meesa Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 I felt out of place in my full steel armor, calling out in the Varrock market, "Selling feathers!" It was another day spent to provide for my cat and I. I lived in a small room in Draynor, and walked through the woods of the manor house 5 days a week to get to Varrock. The other two days were spent killing chickens and playing with my pet cat, my only companion in life. I was drenched in sweat. All my usual buyers had enough feathers in stock, and the new surge of feather merchanters was taking a toll on me. The gnats and flies kept bugging me... I longed to do something different! By now it was lunchtime, but I didn't have enough money to buy a trout or even some shrimp. I had run out of my stock of chicken the day before. I only had one choice - go kill a rat and eat its meat. Once the dreaded task was done, I stole a bucket from the general store and filled it up with water from the main fountain. The cool water soothed my sore throat, hoarse from yelling. I headed back to the bank, preparing for the dull afternoon's work. Then I saw her. Standing in some green dragon hide, with an oak bow, asking politely for directions to Draynor village. I stood there admiring her for a few seconds, then came back to my senses. I stepped over in her direction, and told her I would be more than happy to take her there. She agreed, and off we started. I decided to take her the long way, through the ritzy Fallador. She admired the white washed walls, but soon we were out into the peaceful countryside. The fresh air was - well, refreshing from the stuffy bank atmosphere. All too soon we had passed a sign announcing we had entered the small town of Draynor. I told her this was my hometown. I had lived here all my life, never able to afford life in even Port Sarim. But, at least Draynor was a step up from Rimmington. Surprised at this, she told me that she was moving here from the far away town of Rellekka. She had escaped with only her life and clothing from a group of barbarians that was invading. A friend of hers was letting her use their vacant apartment until she could find a permanent place to live. The months flew past... she was a skilled fletcher, and we spent all day almost every day together gathering feathers, cutting trees, and making arrows. Eventually, we had enough money to start buying the feathers, spending more time cutting logs and making arrows. The dull task was actually fun in her company - she had many stories to tell of the world she had traveled. We grew closer and closer, and finally I asked her if she would marry me. She agreed immediately. The next three days were spent buying the fanciest clothes we could afford and inviting our few friends to see us get married. The day of the wedding, we all made the long trip to Varrock on our quest to find Father Lawrence. The day before, I had secretly bought her a diamond ring. It cost me all my life savings. I even sold my mithril scimitar to buy her this precious present. She was not expecting any gift from me. She knew I had no money, and neither did she. All we had for each other was our love. When I gave her the ring, she cried. It sparkled and shone so bright when she wore it on her delicate finger. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, standing in her white gown. All the commotion of the wedding attracted a few people into the church to watch us get married. As we were leaving, a very old man in some plain clothes came up to us. He told us he remembered the day he got married. He used to be one of the greatest warriors in the world. He was called upon often to kill the fiercest dragons. But now he lived a quiet life, and spent his days farming. He loved to watch the plants grow; he loved the smell of the flowers. But he had lots of money in the bank. He had so much that he would never be able to use it up. He handed us a sack, bulging with gold. Neither my wife nor I had a chance to say thank you before he disappeared into the crowd. To this day, I have been searching for this man. He gave us so much, yet got nothing in return. It is my fear that he died soon after giving us this gift. Here was the one of the greatest men of all time - yet the library of Varrock does not have even a chapter written about him. I wished I had written down his name. Maybe all I can do is write about the few minutes I had in his presence. ------ This is my first try at writing in here... please let me know how I can improve this, and what you thought of it! Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archimage_a Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Its my money and I want it back... It was a good read and there isn't much you can do with it, I think that is a good story and changing it would not really help it. http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simdouae Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 You seem like a very good writer. It's too bad you couldn't make a sequel...or could you? Maybe tell of your quest to find the man or something. There is one thing: we spent all day almost very day together I can see how a spell checker wouldn't pick that up, but you might want to change that to every (if that's what it should be). :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meesa Posted March 13, 2006 Author Share Posted March 13, 2006 You seem like a very good writer. It's too bad you couldn't make a sequel...or could you? Maybe tell of your quest to find the man or something. There is one thing: we spent all day almost very day together I can see how a spell checker wouldn't pick that up, but you might want to change that to every (if that's what it should be). :lol: corrected. thanks!! And... maybe I will try a sequel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 your a very good writer, I would not mind seeing more stuff by you at all. Unfortuanetly I'm not too keen on romance. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YukkyDins Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 It was a brilliant story! I really enjoyed (Dan none of your business) it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Meesa I reread the story, with it's edits, and I really like it now. Well done, it's great. YES!!! Yes yes yes do a sequel! That would rock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Issy is being a bit extreme, but he is right in how to improve it. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YukkyDins Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Please don't take any of this offensively, all constructive criticism:) Honestly...? As a story, I thought it was terrible. At the beginning, it's okay-ish...but LOTS of things need to be done. For instance, you used varied vocabulary etc at the beginning- "to soothe my hoarse throat from shouting" is the kind of sentence that shows you can be a good writer. Firstly, we need to know more about who she is! I don't even know her name, or what she looks like. I haven't heard about the twinkle in her eye when she smiles, or her understanding nature. I can't feel happy for the character, because I don't know what he's like, either. I don't understand the way he grew to love her, or their first kiss... To be honest I think it's horribly unrealistic. Maybe you could explain what you did with the money? Also, you could explain what happened to his well-loved cat? Good luck! Zamoraksimp You think you can do better yourself? I highly doubt it! of all the ones I read completely this is my favorite one. It keeps you going.. Half of them, I just skipped. Even the title was boring. SO Mr. Zamoraksimp, have a go at writing yourself and we see how much "better" it is than this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirith_knight Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 I dunno Issy, I think that is kinda the feel of the story. It is kinda of an abstract love story over many years. Tho it does start a bit specific it pans out further and further. I kinda liked the way it was, you never really know anything too much, but the story is short, it is fiction, kinda lets your mind wonder for longer than you read the story, meh, I don't know. Each story has its own style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 You don't think I can do better? Sure. Oh, and by the way, I'm female ....lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Yes indeed my opinion is strong. I am an extremely strong-minded person. Sorry lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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