Ember

Hey, hi, sorry. Can I be here if one of my middle names is goon? Thanks, sorry, thanks.

Honestly, better than expected. It's been a crazy ride, but I learned to enjoy life somewhere along the way.

Holy hell, you're still kicking? I mean, not that I'm complaining. 😅 How goes?

That whole culture thing sounds a bit social for my liking. I lived with a woman who absolutely loved RHPS. She was shocked that I hadn't heard of it and insisted that we see it, but I was pretty indifferent. Wife knows some of the songs from band, so that's cool.

Wow, cool. I was raised by straight parents and never really exposed to it, so it's a little weird to think there's a whole culture out there that is ostensibly mine, but to which I feel no connection.

There's a gay culture?

Sounds traumatic, sorry you went through that. Did you have a point?

Shooting at someone is generally considered application of deadly force. Doing so without justification, which trespass isn't in most (any?) of the US, is an incredibly bad idea for anyone who isn't on the wrong side of the #thinblueline. "Warning shots" are universally a bad idea for basically that reason. By the time there's enough of a threat for the prosecutor to not tear you apart for it, there's enough of a threat to warrant actually putting holes in the threat. Shooting is a perishable skill; you can't just get 99 and chill. I doubt you'd hit much of anything at a decent distance if you haven't developed and maintained the skill.

Yeah, that's a big WTF... especially coming from law enforcement or former law enforcement who absolutely should know better. Sorry you had that experience, Tes; it's unfortunately somewhat common, and I can't wrap my head around why. Even with people who were actually interested, we get so many students who were set up by SOs, friends, or family with an unnecessarily harsh gun and no decent instruction. I always want to go yell at these guys that this isn't how you share a hobby with people, but I doubt they're the sort who would care. Never mind pressuring someone who doesn't want to...

I called my insurance plan administrator to see if a different concentration of one of my medications they've been covering would be cheaper, and their response was that it shouldn't be covered regardless of concentration. When I asked why, they gave me an exclusion number and told me to see my plan document, but wouldn't tell me why beyond that. So that's fun. Now I get to see if I can find a copy of that or have HR get me one, although I have my suspicions.

It's amazing what being able to picture having a future will do for you.

Happy birthday :D

You might have to wait for a 3000, but there's a '93 or '94 Ford Ranger sitting here with a broken air conditioner, no door latch on the driver's side (held shut with a padlocked hasp installed on the outside), and windows that won't open. It can get pretty hot.

We're back!

Discord?

That sucks a bunch. I've seen a little new growth and a lot of fuzz both at my hairline and above my temples since nuking T, so I'm kind of hoping that keeps up. I assume August is when you start HRT? That seems like a hell of a wait, though. Is there any chance your PCP can start you on a 5-alpha-reductase inhibitor to slow/stop the conversion of T to DHT sooner?

When I got married, we received so many cards addressed to Mr. & Mrs. [my original surname] (or worse, Mr. and Mrs. [my original first name] [my original surname]) I didn't keep my old surname, and she didn't take it, so neither person existed.

We may have different understandings of what it means to be part of a community. I don't think having a doctor explain that their unusual waiting room protocol was designed (in part) to avoid deadnaming patients who haven't updated their documents makes me part of a community. I don't think seeing objections to deadnaming and misgendering in news articles/comments makes me part of a community. I don't think trying to find resources for my family or FAQs to help me anticipate questions makes me part of a community, although it certainly is benefitting from their existence. I don't think looking into online forums or local groups, only to realize that I do not relate to most of the people or issues and leave because I feel so out of place makes me part of a community. That's not community to me; it's incidental contact with people who are ostensibly vaguely like me. The con I went to with ~1500 geeks packed into a hotel for a weekend? That's community. I might not share their exact passions or skillsets, but I can connect with them in ways I don't with most people. But hey, maybe I absolutely do know the [trans] community; that knowledge isn't helping me see why anyone would need a deeper understanding than "my name is X, please don't call me by the old name" in order to not use a former name. It also isn't helping me see why intolerance in decades past should require me to have any patience for it now. When I had short hair and worked outside, some people would try speaking spanish to me and apologize when I explained that I didn't understand. With longer hair, they wanted to know which tribe I was from. I was drinking with one of my neighbors before I moved here, and he started venting about shitty racist people before stopping to look at me and say but you've been there, huh? I don't know wtf they were seeing, but being othered isn't a exactly a new experience. My wife's mother is Korean and her father is white, so she's often seen as an outsider in homogenous groups and has had it worse than I have. I have a way to deal with it, and it's not unique to trans issues. People in my life who aren't worth dealing with find their presence greatly diminished or eliminated. If they care to continue to be a part of my life, they can institute their own change. I might be able to help if that's what they want, but I really don't care to try changing anyone who isn't looking to change; their ideas can die with them. This is how I am, and anyone who doesn't like it can find a way to deal with that. I've got better things to do with my life. I think that's how I read it. I have a 20ish-foot tow chain that I'd call a length of chain. If I bought/borrowed another similar setup, possible a different length(maybe a 50-foot chain), I'd have two lengths of chain.

That you have three chains. (My mind goes to logging, towing)

@muggiwhplar She doesn't want to be known as Malgoroth, the champion of the forgotten realms, and her name doesn't have 13 syllables across 7 words. You're being intentionally dense. If you told me that was your name, I'd probably do the same thing I do whenever I encounter a name longer than two or three syllables and ask if you have a short form (maybe Malgoroth, or Mal) that's okay to use. Failing that or acceptable nicknames, I'd just not refer to you by name; I forget people's names often enough that it isn't hard to do. I wouldn't insist on calling you Zoey. In much the same way you didn't need to understand why Oscar wasn't to be called Oscar Meyer in order to understand that you shouldn't call him that, you don't need to understand anything about why someone has taken a new name in order to understand that you shouldn't deadname them. @Ring_World So, I don't know a whole lot about "the community" or why that's relevant. I grew up in rural Michigan, in a conservative, religious household. I live in rural Michigan now; although I'm neither conservative nor religious, I am surrounded by people who are one or both. Most of my extended family, or at least the most vocal among my extended family, are so far up Trump's ass they can probably see daylight when he speaks. My boss and several coworkers are similar; at least one has unironically come in to work with a MAGA hat. I've seen a lot of complaining about liberals, democrats, and the left, but I haven't heard anyone complain about the other side of the aisle in the 7+ years I've been here. I might be in an echo chamber, but it's probably not what you were thinking. I've changed my legal first name and have changed what I've commonly gone by a handful of times. My experience is that most people do not require any sort of explanation or understanding beyond "I'm going by [name] now, please don't call me [deadname]." and those who do aren't worth the effort. Have you ever noticed that cis people don't have "preferred" pronouns? Yeah, neither do I. @Tesset While I cannot accept that they need to understand what you're going through before they can get your name right, it's hard to fault them for doing something they don't know not to do. It seems like "my name is [name] now" obviously implies "...so [deadname] isn't my name and you shouldn't call me that", but some people (apparently without malice) don't seem to catch the last part until it's made explicit. I started with something like "it's really hard for me to go by [deadname]; please call me [name] instead." and that was enough for most people. A few worked up to "[bleep] this. My name is [name] and I'm out of here." If they want to pull their heads out of their asses, I'll be here... but I can't keep going back for more of the same and hoping this time will be different. Every interaction you have with them involves them choosing which way they'll go. You just need to work out for yourself whether the chance of them improving is worth the chance of them being shitty again; your tolerance for it is going to be different from mine. Your options aren't (or shouldn't be) limited to subjecting yourself to whatever they feel like serving up or totally breaking things off. It's okay to say "Wow, this is really upsetting and unpleasant, and I'm going to take some time away from this situation to self-soothe." You have way more patience about this than I do. My approach lately has basically been "This is me trying to work out who to keep in my life and who wants to be here. Take it or leave it." Their ignorance sucks, but I can't fix it on my own; if/when they ever feel like doing something about it, I'll be around.

"I'm sorry. Were you talking to me or [deadname]?" Understanding is not necessary; basic decency and respect should suffice. You don't need to understand why or how deadnaming and misgendering hurts in order to accept that it does and stop doing it. "Help me understand why this is important," "it's not your legal name," etc. are just BS ways of saying "I could stop, but the fact that it bothers or hurts you isn't good enough a reason for me to do so."

Chilling at Penguicon, having left my guy disguise at home. MFW I run into my dad and "oh, this is my son" but everyone keeps gendering me properly anyway. [hide=Actual face][/hide]

I'm so excited for con this weekend! Just have to make it through today.

I mean, there's tree droppings everywhere, and probably some stuff that got kicked out of cars over winter or was dropped working on cars. I have a scrap pile by the barn with some car parts and stuff we found out back. The tire was left out after we used it as a bumper to push one car onto a trailer with another car. Michigan weather definitely makes a bike/scooter a poor substitute for a car, but they're fun when they're an option. This was my first vehicle, but November had me looking for a car. I live on a rural road with a 55mph speed limit that isn't strictly observed, the nearest town is about five miles away, and the nearest town where there's anything at all to do is more like 20. Sometimes it seems like it would be nice to have a scooter, but it's probably not very practical here, and it would mean having another vehicle to maintain. Not with that attitude. Feeling cute, might delete later: [hide] [/hide]

My yard is a mess, but my bike is running. Now she needs a bath. [hide] "She may not be the prettiest girl at the dance, but she'll put out the second you ask her." [/hide]