Zygimantas Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 The druid In the east side of the dwarves and the west side of falador, live the druids. Followers of the lord Guthix they are. They wear the traditional white robes, and are experts at herblore, druids can make a potion faster then a man making a fire. They believe in balance and love nature, like Guthix does. They live in peace and since the druids live away from the clans they don't get involved in wars. But one druid wanted adventure. Even tho he believed in the way of guthix and peace he wondered what was beyond their little town. The druid's name was Saro. It was a sunny day, with birds chirping and warm wheather. Saro was making potions, that he would sell to a potion merchant later on. This was Saro's usual job. He was one on the most talented herbolist in all of Taverly. He would give his money to the homeless that were usually by the gate to falador. But today was a diffrent story. As soon as Saro finished and sold his potions he started walking to the gate between Falador and Taverly. While he was walking he saw a man with a big, red, shiny sword running toward him. "hey!" the man said. Saro thought the man was going to attack him so he ran. " i won't hurt you, i just want you to have this sword it is not safe with me"! The man shouted. Saro stopped and turned around, the man was gone, but the shiny sword was laying on the floor. Without thinking Saro ran over by the sword and picked it up, he felt light and heavy at the same time. Saro felt like doing quests and slaying dragons. He wanted to explore every inch of the world, and so the journey begins. The Sword Saro decided he should go look for some adventure out west, over the White Wolf Mountain. But he couldn't just go. He needed armour and supplies. He knew that the dwarfs made lots of armour. So he started off west with the shiny red sword in his hand. The sword looked heavy, but was as light as a feather. Just before Saro reached the entrance to the dwarf tunnel he found a dwarf guarding the entrance. Druids and dwarfs are good friends, so dwarfs usaully let druids pass into the tunnel. But this time, just when Saro was about to go in, the dwarf realized that he was weilding a sword. 'Stop right there!' the dwarf yelled. 'What is that you are wielding?' The dwarf was looking at the sword as if it was about to explode. 'I don't -' Saro stopped, the sword was glowing! 'This is the great sword of the dragon, only two are known to exist, one is hidden by the Elves and the other one was lost a decade ago!' the dwarf said looking suprised. 'The Elves say that who ever has the sword will be awarded with strength and wisdom, only the Chosen One will get the sword, and I think you are the Chosen One" the dwarf said, in a reverant voice. 99 Hunter - November 1st, 200899 Cooking -July 22nd, 200999 Firemaking - July 29th, 201099 Fletching - December 30th, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 It's bad. You've got a good idea there, the traditionality of the peaceful Druids and one in particular wanting to break away. If you want you can PM it to me and I will do spelling and grammar for you. It needs less information in the first paragraph and better grammar, same for second. They lack description and flow. Try to take things slower, rather than cramming everything about the Druids into the first paragraph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygimantas Posted November 4, 2006 Author Share Posted November 4, 2006 added the 2nd chapter, enjoy 99 Hunter - November 1st, 200899 Cooking -July 22nd, 200999 Firemaking - July 29th, 201099 Fletching - December 30th, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 By the way, Druids is spelt with capital D, don't use " for speach, " is a quotation mark. ' is a correct speach mark. Also how about more description? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gattree Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 I enjoyed reading the first chapter. The innocents of the words reminded me of a childrens book or a parent telling a bed time story. Great start Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PURESMITHER Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 the dwarf said, in a grateful voice Whats he got to be grateful about? :-k Proud Legionairre of the 10th Legion of Kandarin.Search for "The 10th Legion of Kandarin" on RSOF to join a small, friendly clan!270 Quest Points and countingRemember - In the gene pool, there is no life guard. :PYou're not getting my point. If you had an IQ above room temperature you would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gattree Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 Issy is right there are a few grammar mistakes and try to make a new paragraph each time a different person starts speaking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygimantas Posted November 4, 2006 Author Share Posted November 4, 2006 Issy is right there are a few grammar mistakes and try to make a new paragraph each time a different person starts speaking. In the first chapter there is some grammer mistakes Issy fixed the 2nd chapter trough. anyways thaks for the advice 99 Hunter - November 1st, 200899 Cooking -July 22nd, 200999 Firemaking - July 29th, 201099 Fletching - December 30th, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 the dwarf said, in a grateful voice Whats he got to be grateful about? :-k Perhaps Reverant would be a better term? Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PURESMITHER Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 the dwarf said, in a grateful voice Whats he got to be grateful about? :-k Perhaps Reverant would be a better term? Indeed. Proud Legionairre of the 10th Legion of Kandarin.Search for "The 10th Legion of Kandarin" on RSOF to join a small, friendly clan!270 Quest Points and countingRemember - In the gene pool, there is no life guard. :PYou're not getting my point. If you had an IQ above room temperature you would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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