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City Life


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10 replies to this topic

#1
Shiny
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Shiny

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Well, I'm an active poster in the gallery, but I also like to write in my spare time. This is one of my favourite pieces I've wrote, and I'm here to share with you!



A Busy City Street.



Skyscrapers attacked the heavens, opening up a torrent of rain. Like mice scuttling across ground, rain trickled down my window. A sad story played across my face. I turned away from my opening to the city, and fled to the stairs. As I raced down them, they seemed to attack my feet, as if wanting to break an ankle. I pushed open a door, guarding against unwelcome people from the wide world beyond. I stared in awe at the sight which greeted me.



Obnoxious lights greeted me, glaring at my eyes as a rat race of businessmen shuffled passed me. Robots, they were, with umbrellas raised against the downpour of gloom. Thunder glared from up above, booming at me, as a blinding flash of light taunted me with silhouettes. I screamed in agony, at all the generic things in this world, and the businessmen turned. I glared at them, and they continued walking, in robot-like trances.



Cars screamed past, moving this way and that, like an angry herd of rhinos. My senses were ablaze with the horrid night air, pervading my senses with fumes of the metropolis. I wanted to get out of this hell-hole of Man.



By Mrshinyredplanet





What do you think?
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#2
dragoonson
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Is it a poem?It is,right?I would rather those be put in stanzas than paragraphs,thats just how it seems.
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so i herd u liek devarts?
If you look at me and feel offended by my 666-ism,think.I could be just as offended by your "cross".
This's why I'm hot

#3
Shiny
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Nah its not a poem, its a short creative writing piece describing ones own views of a city of gloom.
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#4
dragoonson
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I would've thought it was a poem,and thus I have made it more poem-y.Didn't actually change much of the words...



A Busy City Street.

By Mrshinyredplanet



Skyscrapers attacked the heavens,

Opening up a torrent of rain.

Like mice scuttling across ground,

Rain trickled down my window.

A sad story playing across my face,

I turn away from my opening to the city,

And flee to the stairs.

As I raced down them,

They seemed to attack my feet,

As if wanting to break an ankle.

I push open a door,

Obstructing unwelcome people from the wide world beyond.

I stare in awe at the sight which greeted me.



Obnoxious lights greeted me,

Glare piercing my eyes as a rat race of businessmen shuffled passed me.

Robots, all of them,

Umbrellas raised against the downpour of gloom.

Thunder booms upon the ground,

Booming at me, as a blinding flash of light taunted me with silhouettes.

I scream in agony,

Expressing anger at all the generic things in this world,

And the businessmen turn.

I glare at them, but they continued walking,

In their robot-like trances.



Cars scream past,

Moving this way and that,

Like an angry herd of rhinos.

My senses were ablaze with the horrid night air,

Pervading my senses with fumes of the metropolis.

I want to get out of this hell-hole of Man.





Thats how I would've done it,as a poem,mainly because I feel the sentences are a little short.
Posted Image
so i herd u liek devarts?
If you look at me and feel offended by my 666-ism,think.I could be just as offended by your "cross".
This's why I'm hot

#5
Xewleer
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Hmmmm... I actually like it better in paragraph form...



Kinda avant-garde (whatever that means) and very... thoughtful.
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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!
It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?
Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

#6
Bluejayfan94
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I prefer the Stanza-ed approach... I don't know why.

#7
re4p3r1
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you guys are all dead wrong, it should be a math equation



Skyscrapers attacked the heavens + Opening up a torrent of rain - Rain trickled down my window=A sad story playing across my face

:thumbsup: yw

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#8
Bluejayfan94
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you guys are all dead wrong, it should be a math equation



Skyscrapers attacked the heavens + Opening up a torrent of rain - Rain trickled down my window=A sad story playing across my face

:thumbsup: yw




But really, Math is boring, especially how you put it.

#9
Xewleer
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I can't explain it in words or on paper... let us see if I can do it Interpretative dance!
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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!
It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?
Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

#10
Bluejayfan94
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I can't explain it in words or on paper... let us see if I can do it Interpretative dance!




lol dance

#11
klankaos
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I like it. Just a piece of descriptive writing. It's very well done, great metaphors in there. It really evokes the image well.



A fine piece of writing. I prefer the paragraph approach myself, I've always hated free verse. It seems stupid.
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Being immature is a part of being mature.





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