A series of unforunately untrue events.

WARNING Some may find this offence...To them I say that they should get out more.

We stare across the room, tears filling our eyes. We want to run over, to feel the sure embrace of two halves of one whole. But alas, there are too many people.

I try to tempt you over here. No? I see your head shake slightly. But I want to play, again you shake your head, something must be up. I try to resist the urges. I can't though your stern look, meets my puppy dog eyes, must melt your heart to see me.

You reach up, something in your eye? You turn away from your crowd. I make my exit, my friends have seen me staring, they know were I am going. They will cover for me no doubt. I hurry over to you, take your chin in my hand, turn your face towards me. We stare for an eternity, so it would seem.

A remark from across the room, we turn our heads. Its a fool. A fool in a sea of fools. We look back to each other, I notice you have a look in your eye, something I normally have. Then you take my hand, gentle grasp upon mine. I squeeze back, I know you are being nice, but look around. There are too many people for you to be seen with me. You look towards the stairs, I follow your eyes, then look back. I give a questioning look. You pull me near.

"Lets do it. Right here."

My eyes widen and a smile appears. I tug on your hand, keep up appearances, for your sake at least. You squeeze back, are you ready to tell them? You tug me now, towards the stairs, our hands still clasped. A few raised stares. A remark. A chant. I look back, a tear rolls down your cheek. A quick squeeze and you look up, a smile and we carry on. A rush of people form behind us. You are braver than I was but your eyes are wet. I reach up, check mine they are as well. The excitement overwhelmed me. I felt no sting in my eye or water on my face.

You are first to the stairs. I want to rush ahead, just do it here, and damn the consequences. The rest of them, the fools, pushing and shoving behind us. I want to run, break free, let you feel me. You grasp me back, we advance till the stairs reach their peak. The double doors are open. We slam them back in to the followers faces, slide the locks down. The rush behind us stops and the doors creak under the weight of maybe a hundred teenagers, but they hold them. You and I lay back upon them, panting a little.

We look at each other again. With your beauty, why chose me? What am I compared to you? You told me the same. We ignored our own, but embraced each other. Its like love to play this trick.

Again we are on the move. The cupboard opens, and we fall in. Already feeling up, feeling down. A shiver down my spine this is our first time. Clasping your belt. Feeling the strap. The metal-leather runs through my fingers.

It comes undone, the rest slips away. I look you up and down. Such beauty cannot compare. And now this serpent from its lair, races down this unnatural track. The blood fills the vessels like a bullet from a gun. The ecstasy, spreads along each nerve, each cell feels alight, my breathing erratic, a surge of strength and then....A blissful emptiness.

We spend hours in this way, a lock of limbs. Every feeling greater than the last, but none of them pass, build on each other into a torrent of pleasure and love. The books from the shelves and the boxes on the floor, each another device. A use for everything. Each time we look each others eyes. Same love and desire for each other, this true feeling is the only thing we need. The pips. The bell. Next lesson. Last lesson. Break. Lunch. A rapture at the door. They found us finally. We quickly dress.

Tomorrow is another day, and today, at least, is over. I will go home, just lie on my bed. Think this whole lot through, then think up an excuse. I'll get mum to write a note. I know not what to say. Explain this whole day away, why I wasn't there. Sure enough she'll see straight though but your are worth the chance. Tomorrow there'll be something else, so other hidey hole. Meet up again. Exchange this volley of love, and then again we can show each other the meaning of this world.

One last request, A kiss? You indulge me alright. We leave the room, the teacher glare. Where were you? They all say. Locked in. A simple reply. It was the others, Miss, Thought us two where gay . The teachers eyebrow raises. I see it in their eyes, they think we are gay too. But find proof? Maybe later. For now we are free to run. Tomorrow is another day, another day to see you.

Will you get this message? Maybe, I don't know. IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ll read it to you tomorrow. But for at least now I know. We can linger on, this love, like this, can always go on.

That tomorrow is today. All of yesterday seems so far away. We want to run around. Just to play. Play the game of yesterday and this time give you control.

I dreamt about you last night. Again the dream. How did it go? A field of sunflowers, or was it daises?. Your body is effortlessly better. To tear my eyes to look at something else... I could not bare the sight. How did the dream compare? I am not sure, the feeling were more powerful yesterday of course. The real deal is better. Yes I'm sure. Every moment I think of you is another moment I couldn't be with you. Can it only be six months? Since we looked across that boring English lesson? That moment our eyes met. That single glance, that told me so. Have you aged at all? Your are no different. How can perfection be? My love. Affection. Will always flow this free. But I fear the morning's winding. I'll leave in the car, just a moment to write this little note. Love is that sweet thing. It difficult to float that boat. But when you do. It never sinks. To this I give thanks to you...

At school now, waiting around for you. Talks of the duel last night, Iron War or something. So boring now, I try to join in but my hearts not there. Everyone there knows something happened, but it takes a right idiot to ask. And here he comes, that innate grin on this face is just there to confirm it. The conversation winds to a stop, and everyone turns to have a look. He opens his mouth, its clear to all who can see. The silence has drawn in, everyone is waiting. Someone in the corner, ill yesterday, a whisper and then a gasp. I look round to the idiot, still grinning like a monkey.

You come round the corner, rucksack on your back. I'm in a sudden daze, what to say, what to do? I try to focus, but they have spotted you. Grabbed on either side you cannot run away. I step back, there is a wall of people there. Like a pack they have trapped us here. Break out would be futile. He comes ever closer. Nothing I can do, lets face the music....

"Sooooo" He begins. Everyone rolls their eyes, such an idiot. "What were you doing yesterday?"

Thinking fast never works on him, to dense to understand the humour "Working..." Simple and effective dodge, I glance to you, you are looking back. Do you think yesterday was a mistake? Please don't let it be that.

"I heard you were in the closet." Such a simple mind, what to do what to do...

"Really?" Its almost a drawl "and what was I doing in this closet?" Only answer you can give to someone like this. You look more tense, you want to run. So do I, just waiting for the opening. The clock is going slower than normal, the bell must go soon.

"I heard you were with him" And so the truth comes out...He's pointing at you, want to say something or should I fill this in for you?

"Come on. Who told you that?" Voice of velvet. Focus. "I think someone has been watching too many films." A nervous ripple of laughter peters out across the room. Maybe you dodged the bullet, because he's looking back at me.

"Is there something else or can I go." Always I, seem distant. He might be slow but he will pounce at an open goal. He turns away. We have got away.

The crowd disperse and I wait, the Iron war is less interesting than before. If thatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s possible. I focus on it though, I don't look over at you. I know you do the same. First periods our chance, sit next to each other. Have done for five months. Maybe we can talk then. See what out future lies in.

Registration first. Sit there, wait for my name. A chatter passes this way, they are talking about me again. I often wonder if I should say something, maybe just to show I can hear them. Then maybe I can get over this. A knock at the door. Year head comes in, wants to speak to our form tutor. Theres not much else to say. The room fills with shufferling as we get ready to leave. English again, the same class, same day, that our eyes first met.

Like fireflies, they buzz around. Yellow folders glinting in the summer sun. The learning objective, same as the last. I wonder if this teacher can ever be asked. You make your entrance. Sit next to me. Get your folder out, for all of them to see. Copy the date, the title. Open the book. Page thirty nine. Not much is happening, teacher comes back. Looks at us once and then begins to teach the class.

My eyes droop as you turn the page. You are this close. The smell of love still comes though. The lesson drags on, page after page. Word after word. There is not much to do. I play with your leg. You play with mine. Just what I need, to know you don't regret it. The words seem fuzzy. A tear is caught in my eye. But then the readings done and we move on to the work. A squeeze then work. Just enough to make it look like I tried.

Its an hour into the day. Our whisper conversation for which we pay. Detention at lunch. Talking in class. If only they knew what else was happening, then we would be through. But their teachers, they arenÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t paid enough to care. I want to follow you all today but our lessons are all different. Break is our only time, since lunch is off. Forty minutes to go. Experiments in science. I get my right as usual, its simple really. But then they have to be, for a class that laughs at a northern accent. No one would believe we are predicted A's, no once would think we were predicted C's. The lesson drags on though, someone manges to blow out the fuses. The teacher, short and dumpy, can't control the class. Even if she tried, it would be a farce. How we could blow them using four volts? Simple really, wire gets hot when lots of power is in it. So freshly formed scars are on their hands, hold on for as long as you can.

Finally it finishes. Fifteen minutes break in between, I search you out. I find you. Softly crying. You don't mind me. Anyone else then maybe. But not me. I go over to you. I could try to talk you round but... A hug is better for you. "Its not fair. Why can't they leave us alone?" You are half crying half shouting.

"I know, I know." There is no reasoning, I know you know. I just comfort you. Maybe it will be better tomorrow, but even I doubt that. Your crying just carries on. I need to get back to lesson, you understand. You are feeling better, I can see it in your eyes. You needed me, as much as I needed you.

Lunch is on. But I am walking away from the steaming kitchens, towards the English block. Talk my way out of this? It should be easy enough. But you I am not so sure, even though she is there at least we are together. Not meant to be though, she sends you to photocopy something. You'll be a while. As for me I get to do some homework, she's not that bad a teacher. The minutes tick slowly past, draw a graph, plot the points, write an evaluation. What would have made the test better? Next time I could work with people who know what they are doing. Another minute ticks slowly by. I sigh, where are you? The clock shows ten to, five minutes till I can go, you finally get back. A stack half the size of you, and your not short. The second hand goes round again. She lets us go early. We are careful this time, leave one at a time. You go first, get two trays, just for lunch. I leave a moment later, talk to a friend and then follow you up. You give me the bigger portions, your sweet in that way.

We sit down. Not much talk about us, the advantages of secondary school. Today's news is old news. We whisper a little. About tomorrow, its Valentines, I am getting you something you will love. What is it? Would you tell me? We laugh, these are the times that we will always enjoy, always have enjoyed. The romance behind the sex, what makes us different. But the food is going cold, and lunch is about to end. So I better hurry this along. You finish first, get up to leave, go to whisper something in my ear. A kiss! I will get you back. You walk away, a smile broadening on your face no doubt. Well I will get you back, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day.

Its about four now. I am walking home, bidding you goodbye from the bus stop, only a few minutes ago. Walk past the shops, their displays glittering in this waning sun. I should pop into one, pick up a card for you. Boxes of chocolates? No. You hate them, I rememeber. Blueberry cookies, one for me and one for you. I eat mine there, buying it first of course. The card is something else, you hate pink, need to find a blue or green. I spot one in the corner, hidden by the others, like it was shunned. Not being pink and all. I pay for that too, getting on by now, half past almost.

Just gone eight, listening to the news. This day is normal, like any other I suppose. Not much on there so I write in here. I want to see you again, but not at school, out there, the real world. Where we can do the things that everyone else does. Buy ice-cream, eat it by the pier, few years maybe. I want so much, that I cannot have. Just waiting, thats the key, waiting for you paid off. So sick of it though, just want to be normal and get on with life. Not without you I mean, just...I don't know, so we can do what they do and just not live in fear.

Yeah its eight and we are just about to leave. You will like the card, it just says I love you. You were always the same old fasioned type, none of the glittery stuff. Another thing that you do, just makes me smile. But dad is calling, I have to go. Speak to you at school.

Still waiting around for you. Thought that part was over. I know is a bad joke but anyway. Hope you get in soon, not that the trip to the KBD isn't interesting but I would much rather be talking to you. Whats this? I discussion with my friends. I haven't really talk to them this week, well Monday we were engaged, and yesterday not much really was to be said. But now they are asking about it. Was it good? Would you do it again? Have you done it again? Such simple questions, but with complex answers. Yes it was the best I have ever felt. I would do it again. But no we haven't, not yet. But to tell the true it was all a blur really, just a whole lot of... They cut me off, not in disgust, well not really. Just something better left in private.

You come round the corner. I see the look on your face, forgot the homework? Of course. I'll just...Oh damn so did I. It will be a rush to finish it now. Your even futher behind than I was, takes all the power of our mind to do it. One A, two C, five D and then draw a graph. I draw both graphs as you zip though the numbers. A minute or so to go and we are done. Just copy them down, then go. I open my bag to put the stuff in, the card stares back at me. The pips sound, make me jump a little, you are already done and are about to leave. I'll have to do it at break.

Registration is just as every day, jeers and talking as the tutor she tries to take the names. It sometimes gets interesting, shouting across the room, normally at the teacher. Chaotic is the only word for it. I try to block it out, but you can't help but root for the loudmouth. The teachers just make too many enemies. Too many tests, yeah for own good but still we are allowed to rebel, teenagers after all. Finally she does it and send us off to the next lesson, only to remember its PSD and we are with her for another lesson.

Break now. We have double science so its simple enough to find each other. I see the card in your hand already. I give you mine, and you give me yours. Its white, the bits of gule makes me think it had frills on at some point. Open it up. There is it is. Your name and my name, side by side, seperated by but a single word 'loves'. You got me a rose head. It reminds me of you, untamed in all its beauty. Effortless almost. But practical as well, I can easierly have it in my pocket and remember it, without anyone else seeing it. You eat the cookie in a second, the taste makes you smile. Almost spread the crumbs all over the floor. You raise your hand to catch them. Makes me laugh. I move in to give you a kiss but the pips get your attention and you kiss me back. So close yet so far. This game that we play, so fun to do. I would go further but lessons don't allow it. I dash off for the next lesson.

Lunch again. I am up their first, get the plates, knives and forks. You come bounding into the room. Come stand next to me. You oblige of course, make small talk, order the meal. I insist on carrying them to the table though. You give in and we get down to eating. Though the talk and food we spend half an hour there. Nothing really gets done, but why should it. We have no homework, and double P.E. this afternoon. I can see you in the shorts now...

Its about five now. Valentine's is over and I feel that we have wasted the occasion. Maybe we should have done something a bit special, well more special than cards and presents. Oh I have but your rose in some water, and put in above my bed, on the windowsill. Besides that though. But I suppose I got my present on monday, so I can't be too sorry for myself. Still can't believe it, but its starting to sink in, like butter melting over a jacket potato, melting into all the holes, an making it taste sweet, and soft. I am really glad we did it.

Well back to school again. Not doing a whole lot though, another Iron War. Reminds me I should get back on there, see how my character is. I know you just humor me when I talk about it to you, but it still makes me feel special. Anyone else, you don't want to know. I talk for hours on end and you always have time to hear it. I want to be interested in some of your stuff, but you are just so sweet. You look after your Gran on most days, and then when you do get sometime you spend it with me, or doing homework. Which reminds me, you are still coming over tonight? Like every thursday?

Just gone twelve. Sorry I wasn't there at break, kept in because the teacher was next door and didn't set our work till half way though, then blamed us! I don't know...But at least now we can get on with it, just a light lunch though. I still have a pretty heavy essay to write before tommrow, and I would like tonight free... Just the mains then, watercress sandwiches and sliced ham. Hardly a meal but...

Can't believe you got caught in English. It was the last period as well, she's going to keep you so long afterschool, I know its not a full detention, but we will miss the bus back to mine...But we could get the bus back to your's instead. Genuis. I'll call mum and let her know what is going on. Oh but we can't strech to covering the journey. Well at least I'll get that walk by the pier I wanted.

Back at your house. Its only five thirty. Still a few hours before I have to go, so we go up to your room. Its not a mess, but its not over clean either, sorta like my room. Our rooms were always similar though, maybe its our personality's. Maybe its something else. All I know is that it doesn't matter because in less than five minutes we will be entangled, and shortly after that...It really won't matter because we will need to clean it up anyway.

Phewwww. I am breaking a sweat. Look at you, and you are panting, and sweating and just...ready to go again. I look over at the clock, even with the sweat in my eyes I can see that its about six. Been going for about twenty minutes straight, so I will give you a few minutes to catch your breath. Much more gentle this time though, last it was...not painful just rough. This time you seem to be more intune to what I like, and I am more intune to what you like.

Well! About six AM now. I guess I didn't go home last night. In fact I don't remember anything past eight. Just being really tired. But it was quite a physical work out, and I didn't have any lunch or anything. But anyway, I guess you must have fallen asleep after me, because you are lying at the other end. So you can't have been that exausted, smart though, very smart. I think I have got sleep in my eye so I am going to try to wash it out.

Back at school. I am trying not to jump up and down. I was asleep for way to long, but it doesn't matter, we have P.E. first. Normally that grualing sloge but today I should be fast as anything. I think the bat has seen me writing, and is slowly making her way here. Well time to sacrifice another sheet of paper.

Yup she got it. Stupid cow. Another one of my poems have been captured, I bet she has them in some large book or something, just ready to sell them to some unsuspecting publisher company. Even I think that sounds silly but you never know. I need to go to my locker at break to put my kit back in, but I should have enough time to see you quickly. But we have english after that so we can talk a bit then. Find out why you left me to sleep in...

Lunch time. It was believable but I know you. You just wanted to say that I had stayed in your bed for the whole night, I can see the smile on your face, so don't lie. Well maybe you were tired as well. Yes, I was pretty active. But, oh well no harm no foul. Just don't do it again, I am probably in enough trouble as it is. Anyway...Its another light lunch, especially after the breakfast I cooked this morning, if I get chucked out at least your dad said I could stay with them if I carry on with breakfasts like that. Serouisly though, I need to change some more on the History, I 'forgot' to do anything about Berlin after WWII so that should take another lunch time, then I just need to hand it in at some point in the next two periods.

About nine, just managed to get back in. Made up some story about the bus not comming, and by the time we realised it was too late to call, because dad would have gone to work, and it was too dark to walk the few miles to the other side of town. Not exactly local to each other. But didn't stop mum making me wait while she phoned your mum to ask her. 'Luckly' she was out and you were the onyl person there. She says she is going to check it out later but... I can't see that happening. If she does then your dad ought to cover, he's pretty good about that.

Roll on the weekends, and not just because of the layin's either. Though it is nice. No its because I am going up town, with you. Like we do every weekend, but this is the first time it is going to be as a couple, rather than two good friends. I am sure that you will be thinking the same. But first breakfast, decided to actually do it today, and dad actually approved...after forcing him to have some. So annoying at times, anyway though I think mum has forgiven me, but better not to do anything to rash, too soon.

Well I think she's had long enough. Its only ten but we have been to most everywhere in the town, so we just pop in to watch a film. Nothing bad just a nice film, not containing silly dancing penguins. Just get a seat near the front, you hear all sorts about what happens in cinamas these day. I am still giggling from that, you can be really witty. Still though we can't get though the double feature without kissing once, accompanied by a kid blowing bubbles in his drink.

It's one when we get out of there, our eyes are hurting and our stomachs rumberling. So we just go to the resturant next door, its pretty expensive but we figure that its a special occasion. We rattle off some story about missing your birthday and so we are making up for it now. The waitress gives us a funny look, and you realise you have your hand in my back pocket. You grab my wallet from there and look so relieved. I put on a face that looks like 'Ok what are you doing' and she seems to buy it. Not that we really care though, nothing comes between us.

Its half past two. If she thought we were gay to start with then she must be sure now, sharing one huge blow of spagetti and then getting an extra large ice cream with two spoons, then to cap it off we were holding hands and looking lovingly into each others eyes. But she seems to be ok, even if she doesn't want to come back, and only leaves the bill when I go to the toilet. Just pretended it was all perfectly normal, and the other people around us didn't seem to mind. Must remember to come back here for your actual birthday.

Just gone five, and have walked you back to your house. You have things to do and places to see, your gran for one thing. Tommow is homework day, mum may not be christian but sundays are definately special to her. So we say our goodbyes for your mums benefit, having said our real goodbyes at the top of the street. As I wander to the bus stop back to my area I think about everything, just what my life was like before you. Endless hours of Runescape and talking about it, and of homework and extra credit on things. Well ok I still do the latter but you know what I mean. Just how was I ever that boring, that uninterested, maybe it is just your magic.

Mum thinks I went clothes shopping the money I spent but I tell her the truth. The bus was late so I had to take the train, but went to the wrong stop so had to get a Taxi back. Which was sort of true, except for the train bit. But she was ok with it, just think that she wants me home again, she is alright you know. The homework pile is sitting there, willing me to do it, so I can go out tommrow, but I know mum. She will think of something else to do. But besides that you are busy anyway, so I might as well just wait for tommrow and do it then.

Eugh....Monday mornings, no other word for them. I can hear the alarm clock ringing its little bells off, and in a second it will vibrate all the way along the shelf and fall off. Into the bin. I could just lie their, my no doubt bloodshot eyes covered by my hands and a pillow as the sun streams in. Damn unpredictabel English weather, rain! Slowly I think round to you and remember what my life is about. Suddernly I am standing up and my head is spinning. I collapse back onto to the bed, which gives a dignifided groan as I land back on it.

Its about six thirty. I have been up for half an hour and am about ready, done all the normal things, brushed my teath, my hair, the general stuff. Now just to cook breakfast and to get everyone else up. What makes it that little bit more bare-able is that you are doing the same thing, so identical even down to the family. I gaze dreamily out of the window as the plumes of smoke pillow from the oven, luckly their is nothing in there, but it needs cleaning before I can cook anything so more later.

Well about eight, and about to leave for school. Managed to save the breakfast, and get everyone else up, not that I was thanked of course. the pile of shoes at the bottom of the stairs needs to be sorted at somepoint, but its really not that important just now. Just need to find my shoes before I go...

Anniversary in five minutes. First time, first week since. You are just arriving at the gates, I have braved the chilled winds to see you there, and I can tell you have noticed me. You roll your eyes, shake your head and give a grin to the floor. We only have a few minutes before lessons so I simply rub up against you, drive you mad with a hug and a kiss. You return the favour and in what seems like a moment the bell goes and we need to be in registration. You have a shiver go down your arm, and I down mine. We release our embrace and look into each other's eyes for only a moment, and then steal away to our form rooms.

I can feel my mind slipping away as the lesson drags on and on. Wandering to and from you and everything else in my life, like a river though a valley. Why am I thinking that? OH DAMN I AM BEING ASKED A QUESTION! Something about rivers, I think and how they are in Valleys. I think, not that sure but it seemed to be the right answer whatever I said. Back to were I was though, I seem to lack any focus or anything, just drifting from moment to moment, you along side. I think we should do something, not sure what but something.

Just another lunch. I carry the plates, you divide it up when you think I am not looking. Who knows what we could be doing, could be back in the cupboard like last week, or sky diving or something. But no, we are here eating half cooked cabbage and soggy potatos, not that I regret any moment with you, just... I want to show it to you, show what I feel, and I can't. A kiss here and a walk there isn't really a relationship. I am going to do something though, its half term next week so I will plan something for then.

Its five. All I have been doing is looking for something to do, something special, but their isn't anything, not in my price range anyway. I mean lets face it five pound fifty won't buy a bus out of the county, let alone a week long break. Thought about asking mum but that would lead to more awkard questions than ever, and still wouldn't get me anyway, I'll have to ask you tommrow, just wish I could think of a really good surprise on my own.

'Screw you...' Not exactly the most dramatic words to start the day with, but they will do. The alarm is ringing. And ringing. And thump, it lands in the bin, again. I lay there for perhapes ten minutes before actually trying to get up. The sheets feel so heavy, as do my legs as I heave myself up and out. I stand for maybe ten minutes more getting dressed, such a drudgery. I deeply sigh. So little here.

Coffee. Only answer in a mood like this. Doesn't help that much but still its something, at least I feel awake. The toast is freaking out, I hap-hazardly jab the knife down into it, I feel the bread press against the element and smell the burning. First of the bread then of the plastic as the blade heats up, I wrinkle my nose and cough violently. The toaster is till their smoldering but the toast is out, so I pull the plug from the wall and leave the toaster away from the washing. No one else is gonna use it so its not a problem.

The car bleches smoke from the blackened exaust, as it drops me at the gates. I cough again, I think I am have got something, but I don't really care, not like it makes much of a difference. Still gonna have the same old life every day. Day in and day out. The prospect of a brighter next week is less graceful in my mind, mainly about some flat somewhere for the week. Hardly a great week away together, but for fifty pounds its probably the best I can afford. I begin the short trek across the playground to E-Block, where we all meet, avoiding the annoying Year Sevens pummerling footballs across the asphalt.

Its probably about five minutes later, a little group of them have crowded round me, as I lie out cold their. Some lucky shot rebounded off a tree and hit me square in the face. I reach up and feel the dried blood on my lip, and taste it in my mouth. I shield my eyes with my sleave, from the sunlight, as the sun peers though a cloud. In that sudden moment of clarity, that often follows suddenly being knocked unconscience, I realise that its not place, its that you are there with me. Its not important that maybe a dingy little flat in the city is all we can get, its just that we are there.

You are estatic about the idea, you had been doing a whole lot of nothing over the hoilday, except perhaps hang around with me during the week, and then during the weekends. We almost immeditatly cross from reality to fanatasy as we dream of the biggest hotels and of olympic swimming pools of our own. The bell goes and we hardly hear it, so engrossed in the details of this trip of a life time. We give a parting kiss and then go our seperate ways, not as much of a run as yesterday, with looks across out shoulders. No doubt you are checking me out, as I am you.

The registration passed in a flurry of excitment, a mouse was holding one of the teachers hostage in the staff room and it took the calling of the entire P.E. staff to go in and get her out of there. It was hysterical to see our model of manliness running across the room with a broom, dropping the broom and running back at, at least twice the speed. Finally they got her out, and the door locked. But then the stories started. It wasn't just a mouse, this was the mouse that had eaten the old Geography teacher, and even people who were there crowded round to here how it had lept ninty feet across the staff room and only when the Pe teachers attacked with a staple gun was it finally subduded.

It also was a meter long and had come from the science labs, or so the English teacher said. Of course you know its a load of bull honky but you don't care, anything like that is something that is great fun to hear about. She was the teacher held hostage, and as such scrapped the idea of orignal writing as the lesson objective and finally decided to go though the exam practice we did two terms ago, which she absolutely hated doing.

Then again she realised that the photocopier was in the staff room, which still had the odd smack of an old plimsole as the staff tried to retake the room. She eventually realised that without the photocopier she would have to abandon a lesson plan, and just go with a free lesson. Which we spent going though some more realistic ideas for what we were going to do next week. You had thought that a youth hostal would be better than a flat, which I unquestionably agreed to. It seemed a much easier than trying to find the a flat in the rough countryside, or the city centers, there wasn't much middle ground, and there was no way they would waste space building a flat there.

Science is much more fun this week, not least of all because I am in a eurphoric mood, but the idiot isn't there. Has some doctors appointment or something, not really that interested as long as he's not there. She has planned to get as much done as possible this lesson, which as usual I exceed, but unusually so do the rest of the class, so we end up repeating the experiment from last week. We finish that with only half an hour gone. The last twenty minutes open up to some general Q&A. I found out so much stuff that I didn't know and am almost sorry to leave the lesson. But the break with you is enough to tear me away.

Maths and Geography pass without so much as a random occurance. In maths she was in a foul mood as any, but still managed to make it though the lesson without her freaking out, or having to go and 'control' next door. Geography was as much a free lesson as it was last week, and the week before, finished the coursework so end up catching up with some of my other mates. No doubt I have been far too dead to them for a while to long, so I end up finding out all about thier social lives. Its really not as boring as all that. I take stock that their, single, problems are still as big and as annoying as my, relationship, probelms are. Just making me feel better than normal.

Finally got round to talking to mum about next week, she had planned to send us off to our nan's while she and dad redecorated, again. But said that if I want to go off with a club from school for the week, and I paid with my own money then fine. Just remember to call her every night so that she knew that I was alright. Just caring enough. Well ok a lied a little bit, two people are hardly a club but it was still a bit of the truth. Re coursework and then bed I think, today looked so much darker yesterday.

Out of bed before the alarm this morning. Find stores of energy from somewhere, or am I just not tired...whatever the reason I have already done breakfast and such. Perhaps it the after effects of the coffee or something to do with being happy, but I don't really care, I am happy and thats all that matters at the moment.

The cold winds batter me as I get out of the car, my hair blowing about in the wind, I should get it cut, but you seem to like something to hold on to. The cold winds lash me again, and the football curves out of the air and though the Gym doors. There is a stunned silence, and then a run to the block as the head of one of the teachers pokes out the hole and shouts a very load obsence comment. I carry on walking, know that if he blames me then he will have his work cut out, I am in a full lengh coat and to kick a ball in that seems absurd.

PSD seems like a breeze. Just a lesson like any other, but theres absolutely no point to it, unlike the others which have virtually no point. We know it, they know it, everyone knows it. So its usually take as a free period for us to mess about in general. After the second page of writing your name in various backwards and upside-down fonts I decide that I should probably do something else. So partake in a game of Paper vollyball, smacking a screwed up paper ball from oneside of the class to the other, without letting the teacher see. Or for double points hitting it to someone who then gets blamed, it may not be fair, but its the rules.

ICT is...just stupid. The server is down again and we can't do anything, so what do we get? A Test. The moan can be heard in the art rooms at the other end of the school. The questions are simple and un-challanging, what is Ram? So that quickly gets turned into a game of Paper Vollyball again, and then a game of pass the sheet as the teacher tries to find the culprit as it hits him on the head. After checking everyone twice he decides that if we are not going to take the lesson serouisly then we can do it in our own time, at lunch...Which just isn't going to happen.

The end of the twin period comes and he lets us out, hardly a second after the bell. I race up to the Canteen, order two medium diners, and just as I go to sit down you swoop in and I end up on your lap as you plant one on my cheek. With everyone looking I am too embaressed to get you back, but give you a squeeze above the leg as I get up, that should square us for now. You seem happy with that and we get down to eating, there should be time enough in Pe to get you back, think we might play squash and lock the door....

Thats what I call a workout. Its about four and I am still tingerling from the encounter, but tommrow promises to be better, if you can avoid being caught again. I bid your farewell as the bus pulls off, I start the trek back to the next stop to get away in time. Not so much a trek as a sprint to the stop just before the bus leaves. Why I only come this way on Wednesday, the bus is twenty minutes later than normal, even normally its a fast walk to get there before it goes. Maybe the Bus Company just doesn't like me.

Lets see, its about three in the morning and I can't sleep. Don't know why but I can't. So I am going to go for a walk round the green and then I am going to try to go back to bed. Dreamt about something, not sure what but something. I need coffee, even though I am wide awake I need coffee so I don't fall asleep while I am out. I check the dog, and take him for a walk, he is probably tired as well but he seems happy enough to get the chain and sit there looking at me.

OH DAMN! Keys...Coffee still hasn't kicked in, I feel myself drifting into a sleep but I can't quite stay awake or sleep, just sort of there. I can feel the ground and earth under my arms as I collapse down, then as it goes in my sleeves and settles just inside. My eyelinds want to move as the soil crams into them, but I can't. Eventually I feel myself falling into a deep sleep, with the dog tugging at my arm, but to no avail. The sleep washes over me and then I am out for the count.

How did they know I wasn't in my bed, because there was no breakfast. Tells you something. But its something like seven now, and I still feel completely shot. But I put some more effort into it and get dressed, even though the soil is really irritating me now. Manage to find my bag, and pack it, just as dad is about to leave. By now my eyes feel like lead weights but I carry on anyway.

I get in the car, and then suddenly I am there, at school. Less than a second I noticed had passed. I try to feel refreshed but it is still impossible. I lumber slowly from one side of the playground to the other, I must have taken hours longer than normal but I make it all the same. I get out my MP3, but even a round of Toccata and Fugue doesn't rouse me enough to pay attention to what ever it is about Runescape today. I somehow manage to remember seeing you walk round the corner, looking worried, very worried. But after that its just black.

I remember waking up again in the form room. I haven't fallen asleep but I am at a complete loss. I don't know what it is but for some reason I am now worried also. I need to talk to you, but I don't see you till lunch now. I try to remember but there are large black dots all over my memory now.

Its coming up to lunch, and somehow I have been able to stay up but my memory is not getting any better, though I haven't forgotten anything else, or at least I haven't noticed changing classes. I am more tired than ever though, I am going to need a large lunch and a long nap. You are looking worried again, something about this morning. I am trying but...You go though it again, and I am more worried than ever. You got kicked out of your house, I mean I wish I was there but... I can't concentrate on anything right now, whatever is going on is clearly effecting me as well. We need to get away from here, so leaving the diners only half eaten we go to one of the old class rooms, that are only used for PSD and such.

The bell goes, and we don't really care, we have much more important things to talk about right now. I would offer to let you stay with me, but something tells me that mum really is not in the mood to look after someone else, and it would just create too many questions. We talk in cicles for maybe an hour before eventually deciding you are going to have to go back home.

I must have fallen asleep only moments after I got in yesterday. The alarm is somehow still wound despite not being wound in two days now. But I am up and making breakfast, with renewed energy. Toast and jam, with tea on the side if anyone wants it. But now thats over I have over an hour before I am going anywhere. Theres nothing on the TV and my book is uninteresting at the moment, the words just seem so fake and so obvouis, so they just blur into one page of text after another. So I sit there, thinking, about us, about me and about you. I am worried about you, and you know it, I just wish there was something I could do.

Its friday so the buses are nearly always late, getting in only minutes before lessons some weeks. When I get into the block, you are there, apparently having turned up way before normal, and by the looks of it you walked. We talk, in circles, not coming to any point. Then in the middle of the sentance you just drop that you have been disowed. I am stunned for a moment, and I try to respond but someone comes round the corner. I plead at you with my eyes and you understand. We can talk about it later.

But the PE lesson runs on, and on. Forced to do five a side, despite us continually telling him we don't want to do it. I get lumbered with goal keeping, even though I am a better defender, because 'Defending is pointless, the keeper should be able to save anything'. After half an hour of letting balls in he finally decides that maybe a defender will be a good idea. But drags it out, and we are left with three minutes to change, and arrive at the next lesson. My shorts really irritate me when I have to wear them under my trousers.

Break seems to not come fast enough, and not just because the idiots are competing to drink the most acid without the teacher catching them. Eventually one of them starts coughing up blood and they think that maybe it isn't such a good game after all, so try to bleach the benches with it. Once we get out of there I spend a few minutes looking for you, I find you, but we say little, the bell goes again and its next lesson.

Lunch is directly after English, and we have a cover teacher, she needs someone to give her a good smack but it doesn't stop us from talking. We skirt round the issues and I try to cheer you up, but to no avail. You have the same look on your face, sometimes the ripple of laughter but its short lived. Finally I try to broach the subject, remind you of next week. You get a little bit happier, but I can tell its going only skin deep, there is something really bad happening, and we need to talk about it. Lunch passes in much the same way, me just talking at you, and you vaguely replying. You don't want to be left alone, but you don't want to talk about it, I just wish I knew what to do.

Its four, and we set off towards the bus stop towards town. We are starting the week away early, partly because you need cheering up, and partly because you have no where else to go. We stop at the youth hostal and look over the premises, theres not alot there, other than two beds, a toilet down the hall and and a Kitchen downstairs. I make two sandwiches and call mum, she is ok because she can start early this way. We eat them in silence, go to the common room, and end up laying on the sofa, watching the TV till about nine, when the rest of the residence come in. We go back upstairs, and turn in for an early night.

I am so used to getting up early, I can't help it but get up about seven. I look across to your bed and see you are still awake, staring at the celing, red lines down your face, from tears most likely. I get up, and come over, sit on the bed next to you. You lay your head on my shoulder and we just stay there until the sun shines though above the curtains. I can feel my shirt wet with tears, and only some of them are yours. You talk about what happened, and I listen. How you told your mum, and while your dad was ok about it, she ran you out of the house. How on thursday you had gone home to find that your things had been thrown out by your mum, and fortuately your dad had collected them, and put them in storage. But it was clear that you could never go back.

I would try to do something, but there is nothing. Nothing that would help solve this, you are in too deep to brush this off. All I can think of is the pack of cards I have. Its getting on to lunch, and we haven't had breakfast, you are too depressed to care, and I don't want to leave you. I have to do something though, I ask you if you want to play cards. You don't mind, and so we go into the most silent game we have ever played. There is nothing in the game, we are just putting down cards, ignoring the blunders and just trading card for card. I can see in your eyes you are focusing on the cards more than anything else. I break your concentration and for just a moment you break into a grin, I didn't even plan it. Just slipped off the bed.

The lunch is pretty much gone by the time we get there, but there is enough. You eat bits and peices, I can tell you are really hungry, but for the moment at least you are being choosy. I am sticking mainly to what I know, but its pretty good spread. I don't think we will go anywhere today, I need to pull you through this. We go back up to the room, and talk a bit more, not about anything important, mainly about music. We manage to find an old stereo stuffed in one of the cupboards, it just about works, though only has the AM band. So we tune it in, and then just lie on our beds, staring up, talking over the calm music.

Its probably gone midnight, you get up. The tune is still playing on the stereo, "Baker Street" I think. I am chasing an interesting peice of cosmic fibre, watching it weave though the air like an eel though water. You come over to me. Lay down next to me, loosen your clothes. There, naked, not doing anything you just lay there. Seeming asleep. I just wait for you to do something, maybe half an hour passes. You seem more and more asleep, I roll over, try to get to sleep myself. I feel your leg on my side, maybe as a random move in the night, maybe something else. I can't tell so I try to ignore it. An uneasy sleep decends over me, waking every few moments as your body moves.

Its about six and I have had enough, you have been there for over five hours, and I haven't slept more than one. I turn back to you, to see you awake and staring back at me. I am slightly creeped out, you whisper "sorry". You get up and walk back to your bed. I am confused, but tired, in a few hours maybe I will ask you what you meant but for now I am on the Nod express, stopping at Sleepsvill.

The sunlight comes in though the curtains, now open, into my eyes. I glance out and the sun scorches the back of my eyes, I turn away, towards the wall. Slowly wipe the sleep from my eyes and look back. You are awake and dressed, and it looks like you have breakfast for two. A smile tries to creep back on to your face as you appolgise for opening the curtains. It was probably pretty funny, and I can see the lighter side. We settle for breakfast and play cards again. Much more energetic, but after losing three games I decide that this really isn't fun anymore. You roll your eyes and kiss me. I kiss you back, and take the plates down.

You seem happier but last night still plays in the back of my mind, as why you did it. Seems pretty strange to do that. It hits me as I am getting the hot chocolate, something I have never done before. You had never, and neither had I for that matter, slept at the same end of the bed, and most certainly never slept in the nude. You you acting perfectly rationally, probably because you freaked me out, and you knew it, so you said sorry. You needed something completely stable, and testing me was the best way to make sure I wasn't going to run at the first sign you were insane.

The day passes, like a lazy summer afternoon. It just winds on and on and tommrow feels like the same, but we know that tommrow will be different, we will actually be doing something, so this might be our last chance for the week not to be completely exausted on getting in. The rooms are Unisex, so that this doesn't happen, good luck with that. We lock with you on top for a few minutes, then swap. It takes only an hour or so for us to have used the days energy, I notice you are more muscular already, these work outs are doing the world of good. We set apart and lay there, on the matress, nothing else, in a full body embrace.

Must be getting on to about nine. Theres not alot I can really do, you seem set on being dominant all night, but we need to eat, and if anyone were to suspect while we were getting the food then we might not be able to do it at all. You hold off for the walk there and back, but try to be assertive with all of the people we meet, to little avail. They eye you as a fruit loop, although in my submissive capacity I don't mention it.

When we get back to the room, you unlock the wild animal inside you. Eating only between session it takes maybe four hours to finish it. You are much more domineering than I am, even at my peak I give you pretty much free reign to interpret my orders. You are so specific, its actually enjoyable to be shouted at, then to hear your screams of delight. Fortunately we, I mean you, have told people that we are going to be playing extreme chess/twister. So we get many a complaint about the noise. Eventually though we slow, probably about twelve, though it could be one. I know its late though. You are still in control and so I spend maybe another half hour on your bed, next to you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. I half limp, half skip back to my own bed. I am so going to get you tommrow night.

Its nine-ish when we get up, partly from the activies and partly because its a monday and half term. We turn the stereo on again, and tune into the day's news, not alot is really happening, so we chose to just go down the town and maybe plan the rest of the week. So we need a breakfast to fill us for the day, because with out budget we can't afford to eat out. So we make toast sandwiches filled with ham and cheese, so we have something to eat before we get back that night.

As we get off the bus we get some raised stares, not doing anything just because we arn't shouting and being rowdy, or at least thats what we think. The bus to get back is going at four and its about ten thirty now, so its about five hours. We make a rough plan to snake though the town, catch a movie about one and get back to the bus after that. So we spend the first hour down at the arcade, there are alot of other people so you make a few pound on the pool. Enough to make it look like we do this all the time, but they slowly disperse as they walk to the fast food shops, and as only a few people are left we leave as well.

We wander down the highstreet, not really looking for anything. A few things catch our eyes, a new scarf, a couple of books, and a handful of games. Though we eventually haggle the price of the game to only ten pence, its just a pocket checkers set but its something to do over diner. We eat our sandwiches and meander towards the cinema and check out what they have got, its not a huge selection but theres something we haven't seen before so we decide to see that. Its pretty good, something about fate, and how someone was writing this guys life. It was pretty visual so you can't really describe it with words.

The ride home is uneventful at best, not a great deal happens when we get back either. Although we do peel the toast out of our pockets, probably ruining them forever, but we aren't that bothered. The smell of fresh food is wafting from the kitchen and we hover about the main room waiting for it to be served. I beat you in a game, and then get saved as the doors open and we move to diner, when we set it back down with the Sausages and Mash we notice that only three peices are left on there. So we start again, two hours and three games later we move up to the bedroom. You have that worried look on your face.

It is pretty justifided as I assume the dominate role for the night. After last night I am not giving you any freedom tonight. Your body creaks and you whine as we climax over and over, in a master and commander way, my orders seem to never be direct enough and you wiggle your way out of what I want. But it always seems to be better than I imagine. You are really talented, though I don't say it, doesn't seem very dominate. You pant and try to relax but I urge you on and you seem ready to collapse. It goes on and on as you become less and less active, and start listening to me completely. Its fun but part of me is worried, so I draw it to an end, and give you back your freewill. Though as you try to recover your strength I still affect you, and eventually you give up and just start weaving about in a sort of dance, a dance of fish, in and out and round about. It goes one, and maybe half passed before you finally relinquish the night, and I am contented, we both collapse, half exausted on to the same bed. A sleep in moments.

I wake in the morning, before you. You are there, mere centimeters from me. I can smell the seasoning of last nights diner. It gives me goosebumps to be this close to you, and to think I have been here for maybe half a day. I stroke your arm, a sign of my feelings, and of my love. Your eyes slowly open, and your mouth smiles back at me. We spend perhaps a minute there, before breaking into a long kiss.

The time passes and we try to plan what we will do today. We can't think of much to do, not alot we can book at short notice or with out money, so a simple day trip to the seaside will have to suffice, maybe with you mopping the floor with some kids playing pool, we can strech to Fish and Chips. To get there we need to get a train so we slowly get dressed and get breakfast. This early they haven't started the cooked stuff but we can still get a cereal and toast, so it only takes a little while to get it down us, but we get talking to someone. Just a guy from poland, his english isn't the greatest and being able to say hello in polish doesn't help us much. But though it all we manage to find out that he has been here for five or six years, and has only left the hostal twice, he managed to get a job here, nothing fancy but enough to give him a comfortable life.

By the time we leave most of the rest of the people are coming down. Its not time for the cooked breakfast but they still are staking out their places. Our polish mate says goodbye and we return it in the only other bit of polish we know. The streets around the Hostal are still pretty deserted, its only about eight but we still expected to see a few drunks rolling about but its void of anything. The train station is a half hours walk to the west, so we set off, as slowly people begin to emerge from the houses and the dead streets become a shufferling rubbish tip and then a bustling workplace. To see it was quiet amazing.

The seafront is half full, half empty. As we walk along the beaches, skimming stones across the waves, we see only a few people. But walk a few meters up, and up the sea wall and there is a busy street with shops and diners taking up every square inch of land. It overhangs a little but you can see the sky though the gap. You win a few games and we do strech to Fish and Chips, well the Chips part anyway, it feels so different to actually do something together. Different in a good way, but different none the less. Our hands meet in the bag more than once, creating one or two embaressments but for the most part the beach is secluded enough to be as open as we want.

By about three we have done everything we can think of there, well everything we could do anyway. The kids have learned that you can play, there seems no more stones to throw, the chips ran out ages ago and everything we talk about ends when someone walks passed. Its better than it was but we still need to get over this people thing. Every time anyone walked passed we must have gone bright red, no doubt only adding to how guilty we looked sitting on the belt of shingle. A normal couple even passed, we wanted to be like them, but knew that we would never have the courage. So we begin the trek back to the station, it takes maybe an hour, but in the hour we finally manage to hug in public. Well put my arm around you anyway, probably looked like we were drunk but it was a big step. In the right direction. I hope.

Diner is taken up by talking to our new found friend. Most people in a place like this are here because they are visiting or because they are too poor, either way they don't want to talk to staff. "Unless they want to complain, you don't want to complain do you?" We laugh it off, he is a really good guy to have around, and has give us loads of advice for the place, always take the bottom plate, take the most left desert. We don't ask why but we trust him anyway. Its only kindny pie and over boiled potatos, but we arn't that bothered, we are just happy that someone up there likes us enough to let us talk to this guy.

The night draws slowly to an end as the clock strikes ten, he has to start his rounds and we should probably get upstairs. But he still has a chance to beat me at checkers, and you, twice. Each. So we said we would get something else to play tommrow. When we get upstairs we have no real plan, just a vague concept. We want sex, and we are gonna have it... We go carefully at first. Just innocent play, but it slowly grows and we feel the animals inside us lash out. As we pin each other down, it is not so much two men in a youth hostal, as two animals in the wilderness. We are careful still but it doesn't stop us indulging a bit, as we go from bed to floor and floor to wall and wall to door, and just about everywhere else. It is fun, and we are not gonna stop.

The sun is coming out. I am taking slow deep breaths, even though my body still feels like electricity is sparking down the veins. The feelings still fresh in my memory and I am shaking a little. The rough sheets and matress are digging in a little, but slowly I relax into a steady breathing rythem. I can hear your breathing over mine, though its relaxing it still pretty heavy. I strain a look over to you, and you are fighting to stay awake. I would come over but would probably not make it up, let alone across the room. Whatever happens next, I think we are gonna be here until at least three. So I relax into sleeps embrace.

Its nearly four, you were up first and got the diner, though we are still pretty knackered still. We eat in silence, both reserving energy. I can see in your eyes that you want to be back in bed, sleeping, and to be honest I agree with you. We know that we will be up before dawn but we are too tired to care at the moment. We leave the soup bowls outside the doors and go back into sleep. It will be gone midnight before we are ready to do anything, but as I am here I can feel sleep washing over me.

Updated

 

 

 

Yes this is the same story

Same story as what?

Well it have 5 views before I changed the name and updated it so anyone that had had a look would notice the story and think I had reposted it with a new name.

So what did you think?

 

 

 

So what did you think?

No offence, but, not much.

It seemed to have been really rushed and the emotions in it were completely unreal. The short sentences were quite effect in parts but I think you need to be more tactful when you use them; if it's short sentences prety much the whole way through it's just boring. Try and join some together.

Also there wasn't much description and it wasn't very interesting, though the storyline was pretty gripping. You could turn it into a fantastic story but, I dunno, I just didn't like it.

You and I have very different ideas of what emotion are...

This was written with a distinct person in mind, and the emotions for them are very real. So either we have different opinions or you are being vain and talking in the same way about my stories as I talk about yours.

But I like to think the former. Yes it was rushed. It was supposed to be, love notes are not supposed to be well thought out they are supposed to be a rush of thoughts and feelings. I can't use long sentances because thoughts and feeling are often less than a sentance. Most of them are joined together. Maybe I should do one thing and paragraph it...would that make it better?

There is no real description I can go into for 2 reason, 1 I have very little knowladge of any related situations and 2 going ott isn't allowed on this forum.

How can it not be interesting but be very gripping at the same time?

But you are right in some of the things so I will try to...rewrite it...just don't expect too much.

So either we have different opinions or you are being vain and talking in the same way about my stories as I talk about yours.

 

 

 

No way. Don't even think I'm criticising your story because you never like any of mine. I wouldn't ever stoop that low.

Yeah I know just incase any one was thinking that...

Anyway updated it again. I have tried to follow your advice but I don't know how effective this can be.

I think you could have done better. You were trying to attempt a love story, but it wasn't romantic, any sentiment revolved around the concept of love rather than basking in the feeling describing it and indulging it. It felt like you were straining a bit to find different ways of saying how much the lead was in love. When you should have been allowing their feelings to tell stories of their own.

It got more exciting towards the end, just edit it a bit and i'm sure it will be fine. Maybe i'm taking an olf-fashioned aproach, but thats how i feel.

I also think your earlier remark on getting back at each other through comments was childish.

None meant to make offense. :mrgreen:

Grrr when I do the emotional approach theres no description, when I do the physical approach its not emotional enough!!!

Its not so much a love story as a message to people. Its not supposed to be romantic its supposed to show true feelings. Please remember that not having experianced this makes writting a realistic story ever more differcult. Anyway this is between 2 guys and most guys think only about love as a means.

*Sigh* I am going to repost the old version and Lee can you read that and tell me what you though?

Well i thought it was good, love is not the same for everyone, what someone thinks is a good description of love someone else will think is totally wrong just for the sake that love and emotions are not the same for different people.

^^^ I like this guy.

Thanks for that. :)

Anyway updated again, long read.

Not bad, but whats up with the name?

The name of the story?

Well its events that in all their horror and suffering, I just have to want to be true. Remember:

A good author tells the story of his character, A bad author tells the story of himself.

If you are going to tell a story it needs to be something that you feel strongly about and that you have some knowladge about. I have very little knowladge about relationships so I am sort of devoloping an open ended fantasy, so that other people can measure up against it and tell me were I am going wrong. Also its pretty fun to write at times.

But I like to think the former. Yes it was rushed. It was supposed to be, love notes are not supposed to be well thought out they are supposed to be a rush of thoughts and feelings. I can't use long sentances because thoughts and feeling are often less than a sentance. Most of them are joined together. Maybe I should do one thing and paragraph it...would that make it better?

 

 

 

The way you have written it shouldn't really come across. Yes, it wasn't bad, but even so it was rushed - and that was obvious. Don't pull the 'it-was-supposed-to-be' card because it doesn't work. When a story is rushed, as yours was, it's not going to add to the effect of the story. Sure, ok, I'm not saying a fast story can't be good because it was written in a shorter amount of time, but it's obvious you haven't thought it out and personally I think that has brought the whole piece down. I do however think it's got alot of potential.

I see...so you are expecting me to think out a full story of seeming random and unthought out events...

It is difficult enought to write a story were my emotions flow freely, when I have to go back and double check everything about them. The events in the story cannot be described in any greater detail without the story becoming bogged down in pointless information.

I looked around, I saw you. I also saw two half chew peices of gum, a broken window, a discarded book, a show that I lost 2 years ago, must get that, a breifcase and a long metal pole. I looked back at him. He has a very large head and is always about to say something stupid, he is normally surrounded by idiots that laugh at everything he says. I really don't like him that much.

The green is were I would have written it.

I can't write a story that is free flowing when it has a planned route. The mighty rivers in Arizona arn't free flowing and untamed when they are guided though a set of dams and floodgates.

Also if you take the trouble to reread the story you will see that it is alot less rushed. Which, in my opinion, detracts from the overall effect.

Anyway updated again.

It is very interesting. It certainly raises a point about how those of that mindset are not that differant from us, [ at least me ]. Everyone wants acceptance, and the right to be with the one they love. It was emotional when it needed to be, and was a good read. You are a truly talented author, and you can really get the emotions across. Keep writing, and I'll be sure to keep reading your works.

Thank you, someone that thinks the same way I do.

Anyway should update later.

^^^ I like this guy.

 

 

 

Thanks for that. :)

Pah! Archimage can I just say that this piece of writing did not in any way lower my opinion of you literary abilities(Your reaction perhaps) , which by the way are high. None of the things that I said were meant to offend you or imply that you were a bad writer, I merely wanted to provide my view on the piece of writing, that wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t to my taste, but certainly wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t bad. So IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m very sorry, I hope IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve cleared the air.

friends ?^-^

pheeew, ok well i read the updated version and thought that it was alot better than the first, it started to sound more like a story and i see your point about it not being a love story, but it seemed to be heading that way in th first version, anyway the 2nd version is also more enjoyable though there are some questionable bits. So overall i liked it, even though i prefer other things you've done. :

Me too... also, I'm sorry for arguing with you. I don't like this story, but as Lee said, it didn't lower my opinions of your literary abilities. So, sorry...

don't think much of it... too romantic for me... wait... you mentioned the word gay... are they two guys!?! I don't like it... especially the beginning... and the story was written in a way that confused me... it is unique... complain complain

which reminds me... did I send you a reply? I know I read it at least...

Updated it, only a small update, four paragraphs but it pushed, by one line, onto page seven! I don't have alot of time after my rant so it had to be short, sorry to people who have grown to love the story.

I merely shortened the verse so that it fitted the context, the fact that you quoted the entire section merely increases the list of sins mentioned.

So in other words... they do go to the lake of fire, or is that not in question?

I meant the word, not the practice. Also, the Greeks and Romans were also pedophiles. Well then, I will give you a reason why the Greeks and Romans were blessed by God to become a power... Prophecy. In Daniel and Ezekiel esp. there are prophecies that certainly came true when we look back...

Also, you made a mistake. The Bible was not made by Christians for Christians. It is made by God, using the authors, and for anyone who would read and learn from it... Not just Christians!

Edit: I have figured it out. Sin is rebellion against God, homosexuality is a rebellion against the man woman relationship. the man woman relationship was created and instituted by God. Thus, homosexuality is sin... using LOGIC!