January 19, 200620 yr Right, so I am not a big story writer. But this is my *first* one. Might add more one time. No number rating :P Only C/C Wisom, Veracity - 29.03.2005 Sons of Wisdom, time to wake Snow from winterÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s slumber shake From your shoulders, slim and sharp Awakened by the angelÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s harp Ignored you were by ignorant blind Your bones were sharper than their mind Clouded eyes refused to see Your torment and your agony But now your time is drawing near Repay the anger and the fear Gilded chariots carry your wrath And diamond-stud your epitaph The wisdom suffering made clear Flows from your face in golden tears To knowledge impart on ears of lead Deafer than the decayed dead Daughters of Veracity, aid your brothers Impetuous spawn of your dearest motherÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s Delicate flowers with an iron core YouÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve fought that battle long before Jaws wired shut with rust Insides that have turned to dust Upon your age-old grave you may With your bloodied brothers lay And those mortals will never know The pain you hid beneath the snow And those mortals dare not ask What lies under BeautyÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s mask Untitled (From You) - 21.05.2005 Hand her a flower, Watch the petals, fallen. Let the sun shine through, The black curtains drawn. The rapturous voice, From the body so marred. Fair smooth flesh, Burnt, cracked, charred A white pure dove, In a cage, trapped, dying. A lost young child, Impurity, from lying. A once flowering field, Now drowns in mud. And the glistening snow, Is stained with blood. A little morbid eh.... WR - 03.12.2005 Wrists are nothing but bone and skin. Arms long and lean. Only a little bit left, A little more to go. Legs are thin and weak, Little more, Bit more to whittle away. Destruction can be such a beautiful thing. Chiseled and aware, The sheathing giving away and disappearing Summoning the courage to do it. And the knife falls to the floor. To show the beautiful structure underneath Escape - 09.03.2006 Escape this world; escape this place. See the tear stream down her face. Giving in to perfection. Fallen prey of destruction. So much sorrow with many regrets. Promises made, but never kept. Searching for comfort, longing for peace. Her silent scream will never cease. Escape this world of much disgrace. One last time, escape this place. You play with chance, like Russian roulette. Replacing one habit for another. You know this life won't last forever. So, there you went, you opened up to find resolution, to make amends. But, secretly knowing this will never end. For Shiva Freedom, justice? We'll see - 31.03.2006 Lock me up Throw away the key ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s just my life I donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t need If it makes you feel good If it makes you feel better To sit there and lie ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s pointless for me A waste of my energy To fight for my life ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s not about whatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s right ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s your competition and sin When you win It makes not difference If itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s a lie If itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s justified Will it be your word? Or mine? Never - ever write something for you best friend at 06:33 in the morning! It will end up like this.
January 21, 200620 yr It was a good poem, i sort of got it... Something about seeing your mistakes after you die or something like that I guess. Thats the only thing when writing poetry, either sacrifice the rhyme to save the story or the story to save the rhyme. I still like it though http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.
January 26, 200620 yr It was a good poem, i sort of got it... Something about seeing your mistakes after you die or something like that I guess. Thats the only thing when writing poetry, either sacrifice the rhyme to save the story or the story to save the rhyme. I still like it though cynical as ever archimage. I really like it, in fact I'm printing out a copy for my english teacher. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42
January 26, 200620 yr yea and im still all like.....what???? i didnt get it....very complicated. y cant it be simple like, "violets are red and roses are blue, i like chicken nuggets and so do u" easy to understand, and it gots a ring to it
January 26, 200620 yr You could probably improve the overall rhythm and express the ideas better if you dropped the rhyming scheme and wrote it in free verse. The meter is a little awkward, and it doesn't flow as well as it could. It seems that you sacrificed some of the semantic value of the piece just to get a beat and rhyme that was "close enough". If you redo it, I think you'll see some of the mistakes you made, and you could do it better the second time. yea and im still all like.....what???? i didnt get it....very complicated. y cant it be simple like, "violets are red and roses are blue, i like chicken nuggets and so do u" easy to understand, and it gots a ring to it I hate you and I hope you die. Stop wasting space on the board. Varrock Library: Shattered Sky | Silent Thunder | The Emperor's FinestAstri @ MythWeavers
January 26, 200620 yr Author I really like it, in fact I'm printing out a copy for my english teacher. Sure you can. :D Just don't steal it! :D And Zonorhc, I writed it last year, don't remember the exact(sp?) date. Can see if I can re-write it sometimes. Might add more.
January 27, 200620 yr the second one gives me the creeps. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42
January 27, 200620 yr Its not morbid as such as a statment of what I see when see when I visit my Nan's. But anyway It was still good, I like how it flowed while I read it. Either you are really luckly, really gifted or sent alot of time doing that. Off topic wishfish0 wrote: yea and im still all like.....what???? i didnt get it....very complicated. y cant it be simple like, "violets are red and roses are blue, i like chicken nuggets and so do u" easy to understand, and it gots a ring to it I hate you and I hope you die. Stop wasting space on the board. Do you really need to be inserting your ideas into other people texts, but please do not continue flaming each other, it would be terrible to see someones work polluted by flaming. Just say you like it or disliked it and why. Wishfish0 has a point though people who are not well focused on poetry woudl not understand this. http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.
January 28, 200620 yr Author "violets are red and roses are blue, i like chicken nuggets and so do u" You give me pollen allergy. :|
February 5, 200620 yr Author WR - 03.12.2005 Wrists are nothing but bone and skin. Arms long and lean. Only a little bit left, A little more to go. Legs are thin and weak, Little more, Bit more to whittle away. Destruction can be such a beautiful thing. Chiseled and aware, The sheathing giving away and disappearing Summoning the courage to do it. And the knife falls to the floor. To show the beautiful structure underneath *Pokes post up*
March 15, 200620 yr Author Escape - 09.03.2006 Escape this world; escape this place. See the tear stream down her face. Giving in to perfection. Fallen prey of destruction. So much sorrow with many regrets. Promises made, but never kept. Searching for comfort, longing for peace. Her silent scream will never cease. Escape this world of much disgrace. One last time, escape this place. You play with chance, like Russian roulette. Replacing one habit for another. You know this life won't last forever. So, there you went, you opened up to find resolution, to make amends. But, secretly knowing this will never end. First little poem this year. And a little slow to get out 'For Shiva' art.
March 20, 200620 yr Damn your pessimistic. I eagerly await the additions. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42
March 20, 200620 yr You could probably improve the overall rhythm and express the ideas better if you dropped the rhyming scheme and wrote it in free verse. The meter is a little awkward, and it doesn't flow as well as it could. It seems that you sacrificed some of the semantic value of the piece just to get a beat and rhyme that was "close enough". If you redo it, I think you'll see some of the mistakes you made, and you could do it better the second time. I'm a bit biased because I write poetry almost purely in free verse (I play to my strengths), but I agree.
April 1, 200620 yr Author Damn your pessimistic. I eagerly await the additions. *Confused* Eh whaaat? I'm a slow writer, and I hardly edit my work. :? See if I can dig up more.
April 1, 200620 yr Author Freedom, justice? We'll see - 31.03.2006 Lock me up Throw away the key ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s just my life I donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t need If it makes you feel good If it makes you feel better To sit there and lie ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s pointless for me A waste of my energy To fight for my life ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s not about whatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s right ItÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s your competition and sin When you win It makes not difference If itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s a lie If itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s justified Will it be your word? Or mine? Read comment on main post o.O
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