Sometimes i find it amusing, but actually it isn't

[Google90]

I guess you could do some extreme sports. Skydiving, Base jumping...to get your adrenaline in your blood flowing O:)

[kelem_ryu]

I used to do Jazz Dance and then Capoeira for a while. Doing sports is defintitely a good thing. Getting moving and building up the muscle i lost agin is the hard part though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I guess you could do some extreme sports. Skydiving, Base jumping...to get your adrenaline in your blood flowing O:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'd LOVE to do that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can make more money than your job allows, try looking up (legitimate, remember there are many shady scams) investment opportunities.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why bother looking them up when they can come to you? I am currently in deals with many Nigerians. I'm hoping they'll pay off rather well. I'd suggest you look up Barrister Dave Udoka, he is looking to move some money to this country but he needs your help - he is willing to offer you 25% of EIGHTEEN MILLION DOLLARS.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I loked the name up. Found an entry under "Stupid 419 Scams".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning to surf and photography seemed boring to me so I picked up the guitar. It helps its very constructive and when I get depressed I play and after a few hours of practice I feel like I actually got something accomplished.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm quite into music. I remember when i recorded stuff it always was a good feeling. I'm struggling with writing lyrics. I have a feeling that managing to write some i'm somewhat statisfied with, would be the best way to get me moving, because then i could go and say: "Hey folks i got some songs and i need you in the band to record them." When i get money (hopefully in a month or so) i'll probably buy a new e-guitar. I haven't had one since i while because i smashed my old one in a fit of rage. (or you could say Kelem Ryu smashed it just to piss me off). My bass was gone to, but i managed to raise money to buy a new one a year ago or so.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I use to think that I never had any real friends but just these past couple of months I realized that people need me as much as I need them. Nothing makes me feel better then someone opening up to me about a family problem or anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your probably right. Part of the problem with my friends is probably that they moved to the city, while i moved to the sub urbs. They are busy with their studies, music and other projects (search for "Gregor Titze" in Google. He's a friend of mine who is quite into photography. He's pretty good imo.) and as long as i don't participate in any of those activities there is no reason for us to meet up. The other part of my friends still is mostly concerned with daily work, going to d 'n' bass and techno festivals and doing drugs and since i stoped doing drugs we haven't much in common anymore. So the problem is since i do basically nothing i won't meet friends to do something. Only one i meet is the one who is also into computer games, magic the gathering, warhammer and the like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Depression is cultural.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sad, but it seems it's true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is he having an argument with himself or am i missing something :?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so confused :shock:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hehe

[Anesthesia]

I loked the name up. Found an entry under "Stupid 419 Scams".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't you dare rain on my parade. I will laugh at you when I'm living in my mansion in 2 weeks time.

[BlueLancer]

 

I loked the name up. Found an entry under "Stupid 419 Scams".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't you dare rain on my parade. I will laugh at you when I'm living in my mansion in 2 weeks time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which was financed by the 'crown prince' of Nigeria after his relative with $17,5 million died and they needed to transfer the money through your bank account (the $3000 bank 'fee' surely was no problem).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not sure why they contacted exactly you, but hey, random people online who have email addresses are trustworthy like that, and you were his distant cousin after all.

[Anesthesia]

No, my name was similar to a guy who died and left no will - he is presenting me as the next of kin.

[BlueLancer]

If I were you, I'd cough up the few grand and run off with the money and make them believe you have a similar name. You don't want to hear your family calling you dumb for the rest of your life for not grabbing the opportunity.

[hyperbabe701]

Have you ever heard of therapy it could do you some real good.

 

 

 

(i'm not trying to critize you)

[darkforaster]

It all started 5 years ago, when i screwed up with a girl i hm.. liked very much. I acted so wierd towards her back then. Well i sat at home and imagined us being together someday, but in reality she was [bleep] herself up wih all kinds of drugs. So i was drifting away from this world smoking insane amounts of pot and eventually got nuts (drug induced paranoid psychotic schizophrenia is what i had if you must know). When i finally recoverd a bit, she was pregnant from some guy she didn't even care about and 4 years of my life have past. Most of my friends were "gone" (One part is busy with their studies and projects and the others are still doing drugs.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now i'm 24 sitting alone in my house in front of the computer, smoking cigarettes non stop, wondering what i'm living for anyway. I finally made my high school degree (or however you call that) summer 2005 and am attending university now, but i don't really know what for. I just figured i have to do something, anything. i'm not very motivated though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

three tips for you:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) try to stop smoking. smoking, can be a way of getting you a bit more miserable. it is supposed to relax you, but it is a lot worse for you than you might think.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) try to build a social life. start off by going out a bit more. try to find some friends you lost contact with. then try to make some new friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3) once you have a social life, try to get a partner. someone that you become really close to. Someone who is near perfect for you. you will be surprised how a relationship can cheer you up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do not get to hopeful though. as hope can sometimes lead to depression. but try to not linger over really sad or anger issues. try making friends on runescape. Who knows? maybe you will become good friends on the game.

[assassin_696]

Get a job, save up some money and go travelling. Broaden your horizons, discover new cultures, work for aid organisations etc. Maybe just try and have some real positive effect on the world. And i'm not saying that to be mean, because very few people can, it just might give you a sense of purpose.

[kelem_ryu]

three tips for you:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) try to stop smoking. smoking, can be a way of getting you a bit more miserable. it is supposed to relax you, but it is a lot worse for you than you might think.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are definitely right about that one. Do you just know or did you smoke yourself? It's just easier said then done. After 10 years of smoking at least a box a day it became quite a habit. I'm quite sure eventually i'll drop them, problem is this compound structure of all the trouble. If i were completely happy and well balanced quitting smoking would probably be easy. I know from everytime i tried to quit (never managed more then two days without) how my body feels much better suprisingly fast (after supressing the "reflex" of lighting a cigarette for a couple of hours). I even tried those silly nicotine plasters. They have a quite heavy effect, but won't do anything about the urge to just light a cigarette. It appears it's more the habit of smoking (and the emotions attached to it) then the nicotine, since it's no problem at all to sit at a lecture for two hours or in a cinema. Recently i visited one of the remaining friends i see. He didn't want anybody to smoke at his place anymore, so i sat there for hours without smoking. If suddenly all the cigarettes in the world would desintegrate, it wouldn't be terrible at all i guess. Probably i would find another way to channel my self destructive tendencies though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) try to build a social life. start off by going out a bit more. try to find some friends you lost contact with. then try to make some new friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Going out never really was my thing. I know lots of people because i attended several schools. Somehow they disappeared from my world though. It's not that i wouldn't consider them friends anymore, it's just they do their things and i hardly do anything. I'm sure if i did something people would start to appear again. I just can't call people and meet them to hang out or something, because hanging out is somehow purposeless imo, some of my friends seem to think the same and those who don't i have outgrown it seems. (Please correct me if something i say sounds stupid. You might see things in a way i never thought of, by looking from a point of view, that's to alien for me to take atm.) At least all we did, when we hang out, was smoking weed, drinking or something. Well probably i just have grown in a different direction then some of my friends and it has nothing to do with hanging out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3) once you have a social life, try to get a partner. someone that you become really close to. Someone who is near perfect for you. you will be surprised how a relationship can cheer you up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm glad you didn't just say "get a gf", but instead described what i am looking for. I hope i have mature to a point where i won't smother growing relationships by trying to fullfill silly expectations nobody ever had and at the same time rushing and forcing thinks alÃÆÃâÃâá (didn't say that lines but meant it that way) "please, please love me! i'm soo desperate, i can't be alone anymore". Surest way to drive any girl away really fast, even if she would have been interested in you in the first place, especially those "alpha girls" (those who will be together with whoever is the biggest dog in the pack) i'm seemingly attracted to. I'm not quite where this "alpha" mentallity comes from though. Maybe i hang with the wrong people and got this mentality spoonfed (maybe even from my parents/mother). Maybe people just are that way, but maybe i developed this beastly mentality by myself. Anyway i do belive that most woman is attracted to strong men, maybe more whole, balanced men. Then again maybe i just want to be strong, whole and balanced and won't accept being loved before i am that way. I'll go a little further: Maybe i want to be loved for being strong and such, so as long as i ain't that way i don't want to be loved at all. Maybe you could say a partner could support me becoming what i want to be, but i don't know if i even want more then the minimal financial support my parents and the government provide. Maybe that's incredible stupid [cabbage] i'm talking here, but maybe i'm dead serious about it. Why is everything soo mind boggling?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do not get to hopeful though. as hope can sometimes lead to depression. but try to not linger over really sad or anger issues. try making friends on runescape. Who knows? maybe you will become good friends on the game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think i prefer forum communication over this chat ish online conversation. That way i can forumulate my thoughts more clearly. I always feel i alienate people when i give not so monosyllabic responses to simple statements. I could understand that since i guess most people just want to do some conversation instead going deep, deep, because often i wished i'd be able to express myself more light hearted and not so complicate. Part of the idea in creating this thread was to just say: "oh well, i don't care if i alienate people by posting my thoughts as they come instead of abbreviating them." (wich i do most of the time in order to fit into what appears to me is usus.) So far i do enjoy this. Often i have a wierd feeling of diving deeper and deeper into my mind until i'm somewhere where i can find no other people anymore, where it gets harder and harder to communicate my thoughts, because they incresae in complexity with every meter i dive. I wonder if there ever is a bottom to this ocean. It's not that these thoughts are depressing per se, it's just that sometimes they become really alien, inhuman and unpersonal. I have trouble relating this landscape of thoughts (don't think that these thoughts are fast. they once were and it was maddening. quite in the contrary they slow down, and the more they slow down the more "aware" i feel... aaanyyway...) to the thoughts i'm perceiving to form day to day live. This fast pace i encounter whenever i step out of the door seems so utterly pointless. Don't get me wrong, i do understand the meaning of work and other banal things. I just wonder why everybody gets so involved at all. Altough in turn i'm quite sure i do understand why they do that, but i always feel it's quite arrogant to believe i know better and ignorant to think i know better, when i don't feel better. Aannywaay..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for your lines. I do appreciate them very much.

[kelem_ryu]

Have you ever heard of therapy it could do you some real good.

 

 

 

(i'm not trying to critize you)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought about it, but i was dissapointed by the few psychologists and psychatrists i encountered in my life. It appeared they didn't know anymore about the human psyche, mind and soul then i do. Also i have a feeling that i'm getting somewhere, that i'm not in stagnation. I just dropped in a deep, deep hole with drugs and schizophrenia and all. i'm still not were i want to be and it's a painful process, but since i could shed off the schizoprenia and the drugs on my own i'm quite positive i can go the rest of my way without help to (assuming that the help a therapist could offer is what i'd need). I guess friendly relation to other people, like to friends would be more beneficial then to a proffessional as a therapist definitely is anyway. I can produced detached thoughts on my own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get a job, save up some money and go travelling. Broaden your horizons, discover new cultures, work for aid organisations etc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I never was that much a travel fan, but recently i thought it might be good. Although i feel i have to get a little grip first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe just try and have some real positive effect on the world. And i'm not saying that to be mean, because very few people can, it just might give you a sense of purpose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That's a good one. Although i don't really care if i'd effect the world in a positive or negative way (postive and negative is very relative anyway). I juat NEED to be myself and learn to express myself. Somebody i know always says: "You need to let it all out." and he soo right about that. It's just a painful, tiresome process. Sometimes i have a feeling there is a river inside me, that is hindered by a dam from flowing freely and i have to build up pressure so that the water will eventually bursts the dam, so that the river can flow freely (again?). Or maybe the dam is there for a reason and pressure should be released periodically. idk.