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The Gods, Humble Beginnings (Editing Complete)

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This is a story about... The gods. The three main Dieties of runescape. Bandos, Zaros, Itchlarin, Armadyl not included.




And Bloody Scife is my cheif editor. If i make dumb typos or if i just do something horribly, she is there to point it out :D. THANKS!




THIS STORY IS OFFICALLY BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE!!! Bios will NOT be accepted from this point on, sorry ^^




Check here for editing updates.




7/19/08- Editing begins, 1/4 of the way there.


7/20/08- Editing finished :]




Now, go read my other story, The Varrock Riots... I'm gonna post on that for a while..








And feel free to subscribe to both!! -points to 'subscribe' link above the post-


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It is in the the world of Gielinor that our story begins. Three brothers, Zamorak, Saradomin, and Guthix appeared on a strange island in the middle of a large, open sea. In front of them was a large assortment of clothes. Saradomin chose white robes, and Zamorak stood there, proudly displaying himself.




"I PREFER NUDITY!" said Zamorak, proudly.




"Cover your shame!" said Saradomin, sheilding his eyes. He threw a tattered loincloth in his brother's direction, which he reluctantly put on.




Guthix chose a nice hat.




"Hm," said Saradomin, inquisitively, "I wonder where we are, and why there are no mortals. Maybe they are making flower necklaces and garlands to celebrate my return to the mortal world."




"Of course you would say that you ninny!" shouted Zamorak. "You know the world isnt all flowers, and rabbits, and happy lovey goo. Theres plenty of evil out there, and they are probably fighting for the glory of me!" He said jabbing his finger into his chest.




Guthix, being a potted tree for easy mobility, sat there, not saying anything. Suddenly, he fell over, spilling dirt all over the floor.




"There goes Guthix again," said Zamorak in an annoyed tone, looking at Saradomin,"Its YOUR turn to pick him up!"




And with that the dirt flew back into the pot of its own accord, and it stood up again. The two mobile brothers decided to investigate, Saradomin rummaging through drawers, and Zamorak smashing the object he wished to search, and rummaging around the debris for interesting objects. And as before, Guthix was sitting in his plant pot in the middle of the room, with an occasional twitch of a leaf, but nothing more.




Then, out of nowhere came a voice, "Hello! Welcome to Runescape! Now I would appreciate it if you stopped destroying my personal effects!" The voice came from a man who had just appeared next to Guthix. Saradomin gave out a girlish shreak, and cluthched his chest. Zamorak jumped, and feeling embarassed that a foolish mortal scared him, turned his scream into into a roar, killing a cute little rabbit watching curiously from the window.




"Now," said the man "If you have had enough of that, then please proceed to my friend, the survival expert. She will explain certain skills you will face on our lovely planet."




"Ugh," said Zamorak, "I guess this means that I have to carry Guthix down."




"Duh!" said Saradomin, "You're stronger."




So Zamorak picked up his brother, and, with a wave of his hand, blasted open the door, much to the surprise of the owner, and stormed out, Saradomin close behind.




The three brothers reached a small pond where a woman was walking back and forth, mumbling to herself. Something about shrimp and chopping wood, as if she were practicing for something.




"Hello!!!" She shouted all of a sudden flashing a dazzling smile, "Im going to teach you how to survive! HERE!"




And with that she shoved a hatchet and tinder box into Zamorak's, then Saradomin's hands. She turned and paused at the sight of Guthix, who started to twitch at the sight of the hatchets and tinderboxes.




"Whats with the tree?" She said in a rude, questioning tone.




"That, good madam is our brother!" Said Saradomin, defensively.




"Erm, ok!" She said, returning to her normal cheery voice, "Now go chop down a tree, and set the logs on fire!"




Zamorak glared at the woman, walked to the nearest tree, and just stared at it. After a few moments, he shouted, "PITIFUL HUMAN TREE!!! FEEL THE WRATH OF ZAMORAK!!!" And it burst into flames.




"Well, thats not quite what I meant," Said the instructor, frowning.




"YOU DARE QUESTION ME?" Souted Zamorak, turning to the insolent woman, seeming to grow twice his size, "FOOLISH MORTAL!!"




"Run lady run!!!" Shouted Saradomin, scared.




Zamorak let out an ear shattering roar, and pushed the woman in the lake, shouting, "FEEL THE WRATH OF ZAMORAK! WUAHAHAHAHAHA! Now come on, we are leaving!"




He turned and picked up Guthix, and they walked down a nearby path towards a small gate.


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Well, you told me to read this on Lightning so here I am.




OT: Its pretty short, I think you really do need those bios, eh? Pretty interesting/humorous, but it needs to be longer, you just get into the story.


When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. ~Jonathan Swift


Website Updates/Corrections here. WE APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT! Crewbie's Missions!Contributor of the Day!

Thanks to artists: Destro3979, Guthix121, Shivers21, and Unoalexi.

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Quite entertaining, amigo.

7,436th to 99 fishing on July 13, 2008


[hide=Quotes that I lol'd at]

the day the fantastic four come into runescape, i will eat my socks.

what kind of topic is this. ihaven't read it yet

but i now it must be stupid.


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Hehehe....reading it right now...Nice read.

So I herd You Liek Markip2's?

Barrows Drops: V helm x1, Dh Helm x1

Dragon Drops: 0

Finally finished RFD on 8/30/08!

First one to complete Lumbridge Achievement Diary In World 99 FTW!


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Interesting interesting..but WRONG!!! You summoned me from lightning for this!? You'll rue this day "mr" dude! Rue it!

Barrows: 9~2 V Brass,V Flail,2 Dh Plate,V Helm,V Skirt,T Legs,Malevolent Shield DKing: 48~6 W Ring,13 A Ring,8 M Staff,9 S Ring,7 B Ring,3 Seercull
Dragon Drops: 405~46 Med,26 Axe,3 Chain,8 Legs,9 Spear,2 D2h,8 L Half,49 Boots,2 Skirt,2 DDs,9 Lump,8 Claws,56 Dagger,13 Visage,74 Mace,4 Scimitar,2 Hasta,Baxe,51 Long,29 Royal,2 Kite,Ward,Plate,Staff,Hammer
GWD: 151~4 S Staff,72 Shard,9 B Tass,13 B Plate,5 B Boots,6 A Plate,11 S Sword,8 A Hilt,3 A Skirt,9 A Helm,S Hilt,3 B Hilt,B Glove,2 A Buckler,Z Ward,Z Garb,Z Boots,B shield

Corp: 3~Elysian,2 Sp Sh Nex: 3~Torva Legs,Cere,P cowl + GWD2: 6~2 Glaive,Wand,2 Crest,Blade Araxyte: 5~Web,3 Pheromone,Fang + Raids: 4~3 Codex,P Boots 

Etc: 57~3 Sceptre,B Mask,16 Whip,2 Focus Sight,5 D Bow,6 SOL,Ragefire,2 Steadfast,Arma Staff,4 Rider Armor,4 Vine,2 Razorback,2 A Wand,Abby Orb,Blood Shard,5 Hydrix,Gland
[spoiler=Capes]Quest Cape Aquired 12-7-07 ~ Level 93 + + + Completionist Cape Aquired 5-22-15 ~ Level 138
Hitpoints Cape Aquired 9-21-09 ~ Level 131 + Magic Cape Aquired 9-24-09 Attack Cape Aquired 3-5-10 ~ Level 135 Summoning Cape Aquired 3-12-10

Strength Cape Aquired 6-1-11 ~ Level 137 Fire Cape Aquired 6-23-11 Defence Cape Aquired 7-5-11 + Ranged Cape Aquired 8-1-11 Kiln Cape Aquired 2-26-12 ~ Level 138
Dungeoneering Cape Aquired 4-22-12 + Slayer Cape Aquired 6-25-14 ~ Level 200 + Herblore Cape Acquired 12-9-14 ~ Level 138 Prayer Cape Acquired 12-20-14
Agility Cape Acquired 1-4-15 + Hunter Cape Acquired 1-30-15 Construction Cape Acquired 1-31-15 Crafting Cape Acquired 2-22-15 Thieving Cape Acquired 3-18-15
Runecrafting Cape Acquired 4-14-15 Mining Cape Acquired 4-19-15 Fishing Cape Acquired 4-25-15 Firemaking Cape Acquired 4-26-15 Woodcutting Cape Acquired 4-26-15
Cooking Cape Acquired 4-26-15Smithing Cape Acquired 4-28-15 Farming Cape Acquired 4-29-15 Divination Cape Acquired 5-3-15 Dungeoneering Mastery 5-4-15
Fletching Cape Acquired 5-4-15 Max Cape Acquired 5-4-15 + Invention Cape Acquired 11-9-16 Invention Mastery 5-16-19

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meh loves! heh we all poster first from lightning! I think it is a good story with good plot structure. keep it up!




Hey bud! Look for some spelling mistakes too! As I was reading the part with Scife yelling bunniesssssssss!, I noticed alot of spelling mistakes in it.




Name: Biggieg333


Affiliation: Zamarok


Looks: Zammy mitre and d b axe! and zammy caper form c wars please?

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Well, anyway, the bio:




Name: Scife


Affiliation: Guthix


Looks: Full Guthix (s), team-32 cape

7,436th to 99 fishing on July 13, 2008


[hide=Quotes that I lol'd at]

the day the fantastic four come into runescape, i will eat my socks.

what kind of topic is this. ihaven't read it yet

but i now it must be stupid.


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Saradomin reached forward to open the gate, which was instead blasted apart by Zamorak, and then thoughtfully repaired by Saradomin. They then proceeded down the path to another small building. They opened a door, and saw a man in a chef's hat, covered in flour, kneading dough that wasn't there.




"Welcome!" said the chef, twitching, "I am going to teach you how to cook!"




"Zamorak, don't hurt this one!" said Saradomin "It's YOUR fault that we never get invited to parties!"




"BAH!" Retaliated Zamorak, "We dont get invited to parties because you get all religious and pass out flower necklaces to everyone in the room. And plus i already know HOW to cook!"




Zamorak grabbed the chef, and stuffed him in the oven, slamming shut the door. Saradomin looked in surprise from the oven, to Zamorak, back to the oven, then back to Zamorak, then at a shiny spoon, then a nickel, then Guthix, then the range, then-




"GET ON WITH IT!!" Shouted Zamorak, interrupting the series of events, "I mean come ON!"




Ah, now back to our heroes. Zamorak, Saradomin, and Guthix left the small building with the range, and after a short ways of walking, decided to stop for a rest.




Zamorak chose to sit on a nearby stump, wondering why in his name he was on this odd island. He heard some rustling from a nearby bush, and turned towards it, glaring. Then, this insolent little bush GIGGLED! Zamorak couldn't tolerate giggling plants, so he stood up, glaring. Then, the bush attacked!




"BUNNIES!!" Shouted a girl, appearing from within the bush, before running away from a very confused Zamorak, laughing madly.




"Hey Saradomin did you see that?" asked Zamorak, scratching his horns.




"See what?" replied Saradomin, stupidly, obviously wrenched out of a daydream, "I wasn't paying attention."




"How about you Guthix?" He asked in vain, hoping this would be the day Guthix would stop being a speechless fool. But Guthix just shook violently, scaring a bird, squirrel, and hobo out of his branches. Zamorak sat down on a nearby boulder, disappointed, and thought about the girl. It was obvious to him t hat she didnt belong here, but where did she come from? He had thought there wasn't more than this little island. Was there more? After much thinking he stood up, and turned to his brothers.




"Enough laying about," he said, gesturing to a house off in the distance, "We need to go to that house and find out what is going on here." Saradomin nodded in agreement, and they set off down the winding path to a small house.




When they arrived, Zamorak of course didnt knock, but, much to his brothers distaste,chose the "blow it up and hope you dont get shot with a crossbow" method. They walked in to a man with his back turned to them, dusting a vase with a picture turtle on it.








"But, but, but" stuttered the man, "I only teach about questing! not survival!"




"THEN WE HAVE NO USE FOR YOU!!!" Zamorak said angrily, and headed for a ladder he spotted in the corner, "COME ON SARADOMIN, WE ARE LEAVING!"




"I am SO sorry," said Saradomin to the qeust man, "My brother has some major rage issues!"




"Oh its fine," said the man returning to his vase "Now off with you! Pip pip, toodles, bai, auf weidersehen and the like!"




Slightly put off by the odd man, Saradomin reluctantly followed his brother down the ladder.


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When he reched the bottom, Saradomin had a look around. He was in a large cave, full of colored rocks with a beefy shirtless man talking to his brothers.




"Oh joy," thought Saradomin, hapily, " Colored rocks!"


Saradomin walked over to the man, and looked down at his brother, Guthix. He noticed that the mark, the symbol of Guthix appearing on to his brother's trunk, was darker than ever. He knew that it was almost time.




"Now, go see whats in them rocks, and get the ore for me!" Said the instructer, snapping Saradomin from his stupor.




"FOOLISH MORTAL!!!!" Shouted Zamorak, angrily, "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO MAKE US DO YOUR BUSY WORK!!" And in a rage zamorak picked up an anivl, and threw it at the insolent fool's head with expert aim.




Saradomin walked away from the scene, shaking his head and stared at one of the colored rocks. When all of a sudden, the rocks attacked!




"BUNNIEEEEESSSSSS!!!!" said a girl, jumping out from behind the rocks, giggling like a madwoman.




"OH DEAR LORD!" Shouted Saradomin in a particularly feminine voice. After composing himself, he looked up to the woman who had almost made him need a change of pants.




"HIII!" shouted the girl, "MY NAME IS SCIFE!!!! WHATS YOURS?!"




"Well," said Saradomin, who was happy that someone was paying attention to him, rather than his brother, who had started killing people for doing what he called 'foolish mortal busy work,' causing Guthix to twitch even more, " My name is Saradomin, and these are my brothers, Guthix, and Zamorak." Pointing at each brother in turn.




"GUTHIX?!" shouted the loud, excitable girl, "HES MY FAVEY!!"




Scife ran over to the shaking, potted tree, and began to badger it nonstop.




"Hi Guthix!" Said Scife, waving at the tree, "Look I have your armor see?! I dunno how I got back here! I was already on the mainland, you know! I was looking for some bunnies to steal their feet to help me get bird's nests but I couldn't find any, and I found myself here! Do you like fishing I do!! I have 99 fishing and I have friends, and go to tip.it and do you like being poked?!" she asked, excitedly, gasping for air. She then started to poke Guthix over and over, laughing madly.




The ground started to rumble, and Guthix exploded in a fit of firey, neutral rage, filling the cave with a bright light that blinded Scife, Zamorak, and Saradomin.






"WHAT WAS THAT?" Scife asked, a surprised look on her face.




"Nothing good, but nothing bad," said a stragely familiar voice.




Zamorak and Saradomin stared in amazement. Scife turned around and gasped, glued to the spot. In front of them, instead of a silly, potted tree in a hat, was a tall, green man, with leaves instead of hair.




"Guthix, your back!" said Saradomin, gleefully.




"Yes, yes, it's not bad, but its not good either.. It is neutral." Said Guthix, calmly "And now that I have left that island, I can finally join the land i created."




The wind began to blow, and leaves flew up and swirled around the diety. Guthix sank into the ground, and for just a second, everything around them had a slight green glow. Scife looked around in wonder as the leaves continued to swirl about, until a particularly large stick hit her in the face. The wind settled down, and while Scife sat on the ground, watching in horror as blood poured from her nose, the two brothers began to bicker.




"This is all your fault!" shouted Saradomin, angrily, pointing at Zamorak, "You wanted to come to the mortal world to meddle about, knowing full well we may never see our brother again! And now he is gone! Who knows how the balance could be upset! And it is all, your, FAULT!"




"SHUT UP!" shouted Zamorak, "You are just jealous because I'm more powerful! That and mum likes me better!"




"Lies!" shouted Saradomin, hurt, "She only pretends to like you so you don't kill her!"




"STOP!" said Scife, "This will get us nowhere! But look at me, I AM A BLOODY SCIFE!"




A set of drums fell from the sky, followed by some cymbals, and Saradomin and Zamorak stared blankly at the smiling girl with blood pouring from her nose.




They remained staring at each other, not moving, for a good few minutes. Two new people walked upon the peculiar scene, one named Biggieg, the other,Mr Dude.




"HI MR DUDE!" said Scife, waving enthusiastically.




"HI SCIFE!!!" said Mr Dude, waving back.




"Hi Biggieg," said biggieg quietly to himself, a sad look on his face.




"YOU ALL KNOW NOTHING!!" said Zamorak, "NOTHING! I am going to gather my followers, then you will pay... You will ALL PAY!"




Zamorak stormed out of the clearing, small animals fleeing in his wake. The rest of the party stared in the direction he went, crossing their arms.




"What a jerk," said Mr Dude, "I hope he gets hit by a bus."




"What's a bus?" said Scife, looking curiously at Mr Dude.




"I, I don't know.." Said Mr Dude, frowning, "It just seemed right."




Everyone turned to Mr Dude, looking at him like he was the stupidest person alive.




"Well it did!" said Mr Dude, defensively, "I mean, come on, for the love of Saradomin!"




"Hey," said Saradomin, looking up, "That's me!"




"Very good," said Scife, using all her self control to keep herself from pushing Saradomin into a puddle of mud.


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This seems like it would make a nice comedy.. although it's regrettably short at the moment.. Remember, you don't have to tell everything, try to give your readers more leave way to imagine things. Make sure to type your story in Ms word(or something similar) and look for common errors, like capitalizations. Putting a space between paragraphs makes things easier to read.




Also, character names with numbers can be rather annoying at times.. By all means name them after your friends, just instead of Johny762423, just call the guy Johny.




How would the obviously not noobish players get back on tutorial island? :-s


Here be dragons ^


Dragon of the Day


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ok you know a bit about me from hyt so im not gonna mince words




name - killa


god - guthix (have prayerbook and almost full)


info - currently trainig slayer but my goal is to cause lulz


looks - despite thinking i look quite gd i get called "noob" cause my gear aint a full set etc..




ps. im in bloody sifes siggy :shock: (and that was just a fairly normal day in hyt) \'




It was so colourful, dudes, that it felt like my eyes were being massaged by marzipan fairies.

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Yes the numbers are odd =] just wanted to make sure the people know who they are... And as for the spaces during paragraphs ill fix that now. And Scife doesnt know how she got back on tutorial island either... It's Just how I felt it should be... :D much more will be explained later.. and im sorry for the short posts but thats how i did it on RSOF and im used to having a limit... I will try to fix all these problems


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"Ugh," sighed Saradomin, "First Guthix, now Zamorak, things won't be good."




"WAIT!!" Said Scife in an excited voice, "I SEE BUNNIES!!!!! But more importantly, where are we?! BUT BUNNIES!! OOH A penny! Wait, what's a penny? BUT WHERE ARE WE?!"




And then a voice came from the depths of the forest , "You are near the air temple, I thought this was the best place to appear, unnoticed."




"Well that explains that," said Scife, "But how did Mr Dude and Biggieg get here?"




"Well," said Mr Dude, looking embarassed, "I was at a party at the air altar, and fell off the cliff... Then, out of nowhere, this evil robot came and killed my family!"




Scife started laughing, being the only one who understood the reference.




"Well," said Biggieg, "I was wandering around a forest, and there was a flash of light, and i found myself here!"




"Well I am tired of sitting around and listening to this mindless chitchat!" said Saradomin, irritably, "I am getting out of this place, and gathering followers of my own!"




Saradomin closes his eyes, and with a small pop, he was gone.




"Guthix what do we do!!" said Scife frantically, "We can't get out of this forest!"




"Here, let me help you," said the voice within the Forest.




A hole opened up in the ground, and the forest told them to hop in.




"BUT I DONT WANNA! IM SCARED!" said Scife looking at the hole with fear in her eyes.




And with that the hole widened, and all three fell into the hole. With a thud, they landed in varrock square, wondering if what they had just experienced was real. As they looked around they noticed that Varrock had changed for the worse. Dark, low clouds had formed over the city, and in place of the Varrock guards at each gate there were particularly large lesser demons, and in front of the castle two large, angry black dragons were chained to metal loops attatched to the ground. Citizens and adventurerers alike gathered in the square, where Zamorak stood on a large stone jutting from the ground.




"GREETINGS MORTALS!" he said, "I AM ZAMORAK! I HAVE TAKEN THIS CITY, AND CONTROL EVERYONE IN IT. NOW BOW DOWN BEFORE, OH GOD!" and with a thud Zamorak had fallen off the rock, and the people started to giggle, "SILENCE!!" Shouted Zamorak in anger, blushing as he got up. He decided to punish the fools, and brought lightning down from the heavens, striking down the nearest person.




"NO!" Shouted a person in the crowd, by the name of Killaman, "YOU KILLED GIGGLES THE CLOWN!! GIGGLES!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?! WHYYYYYYY!!!" And with that Killaman began sobbing over the lifeless body, who was in fact the owner of the General store, and not a clown at all.




"Hey, Dude," whispered Scife, as Zamorak told the crowd of his plans for the town, and all the people in it, "We gotta get out of here! I know a secret way out of the city, past the guards."




Scife led him into the general store, and she started to pull things off of a shelf. Suddenly, the shelf moved, revealing a dark passageway.




"Woah," said Mr Dude, "How did you know this was here?"




"I didn't," said Scife, "I just wanted to distract you while I stole all their snacks! But now that we know that there IS in fact a trapdoor, I think we should go through!"




And they climbed down into the dark tunnel, wondering where it would take them. About five minutes later they reached the end of the tunnel, and crawled out. After looking around they realized they had ended up in a village called Draynor.




"We need to go to a forest!" said Scife, pulling out a post-it note and a green marker.




"Why?" asked Mr Dude, stopping, "WAIT! What happened to Biggieg? Wait, a forest?! Follow me!"




"Guthix told me to," said Scife, "He is on my friend list!"




Scife then pulled another post-it note off of her chest. It had the word "FRENDZ" scribbled on it with a green crayon, and she Had Mr Dude, Guthix, and various other names of characters who will be introduced later written on it. Mr Dude led her into the forest and stopped at a yew tree. Scife pulled out the blank post-it, and a green marker, and drew a Guthix Symbol on it, scrawled the word GUTHIX on it in big letters, and stuck it to the tree. The ground started to rumble, and the yew started to shudder. A large hole opened up in the tree, and it began to speak.




"What is it, my most noble follower?"


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"Well," said Mr Dude, looking embarassed, "I was kidna making air runes and fell off the cliff... Then the evil robot alien killed my family!"




Scife busted up laughing, being the only one who understood the reference.






*pokes siggy*


EDIT: Well, actually, it's gone now.


But yeah.

7,436th to 99 fishing on July 13, 2008


[hide=Quotes that I lol'd at]

the day the fantastic four come into runescape, i will eat my socks.

what kind of topic is this. ihaven't read it yet

but i now it must be stupid.


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This is hilarious. :XD:






I wouldn't mind being in this.. :ohnoes:




Name: Ash Two (Just say ash. :-w )


Affiliation: Zamorak


Looks: Zammy book, ehm... ehm... Can I just post a look here? :XD:

One day, when I look back on all this, I'm going to think to myself:

What the buck was I thinking?

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I am going to try to get a few more posts of story out of my brains before i leave for a week... Please be sure to keep it from disappearing into the abyss


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And be aware the whole story wont be gags and silliness ^.^ it will be serious at times, but it wont stay serious :)


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"He called me noble!" said Scife, excited.




"I call all my followers noble," said Guthix, "Now what is it you want?"




"Well," said Scife, "Zamorak and Saradomin have started gathering followers, and we think they might go to war! And if they do, what should I do?"




"I am aware of the treachery of both of my brothers," said Guthix calmly, "You forget, I am everything in nature, things dont get by me easily. And if a war breaks out, I do not want you, or any of my folllowers to fight. Tell the people to live in harmony, spread the word of neutrality, or your kind may be destroyed. They have split the world in half, all from Misthalin to the eastern shores of Morytania belong to Zamorak, And Asgarnia all the way on over to the borders of the elf lands beloged to Saradomin. Scife, there aren't many neutral cities. I suggest you take refuge in Taverly, city of the druids. If that falls to Saradomin, go to Camelot. They do not belive in any of the gods of this plane of existence, and will not fight but for their freedom. Now, i must go." And with that the tree ceased to move, the post-it gone.




"Well," said Mr Dude, "I guess i have to go to Falador, My side is there."




"I'll come with!" said Scife, stowing her green marker somewhere in her amour, "It's on the way to Taverly."




So the two teleported to Falador, unaware of the troubles they would face arriving in the city. When they arrived, an interesting sight met their eyes. Falador was still white, but there was more Saradomin everywhere. Saradomin's symbol was on posters, flags, and cute little action figures all over the town, which seemed to be whiter. And in the square, instead of the usual statue, Saradomin himself sat on an ornate marble throne. He looked at the new arrivals and noted that the girl was displaying the colors of Guthix.




"SEIZE THE MORTAL GIRL!" said Saradomin, standing up, pointing at Scife, "SHE IS OBVIOUSLY A SPY FOR MY BROTHER!"




"No!" said Scife, "Dont take me to a scary Jail! And besides, Guthix wants peace! PEACE! I just need to go to Taverly, please let me go!"




Saradomin felt some pity for the girl, but after all, it was war.




"Guards!" said Saradomin, "It is time to show those in Taverly which god is more powerful!"




"Who?" said one of the guards.




Saradomin stared at the idiotic human. He chucked a stone at the fool, but it hit his helmet, only slightly injuring the man.




"OW!!!" said the Guard, "That REALLY HURT! Why throw a rock, I mean COME ON! It was only a joke!"




"THIS IS WAR!!" shouted Saradomin, standing up, "NO MERCY FOR YOU!!" And he chucked another rock, with a similar reaction from the guard, "NOW TAKE THE GIRL TO TAVERLY! We will let them prepare for a few hours." And Scife was escorted from the city, to the Taverly gate.




Once beyond the wall, which was in the process of being dismantled, to stop dividing Saradomin's country, Scife took a look around. Not much had changed in Taverly, except more symbols of Guthix had been put up, or painted on to recently erected statues of Saradomin in defiance. A man in a white robe came up, looking hostile, then, after seeing who Scife obviously supported, became much more welcoming.




"Welcome to Taverly, fellow human," said the man, "This is the last remaining neutral place in Runescape!"




"Not for long," said Scife grimly, "Saradomin is coming to change everything. We MUST escape to Camelot, they won't follow any God from this world. It could be the only place we are safe!" All Scife recieved was laughter from the people who had gathered around to listen. There was an explosion, and part of the wall blew apart. The citizens looked at the wall in shock, and realized that the newcomer spoke the truth.




Scife led the Druids away from their beloved homes, and all their posessions, to Camelot. Upon arrival, she had a long conversation with King Arthur, and with much persuasion, was allowed to stay.








Saradomin looked out over the crowd that had gathered in his city. The man who arrived with that defiant girl was obviously a supporter, but he had his suspicions. He stood up, tired of the complications of being a deity in a mortal world, and retired to the nearby castle, where a war meeting was going on.




"And then we can take them out with the Dragons, it won't be easy but we can do it!" said the General, not noticing Saradomin had walked in. Angered at being ignored, Saradomin pulled out a much larger rock then he had thrown at the guard, and threw it at a nearby Captain. This man wasn't as lucky, and was rushed to the hospital, thinking he was a tea cozy.




"It is almost time," said Saradomin, "I can smell it in the wind. It smells like.... Rotten eggs, and ham."




"Nah, thats just my lunch!" said a nearby general, holding up an egg sandwich and a chunk of ham.








Saradomin stormed out of the room, angry at the incompetence of the mortals around him. He returned to his throne, and watched as the people returned to their daily buisiness. Saradomin wondered if his brother was having just as hard of a time.




But first thigns first, he was in a pickle, his best captain was in a mental hospital, and he was in desparate need of a new one. He stood up from his throne, and adressed his subjects.




"People of this city!' shouted Saradomin, "I need anyone who may be fit for being a captain!"




"I AM!" came a voice from the distance, "For it is me, Epee!!" A man in a slightly askew silver crown, with silver star on his shoulder, rode up on a small, fat donkey.




"Hi epee!!" shouted Mr Dude, waving, "We were just talking about Chuck Norris!"




Epee looked at Mr Dude angrily, and climbed down off of his donkey. He walked up to Mr Dude, and paused. All of a sudden, he started to kick Mr Dude in the shin, repeatedly, saying "Get out of here!" each word followed by a sharp kick.




"If I wasn't wearing armor that would have hurt," said Mr Dude as Epee continued to kick him in the shin.




"ENOUGH!" shouted Saradomin, thinking it was a tad odd that this mortal was kicking the other one for talking about a man called Chuck Norris. Who was this "Chuck Norris?" He had to find out. After some long boring ceremony, Epee was the new captain, and Mr Dude was at the armor shop, fixing the dents in his shin.


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Zamorak was quite pleased with his kingdom. All newcomers to this plane conveniently appeared in his lands, and were immediately brainwashed into support of Zamorak. To the east were the lands of Morytania, where he had the vampyres, vyrewatch, ghasts, and werewolves, all at his command. To the north was the wilderness. This land belonged to him, and him alone. From here, he had dragons, demons, and an element of chaos, all at his disposal, along with a group of particularly nasty, very powerful creatures, all in ghost form. Plus, he was developing a secret weapon, one he knew could help end the war.




Zamorak was sitting in his quarters, wondering what would happen if he started the inevitable, another war. He wondered how Guthix would react, if at all, and how he would interfere if he did. His plans didnt work if Guthix interfered. Then he heard blasphemy in the air.




"POO THE GODS!!" said Scife, cursing the gods that were planning this dreadful war.




"WELL POO THE YOU AS WELL!!" shouted Zamorak, shaking his fist, even though Scife wouldnt be able to hear him.




Then, from the hallway outside his door, Zamorak heard a bang, a thud, a clank, and shouts from his guards. All of a sudden Killa burst into the room with a bucket on his head, shouting wildly.




"VIVA DUKE CHOCULA!!" he shouted, running into a wall, breaking the bucket.




He fell to the ground, twitching. Zamorak knew full well that the collision was not hard enough to cause serious injury, and the foolish man was just putting on a show. He was dragged out by the guards, and resumed his mad shouting, leaving Zamorak to his violent, cruel thoughts.








Guthix was sitting on a throne of vines in he middle of a thick jungle, on an island he had made just for the occasion. He knew a war was at hand, and for a neutral guy, he was pretty interested. There hadn't been a big war in quite some time. And at the end of the last war, the gods had promised not to meddle in human affairs. The concequences of this could be greater than he first believed. He knew the war was to come very soon, for the wind told him.




Yes the wind can speak, but you insolent fools cant understand!!! I mean.. Erm.. Back to the story...




Guthix decided to take a trip. He sank into the vines and was once again part of the earth. He decided to take a trip to the desert, where he heard big things were happening at their primitive Duel Arena. When he arrived, he knew something was up. In place of the statues surrounding the separate Arenas, there were giant metal bars, and in each arena there was a great number of demons, and other vile creatures. Zamorak had been capturing Saradominists sneaking over to visit their families, and blasphemers, putting them in these arenas to face the monsters, forcing the strong survivors to be in his army.




Zamorak himself had decided to watch the festivities, as he so fondly put them, and was seated on a throne over an Arena where a fight was about to begin.




Guthix would have none of this, and wanted to speak his mind to Zamorak. He took the form of a cactus, and exposed his face. He hopped up the ramp in cactus form, and sat quietly by Zamorak. He then poked him, hiding his face. Zamorak turned, wondering why an insolent little cactus was sitting behind him, poking him. He decided it was nothing, and turned to watch the fight in progress. Then Guthix became human, and gave zamorak a good prod on the back of his head. Zamorak turned around, fuming. Then, before he knew what was up, the wind started blowing, and whispered something urgent to Guthix. He looked up to the sky, and disappeared into the earth, leaving his brother rubbing his eyes, wondering if he was a mirage.




Guthix arrived on his island once more, and in place of a throne, was a large scrying pool, also made of vines, Guthix gazed into it, and knew what the wind told him was true. He walked away, and sat down, waiting.








Saradomin was wondering what to do to build his army, he had a decent million man army, but he hadn't resorted to forcing people to join yet. He found Epee was a good captain, "muting" people speaking offences against Saradomin and for general over chattiness. For example, some man named Biggieg had snuck in from Zamorak's side and started saying odd things like "Zamorak ftw", and "Zamorak rulz." Epee ran up to him with a roll of pink duct tape, and stuck it over Biggieg's mouth.




Saradomin had a few tricks up his sleeve, and was prepared to fight. But he knew that if HE started the war, mum would ground him. Even being a powerful diety, mum always had power. But it was a chance he had to take. Zamorak had been capturing his people, and he had a good army with powerful creatures and an army almost twice the size of his own. Then, he decided.




He was going to attack...




Saradomin sat on his throne, bewildered at the orders he had just given his messengers. He sent them to his brother's territory, bearing the message that war was at hand. He knew they would be detected and detained immediately after stepping on to Zamorakian soil, and was assured that the message would arive. He had enough of his civillians being lured to the other side by his brother, that fool named Zamorak.




To ensure nothing of the sort had happened, he moved the bricks that made up the taverly wall, and sent them to the eastern borders of his kingdom, fortifying the Draynor wall, and building another wall that completely blocked off his territory from Zamorak's.




The draft had just been instated, and his army was growing. The animals told him that his army had become similar in size and power to Zamorak's. While the messengers were passing on their... Messages, Saradomin sent his men to a gap in the wall, at the monastery neighboring the small town of Edgeville, on the edge of the Wilderness. This was where the first battle was to begin.


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Chuck Norris as Saradomin's general... ... must become good before losing head to roundhouse kick...


I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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Chuck wasnt general.. Epee was.. Chuck is a banned topic on the Tip.it chat, and Epee is a chatmod... Thats where the comedy from that comes in


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