This tale begins on a dark night, in a great kingdom of Heroes and monsters. It is the story of Wulfy.

 

 

 

One foggy night in a kingdom haunted by a terrible monster named Grendel, the king and his noble's laughter was heard in the great hall of his castle.

 

Some were talking in a language unknown to the others, but the drunks sang, a popular Saradomin worship song;

 

Jingle Bells, Guthix smells, Sara all the way! ZamÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢rack died, no-one cried, Hip Hip Hip Hurray! Hay!

 

The raucous celebrating went on all night. The drunk men feasted, drank and filled their stomachs with every kind of food every night in the kingÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s vast hall.

 

 

 

 

 

But then something terrible happened. One night, just like any other, Grendel came out of his lair in nowhere, clutching a terrible sword. It was blood-red, as crude as death itself. He began to slice heads, drunk heads, wounding some, killing some. It was a gruesome sight.

 

The thing about this monster, Grendel, was that he did not like feasts and parties and loathed such human things. Although it went on every day, the people would still come and try to enjoy their time, drinking and feasting on Karamja rum.

 

 

 

Word spreads fast. In no time a great warroir, Wulfy, came to the poor menÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s rescue. You might be wondering, why would he risk his life for a king that can not take care of himself? You see, a long time ago this once courageous king helped Wulfy's father kill a monstruous black dragon in an adventure in the wilderness of the north. In order for Wulfy to earn his honour, he would have to repay the king for saving his fatherÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s life in the fight.

 

 

 

One day Wulfy appeared at the castle and asked for the KingÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s permission to attempt to slay the beast. And, of course the king said ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâYes, Wulfy, you may rid us of this monster!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

So Wulfy hid in the hall one night and laid a trap for the beast. When it appeared, Wulfy leapt out with a heart-stopping cry of

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâFor my Faaaaaaaaaaaather!!! For my Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!!!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grendel whipped around and caught Wulfy with a clawed blow to his head. The warrior fell to the ground, his hands over a gash that ripped from his eye to his lip.

 

But he scrambled up and weilded his great bow, and prepared to shoot the monster. However his arrow struck GrendelÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s foot, and did no damage. Grendel dived upon Wulfy and pinned him down, and flexed his claws.

 

WulfyÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s cut was bleeding profusly by the time he escaped his clutches, and cast a weak but useful spell upon his attacker.

 

Grendel was weakening, getting tired, but he chased Wulfy around the cave, desperate to kill him before it was too late.

 

Abruptly, with a huge, unhuman yell, WulfyÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s arrow struck the monsterÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s hand. Grendel shrieked, and his body shook. Within seconds he lay, still, on the ground.

 

Gasping in shock, Wulfy dared not move. Eventually he worked up the courage to edge forwards, and, with one colossal blow of his sword, he cut off the hand of Grendel.

 

 

 

But word spread of his death. GrendelÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s mother, Gertrude, was torn by grief. In her anguish she upturned royal tables and smashed castle windows, stained carpets with her blood and flooded the grounds with her tears.

 

The king was not happy. He asked Wulfy whether he could manage one more job.

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâOf course,ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ Wulfy answered.

 

However, he was really annoyed. To soothe his aching heart he went for a swim.

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâOh no!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ he cried. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâIÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m lost!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

He swam furiously, but he could only find a cave entrance. Deciding to get out of the cold water, he swam into the cave and climb out onto the rocks, where he rested until sunset.

 

When he woke, the ground was trembling. What could it be?!

 

Wulfy yelled out in realisation. He had swum into the cave of Gertrude!!!

 

Edging carefully along the wall, trying not to be seen, he flew out his whip. It caught around her throat and she gurgled for mercy. Mercy which he did not give.

 

When Wulfy returned, and the feast that night was undisturbed, the King rewarded Wulfy beyond his wildest dreams.

 

Honour! Wulfy cried to the wild stars. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâThis is what Honour is!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

 

 

story edited and revised by issy2

 

thx! :thumbsup: :boohoo:

the above story was origionaly a beowulf epic i am sure many of you have heard of the great epic in y our british english class, however i have taken the story and altered it in a great way to fit the runescape scene. hope you love the story because i loved writing it, and you may have seen some of my other works like the story of king harry, etc. but unfurtunatly they have been locked so i hpe this wont get locked also.

 

 

 

give me your feed back and do not worry i wont be insulted. i am a bigener in writing so i am still learning the arts of litrature and story writing. something else is you can always pm me if you have any questions or suggestions on making the story better and more like a literature work 8-)

 

 

 

thx :boohoo:

You paid only lip-service to the original epic and made it sound ridiculous by overloading it with anachronisms and references to Runescape. Overall, this is one of the most half-hearted pieces I've ever had the misfortune of seeing on this board, even granted that most things are about Runescape. You simply overdid it by trying to shoehorn Beowulf into Runescape in a very clumsy fashion.

 

 

 

I don't know what you intended to do with that "fight scene", but I can guarantee you that no decent literary work in this Library - or anywhere else for that matter - uses game mechanics or anything even loosely refering to them in a written scene like that. Nobody cares that he did 20 damage. What a reader wants to read about is what happened when he stuck his sharp object of choice into the fleshy bits. Reducing combat to numbers makes it dull and destroys suspension of disbelief.

 

 

 

You also need to brush up rather heavily on paragraphing. You try to cram too many different topics into one block of text, and that makes it not only confusing, but very unprofessional in appearance.

 

 

 

It also wouldn't kill you to capitalise the first word of every sentence, as well as the personal pronoun "I". Also, try to learn the distinctions between the words "there", "their" and "they're".

 

 

 

A spellchecker is your best friend if you can't proofread adequately on your own.

lol ok np i will edit it the best way i can and :uhh: prorbably take it throught microsoft word first. thx for the reply though i appreciate you snding me feedback on it :thumbsup:

 

 

 

 

 

i edited the story and spell checked it. can you go over it again to see what i have missing (and about the fight summury; why cant i have one?)

 

 

 

 

 

thx send me any feedback on how to write the story in a better way \

You need more detail regarding why and how things happen.

 

 

 

It's simply too much of a stretch of imagination to say "After wulfy takes off one of Grendel's hands and killÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s him, Grendel's mother comes and starts bothering the castle nobles and the king."

 

 

 

That implies that as soon as X happened, Y happened as a result. Things take time to happen. Find some reason why Grendel's mother found out that the poor little monster had been killed. Describe what she does better than "bothering".

 

 

 

Also, don't use an apostrophe prior to an S if you're not describing possession. "Kill's" would be written as "kills".

 

 

 

Don't use emoticons in literature. It looks tacky and unprofessional.

 

 

 

Your pacing needs a lot of work. Things jump from one thing to another. Through the course of one paragraph, the main character finds the king and queen dead, becomes a god, rules for fifty years, is then seventy-five years of age, goes on an adventure to steal gold off a dragon, kills the dragon with an heirloom spear that he suddenly had but hadn't been mentioned before. Then he dies. While a god.

 

 

 

It violates suspension of disbelief on so many levels. Right, so he was good at stealing things? Nobody cares what his thieving level is. Just tell them he was good at stealing things. Also, don't use numerals in prose unless for dates.

 

 

 

All in all, you need better control of language. Go out and read a lot of books and develop your understanding of English before trying to write anything in it. It's very easy to pick out your own mistakes after reading samples of other people's work. Read novels and see what conventions are being used.

 

 

 

A decent set of authors to examine for differences and similarities would be H.G. Wells, H.P. Lovecraft, Raymond E. Feist, J.R.R. Tolkien, Terry Pratchett and Mark Twain.

i have read all those authers bookes......

 

 

 

 

 

my top readings are;

 

tom soyer

 

hauklebarry finns

 

etc.

 

 

 

i have read all the lord of the rings and the harry potter series

 

 

 

tell me something i would have to do before writing the story exp. like write it on a sheet of paper first..

 

 

 

for example if it was you who was writing the story, what would you do first?second? and so on.

no one else likes this story..... :cry:

 

 

 

oh well guess i really have to write better huh :?:

no one else likes this story..... :cry:

 

 

 

oh well guess i really have to write better huh :?:

Put more effort into writing it properly first, THEN post...

Spellchecker...if you'd like me to proofread it I'd love to.

 

 

 

Ok, first; the first scene. Just- NO WAY!!! Who categorises moves like that, gives them numbers, organized structure? Just does not work. Come on, this is a story, not a lecture on Runescape moves.

 

 

 

Otherwise, try to use more paragraphs, more detail, cram less into a block.

 

 

 

It might be a good idea for you to read this.

 

 

 

http://forum.tip.it/viewtopic.php?t=394349

Nice to see you have made another story. I read the story and then the all the comments. I agree with everyone. You need to take more time making the stories. I do want to address the ending. I feel it is improper and wrong to include such great Runescape players :shame: . At least this story isn't locked though :) . If at first you don't exceed then try, try, and try again.

This tale begins on a dark night, in a great kingdom of Heroes and monsters. It is the story of Wulfy.

 

 

 

One foggy night in a kingdom haunted by a terrible monster named Grendel, the king and his noble's laughter was heard in the great hall of his castle.

 

Some were talking in a language unknown to the others, but the drunks sang, a popular Saradomin worship song;

 

Jingle Bells, Guthix smells, Sara all the way! ZamÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢rack died, no-one cried, Hip Hip Hip Hurray! Hay!

 

The raucous celebrating went on all night. The drunk men feasted, drank and filled their stomachs with every kind of food every night in the kingÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s vast hall.

 

 

 

 

 

But then something terrible happened. One night, just like any other, Grendel came out of his lair in nowhere, clutching a terrible sword. It was blood-red, as crude as death itself. He began to slice heads, drunk heads, wounding some, killing some. It was a gruesome sight.

 

The thing about this monster, Grendel, was that he did not like feasts and parties and loathed such human things. Although it went on every day, the people would still come and try to enjoy their time, drinking and feasting on Karamja rum.

 

 

 

Word spreads fast. In no time a great warroir, Wulfy, came to the poor menÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s rescue. You might be wondering, why would he risk his life for a king that can not take care of himself? You see, a long time ago this once courageous king helped Wulfy's father kill a monstruous black dragon in an adventure in the wilderness of the north. In order for Wulfy to earn his honour, he would have to repay the king for saving his fatherÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s life in the fight.

 

 

 

One day Wulfy appeared at the castle and asked for the KingÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s permission to attempt to slay the beast. And, of course the king said ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâYes, Wulfy, you may rid us of this monster!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

So Wulfy hid in the hall one night and laid a trap for the beast. When it appeared, Wulfy leapt out with a heart-stopping cry of

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâFor my Faaaaaaaaaaaather!!! For my Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!!!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grendel whipped around and caught Wulfy with a clawed blow to his head. The warrior fell to the ground, his hands over a gash that ripped from his eye to his lip.

 

But he scrambled up and weilded his great bow, and prepared to shoot the monster. However his arrow struck GrendelÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s foot, and did no damage. Grendel dived upon Wulfy and pinned him down, and flexed his claws.

 

WulfyÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s cut was bleeding profusly by the time he escaped his clutches, and cast a weak but useful spell upon his attacker.

 

Grendel was weakening, getting tired, but he chased Wulfy around the cave, desperate to kill him before it was too late.

 

Abruptly, with a huge, unhuman yell, WulfyÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s arrow struck the monsterÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s hand. Grendel shrieked, and his body shook. Within seconds he lay, still, on the ground.

 

Gasping in shock, Wulfy dared not move. Eventually he worked up the courage to edge forwards, and, with one colossal blow of his sword, he cut off the hand of Grendel.

 

 

 

But word spread of his death. GrendelÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s mother, Gertrude, was torn by grief. In her anguish she upturned royal tables and smashed castle windows, stained carpets with her blood and flooded the grounds with her tears.

 

The king was not happy. He asked Wulfy whether he could manage one more job.

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâOf course,ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ Wulfy answered.

 

However, he was really annoyed. To soothe his aching heart he went for a swim.

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâOh no!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ he cried. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâIÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m lost!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

He swam furiously, but he could only find a cave entrance. Deciding to get out of the cold water, he swam into the cave and climb out onto the rocks, where he rested until sunset.

 

When he woke, the ground was trembling. What could it be?!

 

Wulfy yelled out in realisation. He had swum into the cave of Gertrude!!!

 

Edging carefully along the wall, trying not to be seen, he flew out his whip. It caught around her throat and she gurgled for mercy. Mercy which he did not give.

 

When Wulfy returned, and the feast that night was undisturbed, the King rewarded Wulfy beyond his wildest dreams.

 

Honour! Wulfy cried to the wild stars. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâThis is what Honour is!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

 

 

proofread by issy

 

thank you issy :thumbsup:

Um, no problem. I quite enjoyed it. But you did kinda ask me to rewrite it...I love proofreading stuff, so whatever you guys want doing, whether it's spelling, grammar, paragraphing, rewrites, revising, I'm more than happy to do it. :P