Sometimes i find it amusing, but actually it isn't

[kelem_ryu]

I just read this topic caled "suicide" and wanted to post this. Then i decided i make up my own topic, ANY comments are greatly appreciated. (You don't need to be sensitive at all, i'm a big boy :P )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I often feel i'd be better off dead. I mean i really have nothing to look forward to. Everyday I wake up from my dreams (I love dreaming) into this dull life. I have no plan what i'm gonna do with my life whatsoever. Most of the time i spent in front of the computer, basically doing nothing. The last time i had visitors besides my parents was months ago. I guess i got a depression.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It all started 5 years ago, when i screwed up with a girl i hm.. liked very much. I acted so wierd towards her back then. Well i sat at home and imagined us being together someday, but in reality she was [bleep]ing herself up wih all kinds of drugs. So i was drifting away from this world smoking insane amounts of pot and eventually got nuts (drug induced paranoid psychotic schizophrenia is what i had if you must know). When i finally recoverd a bit, she was pregnant from some guy she didn't even care about and 4 years of my life have past. Most of my friends were "gone" (One part is busy with their studies and projects and the others are still doing drugs.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now i'm 24 sitting alone in my house in front of the computer, smoking cigarettes non stop, wondering what i'm living for anyway. I finally made my high school degree (or however you call that) summer 2005 and am attending university now, but i don't really know what for. I just figured i have to do something, anything. i'm not very motivated though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not really suicidal (although i pondered the thought a lot) and actually i'm quite amused by me being in this pathetic condition, because i'm smarter then most it seems, don't look that bad, am quite agile, have a house, don't have to work and am even somewhat creative. I'm just lacking motivation, self confidence and trust. I feel a little lost here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EDIT: I feel a little wierd about having posted this but oh well. That's the thing, i think it's pathetic, that i feel like [cabbage]. Even makes me laugh, but still.. i feel like [cabbage].

[BlueLancer]

If your friends simply deserted you, it may be hard to just 'get' new friends. I wont say anything stereotypical like pick up a hobby and meet people there. That doesn't even work always and you could end up more depressed. Pick up your own way of meeting some new people, be it in huge events or just hook up with some people in a LAN party or whatever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, if you believe your life lost meaning, try making money. It sounds shallow, but it's one of the things that keeps me going. When you do something for money, you get the feeling that you did something that matters (such as keeping you alive and still having lots of extra).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can make more money than your job allows, try looking up (legitimate, remember there are many shady scams) investment opportunities. It also has the adrenaline factor if you'd decide to go for quick-paced investing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you're interested in something, make your own forum. I made a couple *.tk based forums on games I occassionally played for my guild/clan, and got a few hundred people to post. Okay, they maybe withered eventually, but it was fun. :)

[kelem_ryu]

Yeah, my friends simply deserted me :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Money is actually a good idea, but i'm just not the person who goes and gets himself a job. All jobs i had so far i hated. Mostly because i had to be somewhere at a given time. Also i shun any kind of responsibility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I actually toyed around with a forex trader demo, but figued such things are too thrilling for my taste.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It may seem, that i just destroy any ideas you give, without appreciating them, but i'm very grateful for your response. I guess the purpose of this thread is to draw some attention, wich i need badly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I pondered this whole topic a little and found, that i just find myself pathetic, not in a depressed way, but in an amused and sometimes angry way. blah, blah

[BlueLancer]

Yeah, my friends simply deserted me :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Money is actually a good idea, but i'm just not the person who goes and gets himself a job. All jobs i had so far i hated. Mostly because i had to be somewhere at a given time. Also i shun any kind of responsibility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I actually toyed around with a forex trader demo, but figued such things are too thrilling for my taste.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eventually, you will have to get some kind of responsibility. Even if you won the lottery and had a 100 million dollars, you'd still have all kinds of responsibilities like filling out forms, taking care of the wealth so it doesn't dry up with inflation, etc. (or you could ignore them, but then you'll be left with nothing)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you want to make great money but also have a fairly exciting job, despite what you think of the UN personally (I do kind of think it is politically a joke, but they do good stuff too) try applying for a UN peace enforcer. You don't need formal education, though you will recieve training. There are usually always some missions around the world, but you need to apply in advance because otherwise you may not be accepted because there are too many applicants.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I worked in Kosovo in 1999 for a temporary 6-month contract, and the salary was $4200 tax-free a month plus benefits at the hotel. The only problem is that you will be under harsh physical scrutiny before you can get the job, and you have to pass a multitude of tests and requirements.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The rebels in the area would harass the local militia for patrolling the streets but they'd often be silenced just by the presence of UN troops and heavy artillery. The main task was protecting the civilians. I also can understand the local secondary language that the kosovars speak (serbian) so that helped a lot and I got extra salary as a translator.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I pondered this whole topic a little and found, that i just find myself pathetic, not in a depressed way, but in an amused and sometimes angry way

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least you can take it realistically with humor. Falling in self pity would be the second option, and you apparently drifted away from that which is great. And hey, I wouldn't do Forex trading either. I'm familiar with it but quite honestly you need lots of money to really make a profit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And hey, if you're bored, work in a cinema? In my area they will accept almost anybody age 16 and up, and you get to see movies for free (though sometimes you may have to watch the same film twice). You get a salary and it's fairly fun.

[Zonorhc]

Get yourself addicted to Warhammer 40,000 or any Games Workshop franchise of your choice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If that doesn't give you incentive to go out and get a job for money, nothing else will.

[kelem_ryu]

Responsibility and me.. that's really an issue, i haven't got even close to a solution.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4200$ wow. However i doubt i could become an UN enforcer even if i wanted to, because i refused to do military service, if you do that you have to sign, that you won't use a gun out of ethic reasons. (I live in Austria (not Australia) Vienna, to be exact.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cinema isn't a bad idea at all, because i love movies and work won't start pre noon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An idea just germinated in my head. I love music and singing, but i seem completly unable to write lyrics. Whatever i write seems pathetic. However i think i might have found something to write about. I have a lot of anger on my chest, but whenever i tried to write something angry the lyrics seemed lame to me. Reason probably was, that who can i be angry about? Whom can i blame? I can be angry about society of course. There would be no shortage on things to write about. I could be angry about my parents, but a) i'm too old for that and B) they are just human to. They have their flaws, but oh well. Both society and my parents (also part of the society of course) are part of what i became, and how [bleep]ed up i feel atm, but in the end, the only person i am angry about, the only person i can blame is me. So i could just write songs about what a pathetic whimp i am. Let off some steam and feel better. I'm terribly good at bashing myself. This might be a good plan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can be by myself for weeks, pondering, but without input from others i never get any ideas at all. Amazing.

[kelem_ryu]

Get yourself addicted to Warhammer 40,000 or any Games Workshop franchise of your choice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If that doesn't give you incentive to go out and get a job for money, nothing else will.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lol! NO WAY! I played Magic the Gathering for some time and i'm glad i got off it. Then RS. I get addicted waaay to easy. I played Warhammer 40k though with the army of a friend (Dark Eldar). Even painted some of the figures, but i don't like glueing them together. Good that they were already ready to play. However what i don't like about the game is, that it is too easy to get arguing about things. Another problem is, that most of the people i know don't have time to play games like that. That's how i came to get te Dark Eldar army in the first place. The guy who bought them didn't have time and/or motivation to play. So it wouldn't even be an incetive to get money, because de facto i have a complete army (about 1500 points wich is enough imo).

[Zonorhc]

Well, there's a start. See if you can land a job at a recording studio, not necessarily to make your own music, but perhaps to work the soundboards or whatever. That way, you'll give yourself some exposure to the industry and see if you like the way things work or not, and you may be able to find ideas in other people's work that you might be able to develop into your own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While you're at it, you can expose yourself to a wider variety of literature and develop your language that way. I'm not too sure about Austrian literature, but if you can get your hands on some Shakespeare or Coleridge, you might be able to find ideas on how to use language to make your meaning.

[kelem_ryu]

Nah i'm not too much interested in working soundboards and stuff. I'm the classic frontman. Problem always were the lyrics. If i had songs ready, then the rest would come. I know plenty of people who are into music. (Just found how great it feels to have this thread and talk about me. The moment nobody watches me, i'm sitting depressed in the corner and mope. As soon as i get some attention i feel a surge of energy and start to blossom. Amazing watching myself. You know i always thought: "No! i don't need anybody", but the truth is i'm utterly dependent on people. I'll wither like a plant lacking water, without your attention.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I read much in my life, both german and english literature and uncountable fantasy and sci-fi novells. Austrian literature is quite rich. German literature as well (we speak german in Austria.), but wording is not the problem anyway, i'm quite good with words methinks. Problem is what to write about. This thread is quite inspirational though. :D :D :D

[kelem_ryu]

After reading through the posts it is quite obvious, that all you want is attention. This is kinda lame dude! Why do you have to write this oh so tragic story? And this mega lame introduction! Almost made me vomit. Your such a pathetic whimp! You write you are "smarter then most"? How smart can you be, not realizing that all you'd need to do is move your [wagon] away from your computer? Get a live! Get a job! Get a girlfriend! Stop whining about some girl you haven't seen in 2 years! How pathetic is that? Attention eh? Well do something worthy of attention! Your whining is sickening. Freak!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaaaanyway.. I'm off to university. Would be awsome if you'd drop me some lines. :)

[supercanon14]

Yeah, my friends simply deserted me :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Money is actually a good idea, but i'm just not the person who goes and gets himself a job. All jobs i had so far i hated. Mostly because i had to be somewhere at a given time. Also i shun any kind of responsibility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I actually toyed around with a forex trader demo, but figued such things are too thrilling for my taste.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dude your 24 and you dont know the word WORK? i'm only 10 and i dont mind working

[Youaretheman]

10..lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dude, my backup plan has always been if my skating career or my business I want to start up doesn't go the way it does I'm going to join the military. (army) My dad is in it for one. It will pay your college, pays your standhard house funds (to rent it) overall you get great things from it. I think that's what you need in all seriousness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It will straighten you up, and you will find the reason for your life. You should look into it.

[trapical]

find a new gf. They help. A lot.

[kelem_ryu]

 

find a new gf. They help. A lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yah... :anxious:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:anxious: ?! What? Are you scared of girls? Your such a [kitty]! Your excuses are soo lame. You sit in front of the computer ruining your health and contribute nothing whatsoever to anything. Your are a disgrace to human race. People like you make me sick. If i would know you in person i wouldn't want to have anything to do with you either. Apparently you are an extremly nerdy, boring looser. Go jump off a building or something. You are wasting air others could breath.

[kelem_ryu]

 

 

find a new gf. They help. A lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yah... :anxious:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:anxious: ?! What? Are you scared of girls? Your such a [kitty]! Your excuses are soo lame. You sit in front of the computer ruining your health and contribute nothing whatsoever to anything. Your are a disgrace to human race. People like you make me sick. If i would know you in person i wouldn't want to have anything to do with you either. Apparently you are an extremly nerdy, boring looser. Go jump off a building or something. You are wasting air others could breath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First of all you pressed "edit" instead of "quote" and deleted my post that way, neanderthal man. Go ahead flame me... How many people in this world fit your standards? .32? What kind of superhuman are you to spit down on me like that? Just because you are me, you don't have the right to bash me all the time.

[kelem_ryu]

 

 

 

find a new gf. They help. A lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yah... :anxious:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:anxious: ?! What? Are you scared of girls? Your such a [kitty]! Your excuses are soo lame. You sit in front of the computer ruining your health and contribute nothing whatsoever to anything. Your are a disgrace to human race. People like you make me sick. If i would know you in person i wouldn't want to have anything to do with you either. Apparently you are an extremly nerdy, boring looser. Go jump off a building or something. You are wasting air others could breath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First of all you pressed "edit" instead of "quote" and deleted my post that way, neanderthal man. Go ahead flame me... How many people in this world fit your standards? .32? What kind of superhuman are you to spit down on me like that? Just because you are me, you don't have the right to bash me all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lol! Do i look like i'd care if i have "the right" to do something? I do what i want. What you gonna do about it? Run crying to your mom? Deep down inside you know i'm right.

[Diminished2b]

Depression is cultural.

[Guest]

Find a sport you enjoy. No seriously find one. It'll do alot of good, in many ways. Join a local team and it'll do wonders for your social life over time, not to mention your fitness and such.

[fitzztif]

Is he having an argument with himself or am i missing something :?

[rocketman089]

Is he having an argument with himself or am i missing something :?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so confused :shock:

[katha610]

who is neanderthal man?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

go out and do something. anything.

[darkmage099]

who is neanderthal man?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

go out and do something. anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ROFL! Arguing with yourself.....okay then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously, find a hobby and meet a girl and friends. You need social activities.

[Anesthesia]

You can make more money than your job allows, try looking up (legitimate, remember there are many shady scams) investment opportunities.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why bother looking them up when they can come to you? I am currently in deals with many Nigerians. I'm hoping they'll pay off rather well. I'd suggest you look up Barrister Dave Udoka, he is looking to move some money to this country but he needs your help - he is willing to offer you 25% of EIGHTEEN MILLION DOLLARS.

[Guest XplsvBam]

If you aren't proud of your self being in front of the computer all the time try something you have always wanted to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was depressed when I played the computer all the time I always felt that after I logged off the computer that I didn't get anything accomplished and my life was going no where. So I thought about the things that I have always wanted to do, learn to play guitar, learn to surf, photography.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning to surf and photography seemed boring to me so I picked up the guitar. It helps its very constructive and when I get depressed I play and after a few hours of practice I feel like I actually got something accomplished.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I use to think that I never had any real friends but just these past couple of months I realized that people need me as much as I need them. Nothing makes me feel better then someone opening up to me about a family problem or anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The best advice I can think of is don't dwell on your depression. If you dwell on it it will get worse. If you don't dwell on it you might forget that you were never happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

happy>sad

[Youaretheman]

 

Is he having an argument with himself or am i missing something :?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so confused :shock:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I x2 that.. :shock: