That is a good idea

Thanks lol but I decided to take a break from writing for a little while so I can play runescape don't worry I'll continue it later on today.

I fianlly got a chance to read the first three chapters. The plot is great! Your only problems are in grammar and how you convey the plot. like you said in the first post, you tend to wtich between first and third person. I really recomend going back and fixing this before you write any more. I think it would be cool if you worte the enitire story in first person but swtiching the narrating character every chapter (If you do this make sure that its clear whose narrating the chapter by the end of the first few sentences or pay carfeul attention to wordings if you don't want to give away who it is).

I was going to do and switch between Zaros and Armadyl, but then I decided to make a different story about Armadyl. I'm really suprised no ones mad about me making Armadyl a girl lol or where I got the chant that Reynaldo said when allowing Zaros to enter the abyss "Epoh Tsal Eht Si Eh Rof Llew Mih Tcetorp Ereh Hguorth Sklaw Eno Decnalab eht fo Nos Eht"

 

 

 

read it backwards :wink:

 

 

 

Also I was going to fix the first person to third person switch thing but I felt it was better to leave it like that because it would make the beggining more understandable.

The son of the balanced one walks htrough here protect hm well for he is the last hope

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yes most people noticed it but you (/\) made a mistake here so we ignored it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And most of us dont care about armadyl since she was only in 5 lines or something

Oh sorry didn't realize I made a mistake oh and heres chapter 6 I couldn't fit in another person though :( but I gurantee the Barrows brothers will be in chapter 7.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6: Channeling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While in Catherby I contemplated on what to do. Then I remembered something Zatix told me about a power called channeling. He said it was used to channel elements through your body to make you more powerful. I knew I had to somehow learn how to do this. I opened my bag that I held my stuff in. I took out my dragon long sword, my full rune, and the book that got me kicked out of Avvarocka. I put on my armor and weapon then started reading the book. Then I remembered the spell I was trying to do to learn channeling so long ago. I still needed a symbol of prayer then I looked at my robes, maybe it will work with them. Then I took out all of the things needed for the spell. I read the book and chanted the spell. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬Å Holom Shalakah Lokalam!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

gr8 chapter, but maybe you should say less about Guthix (it gave me a feeling of balance...) and make him appear in the story at the end as a surprise, because now it's a story about Zaros and Guthix is always on the background! I know u r saying that he's his father but the readers of this topic al generally supporters of Zaros!

So he could be building to when zaros kills guthix but being the god of balance it is impossible for him to die unless another takes his place

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holom Shalakah Lokalam

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

malakol hakalahs moloh

Hes going to kill a god but not the one your thinking of. I will have chp 7 later today.

I think he will kill Armadyl. Btw, I've been looking 4 this thread all morning, but I couldn't find it tough...

Chapter 7 is on the way couldn't finish it cause I have school again :evil: :cry: any way heres what is gonna be in it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zaros meets Dharok

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They attack the Mahjarrt Temple

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dharok's soul is stolen by Zammorak and replaced by shadows

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zaros has to fight Dharok shadow self.

Chapter 7: Attack on the Temple

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While I was walking away from the dungeon I saw a man with a giant axe and strange armor being surrounded by shadows. Then the shadows started attacking him. He hacked away at them with his axe. However when he sliced one into two they transformed into 2 more shadow creatures. The man was becoming overwhelmed as more and more creatures began to appear as more and more he hacked away. I saw that he needed help so I pulled out my magic bow and shot ice arrows at the shadow creatures which froze completely. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬Å Thanks, hey who are you?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

I LOVE the battle scene, but you might want to add a little side note later about how dhorak comes back so it can fit into rs history a bit more smoothly.

R u a writer or something?

R u a writer or something?

 

 

 

Most people in the varrok libary are to some degree. (I'm a pretty horrible one myself, my best pieces are all saying how horrible other peoples work is :wink: )

oh come on your not that bad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The story is really umm going nowhere it just seems to be no plot except for the king of varock being connected to the evil ones. The story needs to start moving along, something to kick it in the bum, kick start it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something like a quest or a test

I was thinking about leading this into the God wars but that would completly take it off path the history of runescape also I have chapter 8 and 9 ready but therei n my notebook I'll type them up later after im done with my homework :cry:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and completly off topic but Ratchet Deadlocked owns!!!! I just got it!!!

work in someone like the guy who defeats hazel, so it turns out that if he had not been there then something would have lead to something else

Hazel won't die in this part but in part 2 the God Wars will happen and in one of the first few chapters there will be an attack on Ardgoune to liberate the people there from Hazels evil grip and the guy that kills him will be something Carnillean (any members can tell me his first name please?)

Sorry for not making posting any new chapters in a while (long,long, long story but I made the last 3 and here they are hope you like em :) Chapter 8: Duel With Hazel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After I killed Dharok in the arena I was brought back to the cell. A Mahjarrat handcuffed me with some strange substance that had a green glow. Each day they fed me some gray

 

 

 

bulbous thing that I was sure I saw move. I was there for weeks. The weeks became months, the months became years. 3 years after I was captured I saw Vanoro outside the cell. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅIÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m surprised your still alive.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

r u going 2 make a new topic for part 2 or will it still b on this topic?

maybe he'll write it down and sell it in books, or something

Lol I'm not that good at making stories and part 2 will be in another topic, how did you like the ending of part 1 I think I made it a little to abrupt.

some times thats the only way to go... it was a good place to tie it up though

you should copy and paste it all and edit it on to the first post lol