Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)

 

 

 

I woke several hours later in a daze."

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.

 

 

 

(Lois and Peter stare in silence)

 

 

 

Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.

 

 

 

(Peter and Lois keep staring)

 

 

 

Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)

 

 

 

Peter: Who was that guy?

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Peter - I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life.

 

 

 

Guy - OH MY GOD!

 

 

 

Peter - No no no, I'm just kiddin. She's dead.

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?

 

 

 

Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...

 

 

 

Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!

 

 

 

Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________Lois: And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger. I'm gonna become a model!

 

 

 

Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.

 

 

 

Chris: Me too!

 

 

 

Meg: Me too!

 

 

 

Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!

 

 

 

Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.

 

 

 

Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!

 

 

 

(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)

 

 

 

Peter: I SAID GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!

 

 

 

(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)

 

 

 

Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois.

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Peter (to Meg): Remember that pony you wanted when you were 6? Well I've been waitin for a time like this.

 

 

 

(opens closet door and a skeleton of a pony is there)

 

 

 

Peter: Oh, oh god, that's right ponies, ponies like food.

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Brian: And remember that time you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?

 

 

 

(Scene cuts to Peter in the movie theater and everyone is crying, except him.)

 

 

 

Peter: I got it! Thats the guy from "Big," uh--Tom Hanks! Funny guy Tom Hanks, everything he says is a stitch.

 

 

 

Tom Hanks' Character: I have aids.

 

 

 

(Peter laughs hysterically.)

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Stewie: "You know what else is disgusting?" (He farts and his right eye turns red.) "Oh dam, I broke a blood vessel."

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.

 

 

 

Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me 'not straight'?

 

 

 

Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

 

 

(Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration)

 

 

 

Peter Griffin: Uh... my name is...(he sees a pea)

 

 

 

Peter Griffin: Pea...

 

 

 

(he sees a woman crying)

 

 

 

Peter Griffin: ... tear...

 

 

 

(he sees a Griffin fly by)

 

 

 

Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

just my favorite ones. family guy so funny gigigigigigigity oh right

I like the episode where the guy steals the money from the car wash they're doing to raise money for the kid in the iron lung.

 

 

 

Lois: "This guy just ran up and stole the money!"

 

 

 

Joe: "What did he look like?"

 

 

 

Lois: "He was wearing a mask like one of the guys on that one movie... You know... that movie with Keanu Reeves.."

 

 

 

Joe: "The Matrix?"

 

 

 

Lois: "No... It wasn't that recent..."

 

 

 

Guy: "Quick! He's getting away!"

 

 

 

*Joe chases him down, gets the money back but loses the guy. Joe gives the money back to Lois*

 

 

 

Lois: "Looks like someone's gonna live to see- POINT BREAK! THAT WAS THE MOVIE!!!"

 

 

 

In that same episode, Peter says to Joe (Who's really sad about losing the guy he was chasing),

 

 

 

"Oh c'mon, Joe! You could get a desk job! You could... Be a desk!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ah... Family Guy is so great... :lol:

lmao

i have the cant touch me song i wish i knew where to dl the episodes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hint hint

i have the cant touch me song i wish i knew where to dl the episodes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hint hint

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.thedrunkenclam.com/

ty :)

i can't remeber any quotes, but here are some funny episodes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the christmas one where peters trying to watch kiss saves santa all day "to the kissmobile!" (they all run into a choper painted black with kiss on it)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the one where quagmire watches lois in the bathroom and she sees him. later they are all talking outside and peter startes a sentence when a giant chicken comes up and punches him. they get into a big fight sequence which copies a bunch of movies and ends with an airplane prop like in indian jones. then peter comes back, scrached and bloddy, and finishes his sentence.

I like the one where Stewie gets sent to Clevelands house, so Peter calls 8 prostitutes over to his house, then goes inside and Stewie is talking to two of them and goes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm guessing by now it's about the equivelent of throwing a hotdog down a hallway"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

then Cleveland goes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Peter! I want you and 6 of these prostitutes to leave right now!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There were 8 of them there :lol:

(joe shows up in a wheelchair)

 

 

 

Joe: Hey Peter!

 

 

 

Peter: Holy crip hes crapple!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I laughed so hard. :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peter: Canadians suck