Hello,I've been trying to think of a story good enough to post here. Well, I think I've gotten one. I'm just gonna post what I put for the characters and the prologue and see what you all think about it,then write more.

 

 

 

 

 

The Godwars

 

Characters

 

 

 

Commander Zilyana

 

 

 

A human that leads Saradomins army into battle for the godsword. She is extremely powerful and feared by many. An combater looking to kill her with poison will find out that she is immune to the wretched chemical. She uses both the magical and arm-to-arm styles of combat. Because no-one knows which one she will strike with, this is why she is deadly. Her weapon is like no other. It randomly will suck the life out of you and send it to Zilyana. A very, very formidable foe and anyone attempting to fight her should proceed with caution.

 

 

 

 

 

Kril Tsutsaroth

 

 

 

The demon general of Zamoraks armies. Not much is known about it except he was known to tear through villages with the force of the most powerful earthquake. Many fear him and do not wish to cross his path. His sharp blades have scorpion poison embedded in them and it will kill you swiftly if you do not carry anti-poisons.

 

 

 

General Graador

 

 

 

No-one knows his race. Actually no-one knows anyone about him except that the war god Bandos favored him above all his other generals. He is believed to have come from an extinct race of titans. This is has not been confirmed. Like Commander Zilyana he is immune to poison. He fights with his bare fists and if not armored, can kill you in one fell swoop.

 

 

 

Kreearra

 

 

 

The bird-like general of Armadyls bird warriors, it(no-one knows exactly what gender it is)can strike with melee, magic and range, making it a formidable foe. The other three gods often find themselves losing to the Avainsies due to the fact that very little know how to kill them with a bow. Like Commander Zilyana and General Graador Kreearra is immune to poison.

 

 

 

Prologue: Far away, in a time known as the Third Age, in a land called Runescape,t the gods battled for the almighty Godsword. This was a sword known to kill a god no matter how powerful. For thousands of years, the dungeon in which battle commenced was frozen over. Very recently, due to volcanic disruptions, it has unfrozen. The participants of this deadly battle of war have no knowledge that their battle ended thousands of years ago.

Hello,I've been trying to think of a story good enough to post here. Well, I think I've gotten one. I'm just gonna post what I put for the characters and the prologue and see what you all think about it,then write more.

 

 

 

 

 

The Godwars

 

Characters

 

 

 

Commander Zilyana

 

 

 

A human that leads Saradomins army into battle for the godsword. She is extremely powerful and feared by many. An combater looking to kill her with poison will find out that she is immune to the wretched chemical. She uses both the magical and arm-to-arm styles of combat. Because no-one knows which one she will strike with, this is why she is deadly. Her weapon is like no other. It randomly will suck the life out of you and send it to Zilyana. A very, very formidable foe and anyone attempting to fight her should proceed with caution.

 

 

 

 

 

Kril Tsutsaroth

 

 

 

The demon general of Zamoraks armies. Not much is known about it except he was known to tear through villages with the force of the most powerful earthquake. Many fear him and do not wish to cross his path. His sharp blades have scorpion poison embedded in them and it will kill you swiftly if you do not carry anti-poisons.

 

 

 

General Graador

 

 

 

No-one knows his race. Actually no-one knows anyone about him except that the war god Bandos favored him above all his other generals. He is believed to have come from an extinct race of titans. This is has not been confirmed. Like Commander Zilyana he is immune to poison. He fights with his bare fists and if not armored, can kill you in one fell swoop.

 

 

 

Kreearra

 

 

 

The bird-like general of Armadyls bird warriors, it(no-one knows exactly what gender it is)can strike with melee, magic and range, making it a formidable foe. The other three gods often find themselves losing to the Avainsies due to the fact that very little know how to kill them with a bow. Like Commander Zilyana and General Graador Kreearra is immune to poison.

 

 

 

Prologue: Far away, in a time known as the Third Age, in a land called Runescape,t the gods battled for the almighty Godsword. This was a sword known to kill a god no matter how powerful. For thousands of years, the dungeon in which battle commenced was frozen over. Very recently, due to volcanic disruptions, it has unfrozen. The participants of this deadly battle of war have no knowledge that their battle ended thousands of years ago.

 

 

 

You have some skill in writing but have much to work on (in a good way). The prologue was too shot, required much detail, and skipped to the point in a couple of sentences. People wish for description (And, just for the record... A great book is probably only half it's size (or so). The rest is description).

 

 

 

Brackets should have a space between them and the words outside of them. It makes it a whole lot cleaner :)

 

Ex. (inside words) outsidewords.

 

 

 

Oh, and just for the record (I like saying that)... Its Gielnor, not RuneScape. RuneScape is the game, Gielnor is the place its based in. :ugeek:

Its Gielinor.RuneScape is what its termed by its inhabitants,only Guthix and his followers maintain Gielinor.You've missed out on a lot of lore,eh?

 

 

 

As stated,describe more,I'd do more describing the lands,the Gods,the Generals.Like their armor,their weapons,and any personality they might have.If you're writing a book,you can pace the description,but for a short story I describe straight away.

Is this a story or a list? You can't start a story like that. It's completely Runescape-based, making it totally unaccessible to the vast majority of people outside this forum. It's also based simply and solely on war and fighting, there's no emotional involvement whatsoever. It's not exactly original, plot is non-existent as yet. Excuse this pretentious quote but it's so true; 'Storytellers don't speak, they whisper'. You just can't start with a list of people and a massive load of info about them. Each one should be introduced gradually into the story, any necessary facts being subtlely slotted between their actions, dialogue, or maybe descriptions of their physical form. Sorry if I'm being overly-critical but you need a lot more 'padding' than this to consider this a story.

 

However if you have written anything that's not Runescape-based I can see that it would be good, your description is interesting and spelling and grammar basically perfect. Nice one :)

(And, just for the record... A great book is probably only half it's size (or so). The rest is description).

 

 

 

No no no no no no no.

 

 

 

No.

 

 

 

Is this a story or a list? You can't start a story like that. It's completely Runescape-based, making it totally unaccessible to the vast majority of people outside this forum. It's also based simply and solely on war and fighting, there's no emotional involvement whatsoever. It's not exactly original, plot is non-existent as yet. Excuse this pretentious quote but it's so true; 'Storytellers don't speak, they whisper'. You just can't start with a list of people and a massive load of info about them. Each one should be introduced gradually into the story, any necessary facts being subtlely slotted between their actions, dialogue, or maybe descriptions of their physical form. Sorry if I'm being overly-critical but you need a lot more 'padding' than this to consider this a story.

 

 

 

Yes. 100% yes.

 

 

 

The bolded part: this is the show, don't tell rule. Needless description and info-dumping quail before the voice of a character's words and actions.

 

 

 

I would add that this makes for little interesting story at all, as all the characters are uber-powerful and immune to poison. Want to give them any more Mary-Sue traits?

What you have so far follows the game too rigidly, I think. You've pretty much just taken some stuff out of the KB and RS fansites and used them as a prologue. And Zilyana's not a human, she's Icyene.

 

 

 

Also, your grammar is horrific.

Its Gielinor.RuneScape is what its termed by its inhabitants,only Guthix and his followers maintain Gielinor.You've missed out on a lot of lore,eh?

 

 

 

As stated,describe more,I'd do more describing the lands,the Gods,the Generals.Like their armor,their weapons,and any personality they might have.If you're writing a book,you can pace the description,but for a short story I describe straight away.

 

 

 

Well, I got bored after reading some of it, but everyone knows... I am a Zamorakian... and I quit Rs...

You have some skill in writing but have much to work on (in a good way). The prologue was too shot, required much detail, and skipped to the point in a couple of sentences. People wish for description (And, just for the record... A great book is probably only half it's size (or so). The rest is description).

 

 

 

Oh yeah forgot to say... I might be misunderstanding so if so my apologies, but you're saying 50% of a good book is description? Sorry but no way...

You have some skill in writing but have much to work on (in a good way). The prologue was too shot, required much detail, and skipped to the point in a couple of sentences. People wish for description (And, just for the record... A great book is probably only half it's size (or so). The rest is description).

 

 

 

Oh yeah forgot to say... I might be misunderstanding so if so my apologies, but you're saying 50% of a good book is description? Sorry but no way...

 

 

 

Ok, well ALOT of it is description. There, now you can substitute that ALOT with a number :wall:

well ALOT of stories consist of story and not description...except for the Thomas Covenant books, those books are like 99 percent description...

Ok, well ALOT of it is description. There, now you can substitute that ALOT with a number :wall:

 

 

 

No, you can't. You can't quantify a piece of literature like that. That being said, if half of a novel's word count is descriptive words it is most likely a piece of trash, or else a horrendously overlong story that might actually be of some merit if the purple prose were stripped away.

Ok, well ALOT of it is description. There, now you can substitute that ALOT with a number :wall:

 

 

 

No, you can't. You can't quantify a piece of literature like that. That being said, if half of a novel's word count is descriptive words it is most likely a piece of trash, or else a horrendously overlong story that might actually be of some merit if the purple prose were stripped away.

 

 

 

EXAMPLE: Lord of the Rings...terrible book I thought just because of all the description! GRR! And the movies were so good...

Ok, Evereyone forget that I typed that and lets go back to waiting for this story.

does apple pie taste nice? or does it taste horrid? or does it taste like apple pie?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i am a writer.. i write some of runescapes stories..

 

i write about new quests i have thought of..

 

i thought about 1 quest called summer joys but they put it into a different context and it was set in wilderness!

 

if i was u i would make ur story more action packed and less of the description but just make the description less but more describing. it will help alot!

 

 

 

also, try using more exiting words and i have spent time looking up the whole of runescape and i dont like usin old times cus the words are soo confusing..

Sorry cobweb, I don't mean to be mean, but I highly doubt that you are a writer. Every single post you've posted so far has not had a speck of grammar found in it. It seems like you're Caps Lock and your shift key are broken. If you really are a writer, I would suggest improving your grammar before sharing any of your writings with anyone because quite honestly, it looks horrid.

does apple pie taste nice? or does it taste horrid? or does it taste like apple pie?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i am a writer.. i write some of runescapes stories..

 

i write about new quests i have thought of..

 

i thought about 1 quest called summer joys but they put it into a different context and it was set in wilderness!

 

if i was u i would make ur story more action packed and less of the description but just make the description less but more describing. it will help alot!

 

 

 

also, try using more exiting words and i have spent time looking up the whole of runescape and i dont like usin old times cus the words are soo confusing..

 

 

 

Uhhh...

 

 

 

Sorry cobweb, I don't mean to be mean, but I highly doubt that you are a writer. Every single post you've posted so far has not had a speck of grammar found in it. It seems like you're Caps Lock and your shift key are broken. If you really are a writer, I would suggest improving your grammar before sharing any of your writings with anyone because quite honestly, it looks horrid.

 

 

 

Exactly. Please cobweb. Show us that you have talent.

 

 

 

Edit: Nevermind. I guess you do have talent.