Jump to content


  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited


0 Neutral

Profile Information

  • Gender

RuneScape Information

Recent Profile Visitors

8926 profile views
  1. First and only player to cast monster examine on every NPC possible: Jard Y Dooku. No longer holds, but I did meet my goal at one point before they added new NPCs. And I do mean every. :)
  2. LOL I love how your avatar matches your post.
  3. Combat mage is for casuals.

  4. As a follow-up to my previous post perhaps someone might find this interesting... https://spreadsheets...uthkey=CP7Okt8O
  5. Are you going to make the data available publicly? You're using Google Spreadsheets for storage so there's no excuses on your part about bandwidth or anything like that. ;) I hope this doesn't lead to another secrecy situation (like the Combat Calculator) where Tip.It finds a roughly accurate formula and then hides it from everyone which will stunt improvement. Also, have you considered using the turmoil prayer to attempt to identify the attack, strength and defence levels of monsters? It will be able to tell you their attack, strength, and defence within a 10 level range - n to n + 9 where n is divisible by 10. This could actually allow us to find the combat stats, with a rough margin of error, of a lot of monsters. It would be very interesting to see what results we get. For example, consider a man and a chicken's stats. With all stats 1 aside from HP, their combat levels come out accurately (although the fact that chicken never hits is a bit fascinating). I think this also proves that the minimum maximum hit is 15 (according to monster examine) (assuming a strength level of 1) as they would appear to have no strength bonus. This could also help determine their strength levels more accurately. Something to think about...
  6. Many bizarre creations are spawned from discussions in Lady Heinous' clan chat. :)
  7. Yeah, the amount of memes and cultural references in the story was one of the main reasons behind writing it, as well as the fact that a fast food restaurant war is simply hilarious. Also, that sentence was originally going to be a whole load more, beginning with: "To your surprise, the teller then drops to her knees and - "... I'll stop there. I thought the Tip.It mods might not like that though, so I opted to keep the story clean for the most part. :D I couldn't part with the bit about Jad though, so that stayed in.
  8. Hey guys, I am starting a new comedy/technology series called Programming Language Battles. Videos will be posted on the channel "NerdRantings" on YouTube. If this is the wrong forum, please move it. http://www.youtube.com/nerdrantings The first video (C++ vs Java) is here: It's a pretty simple series, each episode will simply be two programming languages arguing about their capabilities and who is better. Enjoy!
  9. How can I impregnate myself when I'm a guy- oh wait... THE GOVERNMENT CAN! funny joke,i can somehow imagine you saying that ot: the story was great and funny Glad you enjoyed it. "The government can" is an inside joke - ask IIBowsII/Zaiid. ;)
  10. Couldn't boss hunt as well as if you were using a whip? WHAT?!?!?! Chaotic Rapier clearly out performs whips at bosses. I've crashed lvl 138s with whips at bandos GWD using my rapier. I'm lvl 134 with maxed melees and I can crash KBD ls teams of 4-5 lvl 130s with whips/zammy spears. Rapier is much better than whip at bosses. As for Rapier vs. CLS at bosses, I wouldn't know, because everytime I log into a world where someone has a CLS at KBD, they hop.... :rolleyes: I am 99 slayer. Your argument is invalid.
  11. How can I impregnate myself when I'm a guy- oh wait... THE GOVERNMENT CAN!
  12. First off, I'd better explain. One day, in Lady Heinous' chat, we were discussing what might happen if Jagex sold out to big companies like McDonalds or Disney, and amusing ourselves over the possibility of, for example, Mickey Mouse being a quest character. Naturally, I added to the discussion which evolved into a story about a war between popular American fast food restaurants... in RuneScape. While we were chatting, I was just having fun, telling the story in single sentences such as "and den u go to da king for help.... but hes evil!!!!" and "then he teleports u to da monsters!!!!!". However, some people were so entertained that I decided to write out the entire story in greater detail. This is the story of what may happen if, in the future, Jagex was paid by several large corporations to include advertising in RuneScape. The story is intended to amuse and provide humour, nothing more. Please note: this story contains a few things that some people may consider objectionable. Among these is a reference to TzHaar reproductive organs, mentioning of the Greek god Zeus in a comedic context and the phrase "scantily clad females". That's about it. The remainder of the story, although bizarre, is pretty much suitable for all ages. So if you have a problem with any of that, your choices are: GTFOSTFU Note: the above is also meant to be a joke. ;) Enjoy the story! KFC vs McDonalds - RuneScape style by a Russian on acid (just kidding - don't do drugs) Chapter 1 One day, while out and about, your are are approached by a messenger and silently handed a scroll. Before you can respond, the messenger teleports away. You quickly open the message, which tells you to report immediately to the poison waste spirit tree. Raising your eyebrows in interest, you throw a Varrock teleport tablet to the ground, and travel from the Grand Exchange spirit tree to the poison waste, where you find a small but tough-looking gnome. "You are the contact?" asks the gnome. "I... suppose", you respond "What is this all about?" "You may address me as G9-001. Follow me and be silent." The gnome leads you into the sewers below the poison waste, and eventually to a gate at the end of the tunnels. The gnome whispers in an unknown language, and you are teleported past the the gate on to what appears to be the middle of a large city. "Welcome to Arposandra", the gnome states curtly. Your mouth drops open in wonder. Before you lies a massive city, putting Keldagrim and Dorgesh-Kaan to shame. Black streets, bustling shops and... a clear sky? You thought the city was underground. "Must be gnomish magic" you think to yourself. You see gnomes, humans, elves, dwarves and goblins all interacting with each other, completely separated from the outside world. There are metal devices rolling around with beings inside them, there are no horses and the buildings are not made of stone. There are wires suspended at the top of large wooden poles, and lights on metal rods suspended above the street. All bizarre sights to a 15th century person like yourself. G9-001 leads you to a massive glass building which reminds you of Oracle Corporation's headquarters in Redwood City. "Whoops, wrong planet and universe", you think to yourself, returning your mind to RuneScape. You and the gnome enter the building and go into a small closet. Before you can ask any questions, the doors close and the gnome presses some buttons on the wall. You feel the floor moving upwards beneath you. "No questions", says G9-001. After a few moments, the doors open and you and the gnome walk into a office room situated at the top of the building, with clear windows all around, the sun rays lighting the area. The gnome salutes at a man sitting in a large chair, who is turned away from you. "Sir! I have returned with the contact!", the gnome states. Slowly, the chair turns around and a man with square glasses and white hair rises. He walks toward you and extends his hand. "I... am Colonel Sanders. I trust you had a safe journey?" "Yes. What is this all about?" "In time, all in time." The Colonel turns to the gnome. "Thank you, G9-001, you may leave us." "Sir!" replies the gnome, who turns and leaves through the 'closet' door. The Colonel turns back to you, leading you to a comfortable looking chair in front of his desk. He then seats himself and tents his fingers. "I'm sure you are wondering why you are here, and why you were taken to this world. I will explain what I can at this time. First of all, you are no longer on RuneScape. You are in a parallel dimension, which is now part of a cross between the universe in which RuneScape lies, and the universe in which a planet called Earth lies, which is where I am from. I won't bother to explain the metaphysics of it all, but in short, our two universes have collided just moments ago, and this brings about some very interesting consequences for us all. I am sorry to say that the process is irreversible. Both your god Guthix, and our god Zeus are only level 126 gods; they do not have the power to reverse it, but would if they could, to maintain balance. Even Jas, a level 138 god, cannot reverse a universe collision. I'm afraid such things are inconsequential to the gods with which that power lies - those with a power level of over 9000. Due to the collision, both our universes have changed. For example, I am supposed to be dead, nor was I ever a particle physicist. Your world has also changed, and unfortunately you will find some very strange changes when you return to it later." The Colonel takes a deep breath and pauses. You take the opportunity to speak. "This all makes absolutely no sense, but from what I've seen it looks like I have no choice but to believe you. I don't think even the most powerful magic in my world could achieve what I've seen in your city." "I understand it may be difficult to take it all in", replies the Colonel, "As for the reason you are here - I run a restaurant business called Kentucky Fried Chicken. One of the shipments from Al Kharid to Falador has been stolen. This would have been something for the local police to handle, but the collision of our universes has given me... interesting powers of perception. I can't explain them, but trust my judgement that the theft of this fried chicken shipment is part of a bigger plot. You are known to be the best adventurer in RuneScape. Will you investigate?" "Yes, I'm certainly up to the challenge. Where should I start?" "The shipment was stolen just before it left Al Kharid. I suggest you start there and see if anyone has noticed anything." "I'll do my best, Colonel." "Here, take this iPhone. You can use it to communicate with me while you are away. I can teleport you to Al Kharid now if you like. Are you ready?" "Yes, I am." The Colonel's chicken-magic transports you to Al Kharid. You begin to go around town, asking the locals if they've seen anything. A local grocer tells you he did see a mysterious stranger walking north towards the canyons with a cart. You thank him and begin the journey north, as the grocer continues to unpack his shipment of watermelon and grapes. After many hours of walking, your boots soaked with irritating sand and sweat, you reach the canyon. Discovering some footsteps in the sand not yet erased by the gusting desert winds, you follow them into a small cave. You are about to retrieve your lantern from your bottomless invisible backpack when you realize that the cave is already brightly lit. Puzzled, you venture further and find a cart at the bottom of the cave full of boxes that appear to be the Colonel's lost shipment. Upon closer inspection, you find the lettering "KFC" on the boxes along with the smiling face of the Colonel himself. You stop a moment to think. Suddenly, you hear a slight shuffling of feet in the darkness. Turning to face the direction of the sound, you find just enough time to raise your abyssal whip to block the assassin's striking sword! Cursing at his failure, the assassin strikes again, only to be foiled again by a piece of leather. Your retaliation strikes the assassin across the face, the blow of the small piece of leather nearly killing him. As he lay dying in front of you, you kneel down to remove his mask. "Now... let's have a look at your face." Despite being upon his dying breaths, the assassin grabs your hand, stopping you. "My allegiance is to... *cough*... we are is better than KFC..." he chokes, "We are better than all the other fast food restaurants! We will... *choke*... prevail..." The assassin then quickly smashes a vial of acid onto his face, burning it away. His terrified screams are his last sounds, before he lets out a final gasp and falls to the ground, dead. "I'd better report this to the Colonel immediately!", you think to yourself. Chapter 2 You grab your iPhone and dial the Colonel's number, explaining the whole story about the assassin to him. "This is grave news", he responds, "Please report to Arposandra immediately. We have much to discuss. In fact-" The Colonel is cut off by the sound of a weapon firing and lots of shouting. The line goes dead. "Colonel? Colonel!" You stash the phone in your pack and use every teleport you can to rush back to Arposandra as quickly as possible. You run towards the KFC headquarters and board the moving closet, soon emerging into the Colonel's office, only to find him in his chair, with blood streaming down his face and a robed figure standing over him. "King Roald?!" you exclaim. The robed figure spins around and points his weapon at you. "Roald?" he replies, "You fool... I am the Burger King! Now, say hello to my little friend!" The Burger King raises his weapon to fire, but not before you shout "SARADOMIN, PROTECT ME FROM MISSILES!" The Burger King fires his weapon, sending small projectiles speeding toward you at high velocity! But Saradomin's blessing causes them to bounce off your armour harmlessly. You begin to approach the Burger King. "DIE! DIE! Why won't you DIE?!" the King shouts, before his weapon runs out of ammunition, "Why won't you die?" "Beneath this armour there is more than flesh, Burger King. Beneath this armour there is an RuneScape adventurer... and RuneScape adventurers are bulletproof!" "This is madness!" "No..." you whisper, "THIS... IS... KFCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!!!" You jump up and kick the King with all your might, sending him flying through the glass windows and on to the streets below. After peering out the window to confirm his destruction, you rush to the dying Colonel's side. "Colonel! Colonel, what happened?" you ask. "Burger King... a rival restaurant of KFC... I suspected they were in line with them... don't feel at fault, my young friend... you could not have prevented this... *cough*... I just hope you are able to stop them before it's too late..." "The assassin from before was not an agent of the Burger King? Have I not defeated them already?" "You must stop them... they will never die until HE is destroyed..." "Who?" "The... the..." The Colonel is unable to complete his sentence, and dies in your arms. Security guards rush in to the room a moment later, weapons drawn. They are led by a mysterious robed man whose face you cannot clearly see. "It is unfortunate that the Colonel was killed, but I am glad to see you are not harmed." he states, extending his hand, "I am an ally of the Colonel's... I was secretly working for him in the investigation of the case you are now also assigned to. Please follow me, you must tell me everything you know." The robed man leads you into another office where you are both seated. You then explain to the stranger everything you have experienced so far. The robed man nods his head, "Hmm... this is all very interesting news. You see, right now, fast food chains are at war. One of our enemies has been Burger King since our universes collided and screwed up the resulting universe. However it appears the Burger King was only a pawn, working for an even greater enemy." "I think the Colonel knew the Burger King wasn't his true enemy. I tried to ask him who was after KFC, but he died before he was able to say." "I'm afraid the Colonel was the only one who did know. Searching headquarters records won't yield us any information. I've already done that. Right now we must continue to investigate why that cart was stolen." "Just one question... who are you?" "Me?" the robed man removes his hood, "I am Jared... Jared of Subway." Chapter 3 You lead Jared back to the cave in Al Kharid where you found the assassin. "Hmm..." Jared ponders. "Who was this man working for? Of all things, why did he open the boxes of chicken? Surely he didn't steal the shipment for a few bites of the Colonel's delicious fried chicken. Wait a moment..." Jared bends down, and pulls a piece of paper out of the assassin's pocket. On it is a list of ingredients. Jared's mouth drops open. He turns to you. "Great Scott! They're trying to reverse engineer the Colonel's recipe! We must get to the bottom of this. Come on, Marty, let's get back to town!" "My name isn't Marty..." "Oh... er, never mind." You and Jared trek back to Al Kharid, happily chatting about sandwiches along the way. "...so you see, layering cucumbers and tomatoes in the correct order makes a great difference in the perfect sandwich." "Wow... I never knew sandwich construction was so complicated." *Congratulations, you have achieved a sandwich construction level! Your sandwich construction level is now 3. You can now make basic Subway sandwiches.* As you and Jared enter Al Kharid, a mysterious figure appears from the shadows. "Ah, mis amigos! Friends... I have some... information for you..." The stranger hands you a map and is suddenly enveloped in a giant taco which teleports him away. Completely ignoring this highly bizarre occurrence, you open the map. Looking at it, you can see a path leading to a mysterious area south of Uzer. Jared raises an eyebrow, and you both head off to the mysterious location. Upon arriving, a massive step-pyramid rises from the ground of its own accord! You and Jared walk up the steps cautiously. "Hmm, there seems to be something loose here..." Jared pushes at a stone at the top of the pyramid with his foot. Suddenly, the corners of the pyramid split apart and you fall down into a mysterious cavern. You help each other to your feet and look around. "Where are we?" you ask. "I don't know..." Jared answers, "But I've got a bad feeling about this..." Elephant, dragon and alligator skeletons litter the floor, their bones torn to pieces. A high-pitched laugh emanates from the darkness. "Who's there?!" you demand. "Who wants to know?" a voice with a Mexican accent demands. "We are investigating a crime - the theft of a KFC chicken shipment. Why have you led us here?" "Because..." the high-pitched voice laughs again, "You must die so that HE can prevail!" Suddenly, a tiny chihuahua springs from the darkness, teeth bared. It breaths a huge ball of fire which hurtles toward you. Quickly, you gulp down a super anti-fire potion, causing the flames to bounce off your chest harmlessly. Jared swings at the Taco bell dog with his kitchen skewer, but the dog grabs the it in its tiny, powerful jaws and snaps the metal in half. Jared drops his broken weapon, and you swing your whip at the dog, attempting to strangle it. As the dog growls and attempts to break free, you shout to Jared, "Quickly! Finish him!" as you grab a shark from your invisible backpack and shove it down your throat, causing the deep gash on your arm to evaporate. Jared produces a KFC chicken Subway sandwich from his backpack. "Try this one on for size!" he shouts, and jams the chicken sandwich down the dog's throat. "NOOOOOO!!!!!111shift one-one," the dog screams in horror, its head exploding a moment later. "Jared... how did you know?" you ask. "The Taco Bell dog's strength is increased by Mexican food. I thought that combing the power of KFC with a Subway sandwich might defeat it once and for all." "Good thinking!" "However we still have a mystery to solve. I just can't figure out who would be undergoing efforts to steal the Colonel's recipe. Come. I know who our next contact must be." You follow Jared back out of the mysterious temple. Chapter 4 Once outside, you smash two Falador teleports to the ground, appearing in front of the White Knights' castle. "King Vallance may be able to help us," Jared explains. "He has long been a KFC and Subway customer and may be able to offer some insight." You make your way into the White Knights' castle and navigate through its never-ending corridors to the King's throne room. "Your majesty!" Jared announces "I've brought you some of the Colonel's delicious chicken." The King jumps from his throne and devours the entire box within seconds, grease dripping from his rancid fingers. "Delicious, Jared... now, why have you disturbed my sleep?" the King demands. "Your majesty, we have been investigating a case regarding a chicken shipment stolen from KFC. To make matters worse, our beloved Colonel Sanders was recently killed by the Burger King. We must get to the bottom of all this. We think that the chicken theft and the Colonel's subsequent death are part of a plot to destroy KFC and reverse engineer the recipe to open a competing restaurant!" King Vallance clenches his greasy hands. "You just had to meddle in affairs that do not concern you, didn't you Jared? Always sticking your sandwiches where they don't belong..." "King Vallance, I - I don't understand" "You fool! I'm working for HIM!" The theme from Star Wars Episode I begins to play as Jared and the King let their cloaks drop to the floor. Jared wields his kitchen skewer in a ready stance, as King Vallance produces a double-bladed sword. The King glances over at you and raises his grease-covered hand to teleport you away, as he turns to face Jared. In a split-second, you appear in a dimly lit area, with lava and obsidian surrounding you. In a moment you realize you are in the Fight Caves. The ground shakes slightly, and you spin around to see the great beast TzTok-Jad lumbering towards you. Lacking Saradomin brews and super restore potions, you know you must think quickly - and you get a brilliant idea, or so you think. You rush forward under Jad's legs, narrowly avoiding being mashed flat by his elephant-like feet. You pull back your arm, launching your fist into his testicles with all the power your level 99 strength can muster, jostling the great boulders. Not realizing that volcanic creatures' genitals are made of obsidian (hence the popular TzHaar phrase "hard as a rock"), the shock of impact compels you to scream "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" at the top of your lungs. If not for your dark gauntlets your hand would have surely been broken. However the distraction is long enough for you to to smash a vial of holy water (which you conveniently have upon your person) upon the great beast's chest. Despite the fact that TzTok-Jad is not a demon, it's super effective! However, you are not quick enough to anticipate his movement, and he collapses dead on top of you. On the bright side, your dragon armour protects you without receiving so much as a scratch. However, your arms are pinned and you can't reach your invisible backpack to grab a teleport. After a while, the dead TzTok-Jad begins to drool. You try to move your head and narrowly avoid getting a hole burned in it by the lava spittle. You wonder if Jared is all right, but your thoughts are interrupted as he suddenly teleports into the cave next to you. "Are you all right?" he asks, as he group teleports you to Catherby. "Yes... what happened with King Vallance?" "It turns out he was working for HIM all along. I was able to dispatch him with little difficulty. He really was a noob swordsman. From what I can see I assume you were not harmed by TzTok-Jad." "No, although the battle was... most interesting. Well then... what's next?" Raising an eyebrow, Jared suggests, "How about a sandwich?" Chapter 5 After enjoying your delicious Subway sandwich at the local Catherby restaurant and raising your sandwich making level to 7 under Jared's tutelage, you relax by the seaside, discussing particle physics with Jared while observing the scantily dressed females soaking up the sun. A finger taps on Jared's shoulder. He turns around to see a young woman with red ponytails dressed in a formal business suit standing behind him. "Jared - I've got new information for you" she states. "Wendy!" replies Jared, "What have you found?" "Apparently, the one they call HE... the one that stole the Colonel's chicken shipment and is the mastermind behind the Burger King and Taco Bell attacks... is none other than Ronald McDonald himself." "Dear Saradomin!" Jared exclaims, "Why didn't I think of it before?! Wendy you'd better get back to HQ, you have salad recipes to concoct." Wendy salutes and teleports away, as Jared turns to you. "Well, my friend. It looks like we're headed to Morytania." Chapter 6 You and Jared head to the bank and begin to withdraw some supplies for the expected battle. You head over to the table and fill out a withdrawal slip, requesting a dwarven cannon, a few hundred cannonballs, some potions, food and teleports. You get in line and hand the slip to the teller when you get to the front of the queue. The teller hands you your potions, food and teleport tablets, and hands you all 350 of your cannonballs within the space of a few milliseconds, leaving you wondering how she did it. "Sir, you'll need to come around the back for your cannon." You follow the young teller around to the back of the bank where she presses some buttons on a computerized bank vault door. Steam hisses and the door slowly swings open to reveal billions of possessions. She disappears into the room, and comes out holding your massive steel cannon. You take the cannon from her and stuff it into your invisible backpack. "You're a strong young woman to be able to lift a 30 kilogram steel cannon like that!" you exclaim. "Well, I exercise, and eat lots of healthy foods and all that, you know?" she replies with a smile, "Whoops..." The teller bends over to grab a piece of paper lying on the ground. DAT ASS, you think to yourself, glad that you are wearing plate legs. "Have a good day, sir." You meet Jared at the front door of the bank. "Are you ready?" he asks. "Yes, are you? Oh, just one thing, you wouldn't happen to have a pair of climbing boots I could buy off you, would you?" "Yeah, one second, let me grab a pair." you reply, running to the bank to grab them, "Here you are." Jared goes to hand you 75,000 coins. "Nah, dude, don't worry about it. They're only like 12 gp." "Climbing boots are 75,000 coins now." "WHAT?" "Yeah, our dictatorship government declared it so a couple weeks ago. Because of it, some people got millions of coins for free. You can read about it on their website." "Wow, that's BS," you say, shaking your head, as Jared pours 75,000 individual gold coins into your backpack, "Who could do such a thing?" "The government can! Also, my friend... I brought along a little associate of mine. I have a feeling we'll be needing him." "Who?" "Don't worry about it now. Let's get to Morytania." Jared teleports you both to the werewolf village of Canifis. You begin the trek through the vile, swampy lands, eventually arriving at the dead town of Burgh de Rott. As you trek through the lifeless place, a storm begins to brew overhead... Your long trek leads you over the walls and through the woods, to McDonalds castle you go! Eventually you and Jared reach the wall just outside the throne room of Castle McDonald, or as it was formerly known, Castle Drakan. "Okay, I'm going to shoot this grappling hook through the window and we'll swing across," announces Jared. He aims his crossbow at the window and fires. The bolt sails through the air, going straight through the back of Lord Drakan's head. You and Jared look at each other, as if to say "whoops". The vampire spins around, and seeing you and Jared, pulls on the rope with his undead strength, sending you both hurtling through the window and into the throne room. He pulls the bolt out of his head, his wounds evaporating into nothing. "Why have you come?" the vampire lord demands. "We are on a quest to bring Ronald McDonald to justice for masterminding of the KFC Conspiracy of 2010! Will you join us?" Jared states. The vampire lord stares at you with cold dead eyes for what seems the longest time. "Very well. Come, my friend." Jared says, attempting to walk past Lord Drakan. "None shall pass." states the vampire. "What?" "None shall pass." "We have no quarrel with you, good sir vampire. But we must defeat Ronald McDonald." "Then you shall die!" "I command you, as the bringer of Subway sandwiches, to step aside!" "I move... for no one." "So be it!" Jared draws his sword and begins an exchange with the vampire lord. "Quickly, my friend. Hand me the Ivandis flail so I can finish him off!" Jared shouts. "What?" "The Ivandis flail! Didn't you bring it?" "That... oh... err... I forgot." "You IDIOT!" Jared exclaims. He turns to the vampire, saying, "Wait here." Jared throws down a teleport tablet and disappears. You and Lord Drakan simply stand and stare at each other. "Sup," you state nervously. "Sup," Drakan replies, not moving a muscle. Jared reappears a moment later, Ivandis flail in hand, and resumes the battle with Lord Drakan. The vampire's defence is excellent, but Jared eventually breaks through, slicing off one of his arms, as you stand on the sidelines doing nothing. "Now stand aside, worthy adversary," Jared announces proudly. "'Tis but a scratch." replies the vampire blankly. "A scratch?! Your arm's off!" "No it isn't." "Oh for Guthix sake," you interject, grabbing the Ivandis flail. "I! have had! enough! OF YOU!" You swing the weapon, embedding the attached sickle into the vampire's chest, and promptly defenestrate him. "Ready to find that old clown, my friend?" Jared says, impressed with your combat prowess. Chapter 7 You venture further into Castle McDonald, up to the very top floor, until you finally reach the criminal mastermind himself. The clown is looking out the window, his back to you. "Ronald." Jared states curtly. "Jared! Jared, my buddy, my old pal. How are you?" the clown replies, turning around, arms outstretched. "Ronald, how could you do this? How could you betray Colonel Sanders? It was said that you would bring balance to the food court! Not leave it in darkness..." "Mr. Fogle... you see... what I did was not... hm, betrayal, okay? Now, If you'll... listen a moment... j-just a moment. You see, the Colonel betrayed me." "How is that... Mr. McDonald?" "Well, when old Harland and I started working together, he said we'd be a team! Working together, y'see. Well, he... did not want... to disclose his chicken recipe. So... I killed him. AHAHAHAHA!" "You're crazy, McDonald." "Ya wanna know how I got these scars?" "I don't really care but I'm going to guess you'll tell me anyway." "I was attacked by an evil chicken. Vile little... creatures." Jared remains silent. "Jared... what's the matter? WHY SO SERIOUS?!" Ronald McDonald lunges at Jared, smacking him with his rubber chicken and laughing maniacally. You join the fight. Blow after blow is landed, but the clown wizard does not fall. Ronald jumps backwards, and shouts: "BIG MAC ATTACK!" Dozens of giant magical burgers fly towards you at high velocity, but you manage to slice them apart before they hit. Jared throws a meat cleaver at Ronald, but to no avail. The clown then does an acrobatic flip, catches the cleaver and throws it back at Jared. You raise your leather whip to block the sharp-edged flying metal, saving him from destruction. "Why don't you try a HAPPY MEAL!" Ronald exclaims, smiling and laughing manically. A box of food flies toward Jared, exploding into a ball of fire at his feet. "Argh!" he screams, swallowing down three entire manta-rays to heal the third degree burns. "Why don't we... even the playing field!" McDonald says with a smile. The insane wizard clown opens a summoning pouch. A small black cat appears on the floor. "Behold, my great beast! AHAHAH!" "A cat. Seriously?" you state flatly. Suddenly, the cat stands upright. It meows softly, and then begins to grow quickly. Its head smashes through the roof and the cat grows larger and larger, into a giant, deadly beast, its cry going from that of a soft meow to a sound the likes of which Godzilla could not match. "AHAHAHAHAAHA! Your move, Mr. Fogle!" "My friend... do you remember that associate of mine I mentioned earlier?" Jared says to you, ignoring the wizard clown's maniacal rantings. You nod your head. Jared turns to the clown. "Longcat, I choose you!" Jared shouts as he throws the summoning pouch to the ground, before realizing this is RuneScape and not Pokemon. "You idiot..." you mumble, shaking your head. Jared does an expert ninja flip and recovers the pouch, this time properly summoning the familiar within. A second cat emerges - a small, white cat. It stands upright, and undergoes the same transformation as Ronald McDonald's evil cat, and... as FIRE and THUNDER rage overhead... the two longcats begin their epic battle. Back inside the castle, you and Jared begin to tire. The wizard clown's magic is too strong. Jared is nearly killed by another Big Mac Attack, as you attempt to fend off Happy Meal grenades. Even Jared's powerful longcat of light is losing the battle to the demented clown's longcat of darkness. Suddenly, a figure dressed in white appears out of nowhere in the middle of the battle. "Colonel Sanders!" you exclaim, "I thought you died?!" "My friends... there is something I must tell you... I am not who you think I am." "You're not Colonel Sanders?" Jared questions. "I am... however Colonel Sanders is only one of my many identities. My true identity... is Chuck Norris." The Colonel snaps his fingers, transforming into the legendary karate master. His bearded, solemn face appears to stare right into McDonald's soul. "It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all outta gum." Chuck Norris flips forward and roundhouse kicks Ronald McDonald. The evil clown wizard explodes in a ball of flame. Chuck then flies up and smashes through the roof, punching the longcat of darkness into oblivion, its Godzilla-like roar fading into silence. He then waves his hand, and the longcat of light shrinks back into a normal cat, which then enters it's Pokeball. Oh wait, this is not Pokemon. The great karate master then teleports you and Jared to the port of Menaphos... Chapter 8 Chuck Norris leads you and Jared near the Menaphos seaside, using his godly powers to make the black squares fly away, revealing the earth in their place. The three of you become seated near the beach. "My friends," states Chuck. "You did well. This was all a test to see if you were worthy. Although you did not defeat Ronald McDonald yourselves, you were never meant to. I'll keep further details of that to myself. I've already anticipated your other questions, and I will answer them. First, from the very beginning, I've been searching for the most worthy adventurers to complete my future quest. You see, I am a god. Not a normal god by any means - I didn't just create a dimension, or a universe, or anything like that. In fact I created existence itself. The ultimate, root container of all universes, dimensions, matter and energy that exists. In fact, my power level is so high it cannot even be represented by infinity. It's the square root of -1. But enough about me. This is only the very beginning of your ultimate journey, your ultimate quest. See that ship over there with the three Dragonkin? They are my disciples. Their ship will take you to the Eastern Lands. A whole new era for RuneScape... a whole new era for adventuring." "Just one question, your holiness?" you ask, "What exactly is the quest we are to embark upon?" Chuck Norris smiles and pauses a moment. "I'm afraid it will only reveal itself when it is time. No sooner. Now, my friends, your ship is waiting..." "Thank you, Mr. Norris. This has been a great adventure, and we will not disappoint you." says Jared. "I will be watching over the both of you. Good luck." With that, the great master teleports away. You and Jared exchange glances, and head over to the ship. "So... you're Dragonkin, eh? Aren't you guys, like, evil?" Jared asks the vulture-like creatures. "A necessary disguise. All will be revealed in the future. I'd advise you not to ask any questions - answers only come when they're meant to." "Well.. I'm just glad that vile sorcerer Ronald McDonald is dead." "He's not dead." "What?!" you both exclaim in unison, "We saw him die! Chuck Norris destroyed him with a legendary roundhouse kick!" "Your eyes can deceive you, young humans. I'd recommend you don't always rely on them." "Then... where is Ronald McDonald? What happened to him? What are you doing to do?" "We have top men working on it right now." "Who?" you demand. The lead dragonkin steps over to you, its cold dark eyes seeming to look straight into your soul. "Top... men." And with that, your ship sails off to the unknown... to the Eastern Lands. THE END
  13. GoDaddy. #1. Pretty much every host is going to pull the "unlimited" business, but only GoDaddy's lowest plan advertises that if I remember.
  14. Qt Creator for C++/Qt Code::Blocks just to have around for "other" C++ stuffVisual Studio 2010 for C#/.NET & ASP.NET (C#/HTML/CSS/JavaScript) eclipse for Java Notepad++ for various things
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.