Prologue:

 

_________

 

Her eyes opened. As she tried to figure out where she was, human figures began to stand over her and shout. It was indistinguishable, and as she strained to understand it, she noticed a pain coming from her stomach.

 

She tried to lift herself, but felt some kind of cold, metal clasps around her feet and arms.

 

She was shackled to a bed.

 

There was a gleam of silver from the outstretched arm of one of many human forms. It prepared to cut her open.

 

She tried to scream, but her mouth was plastered shut. What was happening?

 

A word suddenly drifted to her. "Photosynthesis." What did that mean?

 

Paralyzed, she watched as the doctor cut her open from below the breasts, down to her belly button.

 

Then, something was put inside of her. She could not make out what it was...

 

As she drifted back to sleep, she felt a surge of power through her body. She started to dream of many colors. She started to learn things she had never known.

 

She did not know where she was or who she was until a voice rang in her head.

 

"Our only chance of controlling this computer is her. Susan Taylor."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its my first try at Sci Fi in a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time so hopefully its alright.

Prologue:

 

_________

 

Her eyes opened. As she tried to figure out where she was at

 

 

 

 

 

You should NEVER end a statement with the word "at" like that, horrible way to start a story xD

 

 

 

Just remove the "at" and your problem is solved.

Prologue:

 

There was a gleam of silver from one of the human forms outstreched arms. It prepared to cut her open.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One more nit to pick with your introduction.

 

 

 

You talk about these human forms like it's implied they are there the entire time. To make it sound better, it should go something like. "There was a gleam of silver from the outstretched arm of one of many human forms" or something along that line. Make it seem like they're being introduced for the first time, because sadly, we have no idea who they are.

...Whaaaa? Susan Taylor? Ohhh you're still going to add more. I think maybe you should dwell on the fact that she's clamped in the bed and confused about where she is, before adding in the human figures (ie making them walk into the room after a while, interrupting her confused thoughts)

All I can really say is that your sentence structure is horrible. A couple of the sentences run-ons. Too many commas. They aren't all necessary. Most of it is just too choppy. Try expanding your sentences with more detail. The way you wrote it, I almost thought I was reading a poem.

 

You start too many sentences and clauses with she. Try to find different words or state her actions in less direct ways.