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The Tale of Zaros

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Plz notify me on this topic when you started pt. 2

  • 1 month later...
  • Replies 54
  • Views 3.8k
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  • Author

Sorry for taking so long to post again but part 2 is finished I wrote it in a notebook now I just have to type it up, man I hate typing up things I wrote, it takes so freaking long. Anyway I should have some chapters posted soon sorry for the delay.

Proud Acolyte of the Ooc

Cmon Steve you can do it!

userbaracolyteau6.png

userredkbglz3.png

nice.. but u should make a scene when the ghost of ur father comes along and saradomin and guthix Allies with you. Then later in the story Armadyl is involved in this too.. But she joins zammy(who is undercover at that time) :evil:

Hey would anyone mind proof reading this for me i'll pay them 10k in runescape to do so. Also chapter 6 is on the way so don;t worry I'm trying to figure out a way to fit Dharok into it and make Zaros learn how to do channeling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A tempting offer although that would be breaking the rules.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some quick observations:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obviously you are writing this for a gamer audience, but using gamer and 'Net parlance (noob, lol, own, etc.) sticks out badly. I can't imagine a sci-fi/fantasy book based on a MMORPG would really use it, to be honest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know "so-and-so said" seems a bit overused in some books, but your quotes seem to run together. When authors use quotes without designating who says what, they generally identify who says what in a conversation first, then separate each quote line by line, like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"quote" said (or whatever you want to use). "quote" replied (or said, or remarked, or whatever you want to use here as well).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"quote" (This would be so and so 1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"quote" (This would be so and so 2)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and so on... although this is never often continued beyond a small number of lines.

  • Author

 

Hey would anyone mind proof reading this for me i'll pay them 10k in runescape to do so. Also chapter 6 is on the way so don;t worry I'm trying to figure out a way to fit Dharok into it and make Zaros learn how to do channeling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A tempting offer although that would be breaking the rules.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some quick observations:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obviously you are writing this for a gamer audience, but using gamer and 'Net parlance (noob, lol, own, etc.) sticks out badly. I can't imagine a sci-fi/fantasy book based on a MMORPG would really use it, to be honest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know "so-and-so said" seems a bit overused in some books, but your quotes seem to run together. When authors use quotes without designating who says what, they generally identify who says what in a conversation first, then separate each quote line by line, like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"quote" said (or whatever you want to use). "quote" replied (or said, or remarked, or whatever you want to use here as well).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"quote" (This would be so and so 1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"quote" (This would be so and so 2)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and so on... although this is never often continued beyond a small number of lines.

 

 

 

Thanks for the advice and its aganst the rules?:oops: sorry about that then.

Proud Acolyte of the Ooc

Cmon Steve you can do it!

userbaracolyteau6.png

userredkbglz3.png

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