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Ang's Story


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A short history/story of a new character I'm working on. I want to know if this gives a picture of him, without having the picture. I know there's not a lot of physical description, but I'm looking more for personality and background.






Ang was born in AlKon, a drow city, in the land of Alanmark. The drow of Alanmark have an island nation, the capital of which is DrikTo. As a male of an unsuccessful family (and a third child), he was cast out after his third birthday, into the caverns, to die or make his life as he would. Ang befriended the driders and they taught him much. He learned which fungi provided light and which were not edible. As he grew he traveled from place to place, finding every now and then a village in which he would stop and stay a while. He began to learn the differences between city life and those of the villages he grew to love. He knew their songs and stories, and it was these that helped him make his meager living as a traveler. He learned of the ocean, and of DrikTo, where it was said he could live as a king. Ang planned to make his future there, in the OverLight, where no one cared who you were or where you came from. It seemed a paradise to Ang, the outcast in a world of darkness.




He made his way toward the city, stopping at villages along the way, singing for his supper and whatever the people had to give him in the way of money. He saved up enough at last to hire a wizard to complete the one thing he couldnt; he needed to see in the OverLight. In DrikTo he found an old drow, one who was willing to try for the meager sum Ang offered. The wizard knew his cobbled-together spell could fail, and he told Ang as much. Ang believed that the wizard had succeeded.




Ang gathered supplies and when he felt he could make it, ventured up into the light. DrikTo was an odd city, being equally large above and below ground. He was blinded at first, then became at home in the light. Far away, he caught his first glimpse of the ocean.




In the city he spent most of his time at inns and taverns, singing for his lodging and earning a few coins each night. At one in particular, the name of which hell never forget, he met Tyson. Tyson was an elf that had seen much in his few years, and also a traveling bard. He saw talent in Ang and agreed to apprentice him. They were an odd pair, an elf and a younger drow, but they made it work. The music didnt care and neither did they.




Tyson liked to move, as audiences only have so much money and they get tired of the same songs each day. After a month in which they covered every inn, bar, and tavern in Upper DrikTo, they took a ship to ZelKon, and then traveled from the other drow island to the Northern Isles. Not many travelers came through and the locals were grateful for them. They were wary of Ang at first, but when they heard his voice they threw caution to the wind. He knew Elven, after all, and lent his accent to interesting renditions of their songs.




Tyson taught Ang to play the flute and the mandola. He knew that Ang would be able to play anything, and told him so. The pair knew Ang would have to go his own way soon.




The city where they lived in the Northern Isles, Ze, wasnt that amazing once you lived there for a few months. It was a haven for elves, although a large number of gnomes and dwarves made it their home. When it was time for Ang to go, Tyson would come with him to Mo, the port city, but go on to a different island. On this final day, Tyson gave Ang the traditional gift to the wanderer: a hat. Angs hat was bright green, and had orange trim and bobbles. Over the year or so that they had traveled, Ang had collected a motley assortment of weapons; he owned a secondhand longbow, a short sword commissioned for him, and a well-used walking staff that was more than just a staff. He purchased a gnome-made cloak with a peculiar black-and-white pattern for himself.




They traveled together to Mo. There, Tyson left for Nomar, while Ang traveled to the Kingdom of Hrothgar by a course that left him on Notmuch for a few days while waiting for the next ship, which would take him to Port Nandar. He performed for the townspeople, who were wary of him, but offered much. He acquired both a flute and a mandola in the days leading up to when they left DrikTo, and they served him well now.




He made plenty of money while waiting. When his ship came, he was happy to leave. He played some on the voyage, but his fellow passengers were not friendly to him, and he was the only drow on onboard.




When the boat finally reached Port Nandar, Ang was happy to be rid of the passengers. He found an inn and stayed for a few days, gathering that the capital of the elven land was Hrothgar (They arent very imaginative, he thought) and it was a few days travel to the south. He figured that there was ample opportunity for profit on the way, because the port city was large, and the capital had to be bigger.




At the first village he stopped at, a half a days travel from Nandar, he performed for the young children. He noticed one of them had an odd coloring to his skin.




You there, young child. Whats your name?




Im Kalan, sir.




May I inquire as to your parents, Kalan?




My mama lives in that house sir, you could ask her, shall I take you to her?




Please do,




Kalan led the way into the small wooden house. There wasnt much to it, Ang noticed, but it was certainly comfortable, if he ever chose a place to live, this would be it.




Kalan, whos this?




This is a juggler, mama. Hes visiting and wanted to ask you something.




Well, run along and play then, Kalan. Ill be fine. Juggler, is there a name I can call you?




I am Angrin Haeluneyas, traveling minstrel, at your service maam. But just call me Ang.




Kalan said you had something to ask me?




Yes, I was wondering as to who his parents were




Because of his skin?




Yes If you dont want to answer thats perfectly fine, Im sorry to have bothered you but it intrigued me.




No, I will, I brought it on myself I suppose. His father was indeed a drow, although he was one of the better ones. He was killed a few months ago when one of our less tolerant neighbors got into a drunken rage. Kalan hasnt been the same since.




Thats what happens when you lose your father. Hes the man of the house now. Im sorry to hear of your loss. I hope Kalan can learn from others misgivings and have an as close to normal childhood as possible.




Thank you. I wonder a bit about you though, where are you from?




I was born in AlKon, one of the cities in DrokThar. My family wasnt well off, and since I was male, and third born, I was cast out on my third birthday. I lived in the caves and learned to survive. I finally made my way to DrikTo, where I met Tyson, who was my master for about a year. I learned much and I miss him now. We split up, I went to Nandar, and he to Nomar. Thats all.




Tyson has been here before, I remember. The last time was shortly before Kalan was born.




Juggler! Juggler, sir! I found this! Kalan burst into the house, waving a small orange ball.




Oh, has it fallen off already? Ang took off his hat, and upon examining it noticed that the third bobble had fallen off.




Keep it, Kalan, to remember that theres hope in this world. I heard about your father and Im very sorry. I might come back someday when youre older and need a profession. I think youd make a great juggler.




Oh thank you sir! Ill remember and Ill keep it forever! Kalan hurried to his bed, and placed the bobble on a small shelf above it, which held many small artifacts.




Ill be making my way to the inn now, if you would like to come you are obviously welcome.




I want to go, can I mama?




I can watch after him, and Ill send him home before it gets dark. Ang added.




Then you may go. Be sure to listen to Mr. Ang and dont talk to strangers.




Ang, with Kalan in tow, headed to the inn. He took a seat before the fireplace and sat Kalan down next to him.




Kalan, would you like something to eat?




Yes, sir, but I can pay for it, I have a little money,




Ill pay. Just go up to the bar and ask for what you want and Angs usual. Have them put it on my tab. Ang didnt technically have a tab, his room being payment, but the inn keep knew wanderers were good for business and had money to spare.




Kalan came back shortly after with a steaming plate of roast beef, potatoes, and cheese, and a small bowl of a hearty stew. He gave the plate to Ang, and sat down to sip his stew. Ang took a few bites of his meal then went to the bar.




I believe I forgot to request a drink? A mug of cider, if you please, and one for the child.




Youll pay for him, right?




Of course. How much do I owe you?




Just a few silver. Its good for business, you see, I have to charge everyone, unless theyre doing me a service.




I understand, Ang replied while fishing some coins from his belt purse, I believe that should do it,




Thanks, and get to singin, juggler, or well have a nasty fight on our hands.




Ang heard the reply and hurried to his seat on the fireplace. He handed Kalan a mug of cider.




Now, dont drink it all at once. Youll get sick.




He tuned his mandola, and began to strum a country song, The Dark Flies Away. It was well known in these parts, though not so much where Ang was born. He was good at it, and the words came easily, because they matched his mood. The crowd joined in and though he was very happy, he made sure to keep an eye on Kalan and the sun. He reckoned it was about four oclock; the patrons had come early because Ang wanted an early night since he was leaving the next day.




After a rousing rendition of Allon, The Soothsayer and The Tale of Jozan, the sun began to set. Ang sent Kalan home with a gold piece and instructions to give it to his mother. He reassured Kalan that he would visit tomorrow before he left.




Ang sang more, and when his voice began to tire, he got out his flute and played the same songs, without words. This gave the crowd, most of which who were now fairly drunk, a chance to sing their local parodies. Ang always got a laugh out of it, and they enjoyed it.




It was arranged that when the clock struck eleven, Ang would take his leave. He did so, finishing his performance with a composition written with Tyson, which they simply called, Song.




In the morning, he had his usual coffee and toast before thanking the inn keep for his help with spreading the word that he was leaving. As before, the inn keep shook it off, saying it was good for business. Ang visited Kalan and his mother, giving a hug to the child and reminding him that there is always good, you just have to look in the right place.

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  • 3 weeks later...

heh, I think I know where you got some of the names ;) . Pretty like-able characters. Distinct personalities. Better than cookie cutters. Could be more specific with the first history lesson. Try to make up your mind if it's a bio or a recap. I got the feel of a bio in the first paragraph, but then it went into a sort of recap like a summary. The biggest change was less specification from one to the other. My suggestion would be to put specific events in the second part (intoducing the next character) if you're going for a bio. I reread the parts and noticed that you are actually very specific in some cases. Forgive me, it's almost 11 where I am >.<.




The double-spaced wall of doom consisting almost entirely of quotations hurts my eyes. What the trade off between the characters implies is a courtroom style debate where people take turns speaking. This is rarely the case in real life. Also, the trade off is monotonous. More non-dialogue text like the one near the end would spice it up a little. Unless you are a very cryptic writer, I suggest to stay away from dialogue walls. If you break from the normal ABAB pattern, the audience could get confused.

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I had to stop and count the lines a few times to figure out who was talking. You should also try to flesh out Ang's personality a bit more; all I could gather is that he's sentimental, generous, and has a sense of humor.




And if the elven capital's name is supposed to be a joke, I didn't laugh.

Ah, this reminds me about the noob on the Runescape forums who was upset with the quest "Cold War" because apparently his grandparents died in the war. :wall:
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