GuildWars-My Story- part 4 added

[Seer]

*note this story does have reference to the real guild wars game and may be considered a spoiler for those who haven't played. most of this is made up from my point of view.*

 

 

 

Part 0. Introduction.

 

 

 

It is approximately 170 years after the Jade Wind swept the face of Cantha. In a small town on the Island of Shing Jea, a girl was born with brown hair and brown eyes to a priest and priestess of Dwayna. They knew that their child was to be an important part of history, but what they didn't know was that their child was to be part of something bigger in the future. The parents decided to name their child Jasmine and as they went to bed that night, they found a pendant with the figure of the Goddess Dwayna carved entirely from a sapphire. They knew that this was a sign from Dwayna, and that their child was important.

 

 

 

Part 1. Recognition.

 

 

 

As I grew up, I attended the Shing Jea Monastery to learn the ways of the monk and the ranger. As the months passed, I became one of the most promising students, that even the Headmasters and Master Togo were impressed. It is a tradition that when a monk graduates, they are given a special pattern *like a tattoo only it covers the entire body*. Monks that pass are given the Dragon or the Star patterns, those who have passed with honors were given a Flowing design. As I went into the room and took of my clothes to receive the pattern on my body, an Avatar of Dwayna appeared. She took the pattern design from the assistant and blew on it and disappeared. When the assistant picked up the design from the floor, she was surprised at was on it. When she put the design on my bare back, instead of the Flowing design which I was supposed to receive, it was something entirely different. The pattern was the same color as the sapphire pendant I was wearing and the design was a picture of Dwayna and her symbols. As I put my clothes back on, it was then I knew that I was chosen for something important.

 

 

 

Couple years passed, and I went around helping and healing those who needed it. Then a plague struck, this wasn't regular plague, this one corrupted those it afflicted, turning them into in horrific monsters who fought anyone and spread their affliction to those its found. Master Togo sent us and a few other students out to help find out where the plague was coming from. We finally found where it was emanating from, in a library in Zen Daijun, but when we got there, we found something even worse. Inside the temple was the guild symbol of Shiro Tagachi the Betrayer.

 

 

 

Many students including myself were sent to the Cantha mainland to try and stop the plague from spreading. While I was in a small town called Senji's Corner, something strange happened. I was searching for those who needed help or were sick, when a beast came upon me. I fought back as hard as I could, but the creature showed no signs of weakening. Just as I was about to give up and run, a voice whispered in my ear. The voice was calm as it spoke. It told me to let go and allow myself to be hit. I didn't want too, but somehow I knew that I would be safe. As I got hit, I flew backwards from the force of the blow and smashed into one of the houses and fell to the ground. Barely conscious, I saw someone leaning over me, pick me up gently and kiss me and I fell into unconsciousness.

[dragoncmd]

Good start, some more detail would be nice, I'm just waiting to see how sell you researched the story. (guildwarsguru is an invaluable source)

[Seer]

Good start, some more detail would be nice, I'm just waiting to see how sell you researched the story. (guildwarsguru is an invaluable source)

 

 

 

yea still working on it. most of the story is coming from my perspective and some i made up. gonna work on part 2 today maybe.

[Seer]

Part 2. A New Life

 

 

 

Where am I? Who am I?

 

 

 

As I slowly opened my eyes, I could see nothing, but darkness and couldn't remember anything. I tried to break free, but there was something surrounding me. Some instinct told me to hit the wall with my face, and as I did, I saw the light of morning in my face. I worked to free myself of the egg, and landed on a giant nest exhausted. Something touched my face as I laid down, and I looked up to see my mother, Kuunavang the Saltspray dragon.

 

As I slowly grew up, my mother gave me the name Miella Lightwing. She taught me how to survive and to hunt.

 

 

 

It was almost 8 years later before my mother told me who I really was, and why it happened to me. She told me that the Goddess Dwayna had something planned for me, but most importantly for now She needed me to go and help students from the monastery destroy Shiro. My mother also said that there is a way for me to take the form of a human again and asked if I wanted to know how. I agreed to learn how so that I wouldn't entirely scare my old friends. After I learned to transform freely between human and dragon, I stayed with my mother for 1 more year to learn more of her knowledge, then I bid her goodbye and told her that I would come back soon, and flew off in search of my old friends.

[Death45]

never knew you could write GW stories here. It's pretty good so far, and are you planning on making a story for Nightfall, Prophecies ,and Eye of the North? If not then I probably will.

[llamster]

never knew you could write GW stories here. It's pretty good so far, and are you planning on making a story for Nightfall, Prophecies ,and Eye of the North? If not then I probably will.

 

 

 

You can write another GW story, if its original.

[Seer]

never knew you could write GW stories here. It's pretty good so far, and are you planning on making a story for Nightfall, Prophecies ,and Eye of the North? If not then I probably will.

 

 

 

yea my story covers nightfall, prophecies and EotN

[Death45]

Then eventually i'll make a story on GW2, like in a few years.

[Fist_of_ozzy]

It's alright I guess.

[Zonorhc]

Then eventually i'll make a story on GW2, like in a few years.

 

 

 

Nothing is actually stopping you from writing a fanfic about the current GW games.

 

 

 

It's not like you're restricted to recounting in-game events. Use your imagination. That's what creative writing is about.

[Death45]

I'll write a GW story as soon as i think of something to write.

[Seer]

Part 3. Shiro Tagachi.

 

 

 

"No one can defeat me! Least of all you puny mortals!"

 

 

 

As I flew over the Jade Sea, I learned that many of the students had already fought Shiro, but lost to him the first time. They met with the Envoys of the Underworld and learned that Shiro was planning something, but didn't know what. They were told to find 2 artifacts that could help destroy Shiro. Some of the students went to the Kurzicks to fine the Urn of Saint Victor, and others went to the Luxons to find the Spear of Archemorus. After the students got both artifacts, they faced Shiro again and dealt him a powerful blow, but it didn't kill him and the 2 artifacts were destroyed in the process. The Envoys said that they needed to unite the Kurzicks and the Luxons to defeat Shiro once and for all.

 

 

 

The students decided to split up again to try and unite the 2 warring factions against Shiro. Each side didn't trust outsiders, so the students had to gain reputation in order to gain their help. I flew to where the students in the Luxon territory would eventually pass through. I waited for 2 days before they came. When they saw me, they thought I was one of the corrupted dragons from Shiro's touch, but when I spoke, they were scared and surprised at the same time. They were still wondering who I was when I showed them my true self. Many thought I was dead because I was missing for so long. Many had questions about what happened, or where I had been. I told them they would know soon enough and that I was there to help them.

 

 

 

As we traveled to Leviathan Pits, we were attacked by the Kurzicks and the Afflicted. The Kurzicks decided to help us defeat the afflicted, but as soon as the battle ended, the Luxons surrounded them and captured them. We told them that they must put aside their differences and work together to fight Shiro. They agreed to put aside their differences until Shiro was dead. We also learned that the students on the Kurzick side had succeeded in uniting the Kurzicks and were headed to the Unwaking Waters, but there was also bad news. Shiro had succeeded in corrupting my mother, Kuunavang to his cause.

 

 

 

As we headed to the Unwaking Waters, we knew we needed Kuunavang's help, but we needed to free her from Shiro's grasp. As we neared to where She was, hordes of Afflicted came at us. As we fought to the top of the tower, Kuunavang attacked us. After a long battle, we finally freed her from Shiro's grasp. After my mother and I had a talk, she agreed to help us defeat Shiro by teaching us powerful and ancient spells. As we were about to leave, the Envoys appeared and told us that Shiro was planning to kill the Emperor to make himself mortal again. We knew we had to act fast, so we headed out to Raisu Palace to save the Emperor from Shiro and stop him once and for all.

[Zonorhc]

It's moving too quickly. There's absolutely no description beyond vague hand-waving of events, and you're basically assuming that everyone has played Guild Wars and knows what you're talking about when you refer to Shiro and the factions.

 

 

 

Also, you're more or less just recounting the story of GW: Factions. For those who haven't played it, your story is confusing because you offer no explanation for anything. For those who have, it's trite and dull because everything is just regurgitated and there aren't any new concepts to explore.

 

 

 

If you did something creative with it, then you might get somewhere.

[Seer]

and unless u have anything constructive to say then don't post spam. like i said its my point of view of GW alright? i'm not retelling it exactly how it is in the real game. so yes i'm adding things in this that aren't in the real game.

[Zonorhc]

I don't think you're adding anything except for your character. You're basically telling the story of the game.

 

 

 

You have to describe what's happening. Show the reader what's going on, rather than just telling them "this happened, then this happened". Your characters aren't reacting to any of the events; they're just going along with them. There is nothing to draw a reader in because your narrative is limited to "We walked here, then we did this. We walked somewhere else, and did something else." Giving the names of places isn't enough; you have to describe them and make the world seem alive.

 

 

 

And if you didn't want criticism and feedback, or react poorly to it as you've shown, maybe you're posting in the wrong place.

[Seer]

Part 4. Togo's death.

 

 

 

"So, your of the royal line. You'll do nicely."

 

 

 

As we neared the palace, we soon learned that Shiro had already broken through the defences and was nearing the Emperor. As one of the students came back, he told us that we would have to fight some of Shiro's generals and their men to get to Shiro. All of us knew that the Generals wouldn't let us go by without a fight. We pressed onward and fought Shiro'ken of every profession and their Generals and soon came to where Shiro himself had the Emperor and was preparing to strike him down! Togo ran forward and at the last second, got between Shiro and the Emperor and disappeared.... Later, though we did not witness it, Shiro struck down Togo, and became mortal once again. After we made sure that the Emperor was safe, we set out to avenge Togo's death, and to kill Shiro and send him to the Underworld. As we got closer to where Shiro was, he started to taunt us, telling us how weak we were, and how no one could defeat him, and as we stood at the gateway to where he was standing, we told him that we will defeat him and send his soul to the Envoy's. A raging battle soon commenced, and Shiro threw everything he had at us, but slowly we managed to overpower him and soon struck him down, but he was not dead. Slowly he got up, but before he could move, the Oracle and 3 Adepts of the Mists came up and transformed his body into jade. Soon after, the Envoy's appeared and took Shiro down to the Underworld where he would pay for all he had done and as we headed back, a bright light surrounded us, and when it had disappeared, I was gone......

 

 

 

So what happened after that? Yeah what?

 

 

 

I looked up at the 2 who asked me, and said "That is a story for another time. Now it is time for us to get some rest for we must press on to stop Varesh"

 

 

 

After the rest of the group I was traveling with fell asleep, I got up and sat down a few feet away from the rest and meditated and soon after I too fell asleep, holding the sapphire pendant I had received long ago.....

[llamster]

You're lacking in detail. The story sounds like it's being told from a guy who's giving a brief account of certain historical events.

[Seer]

pretty much what the first 4 chapters are. i'm telling the story around a campfire

[dragoncmd]

I think what they mean is that to tell a story, you want to give the story life, and continuously make your audience want to know whats going to happen next. In its current form, your story is closer to a history lecture class that I skip everyday at school.