state championships

[katsuro0]

well, last week at sectionals, i qualified for the state championships in the 1 mile (illinois track). Also, I had a friend qualify for the two mile race. Since both of us are fortunate to live a good 3.5 hours from the bleedin meet, we were able to leave thursday evening so we could get a nice, non homosexual rest filled with dreams of skipping through succulent fields before my race on Friday.

 

 

 

Before i write out the details of my extravagant excursion, allow me to explain exactly how this race works. By qualifying for the state championships, you are guaranteed a race at the state championships. go figure. Everyone, except two milers, must race on Friday to determine who can race on Saturday, the day which determines the state champions. That's right. Everyone must run two days in a row. A 4:10 miler must sprint that time twice in two days. This is why track is a sport of balls (except for dumb events like 100m dash, 110m hurdles, shot put, etc which requires nothing except for genes and being black). This is opposed to sports like football where the butt-smacking, showering-with-men players require a full 7 days of rest before they run around like animals for 20 seconds, take a minute break, and repeat.

 

 

 

anyways, the ride down was fun -- we saw a lot of corn. Since my school is cheap, they would only pay for hotel rooms for 4 people (me, my sexy two miler, and my two coaches, one of which (lets call her ahmed) is this [developmentally delayed]ed, extreme catholic who insists on torturing anyone who just merely swears). To pass the time, we made sure to blurt random abortion jokes, random black/jew jokes, and random Ahmed is a [bleep] who has most likely spit out 13 fetus's out of her gaping hole jokes. I hate that *insert curse*

 

 

 

When we got to Charleston (where Eastern Illinois University is located), we quickly noticed that pretty much every hotel within a 30 mile radius had been reserved for 1% runners and 99% jerks with too much time on their hands lol. But we got to our hotel early, and we quickly realized just how low our school will stoop to save a penny. We were transfered to one of those disgusting motels that people stop in to fornicate, smoke weed, and pee in the hallways. The guy at the desk, who looked like ed.jpg]this barely knew where our room was located. But the room was good enough i guess, but nothing compared to the hilton hotel we were imagining on the way down. Our other coach, being a perfectionist maniac, who's super excited that "he" trained a magnificent sum of two people to get down state, forced us into bed immediately and wouldn't allow us to eat/drop a turd/sleep, etc

 

 

 

Finally, at around 10am, we were brutally awaken by high-pitched screams and the clanging of metal. ("Ahmed, stfu and go the feck away. you're dumber than the pubes i clipped off your gaping vagina last night"). But we eventually woke up, and consumed a nutritious and proper breakfast for our race. After everyone left the hotel, i came back for a moment and stripped naked, fondled myself, and proceeded to blow a load all over Ahmed's bed (just kidding of course).

 

 

 

Upon arrival at EIU, we were frolicking through the gates as all the other queers had to pay 10 bucks. Here we ran into the multitudes of fans who drove down to see my race (aka: my gf, Lauren, and one of her track friends and 4 other people from track who didn't mind the 3 hour drive lol...aka they'd do anything to miss a day of school). Then my psycho coach sprinted from two hundred yards and kicked everyone in the nuts, claiming that they would disturb our mental preparation.

 

 

 

But finally the moment of truth arrived. All the hard work i've put in the past three years during cross country and track, all the horrid Saturdays where I had to wake up at 7 in the morning to go workout, all the painful races and practices, all the ups and downs came to a climax - at the state championship race. I received my neat number to pierce my skin with, and I also received my metaphorical prong to shove up the rectal canals of all those who said i couldn't do it :P. Now i knew i wasn't going to qualify for the Saturday race, but it was the experience that counted. There was no way I could improve by like 20 seconds within a week to win that race, and there sure as hell wasn't a way that my two mile buddy could break 9 minutes to beat the 3 two milers that did (the winner was the almighty evan jager, who sprinted the two miles in 8:52)

 

 

 

So basically i was committing suicide lol. But i just lived the moment and took it out strong. STUPID DECISION. I came across the half mile at like 2:05, tried so dearly to keep on going through the third lap and then just died. And i died hard. I wasn't even in first friggin place at the half mile point lol. Hitting that wall is easily the worst physical experience one could ever suffer. It's the point where every once of energy and oxygen has been used up, yet you know your not done. Your body becomes so dead with pain that your body systems become confused. I ovulated during my race.

 

 

 

When i crossed the finish line, with about 10 thousand people watching, I merely paced around, wondering where i was. My legs turned into a hormonal monster that ate away at the very essence of my soul. A pang of both literal and metaphorical pain surged through them every 10 seconds, as if a dog infested with Rabies was taking craps in my stomach. After i left the track and met up with everyone else, Lauren came up to hug and congratulate me. However, this was a bad decision considering it just made me flail about on the ground and go into convulsions which resulted in me ovulating again. The good news is that i didn't place last in my race lol. And now that i look back on it, i wouldn't have run that race any differently. It showed me what it's like to be a true champion, if not for just a half mile, and also allowed me to know what I must do for my last season, after my two week break that is :P

 

 

 

The rest of Friday and today was lovely. I went and ate a large feast with all my fans who bothered to come before they had to return to Chicago. My two mile buddy, nervous as hell after witnessing my experience ran the best race of his life today, which is great for him going into college next year. A couple hours after his race, we said farewell to the place and began our drive again, the trip in which we almost made Ahmed denouce God, worship Satan, and kill herself.

 

 

 

All in all, a very fun time. From the van rides to the fun around the town friday evening to the races to watching some amazing stallion hurl himself almost 17 feet into the air to win the pole vault to the religion debates with Ahmed that resulted in world war III, injured bystanders, and stupid, idealistic no-life religious fanatics sinking into a dark, decrypt corner to cry and cut her wrists, wishing she had never come. Lol, it was all in good fun though. The next goal is to qualify for the state meet in cross country - a hefty feat

[Agunimon979]

Cool, but what's this topic about?

[tzone92]

What time did you get? Whatever it was, it is way better than my best mile, 6:36. Even with that time, (which is pretty bad in my opinion) I still manage to make the top 10% at my school. Also, I know that feeling you describe. I used to feel it a lot, especially on the 4th lap when my friends are screaming at me to sprint, but now I get my times fairly easily.

[vladmoney]

Weirdest post ever, what are we supposed to be discussing? Do you want us to congradulate you? I don't get it, shouldn't say you tell black/jew jokes either not everyone finds those funny.

 

 

 

I used to run the 400 in track, which i believe is the hardest event. I was alright at it, but it was boring so I quit lol, so I give you props for sticking with it.

[Lovelydude]

This is why track is a sport of balls (except for dumb events like 100m dash, 110m hurdles, shot put, etc which requires nothing except for genes and being black).

 

 

 

I run 100m sprint and 110m hurdles, though it doesn't require supreme endurance, it takes explosive strength and a lot of dedication. In a 100m race, when you can see them, you've lost. I understand the endurance race feeling too though, because I have run marathons before. If a light jogs the majority of the race counts as running.

 

 

Awesome job getting to state qualifying level. Everytime I've ever gotten to state level, a plethora of future olympians seem to show up. It's amazing you placed respectably.

 

 

 

Man, I love running. ;P