Hopius Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 Welcome! It is my new story, I hope there would be more replies and more viewers. That's all, thank you :D ! Prologue: Hope is nearly destroyed A lady in white, gold trimmed robes laid on the floor in fear. A man in cloak, a staff with a skull on it's left hand started to approach her. She watched in fear and sadness, she looked at her protector. Her protector was also laying in the floor, dead. The man in cloak grinned maliciously, as he pointed the staff at her. She closed her eyes as she tried to accept her death, she looked into her past... =====Eighteen years ago====== Guthix himself created another world after the God wars, it was a called Guzimba. He ruled it for two years until he grew tired. "Master here are your travelling robes"a slave said as he respectfully gave a travelling robe to Guthix, Guthix smiled, "Blessed is your daughter, she shall be a queen of never ending beauty, she shall be the hope and ruler"Guthix said, the slave just not knowing that the prophecy was true. "Danny! Your wife is about to give birth!"Shinto, the friend of the slave shouted. Danny bowed respectfully and left to go to his house, Guthix smiled as he teleported to another realm called Runescape..... Chapter One- Released from slavery An empire rose after Guthix's departure, a rule was created, slaves will no longer have rights. Slaves were given a bracelet with a blue gem on it's top, it was called the Slavery bracelet, once you wear it, it will trap your strength and powers, you will instantly loose all your properties, it can never be removed from his or her hand. Kalisa, an eighteen year old girl who had long blonde hair, green eyes, and slim body watched the sunset. "Lazy slave!"her master shouted as her master throwed a rock on her back, "M'lady?"Kalisa asked as she rubbed her back in pain. "I order you to fetch me a bucket of water! NOW!"the master ordered, Kalisa's bracelet glowed, meaning that she must do a duty. She immediately did the order and slept at her ragged, dirty bed. She woke up due to her glowing bracelet, 'Another order!'she complained to herself, "M'lady I'm really tired, can i please sleep for a while?"she asked respectfully, her master slapped her. Tears flowed on her red cheeks, "Lazy!"shouted the master, "I have enough of it! All my life I worked here! You never respected me while I respected you!"Kalisa shouted in anger, her bracelet's gem glowed without an order, the master was surprised, the gem bursted into pieces, the bracelet was divided into five small pieces. "I-I a-am FREE!!!"Kalisa shouted in joy, she packed and left the house, she decided to find her new, free, exciting life. Chapter Two- White magician Kalisa carried her baggage as she entered White Tree village, a village just west of her old village. She accidentally bumped into a man who wore white, gold-trimmed robes. The stranger looked at him curiously, "S-Sir?"she asked nervously, "Would you like to be a White Magician? I will give you a free scholarship"the stranger asked, Kalisa secretly grinned, "I want to be!"she said happily. She was brought into a well-designed building or should I say "Academy". "My name is Velostro, I'm the head master of this academy"the stranger said, "My name is Kalisa, ummm... Sir what's a white magician"Kalisa replied as she scratched her head, Velostro chuckled, "It's a healer, but instead of using herbs and medicines we use magic"he replied while laughing loudly, "How do you use magic?"she asked curiously, "We use this runes"Velostro replied as he showed a rune with pink-violet star, a rune with a blue balancer, a rune with a droplet of blood. After only two months, Kalisa was able to graduate and became a full-fledged white magician. She was sent to a place filled with plagues, this place was called Vulture Village. On the day she reached the village, she saw people suffering in poison, sickness, and many diseases. A man, who was vomiting, approached her. "Ma'am, your a white magician...Please heal me from poison..."the man said as he choked, she took out some runes and cured him, the man gave her forty golden pieces. 'This is enough for me to sleep at an inn'she said to herself, as she was about to leave, a group of about fifty consisting women, children, men came to her asking her to cure them for free, she sympathized them and took out some runes from her pouch which hanged on her waist and casted a spell "Cure group". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llamster Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 Pretty good. There's a few grammatical errors but nothing major. Ah, this reminds me about the noob on the Runescape forums who was upset with the quest "Cold War" because apparently his grandparents died in the war. :wall: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopius Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 Chapter three- Royalties in quarrel "Empress of Hoffley, I am warning you! Velostro's words are sincere, and it is all true!"a tall, old king wearing a cloak in the colors of red, shouted angrily. "How dare you King of Gorazere! We all know that the child is born to be a sorcerer not a white magician! And how dare you to warn me, my kingdom is much more powerful than yours!"the young empress whose robes were made from violet, fine and smooth satin, shouted back. Velostro sat on his chair quietly, the quarrel started because of him, "Guthix's sake! We are here to discuss for the lives of your citizens! And Empress of Hoffley, prince of Monasvenil and you king of Veldarsha I would like to say that the Chosen one is a white mage! And she is in Vulture village, curing every sick there!"Velostro shouted as he stood up from his chair, "King of Gorazere, I would like to thank you for supporting me, I am Guthix's prophet, no one should question my credibility when it comes to Guthix". The Empress sat on her golden chair as she felt embarrassment, "I will go and protect the lady"the prince requested, the leaders sat down as Velostro said "In time, the girl will learn her powers and will become a powerful sorcerer and a white magician, prince Feron please do protect her". "So are you saying that these particular girl was once a slave?"the handsome, young prince of Monasvenil curiously asked, Velostro nodded. "That's incredibly impossible!"the Empress exclaimed, "NOONE in this realm except us rulers, has the power to break the slavery bracelet!". "I told you, she is the Chosen One"Velostro explained. ========In a foggy part of Runescape======= Zamorack sat on his large, reddish, ugly throne, a fire appeared in front of him, it was his general, General Homadz. Homadz was a twenty five years old, with deep red eyes, his body was masculine, his hair was green, he wielded an armor made of runite that was trimmed in red. "What is it that you seek, I shall give"Homadz respectfully said as he bowed. "Have you find me a new realm?"Zamorack asked as he sipped blood from a golden cup, "Yes M'lord" "How old is it?"Zamorack asked gleefully, "Only twenty years..."Homadz replied as he grinned, "Any powerful threats there?", "Yes, M'lord"Homadz said as he continued "But the protector has no knowledge of her power", "A lady? A protector?"Zamorack laughed and he threw the cup of blood to the ground, "Destroy her"Zamorack said as anger came to his eyes, before Homadz could replied, a yound male voice shouted "Then you will be all destroyed", "Ichlarin!"Zamorack shouted in surprise. A tall, young, brown-haired man entered the room clumsily, this man wore a golden cloak and a golden staff on its right hand. "So you have been spying lately, haven't you?"Zamorack asked gleefully, "Yes, the lady is weak for now.."Ichlarin said in a low tone. "Then destroy her!"Zamorack hissed, "No! She will easily destroy us and learn about her magic!", "Then how can we kill her?", "Lure her to Runescape!"Homadz interrupted, Ichlarin and Zamorack smiled for such a brilliant idea.,,, Chapter four- Royalty and Dark Magic Kalisa lazily slept on her bed, not knowing there was a great devastation in the Vulture village. A young, handsome, nineteen year old man entered the room of Kalisa, this man wore an armour made of pure Runite which was trimmed in Guthix's color. Kalisa woke up in shock, "Who are you?!!?!"she hissed, "I am Prince Feron of Monasvenil, I am here because Velostro sent me here to be your protector"he replied, without any word Kalisa joined Feron's party. Kalisa saw a man badly wounded, it's legs were ripped off. "I must help him!"said Kalisa eagerly, "NO!"Feron warned as he grabbed her shoulder, "It is my duty here in Vulture to help the hurted ones!"she complained as she set free from Feron's hands. She immediately took out some runes from her pouch, she casted a healing spell, a white, small orb came out from the runes that floated at her hands, she released the orb to the injured part, it was now healed. "Z-Z-Zamorakians-s-s a-are a-attacking.."the man choked as he fainted. "What are Zamorakians?"she asked Feron who was looking at her, Feron fearfully pointed at three, heavy-armored men that was coming closer to Kalisa. She fell to the ground as one of them raised his sword, ready to struck Kalisa, Kalisa's pouched glowed, her runes were glowing inside. A violet-pink, thunder came down from the heavens and instantly coursed through the body of the man, a sizzling sound was hear, the man's organs were fried, the man collapsed to the ground, dead. Kalisa checked her runes, a few runes were reduced to her shock, "That's dark thunder magic!"Feron shouted in shock, "You really are the Chosen One...", The other two men started to charge Kalisa when Kalisa's pouch glowed, and another thunder from the heavens came down, that killed them. Kalisa fainted, Feron carried her and dashed towards the gate of the village, trying to escape the fury of the Zamorakians... Kalisa opened her eyes, it was morning, she took a glimpse of a clock, it was 9:30AM, she slept a day. She saw her bed was for a princess, it's bedsheet was red royal and was finely made from silk and satin. There was a door in front of her bed, it was large, made from the finest, hardest yew tree in the world. It swung open and Feron entered, Feron was wearing a princely suit. "So you are awake!"Feron sighed, Kalisa nodded. "Did I really casted thunderbolts?"she asked, her eyes glinting. "Oh yes you did!"Feron replied in a funny tone. After an hour explaining to Kalisa all about the Zamorakians, the world of Runescape, and the "Chosen One", the king entered. The king was wearing a huge, gorgeous crown filled with diamonds, Feron knelt down to his knees and kissed his father's hand as a sign of respect, "So yer the Chosen One?"the king asked eagerly. Kalisa nodded, "So do ye know yer quest?"the king asked politely, "I don't know Your Highness", the king sighed. "You must go to the Guthix temple which is-"the king explained as Feron interrupted "To the east". "Then you must get your ring at the temple"the king continued to explain. "Well in my whole life, I never had a ring"she said stupidly, "Don't be a silly, these ring will be given by the prophets to you"Feron laughed. "The ring will give you a strong, powerful shield that will protect you and give you immortality", "Why don't you just give the ring to anyone else and make her powerful"Kalisa said as she refused to accept the quest, "The ring will destroy those who try to wear it that isn't worthy"Feron interrupted again, "Okay I'll do it, as long as I have Feron beside me"she replied. Chapter Five- Prophets are now Petrified A long-green haired man wearing black, trimmed-red robes, entered the temple, he held a pale red orb on his left hand. The prophets looked at him, including Velostro. "You are the Prophet of Guthix's Music"he said as he pointed at an old lady wearing pink robes. "And you're the Prophet of Guthix's wisdom?"he said as the prophet wearing white robes shivered, "And you're the prophet of Guthix's healing?"he said again, pointing at Velostro. "What is it that you seek stranger?"Velostro asked politely, the stranger grinned maliciously, "I am here to destroy all of you! Including the Protector!"the stranger shouted as he raised both of his hands, together with the orb. The orb glowed red, evil red. It released large amount of red electricity that circled the whole place. The prophets shrieked as they turned into hard, solid statues. "Now I must wait for the coming of their saviour"he murmured as he grinned... ========In Monasvenil=========== Two beautiful, white horses were given to Feron and Kalisa. "This is what we will use in travelling"Kalisa said in delight, "Do we have enough food and water for four weeks?"Feron asked one of the servants, "Yes sir", "How many days would it take us to reach the temple?"Kalisa asked Feron, "A week and we will explore the realm of Runescape"he replied smoothly, Kalisa was half-happy, half-curious, she never went to other places or realms. A servant interrupted and gave Kalisa seven pouches filled with runes. They left and started their journey.... Whatever awaits them, we don't know(Except me!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoonson Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Ok,apart from some grammar stuff...That can be taught. The plot was fine,but you you are dangerously close to what I call "cheese traps".Close to being really cheesy. Zamorack...Zamorak. Ichlarin...Itchlarin. That's how they're spelled,since you have Zamorakians... so i herd u liek devarts?If you look at me and feel offended by my 666-ism,think.I could be just as offended by your "cross".[hide=This's why I'm hot]The Eleventh Commandment:Thou Shalst only say "Amen,brother".Amen, brother :lol:Amen, brudda (referring to the 10th commandment)amen Bruder! (german ftw)I'm invulnerable to everything, except Lenin and Dragoonson.That's impossible. I love people.[/hide] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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