The (Somewhat) Great Escape!

[Kirschen]

Came up with this idea on a whim earlier today. The game is pretty basic: Post a gruesome/elaborate/warped/odd death scenario in which the following poster replies with how he/she escapes in (optionally) the most MacGuyverish way possible that sounds odd and continues the cycle with the next scenario. Nothing else, because it's just that...

 

 

Unless I feel like a sadistic ass and happen to be fickle and bored in that rare chance.

 

 

 

Let's begin the FG version of Saw, with the added creativity and plot.

 

 

You're in a room being suffocated by stuffed animals while you have a nurse with an injection fetish (is there such a thing?) handcuffed to your hand. If the stuffed animals don't kill you, the corrosive-as-cartoon-lava acid, combined with the swinging of a rusted syringe containing an unknown liquid chemical, will do you in.

[Zeno]

I have weird joints, so for me I'd unhinge my jaw and rid the stuffed animals, and the nurse will take an arrow in the knee by sheer luck.

 

you have C4 strapped to your torso, and you are dangling from chains about to be dipped in sulfuric acid, surely if you escape the rather....relaxing dip in the sulfuric acid then the C4 will do you in

[K4ylan]

Fortunately, you are dangling by your feet. You remove the C4 strapped to your torso and let it fall into the sulfuric acid, magically diffusing it. You then pull yourself up on the chains, so your feet are pointing downward, but still connected to the chains. You slowly lower your feet into the acid, corroding them, but freeing you from the chains. You then swing to safety to a nearby window ledge

 

----

 

After just escaping a room filled with sulfuric acid, you decide to jump out of a window to escape. Unfortunately, you have just jumped from a 93-story building. You flap your arms as hard as you can, only to realize you cannot fly. You look down below and see the ground; covered with Mario-style spikes. You will die either by the force of the impact, or impalement.

[Kirschen]

You move your body while in the air towards one of those things the window wipers use to clean the windows more effectively. Once you hit it, you quickly grab a hold of the chains before it (what is that thing called) collapses and results in the death of the workers.

 

-----

 

You're in a hospital and are tied to a table. A nurse comes before you (I think I have some fetish for them) and starts sorting out the equipment for surgery. It doesn't help that there is only two narrow routes to escape due to the moat full of acid and there is a laser on one of those ends. Also, the nurse is flirting with you while she fantasizes about how to make you feel as much as possible while alive.

[Lose No Hope]

You flirt with the nurse enough to get her to release you and experience the thrill of hunting you down. As she chases you, you grab a conveniently placed grapple and throw it at a bar that is over the moat. You swing across the moat while the nurse falls in.

 

Two men walk up to you and each puts a gun to your head. They say nothing and demand nothing. They simply want you dead.

[Zeno]

Grab both of the guns with both hands, twist their hands, and duck (twisting a hand causes the hand to clench, so hopefully they end up shooting each other...)

 

If they don't kill each other you flip both of them over using the fung fu style for flipping one by their hand, and stomp on both of their Adam's apples

 

---

 

you are trapped in a ditch with no one around, with a bunch of carnivorous animals circling the pit, the pit is so deep that you cannot climb out

[Alg]

You mutter to yourself, "Challenge accepted", get into your most appropriate martial arts stance, and mentally draw out the plans to a ramp made of carnivorous animal corpses and byproducts.

...

You awaken in an empty stone room, to your left and right are two walls covered in rusty spikes (A classic!). You immediately see light streaming from a hole about 15 feet above your head, well out of range for jumping. As you stand up, the walls begin to close in on you.

[Kirschen]

You open the door on the other end; the idiot guard forgot to lock it.

 

----

 

You're in a windowless van that is traversing through somewhere rocky and deserted. Inside is you (obviously), a bomb filled with venomous serpents set to go off, and a chain attached to you. To make it more fun is that the chain is attaching your left leg to a sleeping bear and, for kicks, you have no idea where the van even is or if it's dispensing spikes.

[Abc1230]

As an ex-bomb squad member, you have no problem disarming the serpent bomb. You use your god-tier contortionist skills to get out of the chain and your bomb squad skills to make the car and bear go boom. You use the boom'd car to make a smoke signal and have a plane rescue you.

 

---

 

You're mortal.

[K4ylan]

You look into the mirror, and lo and behold, the Sorcerer's Stone was in your pocket the whole time! You were hoping to be reunited with your murdered parents, but immortality is nice too.

 

---

 

You're trapped in a metal body suit made to fit exactly to your body. They is not a millimeter of space anywhere; no air can get in or out. You're also floating in the middle of the Pacific ocean.

[Kirschen]

You lick the metal and notice the saliva is highly corrosive to it.Doing this allows you to breath (although with a slimy face) and think up a plan to get the saliva to trek on some of the metal, leaving enough over to make a raft out of the remaining suit.

 

----

 

While on the raft, you swim your way (without direction) and find an abandoned. It turns out that there are pirates aboard and they chain you up in a freezing room. Due to lack of cold resistance, you will die in five minutes if you do not escape. There is no nearby tools to help aside from slabs of meat.

[Star.]

You take the meat slaps off their hooks and wrap it around your body, building your resistance against the cold for some extra crucial minutes. The hooks are detachable and you hide one on your person. The pirates come to check up on you and as you lay still, in a moment of surprise you quickly jump up and kill the pirate. Quickly taking his keys and clothes, an epic battle follows as you escape.

 

---

 

You're sat in a room with one door. There are chains tied to different parts of your body that connect to various guns that are designed to trigger with movement. The guns are all pointed at you and 1 feet around you.

[Kirschen]

There is a loose chain near your finger that is connected to strings that hold up the guns. Slowly, you use this free finger to pull the chain, setting off a mechanism to move the guns in the other direction. You move a bit to trigger the fire to set off in the opposite direction and escape with a loud ringing in your ear.

 

---

 

Underwater, you're in a cage with 4 oxygen tanks. While there is plenty of air to last a day, they are filled with nano explosives that have infested your body, but enough to make you bleed and cripple you for a while. To make it worse, there are several sharks that can smell blood from half a mile away.

[Nexaduro]

Sever whatever holds the oxygen tanks underwater, ride them to the surface, hold breath as long as possible and if necessary PUNCH SOME SHARKS.

 

---

 

You're in a completely sealed, cylindrical, 7' diameter room with inch-thick glass walls and ten inches of rebarred concrete behind them containing no extrusions, seams, or indents. You cannot see a roof to the room, it extends into darkness far above. The steel floor is being rapidly heated, while the walls are coated with a highly acidic substance which becomes a faintly noxious gas when in contact with the floor, not severely poisonous but enough to take a toll on your stamina. You have approximately half an hour to escape, your shoes will be on fire within twenty minutes and by twenty five minutes you will no longer be able to stand upright, only crawl. Beyond the half hour mark you will fall unconscious and burn to death.

 

Good luck.

[Alg]

After six minutes the full moon appears overhead, illuminating one side of the wall. You walk to that end of the room and say the Elvish word for 'friend'. A door magically appears, you open it, and walk into the guard's break room. Many hours of violent murderlevel grinding later, you reunite with your party.

...

You are chained to a stone slab. The slab is slowly moving along a conveyor belt, which is positioned over a shark tank. Above you are a series of bladed pendulums, positioned at just the right height to draw blood without doing serious harm. At the end of the conveyor belt is the skull-shaped entrance to an incinerator. To your left is a screen, where you can see the Big Bad cackling maniacally while twirling his handlebar mustache.

[Nexaduro]

You suck, Mask.

 

I slip out of the chains, and yada yada Mary Sue throw the Bad Guy into the incinerator. Because we all know that's such an interesting resolution.

 

---

 

You post in the Harpies thread, but don't want to be a Harpy. What do.

[Zeno]

kill them all or die trying (probably die)

 

---

 

you wake up while having a heart attack and fall over, with no life alert!

[Kirschen]

You carve out the heart of your lover (who has a perfectly beating heart) and somehow get it to work perfectly in your body with surgical skill.

 

-----

 

You make a contract with a cute little creature with ulterior motives and makes you a lich. To make things worse, you're in a dimension and your soul gem (or soul jar) is getting darker. Oh, and most of the exits are blocked off and the laws of physics are half-broken.

[Alg]

You slowly make your way to the only unguarded exit and use your newfound lich powers to murder that animal. Then, you hire a lawyer to work your way around the contract (And out of the murder/animal cruelty charges)

...

You find yourself trapped inside your favorite novel. You are the main character. Unfortunately, you know that the main character dies at the end.

[Kirschen]

I do my best to make readers think my death is really a red herring to throw them off guard as I trick the wording to imply there is a sequel for me long enough to slip out 2/3 of the way in.

 

----

 

Like the situation above, you are stuck in a famous painting by one of the old masters. Unfortunately, it's Picasso meaning exiting your immortal death trap is going to difficult since the piece was from an era where he literally cut up and pasted things randomly, INCLUDING THE EXIT. Since your exit is hidden in small pieces all over the work, escape is going to be impossible since the pieces of the exit are tiny bits.

[Nexaduro]

Become a puella magi, disregard physics, acquire exit.

 

---

 

A meteor just crashed into the Earth, and the shockwave alone will destroy all life on the surface. What do?

[Kirschen]

Go deep underground. You said "on the surface", not bellow.

 

-----

 

God, for unknown reasons has ordered the destruction of the human race based on your actions. His legions know where you are and happen to be coordinating their attack.