Fate?

[Geordiequeen]

Prolouge

 

 

 

A long time ago when the land of runescape was created and it's inhabitants were given life by the three god's Guthrix, Zamorak and Saradoim. At this time the three God's lived in harmony with each other and together they made the land of runescape blossom. On the edge of a small village that would one day become the great city of Falador lived a poor family of peasants. The family lived together on the edge of the village in a small run-down hut. Elenor their only daughter was only three when it happened but she would choose the fate of runescape...

 

 

 

Chapter one

 

A lot had changed in twenty years. Most of the small villages had grown into thriving cities and towns. Heroes and adventurers were in every town, fighting evil and protecting the inocent. The God's themselves had changed. They were once peaceful but now they fought and sent their army all over runescape to wipe out the followers of the enemy. Elenor had also changed. She was now twenty three and was one of the most beautiful maidens in the land. She was a devoted Mother to her beloved daughter Lissie. But, unlike everyone eles in runescape Elenor had not yet found a meaning in life. Her parents were dead and her husband had died soon after Lisse was born.

 

 

 

One day after Elenor came home from her days work seling food and clothing to adventurers and hereos who came passing by when a man came running infront of her. " Help me! I've been posined." Elenor could not do anything except watch the man fall to the ground and be swollowed up by the ground. As soon as he died Elenor saw what he had left behind. There were ten thousand gold pieces and the mighty dragon armour lying on the floor. She looked around and saw no-one, but then out of the corner of her eye she saw a begger spy the items and start running towards her. She quickly gathered them up putting them in her rucksack and carried on walking home with her now heavy bag.

 

 

 

When she got home she inspected the items and after looking through her item book she discovered that the items were worth quite a lot. " That poor man he's lost a lot of things and they are worth quite a lot" she told herself "oh i must find this man to return these things.

 

 

 

To Be Continued

 

 

 

Thats all i have time to write for now so tell me what you think and if you think that it has potential tell me so and i will type the next chapter.

[huakue]

WOW! That was real cool material, I can't wait to read more. It was great how you went back to a time when RS was completely peaceful and stuff, and then briefly took it 20 years into the future. You seem to know where you're goin with the plot, which is also re-assuring to know. I don't think it would be fair if I gave it a rating out of 10 yet, coz it deserves much more. I will check back sometime to see if you have posted some more. All the best!

 

 

 

Peter :D

 

(Huakue) [/i]

[jenova1692]

not a bad story, can't wait to read the next chapter

[Toxicologist]

I rather resent it as it defies the actual history of RUnescape, although I will overlook that.

 

 

 

The prologue could do better by extending it, and more descriptions are welcome. It might be wise to go through at least an overview of Elenor's childhood. Minor typos and grammical errors, including the excessive use of full stops. Use more variety of punctuation.

 

 

 

Rather patchy, in my opinion.

 

 

 

4/10

[issy2]

Wow, yes, overall the Prologue, I thought, was very good.

 

However, I agree; it does defy the history or Runescape, but as it's a story I don't think it matters.

 

Some spelling mistakes, such as spelling Runescape with a minor r

 

swollowed- swallowed

 

inocent- innocent

 

Saradoim- Saradomin

 

Guthrix- Guthix

 

However, you need to use more commas and less full stops. This makes it sound more professional to the reader. You could also use use connectives and semi colons.

 

 

 

Good luck, so far I think it's quite good. I just want to know what happened when Elenor is three, because then you skipped to twenty years later and we never found out what happened!

 

 

 

Zamoraksimp

[YukkyDins]

A small tip... All stories that include Saradomin, Zamorak and Guthix are soooo boring and disliked. Whenever I see one of those names , I just skip it. ( or add a little comment like I did right now ). SO I didn't even read it!

 

Well, good luck for the future!

 

And may Saradomin, Zamorak and Guthix be with you!