MuffinMaddy Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 Innocent Victim The whisper glided around, spreading its malevolence upon every soul it reached. Years passed and every time the whisper materialised, a single child died. An innocent victim. However, only one day in the year the whisper would strike; November the 17th. It had already chosen its prey, already planned every little detail. Now all the whisper had to do was wait, count every second until it could unleash its darkness, longing for the sweet taste of death. Tonight was the 16th of November, and the eve of Caroline's birthday. Stange whispers were flying around the town about the year's luck diminishing on one day, November the 17th. Caroline forbade herself to be scared, she wasn't going to let a fictional story ruin the day she waited for all year. She gently closed her eyes and fell into darkness. Caroline's eyes flew open. That had been a horrific dream, but now it was her birthday, she was safe. She bounded down the stairs and ran into her brother's room. A dark figure was bendng over his bed. She screamed, the whisper turned around and looked at her with a vitriolic, red-eyed stare. Its harsh voice reverberated around the room. "I was going to do your brother, but now you're here." Its eyes gleamed, "I'll have to kill you instead." The whisper smoothly glided over and the last thing Caroline felt were the last droplets of her life being sucked away... Click this link for my blog that summarises my achievements on Runescape over the years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr_dude160 Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 OH JEEBUS, i liek it. signature Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuffinMaddy Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 Thanks :) Click this link for my blog that summarises my achievements on Runescape over the years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluejayfan94 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Haha at Mr... Jeebus is Homer Simpson's thing :roll: I also do like it. When you gonna get more? HomerSPC's Lets Plays : : Minecraft, Portal, Halo and more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earth_Poet Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I like this story. It seems appropriate with Halloween coming soon (at least in the US.) I like the description "vitriolic, red-eyed stare." "November the 17th" is not a complete sentence. This is very creative. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing! :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuffinMaddy Posted September 28, 2008 Author Share Posted September 28, 2008 Thanks. I have also edited it =P Thank you for pointing that out :D Click this link for my blog that summarises my achievements on Runescape over the years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llamster Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 "November the 17th" is not a complete sentence. Forget what your English teachers taught you. Fragments are acceptable in a story if it helps to describe the events or build atmosphere, though obviously you should use mostly complete sentences or else the writing wouldn't flow well. Ah, this reminds me about the noob on the Runescape forums who was upset with the quest "Cold War" because apparently his grandparents died in the war. :wall: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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