speedofsound Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 edit. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "(bleep) you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "(bleep) you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedofsound Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 edit. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "(bleep) you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "(bleep) you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodmourn Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Hmm, constructive criticism. Okay, details are a writer's best friend. You might want to add lots more of them, and work into your situations. Put your character in the place before you have him interacting with it. Also, I was told that in writing it is better to show, than to tell. For instance, rather than: "I quickly slice his chest open and push him off the cliff," you could say, "My scimitar drew a tight red ribbon of open flesh across his torso, rendering him helpess as my free hand administered the coup de grace. Grunting in satisfaction, I watched his corpse tumble lifelessly down the cliff face." Sentence structure could be better, as well as paragraphs. But all-in-all i like the ideas you're demonstrating. Work on some of the presentation and I think you'll pull this through nicely! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedofsound Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 edit. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "(bleep) you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "(bleep) you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
____ Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 I basically agree with bloodmourn. Show, don't tell. Is a key rule to stick by when writing. It allows you to build an image of the characters, events and places - adding to the experience. When done well, the reader doesn't want to stop. And there is also the punctuation and structure. Once you sort out detail, that tends to fix itself up fairly well but still requires a bit of touch up work. Also, when you have multiple people talking, new line for each person, ie: "Oi Max!" I whipped my head around at the sound of my name, fast enough to pull a muscle "what is it Tom?" "Catch!" Tom threw a small bag in my direction. It fell short a good two meters. "Thanks" I mumbled to myself. Is a lot neater and readable than: "Oi Max!". I whipped my head around at the sound of my name, fast enough to pull a muscle "what is it Tom?", "Catch!". Tom threw a small bag in my direction. It fell short a good two meters. "Thanks" I mumbled to myself. One final thing, perhaps, is write with your heart, then with your head - ironically a movie quote but quite true. Just write what comes to you then go back and edit it. While this doesn't always work some, it is brilliant for others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 One more thing, the continuous present tense is kind of strange. maybe you should try rewriting it in past tense. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedofsound Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 edit You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "(bleep) you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "(bleep) you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 ok it was just a suggestion but I do think that more detail is needed. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedofsound Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 edit. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "(bleep) you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "(bleep) you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YukkyDins Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 I didn't even read it! It began so boringly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planoboy93 Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 GRAMMER PLEASE....... Founder of C.E.T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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