sephiroth_king

Thanks, but i already had a plot in mind. it just needed the opening events. The Goblin battle and ruby's death were vital for my story to continue. Without those occurances, the story falls apart. I suppose you think Zamaraks going to be the bad guy... you wait and see. :-w Don't go there, I write stories too ya know.

Wow. My first poem on tif... :D As a matter of fact, this happens to me one of the first poems I have written in 5 years :shock: ...So tell me what you think (My teacher looked it over and liked it, I wanna see if you guys will 8-) ). I introduce, Soldiers Fear. My body quaked with agony and despair, my heart pounded heavy, the shell shock I had recieved shook my soul with unimaginable fear; I did not want to see the battle, no I was not ready, But suddenly I was instantly throttled in mid-air, 'twas a deadly explosion from my rear. I was plowed into the ground, coughing and shaking with hatred and anger, and suddenly I was picked up by someone, a tall and brawny man, "Come son, we must escape!" I came to realize this area was in peril, in great danger. And so my father and I escaped, with our gun's in hand, we swiftly ran. Ahead of us was Normandy's town square, there fought American's and German's, entangled in the midst of combat, in the corner of my eye, I gripped my gun, I spotted the German's wares, bazooka's, gun's, explosives of every kind, thus I gasped: "Those sneaky German rats!" And explosions burst before us, buildings were blown asunder, American troops fell to their deaths, German troops barely collapsing, rubble crashed down upon our allies, like deathly roaring thunder, despite the horror of these casualties, I knew this battle's time was slowly lapsing. And so my father and I swiftly stole away, dodging bullet after bullet, a shelter or rampart we sought; my heart only pounded, again and again, bullets mersellisly flew my way, suddenly, my father writhed in pain, for he had been painfully shot! I undecisevely pulled my father into a ditch out of harms way, blood trickling down his wounded stomach where he was painfully shot; no allies around to help us, nothing but a frightening lightening ray, as it lit up the sky, 'twas like a cry from the heavens and it beakoned me, so I took up arms and fought. Bullet after bullet, German after German, each shot making my heart beat faster, and without notice, a rain of bullets from behind me, finally, reinforcements had come, we were now this wars master, now with my allies by my side, I sighed and said: "Let's set Normandy and Europe free." It's finally time to meet your fate, I thought with a heavy sigh, this is your last hiding place,a building of old, my cowardly foes? I already prophosize your end, it's finally at it's tip, it's nigh, it's time to obliterate you, my foe, time to end this pain and woe. My General handed me a charge and wished me good luck, and at that moment, thunder rolled like a lion in the twilight sky, I departed, tep by step, the closer I got, stepping in blood and muck; finally, I made it in one piece, I thought, and suddenly a bullet hit my thigh! Pain, pain pain, this was all that I had felt, but I ignored my bodies warnings, and set the charge to the foundation of the decrepit structure, at that moment my life flashed before me, wondering: Will I see morning? No, I thought, another blast threw me in mid air, in the last of my misery, I landed in a ditch, my body was ruptured. I was wrong, I was alive, I heard cheering from my comrads, my heart was in pain, it beat in unison with my painful, pounding head, for at that moment my fears, my phisical pain vanished, they were rend, for within this deep pit lie my father, peacefully dead. This poem is dedicated to every troop that was lost in Operation: Overload, the one battle where we finally freed Europe from the Nazis in one of the most grueling battles ever. My heart goes out to every American troop, British troop, Canadian troop, even the French troops; thank you for stopping the Nazis. We will never forget.

The second chapter was good, but I recognized something in the first chapter--when you said Runescape. It isn't Runescape, the land itself is called Gielnor (I need a spell check on that, but it's something like that). The game is RS; the land in RS is Gielnor. But keep going. You're doing good.

O_o Its getting better as it goes! ^_^ Me like. Just keep on truckin' trust me people will read. :D

Nice mario_sunny, and really it's good...So it's no big suprise...But I liked it. :D :D :D :D :D :D

Great! I'm proud of you, not only because you have the hang of the plot of the story, but now it's getting good. I like where it's going. Continue. Proceed. Damn, just write!

Wow, I like it! You gripped me instantaneously, it was a very good beginning to a great story (although it was short). But, you know, I would like to see a bit of creativity, like the weapons, maybe instead of a steel longsword, create a weapon that would sound cool (Despite my story being a bit RS based :shock: ). Erm, despite my story, if you ask anyone who read it, it evolved to imaginary weapons. (And, like I say to most people who are writing fiction, if you need inspiration/guidance, read The_Advent...(Not trying to sound like an advertiser #-o ) Anyway, great start. I would like to see a bit of creativity with the weapons (Again, despite my story having temporary RS weapons :-w ). Also, there are some parts where you need to work on grammar/spelling, there are a few mistakes, I think you'll find them. Again, if you need inspiration, read my story, Virus by mario_sunny, Xewleer's stories--you'll find plenty everywhere. :

Thank you, hope you are enjoying the current one. Now, to clarify this, the Advent ((with no hyphenation) and the corrupt and the omega are longer, in depth, and yes, the chapters will be three times as long as they are in the current version. And so everyone knows, I want to teach you the language from the stories, so I might not have to translate what they are saying. I'll post that (and a secret suprise) in the_Corrupt later. Hope you guys are happy I'm doing this and anxious.

It's not just pulling off the controls (Which they will do), it's creating a storyline. And I hope they give us create a character. Unless we have to control Seigfried the entire storyline (Have no problem with that, though).

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :twisted: I'm so happy, because now, I can say OMG aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm story! Yay. I leyt that all out. Can't wait for your future stories 'n stuff. :D What sis the RSOF???It's starting to bother me. And if I'm the only person who doesn't know about it I'll!!! :evil: Cry. :( Oh, and hope you enjoyed the story.

I guess you mean What luster can the stars hold here? The sky here shows no boundaries. You might want to edit that bit. Plus you have various spelling mistakes. Including the word ancient, which seems to be repeatedly spelt wrong. I suggest reading through it, scamming for errors. It's what I did with my story. juts to edit out the mistakes. Only got up to chapter 12. But I have to go now. I'll read the rest later. The negetives aside, I like the plot of the story. Not only that, but your description is incredibly realistic. As if i was there. Your characters have thier own seperate attitudes to one another. This makes the story A coplete success. I'll read The_Corrupt later on, if i get the chance that is... Thanks. But I am not looking back for spelling mistakes, for this story is not the real Advent. I kinda wanted to wait to tell everyone--After I make my stories, through the Omega, there will be remakes of these stories--NOT and I repeat NOT RS based. Not only that, the plot in each story will be increased, and the depth will be, too. The last of the increase will be double the chapters, The Advent (No hyphenation with these ones--That's also a differentiation--The ( _) simply meant RS based, without one is the regular story. Clever?) will be 40 chapters, the Corrupt will be 80, and th Omega 160! Hope you look forward to it! More story for the_Corrupt coming soon, guys. :D

Thanks mario_sunny! I'm leaving feedback for your story asap because I love it. Enjoy.

8/10 because I said so.

Indeed, after all, they have good names...Where do you think I get a couple of the names in my story from? (In the_corrupt, I used Xavier from X-Men, some greek names from the first one, an Ilia from Twilight princess, her name llia, so a bit of a change of course :wink: ). Edit: Off topic a bit: Sunny, please remind me to leave feedback on your stories. They are excellent, and for some odd reason, I never do. Here's the link: The_Advent: Enjoy, buddy. Leave feedback!!!! That is, if you want to. No pressure. Oh Hell, I'm typing too much. So enjoy yourself. The_Corrupt is getting some new chapters tonight, be sure not to read that one first...Or you won't get it, ok? :D Again, enjoy. :

I can definatley help you with names, in fact, I'm probably one of the most creative people here in the library with names. But, you must tell me: Older, medieval sounding names, or medieval present? I like your coin idea, BTW. Oh (not trying to advertise) and if you need any inspiration, read my story, The_Advent followed by The_Corrupt...Leave feedback too, please (Still not trying to advertise, I like feedback, though :D ). If you want, take names from those stories--Except the main character. From those stories, you'll find inspiration...Hold on, I'll supply links so you can read 'em later. :thumbsup:

:notalk: No, man, this isn't working...There are these few flaws that keep bothering me, I wanted to see if you would get creative--here are my suggestions. 1st: Lose RS names. Sheepboy636, with it's numbers after the name, doesn't work for stories around here, it shows no creativity, really--it shows that you take people's RS names and just use them...Not only that, but although it's RS based, it doesn't sound right when you talk to someone in the story... For example, if I were to write: "Hey sheepboy, let's pwn some nubs! Lolz!" It doesn't work. However, with creativity: "Hey (Insert creative name here), we need to fight (Whatever creature or thing you want to fight here)! Come on!" That's a tad better than using that, yes? It doesn't make the reader lose attention as quick as putting in 1337 talk RS people's names. -However, using areas and things from RS is OKAY, but creativity is better (My current story posted here is RS based, working on another version of the trilogy that isn't RS based). Next: You have many spelling errors (I fixed that using Mozilla Firefox, now it corrects my mistakes). Work on that and grammar. 3rd: Chapters need to be a tad bit longer, or the story transitions way too fast... 4th: Almost forgot. Don't use, for God's sake, RS money. That just obliterates everything, GP stands for Gold Points or something in RS, or at least I always thought, and that definatly doesn't work. Use, at least, Rupees, Gems, ore, something, just not GP. Hell, ever Gold would be better. That's it. Make these slight adjustments, and your story should be great. Hell, I tend to like it now, I'm trying to ignore the names and substituting my own creativity though. Expect my c/c-ing in the future, mmmmk? :D

I have no idea who that is supposed to be, but it's a pink blob with wings and a halo over it's head, so 8/10 just because of that.

You said I was awesome... :cry: You are. Ok. First, chill panda. Didn't mean to offend either of you, I'm sorry. Second, I admit to being impatient with Zea. That was wrong of me. Third, so we don't spam your post, PM me with the complaint. Ok. disregard the post, I'll wait for Zea or Gold_tiger, they are better imo (no offense). You can still order it but I would like you to use my order form instead Ok, sorry if I sounded like a jerk and a little blunt...Haven't gotten much sleep between exams and tests. Thanks for the offers, and next time I'll use your order form, promise. :

You said I was awesome... :cry: You are. Ok. First, chill panda. Didn't mean to offend either of you, I'm sorry. Second, I admit to being impatient with Zea. That was wrong of me. Third, so we don't spam your post, PM me with the complaint. Ok. disregard the post, I'll wait for Zea or Gold_tiger, they are better imo (no offense).

Sorry for the trouble. Disregard this. Good luck with your shop. :D ~~.::Sephiroth_king::.~~

No Bubsa, not you, Crimsonking, he thinks that any true FF fan would shoot themselves i they played the game in the old times of it. We weren't after you! :mrgreen:

Wow, I never thought that would leave your mouth, Bubsa... :shock: What a twist! Well, this series will always be the best, imo. I will always love it. It has mini storylines, but one solid one running through the games. Which is great. And why is Disney horrid? I am fifteen and I will always love going to the theme parks and love the characters. To me, Disney isn't childish, it's where you are a child. People who think they are way too mature for Disney have to get in touch with their inner child, and be a kid, despite their age. And I like how they made the game not extremely long, if they made it long like FF12, I would flip out. Also have beaten these games in a day in hard, but I enjoyed them. They were both easy, didn't rush to an ending, and over 5 million people love it and enjoy it. For a short ending, you might want to think that any true FF fan wouldn't like the game, but it's vice-versa. Sorry. Disney isn't horrid, I'm 19 and I still like Disney world, I love their animations(Except for sequels for movies that were made during Walt Disney's time, those are just awful) because I hope to become an animator myself one day. I just think the combination of Disney and Final Fantasy should never have happened. If you go back in time and show any true FF fan this game, they would shoot themselves. I love the FF games and always will and I still like kingdom hearts. I bet if you asked the 'true' FF fans of which you speak, they'd tell you the same thing. 100% agree with life_mage12 here. The true FF fans nowadays love the game. You cannot deny this, as I am a true FF fan.

6/10 Nothing special.

6/10 I see you now and then.

Weeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll... The keyblade, gunblades, buster swords, the laser sword from Halo 2 (Although I don't play Halo I watch)...Those are my faves. 8-)