher, I feel that I must... critique... this essay. Corrections in bold. I recently read an article about whale poo. [Never use first person pronouns in an academic essay! Also, find a better word than "poo" because it detracts from the formal style required. Also, you will have to identify the source in the introduction, which means writing out the title either underlined or in italics. You will have to provide all the details of the cited source in either an endnote or a footnote.] It was so interesting, I had to write about it. [This sentence contributes nothing to the thesis, which is what you are supposed to discuss in the introduction.] I will summarize the article, explain my opinion on it, and go through some comic possibilities. [Good. You make it clear what you are going to do. However, never summarise your reference in an essay. Whoever is marking it should already know what the text is about, and even if they don't, it's obvious that you're trying to fill out a word count.] It is quite obvious that whale poo is worthless, right? [Don't phrase this as a question. It damages the integrity of whatever argument you're about to present because it appears you're using a straw man.] Wrong! [Again, phrase this differently. You should never be using exclamation marks in an essay unless part of a quote.] The article about whale poo [You don't need to clarify which article it is. Just say "the article" unless you introduced more than one text in the introduction.], in summary, says that it is a very valuable substance called ambergris. [Fine, except for the "summary". Just say that the article says it is a very valuable substance, because "in summary" is not needed.] When a sperm whale eats a squid, the squidÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s sharp beaks [A squid has more than one beak? Mind your plurals. It is an English essay, after all] are harsh on the whaleÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s stomach. To protect from this, the whale excretes fats, which envelops ["Envelop", not "envelops", since "fats" is a plural.] the beaks, saving the whaleÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s stomach. When a whale defecates after this, it unloads up to 100 [Don't use numerals unless for a date or a very specific number.] pounds at a time. Eventually, through reactions with salt water and sunlight, the viscous poo crystallizes into ambergris, a valuable fragrance. [You made no point in your first paragraph, simply retold the article. Never do this in an essay. The first paragraph should be for either your strongest or weakest argument, never for a summary of a text.] It may be a fragrance, but the article I read about whale poo, in summary, mentions more colloquial uses of it. The Chinese used it as a fragrance. The middle-eastern peoples used it as a cure-all. They thought that it had the potential to cure heart and brain disease. Old British medical documents say that it can cure colds, headaches, and epilepsy. [Again, you wasted a paragraph summarising.] In order to explain my reaction to this article about whale poo, I must begin with shock. When I read the articleÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s title ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWhale Waste is Extremely ValuableÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Varrock Library: Shattered Sky | Silent Thunder | The Emperor's FinestAstri @ MythWeavers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slayernm613 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 10th grade is my second year of high school... This is where they want I should sign? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zonorhc Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 10th grade is my second year of high school... So what were you doing in year 7 and 8? Making clay sculptures? O_o Regardless of whether this is your second year of "high school" or however that term applies to your educational system, the fact remains that you have had nine years of schooling prior to this, and should already have been instructed as to how to write an essay. Again, unless your entire system is backward and for some reason doesn't consider academic writing skills to be important. Varrock Library: Shattered Sky | Silent Thunder | The Emperor's FinestAstri @ MythWeavers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slayernm613 Posted May 1, 2007 Author Share Posted May 1, 2007 i write essays like presentations, then. if i get my point across, is it not good enough? *note: i added something in top post* This is where they want I should sign? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zonorhc Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 i write essays like presentations, then. if i get my point across, is it not good enough? *note: i added something in top post* So does writing it in the vernacular. That isn't the point of an essay, though. Making meaning isn't the only function of an essay. An essay is supposed to state a position or make an argument, supported by evidence, and do so in a formal, intellectual way. I suppose it doesn't really matter at this point whether or not you write a proper academic essay, but it's something you should consider later on. Varrock Library: Shattered Sky | Silent Thunder | The Emperor's FinestAstri @ MythWeavers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k0pkaas Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 I hate it when people like that guy have to ruin a perfectly good post. Nice story interesting enough for me to waiste my time to read it and pretty funny. Overall good job. :D I got 99 problems but a noob ain't one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slayernm613 Posted May 11, 2007 Author Share Posted May 11, 2007 wow! a complement! This is where they want I should sign? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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