A passion for crafting

[andufusthebronze]

Passion for crafting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A small little girl,

 

 

 

Trained as a farmer.

 

 

 

Lacked a passion for farming

 

 

 

And so did want to craft.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Her heart flittered at the thought,

 

 

 

Leather and needle,

 

 

 

Joining together and formed something,

 

 

 

Something more delicate,

 

 

 

And beautifully soft.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She had an idea,

 

 

 

Young Millie did,

 

 

 

And killed a cow, or the side of the road.

 

 

 

She left in the middle of the night,

 

 

 

A small pot of gold, in her sack

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To al kharid,

 

 

 

And bought her self a needle two threads,

 

 

 

And slept in the shelter of the palace.

 

 

 

In the morning of day,

 

 

 

She went to the tanner,

 

 

 

And tan he did those hides of her

 

 

 

She used a needle a thread and leather

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She made some gloves, and some boots

 

 

 

And a hat, she thought proudly of them,

 

 

 

She wore them with pride,

 

 

 

And back to her farming,

 

 

 

She did go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And to my knowledge,

 

 

 

She is still there. Millie the miller

 

 

 

Grounding her flour,

 

 

 

Picking her grain.

 

 

 

A farmer, a crafter

 

 

 

A skiller

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

what you think??

 

 

 

my mum said it was a bit rushed,

 

 

 

i thought so too, spent like 5 mins on it

[Geordiequeen]

I'm not a huge fan of poetry at the moment as we are studying it at school for our GCSE's and i am getting so bored but i liked this.

[issy2]

 

 

 

spent like 5 mins on it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It shows. Honestly, don't bother wasting a thread if you haven't put any effort into it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rhythm non-existant, doesn't flow, it seems like each line is supposed to be somewhere else like you just thought it off the top of your head. Some of the words and phrases don't seem to fit. Rhyme isn't necessary but it would work well.

 

 

 

There's literally no description except 'beautifully soft'. I wouldn't exactly call leather that, but fine, and since when has leather been delicate?

 

 

 

And plus she might not just wander back to the farming. It might work better for Millie to be more ambitious.

 

 

 

To add to that the name 'Millie' isn't exactly awe-inspiring. (No offence to anyone called Millie.) A name is something that needs to be chosen carefully, because it has a huge impact on the whole atmosphere of any piece of writing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit - just noticed, did you mean 'grinding' her flour? :)

[andufusthebronze]

urgh, peoms that ryme are for five year olds.

[FuBai]

Shows how much you know. Rhymes are a part of certain poems, and this does not make them immature. Writing a story and just breaking it up into small lines as you have done is for 5 year olds tbh

[issy2]

urgh, peoms that ryme are for five year olds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. You are prejudiced.

 

 

 

2. I get the feeling you didn't understand my wholeheartedly intelligent post in the hope that you piece of 'writing' which you 'spent like 5 minutes' on would be just marginally improved by several comments a caring member of the forum left with YOUR best interests at heart.

 

 

 

3. Your post is clearly a frustrated attempt at answering my constructive criticisms rather than you trying to improve it you neglect to thank me for wasting my time on your poem.

 

 

 

4. written by a friend

 

 

 

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM????

 

 

 

to be perfectly frank your poem sucks and your response to helpful advice is childish and unworthy of the greatness of Varrock Library.

 

 

 

5. I suggest you grow up a bit before wasting your above mentioned 'childish comments' on this forum. Thankyou and goodbye, that's if you read this which I hope you did because it might benefit not only your literature but your IQ.

[rushrock]

It does kind of have that "slopped together" feel to it, but it was pretty good. It was witty and kind of humorous. I'd say edit it a little.

[Geordiequeen]

For my GSCE's we have to study poems from our anthology books and i can tell you that not a single one of them that we have done so far (about 50) have rhymed. Poems do not have to rhyme to be a poem, technically you can turn a short story into a poem if you change the structure and take a few things out. I think this poem is good for only taken 5 minutes and it is the only poem i have read in here that i have read the whole way through.

[andufusthebronze]

yay :