Humble begginings

[barfbag]

Hello. I'm now making a new story, my 2nd. My first didnt turn out too good(legend of the virus) because of "incorrect grammer". :?

 

 

 

ANYWAY, Im not the best at grammer or wrighting, so

 

 

 

READ PAST THE MISTAKES and enjoy my story. and also,

 

 

 

Please dont flame me here, do it somewhere else.

 

 

 

Thanks, barfbag

[barfbag]

From the black around him, A horizontal line cut through the darkness.

 

 

 

From a seriese of styles, he selected his clothing and walked through a wooded door, apearing at an island. Squinting through the blinding sunrise, he saw a sign hammered into the beutifull green grass. It read: Welcome to tutorial island.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gazing around, he saw other new-comers arround him, some smarter than him, some very daft.(means stupid) He walked over to an instructor, looking like her age was around 35. Hello, Zenith, I'm here to teach you how to cut wood, make a fire and to fish. "Ok" Zenith said as he was handed an axe and tinderbox. It took him some time, but he completed his tasks with great skill. As he walked to the chefs place, the instructor said "You got a gift, kid. Dont ever forget that.". Zenith stopped, turned around and said "I wont".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zenith pulled open the door to the chef's place, looking at the beutifull tile floor and indoor plumming. A daft noob was just handed a bucket of flour and water, and the chef told him to mix them. He looked at the flour, then water, then looked at the chef. He repeated this process for about 5 seconds, then said "OH!" Then he Looked at the ingredients, at me, and repeated the process again. He looked up at the chef and said " I think I know where your going with this!" As he looked from one ingredient to another, The chef turned to Zenith, seeing The puzzled look on his face. "Just skip this..." he said "..."This might take a while."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ill post more later. :)

[barfbag]

Zenith compleated every task on tutorial island, showing great skill in combat especialy. "Are you ready to go to the mainland now, Zenith?" said the magic instructor with a smile. " Yes sir " replyed Zenith, ready to face what he was about to experience. A portal opened up below him, and he fell down through it, His beutifull red hair streaming behind him. Evrything went black, and the same horizontal white light shone, and he was now standing in a new town.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sun was blocked by the huge castle behind him,the houses covered in the shadows. Some orange rays lighting up the hillside, giving it a very plesent feel. The warm, summer breeze blew against his face as he walked across an old wooden bridge, stopping to watch the ducks in the water. He took out his shortbow and an arrange of bronze arrows. He carefully aimed, and the arrow flew straight through the airm piercing the duck's skull, killing it instantly as a large ammount of blood dripped into the water, turning the water a sickly red.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zenith wasn't disturbed at all with this, and went to the chicken coop to kill some chickens with his sword to up his level and sell the feathers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, i'm done for today, I might add on tomarro or sunday.

[barfbag]

After killing some chickens with his Bronze sword, Zenith was now at lv6. He went to the cow field and slashed about 50 cows, he was now lv 15. Everyone there was astounded at how easaly he gained levels. He went back to lumbridge and talked to the chef, and got the egg . While there he milked a cow, and a noob yelled out to him "Got Milk?!" Zenith chuckled and went on his way to the windmill for some grain. He was just about to opperate the hopper when a beutifull girl climbed into the room from the ladder.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She was a slender young girl, Around his age of 13. She had long brown hair with blond highlights, And Beutifull curves. She was wearing a black short-skirt and a light-blue shirt tied up in the back to show off her stomach. "Hi! I'm Alexis!" She said with a beaming smile. "What's yours?" "Z-Z-Zenith" he said, astounded by her good looks. "You doing the cooks quest too? " She said, chuckling at Zenith's smile. "Yep. Want some flour?" He said, trying to look cool leaning against the hopper controls. Big mistake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He activated the hopper, fell backwards down the ladder landing on his back with a loud thud. Alexis climbed down the ladder, took one look at Zenith and started giggling. Struggling to get up because of pain in his back, Alexis extended her hand. He grabbed it and came to find his footing. After stopping giggling she said willingfully "Friends?" "Sure!" Said Zenith, and they walked back to the cook togeather. "Did you get any flour, I forgot..." Said Zenith, slightly embarrased. "Here ya go!" Alexis said with a smile.

[barfbag]

After Completing the cooks assistant quest, Zenith and Alexis compleated the sheep sheerer quest, Rune mysteries quest. After completing the prince ali quest, Zenith and Alexis were walking through the alkhride pallace, killing the warriors there. After about an hour of killing, they both had about 500gp, combine with their savings and quet earnings of 1000gp, making 1500gp.

 

 

 

"Lets go to varroc and het some armer!" sais Alexis, counting her coins. "Sure, but leave yourself about 500gp. And dont forget about new weapons. ok?" said Zenith Thinking about what he could get. "We look wierd, being lv 25's and having bronze longswords and all, huh?" Said alexis as they walked to varrock togeather, holding hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Like mt new steel plate, skirt and longsword?" She said, looking at herself in the varrock cloths shop mirror. "You look beutifull in it!" Said Zenith with a smile. Without warning, Alexis turned around and hugged him. "Thanks!" she said, still embracing him. "Like my iron plate, legs and mith shortsword?" he said, with her still embracing him. "I love it! But why only iron?" Alexis said, letting go of him. "Because I wanted a more powerfull weapon, and the sword cost 1/2 of my money." He said, smiling."Want to go down into the rat infested sewers and train abit?" He said smiling. "EEW!!" She said, Zenith laughing. "Well, ok, I need to lv up abit." She said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, no1 has replyed.... :cry:

[sirith_knight]

Lol, all the story forums are usually dead, don't let it get you down. As for grammer mistakes, not as many. I'll tell you a few I saw( just constructive criticizm, not personal :D ) Looked is capitalized in the first post, not supposed to be. Completed spelled wrong at begining of second one, Bronze sword in thrird.... not sure if it is supposed to be capitalized... In the last one, Varrock(with a k at the end), togeather in last one too....together

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-not a bad story over all, keep it up. Lots of times people read and don't post, or are too lazy to read a longer story. Sometimes its depressing, but it will all be well, lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-A very good way to check for mistakes and improve quality, proofread twice before a post. You may miss something, but it turns out MUCH better, trust me. :wink:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hope I was atleast some help.

[sirith_knight]

sry, stupid (insert F-word with ing at the end here) lag!

[barfbag]

:D Thanks for the comments, ill try that! anyway back to a totaly off-the-top-of-my-head story!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"AAH! That stung you creep!" Yelped Alexis as a zombie smacked her arm.

 

 

 

"How ya doin with your group of undead?" "Ok, I guess." He said as he slashed at another skeleton."I love this mith short, It slices bone clean!" "Whats deeper in the dungeon? Anything good?" Said Alexis as she killed a skeleton before it back-stabbed Zenith. "Besides red spiders and moss giants?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just then a level 55 walked into the room with addy armer and a rune sword. "Wow, I dident know n00bs could be so stupid!" He walked past Zenith and scanned Alexis. "Hey, why dont you come with me, I'll rent a room in the blue moon in..." He said with a disgusting grin on his face. "Get away, creep!" she said, raising a hand to slap him, but he grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back. "LEAVE HER ALONE SCUMBAG! screemed Zenith, raising his mith sword in an attack position."Come make me n00b!" He said, toying with him. "Oww!! Let go! It hurts!!" Alexis said, her screems echoing throughout the cave. Zenith charged at the creep but was un-mercifully thrown against the hard wall. "That the best you got, punk?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"LET HER GO MORPHIOUS!" said a lv 70 in full rune and a dragon dagger. "Dan..." He said, scanning his weapon and armer. "I dont think so..." He said with a sick smile. Dan burst into a run, slashed Morphious's arm, threw Alexis into Zenith's arms and twisted both of Morphious's arms behind his back, almost breaking them. "If I see you anywhere near this beutifull young couple..." He said, making Alexis blush in Zenith's arms, him blushing also "...I'll beat you so hard you'll beg like a dog! Now scram!" Morphious walked away, took one look at us and smiled sickly again, then left. "So, whats your names?" Said dan, their new friend in shining rune.

[sirith_knight]

Very nice indeed. New characters, now start adding a big plot into it. Don't have to, just sayin' :D Need to have like a big conflict occur or sumthin along those lines. I'm really startin to like this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-It is kinda depressing when no one replies huh? Don't want that to happen :P

[barfbag]

Ok, back!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Alexis...." said Zenith. "I'm selling my armer and weapons to take up archery, I'm nowhere near strong enough to be a worrior...." "Thats ok, ill help you train! " Saio alexis with a grin. "No need to help me train." Said Zenith, startling Alexis. "What do you mean?" She said, staring into his eyes. "Ever since we met dan, he's trained me in the way of an archer, he let me use his old bow. I'm already preety good too! Watch." He said to Alexis. He took out an old, splintered wood bow and a bronze arrow. He looked into the sky and saw a bird. He aimed and fired, hitting the bird in the skull, blood splattering on a near by tree. "Wow...." said alexis, amazed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Here's your old bow back, Dan." said Alexis to dan, looking puzzled. "Where's Zenith?" "He went to sell his old armer and sword to buy a brand new bow from Varroc's archery shop." Said Alexis. "He can have it, I only use the sword." He said, starting to walk twards Varroc, Alexis behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An arrow flew into the setting sun, hitting a cow on its way down. Zenith sighed and walked across a field, heading back to varroc. "Hi, How you doing?" Said a fimilliar voice from the distance in front of him. "Hi Alexis!" Zenith said, running up to her. "Like my new bow? only 800gp!" He said, her with a beaming smile. "You look good in that leather too!" She said as they walked back to varroc. "I got us a room in the varroc slums." Zenith said to her. "It's better than sleeping under a tree in the cold night." Said alexis as Zenith unlocked the door. "Look, theres only one bed! "Said Alexis smiling as Zenith took off his armer and locked the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A plot-devoloping part...yay. Makes you wonder what's happening behind the locked door... :D

[rajahofffx]

kinda convient a guy would show up just as trouble happens would of got kinda rated R if he didnt show help. PS sound like this story is from character POV y do ppl still call ppl noob and they no the quest names? just wondering

[barfbag]

. PS sound like this story is from character POV y do ppl still call ppl noob and they no the quest names? just wondering

 

 

 

What? :? Whatever, I'll be wrighting more in a min....

[barfbag]

"Zenith, It's sunrise already." Said Alexis, Roling over to look at Zenith. He was standing at the window looking outside whilst slipping on his leather armer. "I've been up for 15 minutes already." He said, turning around. Alexis sat up, looked at herself in the mirror, grabbed her comb and brushed out the knots her long hair. She fummled through a drawer, found a nice blue shirt and a black short-skirt. She slpiied on the skirt, and put on the shirt. "Hows this look, Zenith?" "You look georgeous!" He said. "Here's a copy of the door key, I'm going out for a while." He kissed her and walked out the door. "Dont forget to lock the door when you go out." He said. "I won't!" She said and he shut the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Come on Zenith! Faster! You keep missing me!" Said dan, dodging a flurry of arrows being shot by Zenith. "Hit me and I'll buy us both a cup of beer!" He said, encuraging him to shoot faster. 'Alright' Zenith thought. 'This is it. One shot left. Better make it count.' He took aim and fired, lodging the arrow in Dan's armer. "Good, Good! Now you just need to learn to dodge." Dan said, breaking off a tree branch. "I'll go easy at first." Dan swung quickly at Zenith him dodging decently. "C'mon, we're in a forest! Use your surroundings to your advantage!" Dan said while still swinging. Zenith looked around and jumped onto a tree, flipped upward and landed on a branch. Out of the stick's reach, he took out his bow and shot an arrow, lodging it into Dan's armer. "Great!!" He said, smiling. "Lets go get that beer I promised you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While in the bar, someone walked in wearing A hood and carring a rune longsword. He ordered a beer and sat quietly in the corner. Zenith stood up, about to leave when the character stood up, blocking his path. He took off the hood. It was Morphious. "Where ya goin, punk?" He said with a smirk. He drew his sword and charged. Zenith dodged his first 10 swings, and jumped back onto the bar, took out his bow and fired a shot, It shot right through his shirt, pearcing his shoulderblade. "Leave and dont come back." Zenith said to Morphious, fire burning in his eyes. Morphious looked at him, flipped him the middle finger and left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Nice shot!!" Dan said as Zenith hopped down from the bar. "You learn quick my friend." "Thanks, It was nothing." Zenith said. "It was more than nothing, it was fantastic!" Said Alexis, walking in the door. "I watched from the window." "Your girl is stalking you. " Dan wispered in Zenith's ear. The both chuckled and sat down. "Its always the quiet ones you should watch!" Alexis said, taking a seat beside Zenith. "Ok..." Zenith began. "Say a person is sitting in a bar reading a book, minding his own buisness and another is banging on the bar with a dagger saying 'I'll kill the next mother F-er who steps in here!'. Who ya gonna watch? " He said, Dan laughing his rear off. "We better be off." Zenith said. "See ya later." Zenith and Alexis walked out into the sunset..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That will give ya a little somthing to read!

[barfbag]

The sun shown through the shadows in the Varroc slums, reflecting off window panes. The sun bounced off a window hitting Zenith's face, waking him up. "Alexis, you up? Alexis?! You here?" He said, scanning the room, spotting a folded note pinned on the door. He sat up, grabbed his shirt and slipped it on. He walked over to the door and picked up the note. It read:

 

 

 

SWAK (sealed with a kiss) Hi Zenith! I'm out training my combat. Be home sometime later, around 4:00. I remembered to lock the door, too. With love, Alexis. PS: left you 50gp for breakfast!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zenith walked down the streets of Varroc and came to the blue moon in. "Hiya! What can I do yens for?" the bartender asked. "Some cow meat and a beer." He said, setting his bow down on the counter. A few worriors looked, A few mages stared. Nothing new, there wernt as many rangers as there used to be. "Here ya go, 30gp please." He said. Zenith slid the coins across the counter and started eating, thinking about Alexis.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hit harder sis!" said a young girl abouy 1 year older than Alexis. "Kaoru, I'm trying!" Alexis said to her sister. "20 more times and I'll teach you to block and dodge!" Alexis let out all her might in the last hit, flinging Kaoru into a nearby tree. "Nice work" Said Kaoru as she got up. 'Se this stick? Dodge it or get hit." Kauru said sternly. Alexis started dodging. She got cornered at a wall. Kaoru swung as Alexis front-flipped over it, landing on her feet. She grabbed her sister and tossed her onto the ground. "Hows that?" Said Alexis, helping her sister up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alexis walked into the house, Zenith waiting on the bed, reading a book. "Hi Zenith!" She said, slipping off her armer and sliding into bed closely to him. "Hi, nice work out there today." Zenith said smiling. "How'd you know about...." She said. "I watched from the tree you slammed your sister into." He said leaning twards her. "Lets talk later" Alexis said, roling on top of Zenith, Kissing him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I might right more later. :)

[barfbag]

A knock was heard on the door next morning. Zenith got up, slipped on a pear of pants and grabbed a dagger from a nearby counter. Zenith opened the door to see Dan in full rune. "Zenith we need to talk" He said, stepping in. "Shhhh! Alexis is still sleeping..." Zenith said, grabbing his leather armer, Bow and quiver. Dan shut the door and sat down on a nearby chair. "Alexis sleeps like an angel, dosen't she?" Dan said, looking at her. "Ya. Want some tea?" Zenith said. "No thanks, Anyway, I'm the leader of the 'Abyss order' clan." He said. "Were having a war in about a week, and we need a skilled archer to sharpshoot all the mages and rangers." Zenith took his eyes off Alexis and looked sternly at Dan. "Why me? There's many more out there." He said, dan smiling. "I know what you're capable of, Zenith. You got a gift. The conver sation ensued for 5min. Dan and Zenith got up and left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey Zenith, That was great!" Said Alexis sleepily as she woke up. "Zenith? Are you here?" She looked around the room. Nobody was there. She got up, picked out a nice short-skirt and top and slid into them. She brushed out her hair and put it in a ponytail. She walked over to the window, looking up at the morning sun. Somebody knocked in the door. She said softly "Who's there?" She heared the Knock again. She opened the door and there stood Morphious with a string of rope in his hand. "You're Coming with me." "NO! Stay Back..." Her screems were muffled by Morphious's hand. He tied her arms behund her back and tied a rope to her neck. "I really think you'll be coming with me." He said, pulling her out by the rope around her neck. She tryed to struggle but Morphious knocked her out and left a note.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alexis woke up in a dungeon cell, her wrists bound to the wall by mithril chains. Her shirt was partialy ripped and her skirt with a tear mark. She looked around and saw tortches burning and a guard standing guard outside her cell. Morphious and a hooded figure walked into the hall and told the guard to leave. They opened the door and came in. "Bow your head before master Hoth!!" He said, punching Alexis in the gut. "I see we have the main archer's woman..." Said Hoth, scanning her. "Why are you keeping me here, and for how long!?" Screemed Alexis, her eyes tearing up. "Why? Purposes..." Said Morphious. "We only need you for a week, an then the war will start. We needed a hostage." Said Hoth and he walked away. Morphious walked over to alexis and grabbed her chin. "I'll be seeing you later." He said, and left. By this point, Alexis was crying histerically. "Please Zenith, help..." She said in a wisper.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zenith walked into the hut and saw Alexis' Sword stuck through the bed, A note pinned on the handle. He ran over and read it. "NOOO I'm so stupid!!!" He screemed. Then he read the signature. "MORPHIOUS!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!" His screems echoed throughout the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, I'll wright more later!

[barfbag]

"DAN!!! THE INFO WAS SPILLED!! THEY HAVE ALEXIS!!!" Screemed Zenith to Dan as he looked over the castle's blueprints. Dan stood up and looked him in the eye. "What!? How..." he said, his voice trailing into nothingness. Zenith started choking back tears, then started pounding his head into the wooden door. "Zenith, theres stll hope." "Dan? Do you know what they could have done to her?!" Zenith said, thinking about Morphious. "Dont worry, we will go on a resque mission while the war goes on. The blueprints are right here." Dan said, showing Zenith where the dungeon was. "Ill have an archer stand in as you and somone stand in for me. We'll take 'em out."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"CHARGE!!!!!" said the fake Dan. The armies started going at it, arrows flying through the fog that was layed apon the land that spring morning. "Here's the trap door...." Wispered Dan. "I'll go first, I can shoot faster than you can slash." Zenith said. two guards were blocking their path, none noticing them in the hall behind them. With two quick pulls of the bowstring, the guards were dead. "Zenith, turn left here." Said dan, scouting ahead. "Hoth's room is down here, just its a ways down still."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At that very moment, Morphious took off the chains binding Alexis and drug her into Hoth's personal bedroom. He threw alexis onto the bed and chained her down to it. He stuffed a rag in her mouth and grabbed her chin again. "If you struggle one bit, I'll kill you, I don't care what hoth says." He took her hairtie out of her hair, letting it flow down over her eyes. He started pulling her shirt when an arrow flew into his hand. Alexis coulden't see because of the hair over her eye, but still knew it was Zenith. "You, I thought you were leading the army!" He said, pulling the arrow out of his hand. "Let her go..." Zenith said, his eyes burning up with hate, no emotions showing whatsoever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Morphious took out his sword and charged. He was mutch swifter than before. He knocked Zenith ontop of Alexis. Zenith pulled out the rag that was preventing noise from Alexis' mouth and shot an arrow into Morphious's leg. "Hi hon, miss me?" Zenith said, taking off the chains binding down Alexis. She imediatly got up and embraced him. "Zenith...." She said, bursting out into tears. "Hold the hugs for later, I got a creep to kill." Zenith said, turning around to see dan's sword through Morphious's heart. "Not anymore! Alexis, are you ok?" Dan daid running up to her. "Now that both my heros are here!" She said, hugging dan, then hugging and kissing Zenith. "We better get out, you too can kiss at your house." Dan said. The ran quickly down the hall, only to be stopped by Hoth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I see you've managed to kill Morphious....Now I'll kill you!" He said, as a fireball appeared in his hand. Just then, Dand army bust through the wall. "I'll see you...later." said hoth as he teliported away. "Nice work team, now let's go home." Dan said. "I got a new place, so we wont have to worry as mutch." Zenith said, placing his armer and bow down on the table. He took off his shirt and pants and slid on some shorts. "Thanks for resquing me..." Alexis said softly as she took off her ripped shirt and skirt. She hopped into bed, snuggling up close to Zenith. "I love you alot Alexis..."Zenith said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, I'm sorta running out of Idias, so ill try to do more later. :D

[Rhys]

Meh, there's a few plot holes, like what happens between the time that they're plotting and the time that they're going into the castle, etc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, it seems that all those two seem to do is get intimate in bed... Not very exciting when each chapter ends with them doing the wild thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Furthermore, you wrote, "His eyes were full of anger, he showed no emotion whatsoever." That doesn't make sense, he either shows lots of emotion or he shows no emotion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I like the idea but you should try not to end each chapter with the same thing and try and make the different times coincide, instead of them just suddenly going from one place to another.

[barfbag]

Alright, thanks. Ive just been running out of idias. Plus, their teens, what else do they do, just sleep? :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zenith and Alexis woke the next morning. The sunshine glittered through the panes of glass in the house in the slums of varrock. "Alexis, I'm going to go look for a better house so we can get uot of the slums. " Zenith said, grabbing his bow. Alexis was about to speak but a knoch was heared on the door. Alexis, knowing her last mistake picked up a dagger. Zenith took out an arrow and aimed at the door. He slowly opened it to see a white knight of Falador standing before him. "The king of falador has heared of your heroism." He boomed, his voice low and strong. "We wish to invite you to stay in the city of falador." "Whats the hitch?" Said Alexis, setting down the dagger. "The black knights want to invade, we need an archer to help us, and..." He looks at alexis and sees her addy sword. "...Might need another worrior. Do you wish to come?" "Sure, I guess, the slums are awfull boring." Zenith said, indicating his surroundings. "Here is a map. When you get to the castle, tell the guard 'Sir Van' welcomes you here. Goodday." Sir Van left and alexis started packng her things.. Zenith and Alexis started the long walk to Falador.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Appon arival, they could see the city was basicly a fortress, but also a work of beuty. The stone buildings glimmered in the morning sunlight. "Zenith, we made it!" Said Alexis. "I know, lets find the castle. Let me see the map, please." Zenith said as he looked at the map. "Go straight." he said. They walked across the town and came to the bridge. "What do you want?" Said a guard to Zenith. "Sir Van sent us." He said."I'm sorry you need propper identification." Said the guard. "It's ok Peety, let him through." Said Sir Van's booming voice. "So glad of you to come, Zenith and Alexis" he said, escorting them over the bridge to the gates of the castle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Any better?

[barfbag]

"That hoth character could cause serious trouble..." Sir van said, escorting them to the 2nd floor."He's the most powerfull mage I've ever seen." said Sir van as they reached a large, round table. 5 Other knights were sitting around the table, each with shining white armer. But they each had a symble for the towns of the land, lumbridge, varrock, al khirde (probably misspelled), edgevill, rimmington and the symble on Sir Van's armer, falador. "Come, sit." Sir van said as he pulled out a map and hung it on the wall. The other knights stared at Zenith and Alexis, then focused on Sir Van. "Hoth is supposedly making truce with the black knights...." Sir van started, the others frowning. "Hoth has many powerfull spells, probably one that will power up his army of black knights." A knight raised his hand. "Yes?" Sir van said. "How can we defend against an army loke that?" The knight said, every one staring at Sir Van. "Zenith." Sir van said, pointing to Zenith.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"How can that...Archer stop Hoth?" the knight questioned. "He's only an archer. " Sir Van chuckled and replyed "Zenith has to be the best archer in the land. He has already defeated Morphious, hoth's evil minion, With his partner Dan's help." "So who's the girl?" Another knight questioned. "She Is Zenith's partner, Alexis. She is as skilled as any of you." A knight looked over and grabbed his dagger and leaped across the table, attacking alexis. She jumped up overtop of him and kicked him in the face with a high-heel. "Owch...." Zenith said, looking at the bruise on the knights face. "Darnit, I scuffed my shoe!" Alexis said, sitting back down. "Ow, my face..." The knight exclaimed, stumbling to get up. "Serves you right, for testing my judjement." Sir van said. Sir van looked over the group and said "Anyone else want to test either of them?"

[Rhys]

Getting better! I'm glad you took my advice, it's a much better story now. Only thing I'll comment on, is start a new line when a different person speaks. Makes it easier to read. :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well done, keep it up.

[barfbag]

Starting where I left off!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Zenith, Alexis, I rented you a house untill the situattion is resolved." Said Sir Van, Alexis still complaining about the scuffed shoe. "I'll have somone get some shoe polish, Alexis." Sir Van said, Alexis now smiling. "Thanks, you know where I could get some nice high heeled boots?" Alexis said, Zenith shaking his head. "I guess I couls have him send some over. Knights, the meeting is now over! You may leave." The knights got up and left. "Ill take you to your house." Sir van said, motioning them to follow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sir Van led them to a nice house, one bed, stobve, shelvs with books on them, and other things of the sort. "I must be going now, make your selvs at home. " Said Sir van as he stepped out and closed the door behind him. "Hey, the shoe polish is here!" Alexis said, as she took off the scuffed high heel. "Women....." Zenith said, hanging his bow and arrows on the wall. He moved a small desk to beside the door and put a dagger on it, just incase.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zenith walked over to the bookshelf. He dusted off some books, he picked three up, one 'legend of the virus', one 'legend of the black knights' and one 'legasy of the white knights'. He looked over them and put them back on the shelf. Just then, A horn blew and an army of white knights rushed past. "Get your things, were being attacked." Zenith said. He opened the door and stumbled over a package. "Alexis, your boots are here...." he said as she ripped open the package and slipped them on. "I'm ready now!" She said, Zenith shaking his head.

[Origin]

 

 

 

Wow, no1 has replyed.... :cry:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well for u:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Great story, funny. And cool fantasy, it's reflecting the world of Runescape with the quests etc. Cool!

[DevilKiller]

In my opinion, you've mixed Runescape, Everquest, and a bit of dedication into this story. Keep it up, so DA** MUCH BETTER then the last story before I requested to go on for you lol.

 

 

 

Legend of the Virus..woopee!

[tankcmy]

well nice story

[MetalMulishaFMX]

ur a ver talented writer and have a very imaginative mind, more please :lol: :wink: