BluudkeinWolf-OMG Chapter Seven prt Two is up!!

[Xewleer]

yes, but Harry has to go to school, wizards like Gandalf and Runescape don't go to school, Runescape is self taught, indicating that it is merely control over the runes you have.

[Lord_Firer]

Look, I am sorry to say, magic is not real, no matter how much you want it to be. (IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve tried on multiple occasions :D )

 

 

 

No one can define what magic is and what is the real way or not to do it because it is a fictional thing, a thing of tales. Let it be just that and continue to fill our minds with fantasy.

 

 

 

Lord of Lords and Shadow,

 

Lord Firer

[llamster]

Runescape uses words aswell as runes along with skill. So I donno...

 

 

 

The power still comes from the runes. The words are just a means to direct them.

 

 

 

Doesn't Harry Potter use words to "direct" his power too? He can still cast magic without saying the words. He still needs willpower to create magic, and his willpower is greater when he has strong feelings (usually anger/ fear). And Harry always casts magic better when he's angry/ in danger.

 

 

 

In Harry Potter, the power actually comes from the wand. You use words to direct the power.

 

 

 

In RuneScape, the power comes from runes. You use your mind to direct the power.

 

 

 

You perform better physically when you're angry/in danger. It'd make sense if magic worked the same way.

 

 

 

Of course magic isn't real, but it's fun to talk about. :D

[Lord_Firer]

But you are arguing over the correct way to do it, who cares, no one will know what the right way is, even if there is a right way.

 

 

 

Anyway, back to topic, fantastic story. How long did it take you to write? Where did the idea come from?

 

 

 

Lord of Lords and Shadow,

 

Lord Firer

[Unoalexi]

New chapter tonight! I better put one up soon, lest this thread dissolves into a Harry Potter debate. :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

As for me ideas well.. I get them mostly from things if read and movies I've seen. The characters have been around for a long time actually... I make up a story about them as I go! :lol:

[LolzEditor]

Yay new chapter! Wooo!!!!!!!

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

On the topic of Harry Potter: =P~

 

 

 

Runescape uses words aswell as runes along with skill. So I donno...

 

 

 

The power still comes from the runes. The words are just a means to direct them.

 

 

 

Doesn't Harry Potter use words to "direct" his power too? He can still cast magic without saying the words. He still needs willpower to create magic, and his willpower is greater when he has strong feelings (usually anger/ fear). And Harry always casts magic better when he's angry/ in danger.

 

 

 

In Harry Potter, the power actually comes from the wand. You use words to direct the power.

 

 

 

In RuneScape, the power comes from runes. You use your mind to direct the power.

 

 

 

You perform better physically when you're angry/in danger. It'd make sense if magic worked the same way.

 

 

 

Of course magic isn't real, but it's fun to talk about. :D

 

 

 

Some of the magic comes from Harry Potter himself, doesn't it? Dumbledore isn't one of the strongest wizards around because of his wand, its because of his own power.

 

 

 

If the power does come from the wand, isn't it innate power? Which ruins the whole "Harry Potter Can't do Real Magic" debate.

 

 

 

The mind is used to direct the power as well as the words. I'm pretty sure that saying the spell aloud would help the mind direct the power (like its easier to remember words by repeating them ALOUD instead of in their mind).

[Folgrim]

I've read what chapters have already been written, and I have to say, this is one of the best stories I have read in a very long time! =D>

 

 

 

Everything is absolutely flawless....

 

 

 

Keep it up!!

[LolzEditor]

I've read what chapters have already been written, and I have to say, this is one of the best stories I have read in a very long time! =D>

 

 

 

Everything is absolutely flawless....

 

 

 

Keep it up!!

 

 

 

Agreed...

 

 

 

I'm craving for more, and it's already been two midnights

[Folgrim]

Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 10:02 pm

 

New chapter tonight! I better put one up soon, lest this thread dissolves into a Harry Potter debate. :lol:

 

 

 

Where's the chapter? :(

 

It's been three days now :cry:

[Unoalexi]

I've been.. busy... sorry people

[Unoalexi]

Chapter seven- Revisions required! Or else.. Part Two

 

A lone wolf, itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s fur a dazzling white, stepped gently out of the gathering shadows of the trees- like the feathers of ravens blanketing the forest in the failing light. The wolf was quiet, almost cautious, as if it didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite trust the assembly of BluudkeinÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s finest standing outside UoverieeÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s lair. ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s ragged, sickly pet was strangely beautiful against the backdrop of the quickly darkening brush. The creature stared at Kavik, as if he were the only person present, and itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s bony features twisted into a rippling, feral snarl; itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s yellowed teeth glistening in the fading light. Yassin shuddered slightly as the wolf glared at Kavik with itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s blood red eyes- he definitely didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t want to be Kavik right about now. But he only had time to blink before a man stood in the creatureÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s place.

 

 

 

The wolf-person seemed to retain all of his canine features even after the transformation; so much that if the wolf and the man were side by side, Yassin could barely tell the difference between the two. He was lithe, tall, yet he still carried this strange air of illness about him that offset his otherwise perfect, muscular figure. Yassin doubted that the pale skin and reddish eyes helped much, but this was different almost, as if he didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite belong it this world and was suffering from it. It was positively creepy, and he made all the hairs on YassinÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s neck stand on end whenever he was around. He glared at Kavik with the same feral hate as before, and Yassin saw the man temple slightly, refusing to make any eye contact whatsoever. Anything that could make Kavik, the sarcastic, powerful necromancer, so utterly terrified must be something to worry about indeed.. This was one of the numerous reasons that this man, Zaeik Alexi, to hold his place as BluukienÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s general despite being so very new to the group itself.

 

 

 

"It would be best if you look me in the eyes when I wish to speak with you, Kavik" Alexi growled. His voice was oddly toneless, as if he could really care less, but Yassin knew better. He conveyed his rage using only his eyes, reminding Yassin of the sense of otherworldliness in the atmosphere.

 

 

 

KavikÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s head shot up in a instant at the sound of his voice, although reluctantly. "Yes, sir.." he muttered. This bizarre system of dog and master was knew to poor Kavik as well. The whole council governed Bluudkein, not only one- separate but equal, a way of balancing power. However, this all changed when Alexi stepped up to the plate. There was little Kavik could do about the situation, and for a rare second Yassin actually felt sorry for the man; those expressive, although rather unusual eyes, were persuasive, enough so that Alexi had virtually all of Bluudkein eating out of his paws. From the lowly grunt to the upstanding lieutenant, everybody loved him- "Unoalexi, onward to victory!" Yassin twitched slightly to keep himself from howling; what was wrong with him?? He shuddered slightly, grateful that the feeling had passed, wondering if that Unoalexi garbage had finally seeped into the cracks in his brain..

 

 

 

"You could perhaps start by explaining to me why you acted like you did?"

 

 

 

"Sir, she was wrong for this council.. she attacked Uoveriee without cause or reason. She had less sense than a sack of feathers." Kavik replied meekly, and Yassin felt a twinge of strange sadness that the once proud Kavik was finally surrendering to AlexiÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s force. Uoveriee twitched slightly at the sound of her name, and Yassin moved closer to her, his weapon still drawn. Under no circumstance would he tolerate this if his UoverieeÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s life was at stake.

 

 

 

"Yet you didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t consult me first?"

 

 

 

"It was a matter of life and death, I think you can forgive me." For a brief moment, Yassin saw the old Kavik return.. but only, alas, for a moment..

 

 

 

"Your point is..? I do not tolerate such rebellion in this council. At all. Now.. will this happen again?"

 

 

 

".." Kavik was afraid to speak his answer.

 

 

 

"WILL THIS HAPPEN AGAIN?!" Yassin saw the blind, feral fury flare up in the manÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s eyes once more.

 

 

 

"No.. Never.."

 

 

 

"Good.. As you see, I have made a few.. changes around this place. Now, shall we move on to other topics?" He turned his glaze to Uoveriee, and Yassin felt his muscles convulse spontaneously. Not her.. he thought, as a growl developed slowly in the back of his throat.

 

 

 

"DonÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t." she whispered out of the corner of her mouth. "I can handle this, trust me."

 

 

 

"Now, I believe you have some.. issues? Uoveriee?" Alexi snarled, his eyes practically glowing with fury.

 

 

 

"I donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t understand.." she fidgeted a bit, trying her best not to look into his face.

 

 

 

"You did something.. something wrong.. As I take it, youÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢re responsible for the death of a mage?"

 

 

 

"Umm.. yes? IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve killed many mages sir.."

 

 

 

"Yes, indeed.." he chuckled slightly. "But I was referring to the death of a certain mage.. the Archmage of Aska? I appreciate your.. enthusiasm.. but such actions shouldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t be repeated without my knowledge.. a good idea though, nevertheless.. IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ll let this one slideÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ for now.." he chuckled again, and Yassin relaxed, although only a bit. His moods are so unpredictable..

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâYou seem rather close to your.. friend.. cavdapoc, is it? I can never remember the names..ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ His eyes flickered to Yassin briefly.

 

 

 

"Cadvapoch, sir.. and he was already here, I found no reason to dismiss him.. plus, I feared for my life.."

 

 

 

"Very well.. whatever.." he sighed. "I must return.. although I advise you to not do anything.. stupid.." With this parting quote, his eyes flickered between Kavik and Uoveriee.

 

 

 

He was gone as quick as he had come, the last rays of dying sunlight vanishing over the hills.

[Xewleer]

Alexi is a most awesome villain! Soooo good!

[LolzEditor]

Good story...as always.

 

 

 

At the end of chapter seven, part 7, Karvik sounded like he was confident when going to the meeting. Did he know that Alexi was going to be angry at him?

 

 

 

The characters keep getting more and more evil. And before I thought Uoveriee was bad...

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

A lone wolf, itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s fur a dazzling white, stepped gently out of the gathering shadows of the trees- like the feathers of ravens blanketing the forest in the failing light.

 

Sort of sounds like the wolf is like the feathers of ravens.

 

 

 

The wolf was quiet, almost cautious, as if it didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite trust the assembly of BluudkeinÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s finest standing outside UoverieeÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s lair.

 

Comma between finest? It sounds like "finest standing" is a phrase here.

 

 

 

ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s ragged, sickly pet was strangely beautiful against the backdrop of the quickly darkening brush. The creature stared at Kavik, as if he were the only person present, and itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s bony features twisted into a rippling, feral snarl; itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s yellowed teeth glistening in the fading light.

 

Is it the pet who stared at Kavik, or the wolf?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so much that if the wolf and the man were side by side, Yassin could barely tell the difference between the two.

 

"Could barely tell" isn't correct, because you're talking about "if he were" in that situation.

 

 

 

 

Yassin doubted that the pale skin and reddish eyes helped much, but this was different almost, as if he didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite belong it this world and was suffering from it.

 

"Different almost"? I sort of got lost on this sentence.

 

 

 

It was positively creepy, and he made all the hairs on YassinÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s neck stand on end whenever he was around.

 

"Positively creepy" is an interesting phrase...

 

 

 

This was one of the numerous reasons that this man, Zaeik Alexi, to hold his place as BluukienÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s general despite being so very new to the group itself.

 

Replace To Hold his Place with Held his place?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KavikÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s head shot up in a instant at the sound of his voice, although reluctantly. "Yes, sir.." he muttered. This bizarre system of dog and master was knew to poor Kavik as well.

 

Replace Knew with New

 

 

 

The whole council governed Bluudkein, not only one- separate but equal, a way of balancing power.

 

Sounds like the whole council still governed Bluudkein.

 

 

 

Before, the whole coucil governed Bluudkein , not only one leader/person

 

 

 

However, this all changed when Alexi stepped up to the plate.

I personally think "all this" sounds much better.

 

 

 

"Unoalexi, onward to victory!" Yassin twitched slightly to keep himself from howling; what was wrong with him?? He shuddered slightly, grateful that the feeling had passed, wondering if that Unoalexi garbage had finally seeped into the cracks in his brain..

 

Hey umm... whose Unoalexi? Is that Alexi?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Sir, she was wrong for this council.. she attacked Uoveriee without cause or reason. She had less sense than a sack of feathers." Kavik replied meekly, and Yassin felt a twinge of strange sadness that the once proud Kavik was finally surrendering to AlexiÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s force.

 

If someone's scared, they wouldn't say "she had less sense than a sack of feathers".

 

 

 

"Good.. As you see, I have made a few.. changes around this place. Now, shall we move on to other topics?" He turned his glaze to Uoveriee, and Yassin felt his muscles convulse spontaneously.

 

Glaze? Isn't that what you put on pottery? Maybe you could replace that with "glare".

 

 

 

"Umm.. yes? IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve killed many mages sir.."

 

"Umm..yes?" sounds sort of sarcastic, not sutible in a situation where a wolf's gonna eat her...

 

 

 

 

 

"Very well.. whatever.." he sighed. "I must return.. although I advise you to not do anything.. stupid.." With this parting quote, his eyes flickered between Kavik and Uoveriee.

 

 

 

He was gone as quick as he had come, the last rays of dying sunlight vanishing over the hills.

 

 

 

I like this part.

[Nom]

[hide=A second opinion to LolzEditors critiques]

A lone wolf, itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s fur a dazzling white, stepped gently out of the gathering shadows of the trees- like the feathers of ravens blanketing the forest in the failing light.

 

Sort of sounds like the wolf is like the feathers of ravens.

 

 

 

The way the sentence is structured, that clause does indeed modify wolf. Might want to fix that.

 

 

 

The wolf was quiet, almost cautious, as if it didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite trust the assembly of BluudkeinÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s finest standing outside UoverieeÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s lair.

 

Comma between finest? It sounds like "finest standing" is a phrase here.

 

 

 

Nope, fine how it is. 'Of Bluudkein's finest' is a prepositional phrase. So the sentence can be read as, 'the assembly standing outside. . .' with no loss of meaning.

 

 

 

ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s ragged, sickly pet was strangely beautiful against the backdrop of the quickly darkening brush. The creature stared at Kavik, as if he were the only person present, and itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s bony features twisted into a rippling, feral snarl; itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s yellowed teeth glistening in the fading light.

 

Is it the pet who stared at Kavik, or the wolf?

 

 

 

The pet, this sentence is fine.

 

 

 

so much that if the wolf and the man were side by side, Yassin could barely tell the difference between the two.

 

"Could barely tell" isn't correct, because you're talking about "if he were" in that situation.

 

 

 

Correct, 'would barely be able to tell' would be the correct way.

 

 

 

 

Yassin doubted that the pale skin and reddish eyes helped much, but this was different almost, as if he didnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite belong it this world and was suffering from it.

 

"Different almost"? I sort of got lost on this sentence.

 

 

 

It's an awkward phrasing, but the meaning is understood. Just could be better stylisticly.

 

 

 

It was positively creepy, and he made all the hairs on YassinÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s neck stand on end whenever he was around.

 

"Positively creepy" is an interesting phrase...

 

 

 

It positively is.

 

 

 

This was one of the numerous reasons that this man, Zaeik Alexi, to hold his place as BluukienÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s general despite being so very new to the group itself.

 

Replace To Hold his Place with Held his place?

 

 

 

Or 'could hold his place'. I rather think this one is a typo.

 

 

 

KavikÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s head shot up in a instant at the sound of his voice, although reluctantly. "Yes, sir.." he muttered. This bizarre system of dog and master was knew to poor Kavik as well.

 

Replace Knew with New

 

 

 

SÃÆÃâÃâí.

 

 

 

The whole council governed Bluudkein, not only one- separate but equal, a way of balancing power.

 

Sounds like the whole council still governed Bluudkein.

 

 

 

Before, the whole coucil governed Bluudkein , not only one leader/person

 

 

 

Yeah, the general meaning behind that is a bit confusing.

 

 

 

However, this all changed when Alexi stepped up to the plate.

I personally think "all this" sounds much better.

 

 

 

A stylistic choice, but I agree.

 

 

 

"Unoalexi, onward to victory!" Yassin twitched slightly to keep himself from howling; what was wrong with him?? He shuddered slightly, grateful that the feeling had passed, wondering if that Unoalexi garbage had finally seeped into the cracks in his brain..

 

Hey umm... whose Unoalexi? Is that Alexi?

 

 

 

Most likely a war cry variant of his name.

 

 

 

"Sir, she was wrong for this council.. she attacked Uoveriee without cause or reason. She had less sense than a sack of feathers." Kavik replied meekly, and Yassin felt a twinge of strange sadness that the once proud Kavik was finally surrendering to AlexiÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s force.

 

If someone's scared, they wouldn't say "she had less sense than a sack of feathers".

 

 

 

Yeah, that would be a bit impertinent. Not a big deal though.

 

 

 

"Good.. As you see, I have made a few.. changes around this place. Now, shall we move on to other topics?" He turned his glaze to Uoveriee, and Yassin felt his muscles convulse spontaneously.

 

Glaze? Isn't that what you put on pottery? Maybe you could replace that with "glare".

 

 

 

I think she combined 'glare' and 'gaze'. . . either one would work.

 

 

 

"Umm.. yes? IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve killed many mages sir.."

 

"Umm..yes?" sounds sort of sarcastic, not sutible in a situation where a wolf's gonna eat her...

 

 

 

I think it's a rather smooth move, myself. A defiant tone underlying the servility.

 

 

 

"Very well.. whatever.." he sighed. "I must return.. although I advise you to not do anything.. stupid.." With this parting quote, his eyes flickered between Kavik and Uoveriee.

 

 

 

He was gone as quick as he had come, the last rays of dying sunlight vanishing over the hills.

 

 

 

I like this part.

 

 

 

Indeed.

[/hide]

 

 

 

Good story. Just don't let it start to become like a bad anime, with all these powerful people running around trying to kill each other.

 

 

 

Oh, and by the way, I seem to have lost some of my readers from not updating my own story. Well, I'm back to writing it, so return to me, my lost sheep!

[Xewleer]

what... so you don't like whats happening in my story now...

 

 

 

and there a lot of animes that don't have superpowerful characters killing each other.

[Nom]

what... so you don't like whats happening in my story now...

 

 

 

and there a lot of animes that don't have superpowerful characters killing each other.

 

 

 

I know that. Examples of such, and my favortite animes: FMA, Death Note. Hence why I said "bad" animes.

 

 

 

And I'm fine with what is happpening in both stories, they are both among the best here. I'm just picking up on some danger signs, what with Alexi being some evil madman dude that makes Yassin afraid, when Yassin was originally supposed to be super-powerful and made Bellatrix afraid, who in her own turn was very accomplished. See where I'm going here? The anime power-paradox works like this. Just giving a friendly warning. It's great right now, no real problems at all.

 

 

 

And yours is in a completely different ballpark anyway. There is no real level of power structure going on with it, so it's doing good.

 

 

 

I meant no offense to anyone! Have mercy!

[Unoalexi]

Bad anime?! BAD ANIME?! My story is being compared to bad anime!? ....... meh..

 

 

 

Superpowerful characters running around killing each other!?.. well, I guess.. but no, because you've only met the important ones... other people take part in this war, not just the 'big players'. Yassin has his weaknesses, as do Uoveriee and Kavik, they aren't invincible..

 

 

 

That part about Unoalexi, that was a name he had given himself.. a bit of a 'flashback' on Yassin's part, meant to be a bit confusing...

 

 

 

Alexi isn't as strong as Yassin is.. just a very creepy person..

 

 

 

Bellatrix is somewhat the 'average level'.