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The Gods, Humble Beginnings (Editing Complete)


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#21
mr_dude160
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"He called me noble!" said Scife, excited.



"I call all my followers noble," said Guthix, "Now what is it you want?"



"Well," said Scife, "Zamorak and Saradomin have started gathering followers, and we think they might go to war! And if they do, what should I do?"



"I am aware of the treachery of both of my brothers," said Guthix calmly, "You forget, I am everything in nature, things dont get by me easily. And if a war breaks out, I do not want you, or any of my folllowers to fight. Tell the people to live in harmony, spread the word of neutrality, or your kind may be destroyed. They have split the world in half, all from Misthalin to the eastern shores of Morytania belong to Zamorak, And Asgarnia all the way on over to the borders of the elf lands beloged to Saradomin. Scife, there aren't many neutral cities. I suggest you take refuge in Taverly, city of the druids. If that falls to Saradomin, go to Camelot. They do not belive in any of the gods of this plane of existence, and will not fight but for their freedom. Now, i must go." And with that the tree ceased to move, the post-it gone.



"Well," said Mr Dude, "I guess i have to go to Falador, My side is there."



"I'll come with!" said Scife, stowing her green marker somewhere in her amour, "It's on the way to Taverly."



So the two teleported to Falador, unaware of the troubles they would face arriving in the city. When they arrived, an interesting sight met their eyes. Falador was still white, but there was more Saradomin everywhere. Saradomin's symbol was on posters, flags, and cute little action figures all over the town, which seemed to be whiter. And in the square, instead of the usual statue, Saradomin himself sat on an ornate marble throne. He looked at the new arrivals and noted that the girl was displaying the colors of Guthix.



"SEIZE THE MORTAL GIRL!" said Saradomin, standing up, pointing at Scife, "SHE IS OBVIOUSLY A SPY FOR MY BROTHER!"



"No!" said Scife, "Dont take me to a scary Jail! And besides, Guthix wants peace! PEACE! I just need to go to Taverly, please let me go!"



Saradomin felt some pity for the girl, but after all, it was war.



"Guards!" said Saradomin, "It is time to show those in Taverly which god is more powerful!"



"Who?" said one of the guards.



Saradomin stared at the idiotic human. He chucked a stone at the fool, but it hit his helmet, only slightly injuring the man.



"OW!!!" said the Guard, "That REALLY HURT! Why throw a rock, I mean COME ON! It was only a joke!"



"THIS IS WAR!!" shouted Saradomin, standing up, "NO MERCY FOR YOU!!" And he chucked another rock, with a similar reaction from the guard, "NOW TAKE THE GIRL TO TAVERLY! We will let them prepare for a few hours." And Scife was escorted from the city, to the Taverly gate.



Once beyond the wall, which was in the process of being dismantled, to stop dividing Saradomin's country, Scife took a look around. Not much had changed in Taverly, except more symbols of Guthix had been put up, or painted on to recently erected statues of Saradomin in defiance. A man in a white robe came up, looking hostile, then, after seeing who Scife obviously supported, became much more welcoming.



"Welcome to Taverly, fellow human," said the man, "This is the last remaining neutral place in Runescape!"



"Not for long," said Scife grimly, "Saradomin is coming to change everything. We MUST escape to Camelot, they won't follow any God from this world. It could be the only place we are safe!" All Scife recieved was laughter from the people who had gathered around to listen. There was an explosion, and part of the wall blew apart. The citizens looked at the wall in shock, and realized that the newcomer spoke the truth.



Scife led the Druids away from their beloved homes, and all their posessions, to Camelot. Upon arrival, she had a long conversation with King Arthur, and with much persuasion, was allowed to stay.



~*~



Saradomin looked out over the crowd that had gathered in his city. The man who arrived with that defiant girl was obviously a supporter, but he had his suspicions. He stood up, tired of the complications of being a deity in a mortal world, and retired to the nearby castle, where a war meeting was going on.



"And then we can take them out with the Dragons, it won't be easy but we can do it!" said the General, not noticing Saradomin had walked in. Angered at being ignored, Saradomin pulled out a much larger rock then he had thrown at the guard, and threw it at a nearby Captain. This man wasn't as lucky, and was rushed to the hospital, thinking he was a tea cozy.



"It is almost time," said Saradomin, "I can smell it in the wind. It smells like.... Rotten eggs, and ham."



"Nah, thats just my lunch!" said a nearby general, holding up an egg sandwich and a chunk of ham.



"SILENCE!!" said Saradomin, "THAT IS THE SMELL OF WAR I TELL YOU!"



Saradomin stormed out of the room, angry at the incompetence of the mortals around him. He returned to his throne, and watched as the people returned to their daily buisiness. Saradomin wondered if his brother was having just as hard of a time.



But first thigns first, he was in a pickle, his best captain was in a mental hospital, and he was in desparate need of a new one. He stood up from his throne, and adressed his subjects.



"People of this city!' shouted Saradomin, "I need anyone who may be fit for being a captain!"



"I AM!" came a voice from the distance, "For it is me, Epee!!" A man in a slightly askew silver crown, with silver star on his shoulder, rode up on a small, fat donkey.



"Hi epee!!" shouted Mr Dude, waving, "We were just talking about Chuck Norris!"



Epee looked at Mr Dude angrily, and climbed down off of his donkey. He walked up to Mr Dude, and paused. All of a sudden, he started to kick Mr Dude in the shin, repeatedly, saying "Get out of here!" each word followed by a sharp kick.



"If I wasn't wearing armor that would have hurt," said Mr Dude as Epee continued to kick him in the shin.



"ENOUGH!" shouted Saradomin, thinking it was a tad odd that this mortal was kicking the other one for talking about a man called Chuck Norris. Who was this "Chuck Norris?" He had to find out. After some long boring ceremony, Epee was the new captain, and Mr Dude was at the armor shop, fixing the dents in his shin.
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#22
mr_dude160
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Zamorak was quite pleased with his kingdom. All newcomers to this plane conveniently appeared in his lands, and were immediately brainwashed into support of Zamorak. To the east were the lands of Morytania, where he had the vampyres, vyrewatch, ghasts, and werewolves, all at his command. To the north was the wilderness. This land belonged to him, and him alone. From here, he had dragons, demons, and an element of chaos, all at his disposal, along with a group of particularly nasty, very powerful creatures, all in ghost form. Plus, he was developing a secret weapon, one he knew could help end the war.



Zamorak was sitting in his quarters, wondering what would happen if he started the inevitable, another war. He wondered how Guthix would react, if at all, and how he would interfere if he did. His plans didnt work if Guthix interfered. Then he heard blasphemy in the air.



"POO THE GODS!!" said Scife, cursing the gods that were planning this dreadful war.



"WELL POO THE YOU AS WELL!!" shouted Zamorak, shaking his fist, even though Scife wouldnt be able to hear him.



Then, from the hallway outside his door, Zamorak heard a bang, a thud, a clank, and shouts from his guards. All of a sudden Killa burst into the room with a bucket on his head, shouting wildly.



"VIVA DUKE CHOCULA!!" he shouted, running into a wall, breaking the bucket.



He fell to the ground, twitching. Zamorak knew full well that the collision was not hard enough to cause serious injury, and the foolish man was just putting on a show. He was dragged out by the guards, and resumed his mad shouting, leaving Zamorak to his violent, cruel thoughts.



~*~



Guthix was sitting on a throne of vines in he middle of a thick jungle, on an island he had made just for the occasion. He knew a war was at hand, and for a neutral guy, he was pretty interested. There hadn't been a big war in quite some time. And at the end of the last war, the gods had promised not to meddle in human affairs. The concequences of this could be greater than he first believed. He knew the war was to come very soon, for the wind told him.



Yes the wind can speak, but you insolent fools cant understand!!! I mean.. Erm.. Back to the story...



Guthix decided to take a trip. He sank into the vines and was once again part of the earth. He decided to take a trip to the desert, where he heard big things were happening at their primitive Duel Arena. When he arrived, he knew something was up. In place of the statues surrounding the separate Arenas, there were giant metal bars, and in each arena there was a great number of demons, and other vile creatures. Zamorak had been capturing Saradominists sneaking over to visit their families, and blasphemers, putting them in these arenas to face the monsters, forcing the strong survivors to be in his army.



Zamorak himself had decided to watch the festivities, as he so fondly put them, and was seated on a throne over an Arena where a fight was about to begin.



Guthix would have none of this, and wanted to speak his mind to Zamorak. He took the form of a cactus, and exposed his face. He hopped up the ramp in cactus form, and sat quietly by Zamorak. He then poked him, hiding his face. Zamorak turned, wondering why an insolent little cactus was sitting behind him, poking him. He decided it was nothing, and turned to watch the fight in progress. Then Guthix became human, and gave zamorak a good prod on the back of his head. Zamorak turned around, fuming. Then, before he knew what was up, the wind started blowing, and whispered something urgent to Guthix. He looked up to the sky, and disappeared into the earth, leaving his brother rubbing his eyes, wondering if he was a mirage.



Guthix arrived on his island once more, and in place of a throne, was a large scrying pool, also made of vines, Guthix gazed into it, and knew what the wind told him was true. He walked away, and sat down, waiting.



~*~



Saradomin was wondering what to do to build his army, he had a decent million man army, but he hadn't resorted to forcing people to join yet. He found Epee was a good captain, "muting" people speaking offences against Saradomin and for general over chattiness. For example, some man named Biggieg had snuck in from Zamorak's side and started saying odd things like "Zamorak ftw", and "Zamorak rulz." Epee ran up to him with a roll of pink duct tape, and stuck it over Biggieg's mouth.



Saradomin had a few tricks up his sleeve, and was prepared to fight. But he knew that if HE started the war, mum would ground him. Even being a powerful diety, mum always had power. But it was a chance he had to take. Zamorak had been capturing his people, and he had a good army with powerful creatures and an army almost twice the size of his own. Then, he decided.



He was going to attack...



Saradomin sat on his throne, bewildered at the orders he had just given his messengers. He sent them to his brother's territory, bearing the message that war was at hand. He knew they would be detected and detained immediately after stepping on to Zamorakian soil, and was assured that the message would arive. He had enough of his civillians being lured to the other side by his brother, that fool named Zamorak.



To ensure nothing of the sort had happened, he moved the bricks that made up the taverly wall, and sent them to the eastern borders of his kingdom, fortifying the Draynor wall, and building another wall that completely blocked off his territory from Zamorak's.



The draft had just been instated, and his army was growing. The animals told him that his army had become similar in size and power to Zamorak's. While the messengers were passing on their... Messages, Saradomin sent his men to a gap in the wall, at the monastery neighboring the small town of Edgeville, on the edge of the Wilderness. This was where the first battle was to begin.
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#23
Xewleer
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Chuck Norris as Saradomin's general... ... must become good before losing head to roundhouse kick...
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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!
It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?
Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

#24
mr_dude160
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Chuck wasnt general.. Epee was.. Chuck is a banned topic on the Tip.it chat, and Epee is a chatmod... Thats where the comedy from that comes in
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#25
Biggieg333
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Your making the world sit in tragedy pools wandering where I am -.-! Go Mr. Dude! Keep on rolling out the story and funnies!

#26
mr_dude160
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Saradomin's messengers had reached the great wall dividing the Barbarian Village, and the two kingdoms, down the middle. There was a small hole, which they crawled through with ease. The second they reached the other side two demons appeared in puffs of smoke, grabbing them by the arm.



They dragged them to the castle in Varrock, where Zamorak was waiting angrily on a throne.



"How dare you filthy desciples of my idiot of a brother come on to my land!?" shouted Zamorak at the messengers.



"Saradomin has declared war," said a messenger grimly, "he will show no mercy!"



"If he will show no mercy," said Zamorak, a crazy grin on his face, "Then I will show you none, and, contrary to the popular term, SHOOT THE MESSENGER!"



Zamorak laughed madly, and the two messengers burst into flames. As their remains were cleaned up, Killa ran into the room, once again shouting madly.



"THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!"



Killa ran out of the room, dodging a lightning bolt coming from the general direction of Zamorak, giggling.



~*~



Guthix watched the messengers pass their message from his scrying pool. He was slightly surprised, yet neutral on the outcome. He knew he couldn't interfere. And was neutral with neutrailized rage. He could never upset the balance, even if he wanted to. The world would come to an end if he disrupted the balance. The power would be shifted, and the wars that would follow would destroy the world and all the people in it.



~*~



Scife, happy to finally be put back into the story, was just sitting around in camelot, waiting for the war to start, for Guthix stopped by and told her what had happened. Then, from off in the distance, she heard sirens. This was bad, for they signaled an air strike, and as far as she was concerned any air strike was bad. The "sirens" as Saradomin had decreed them, were actually highly trained orangutangs who shouted loudly when prodded with large sticks. Scife ran through the castle screaming, and bumping into things, such as lamps, children, and an irritable nun. This was because she was blindfolded from trying to break open a Guthix shaped pinata. She fell face first over a footstool, and finally took off the blindfold. She looked up, and saw King Arthur standing over her, arms crossed.



"Airstrike," she said sheepishly, before passing out.



When she woke up ,she was in a large basement. With her were the Druids, and the Knights of the Round Table. They all sat, huddled to gether in fear as the earth quaked. The air was filled with the sound of screaming people, explosions, and what Scife was sure was the roar of dragons. This was far worse than she could have imagined.



~*~



Saradomin had his full army meet just east of the monastery, in the town of Edgeville, and was about to take down the wall. All of a sudden, Large black dragons, carrying basket like parcels swooped from overhead, headed toward's Saradomin's kingdom.



Saradomin turned to face it, the camera following his turn and zooming out dramatically, showing the full army, before zooming in to his glaring eyes, and he shouted, bringing the camera back to normal distance from his face, "MAGE THEM DOWN!!!"



He watched his mages as they fired spell after spell at the dragons, only a few doing any major damage. One dragon was hit, and it's load exploded, killing it and another dragon nearby. The two dragons started to fall, and upon hitting the ground, exploded again, sending random limbs flying everywhere. A small girl, oddly out of place, caught a toe, and jumped up and down excitedly, holding it above her head like a trophy. So cute.



Epee had ridden up on his horse, and the order was given, blow up the wall! They could hear the troops assembling on the other side and knew that the explosion would have inevitably get some of them. They assembled some exploding potions, and after backign away, a mage cast a spell on one, causing a chain reaction, blowing them all up, and breaching the wall. And of cours breaching the skulls of some unfortunate Zamorakian soldiers on the other side. The first casualties of the war had just occured, and the battle was about to begin.
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#27
Biggieg333
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Ah the pink duct tape!!! It burns -.-...

#28
bloody_scife
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*le bump*



People! Go to my blog it needs bumped!

Yes.
7,436th to 99 fishing on July 13, 2008

Quotes that I lol'd at

#29
killaman_47
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am i becomeing a random event or something ????? :ohnoes:



oh well... guess i had better go and irritate some people :XD:



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look at me go!! :thumbsup:
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It was so colourful, dudes, that it felt like my eyes were being massaged by marzipan fairies.


#30
mr_dude160
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Wong was exploring the village of the Seers, and it happened. The alarm orangutangs started to shout, and off in the distance, a large black spot moved toward the small town. She stared in horror as it came closer and closer, and realized it was a dragon. Wong started to run, and before she could even think of grabbing runes from her bag to teleport away, the dragon swooped over the city, and dropped a large object. The object hit the ground and exploded. This was no regular exploding potion either, it was a gel, that stuck to anything and burned.



Wong watched the object fall, and hit the ground. Then, the air was ripped apart by a firey blast, killing everyone within the city. Wong was not able to escape the explosion...



~*~



The orangutangs had stopped, the roaring had stopped, and the screaming had stopped. Scife, the knights, the citizens of Taverly were down in the underground bunker, waiting. Scife and the men were desparately tired, for it was near midnight, and they all fell asleep for a non creepy, non sexual, regular night of sleep in the cold, dark basement.



The next morning when Scife woke up, she decided she would open the trapdoor and see what the world held in store for her. As she opened the trapdoor, a shocking sight met her eyes.



~*~



Mr Dude, who had been conspicuously left out until this time, was walking around Ardougne, happy that the borders restricting his travel were gone. He was sitting in the house of some citizen friends, eating a crumpet, when an explosion rocked the earth. He ran out side, and saw smoke rising from where Seer's Village used to be. Those dumb alarm orangutans had just stated shouting, and he knew that they were next.



"GET IN THE SHELTER!" shouted Mr Dude, running into the house dramatically.



"But I havent finished my tea yet guv," said Frances, the irate House Frau, "Keep your knickers on!"



Mr Dude was tired of this awful woman. If she wanted to die, then she could. Mr Dude grabbed Frank, not wanting another useless casualty. Frank spilled his rum all over his shirt, and turned to Mr Dude, angry.



"What was that for eh?!" shouted Frank angrily, "You went and spilt my rum!"



"I must be dreaming!" said Mr Dude, "This CANT be happening! Now come on!"



"I'm not dreamin," said Frank, "If i were there would be pretty women and a keg."



Mr Dude pulled frank down into a basement, and closed the trapdoor, expecting Frances to come down any time now. But after a short while, another explosion rocked the earth, and from above they heard Frances' blood curdling screams as she was slowly burnt to death.



"FRANK!!! FRAAAANK! I DONT WANT TO DIE!" shouted Frances, "I STILL 'AVENT FINISHED MY TEA!!!"



Frank began to sob, and Mr Dude just wanted to get out of the small basement. He rummaged around in his pockets, and found the runes he needed to teleport away. He waved to frank, and with a small pop, was gone.
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#31
bloody_scife
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He gave it to a small girl with cancer?

O_o....





That's so unlike him.
7,436th to 99 fishing on July 13, 2008

Quotes that I lol'd at

#32
mr_dude160
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I am gonna take a break from this story while I write a new one... this will be resurrected soon tho =]
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#33
mr_dude160
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yer zamorak was feeling kind that day
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#34
mr_dude160
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EDIT: Removed
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#35
w0ngt0ng
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Name: Wongtong

Affiliation: Saradomin

Looks: Full sara >.> and w/e you want to put in.

Stench of a f2p nub.
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F2P | 59/70 smith | 13/15 skills 70+ | 70 smith banked.
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#36
mr_dude160
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EDIT: Post removed
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#37
mr_dude160
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REMOVED
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#38
ANGRYPOKEMONZ
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How would tongwong be in Seers if she's f2p...

Some of us like wearing marshmallows on our feet.


#39
mr_dude160
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The member/f2p wall = torn down by saradomin... Limits like that dont exist
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#40
mr_dude160
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k
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