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~ The Chosen One ~

 

 

 

~ By Angry Tulip ~

 

 

 

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Chapter 1 : The Chosen time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I watch A little Kid Screaming a powerful surge of energy blasted from his mouth making everyone fly backward hitting into tree , houses , and carts. I had a chance to look at him and he had tattoo's forming around his body , then i went unconscious . As I woke up a nurse came up to me and check to see if I'm alright. She said "Wow , There not even a scratch on you."

 

 

 

Then I checked Myself and said "That impossible I was the run that was closest to the blast " And then i notice i have a mark on arm. " What about This." I said eagerly. "What's What , There nothing on you arm" she said and showed me out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More To come

That sounds like Harry Potter.

 

 

 

Survived the impossible and was left with a mark and i am guessing he is the chosen one.

 

 

 

Definitly like Harry Potter

verry verry strange... (said in funny accent)

not very good. no offense but it doesn't flow and generally in the first chapter you describe it a bit more one sec, i'll add more in a sec to this post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

here we go, i did this quickly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am sitting on the side of a filthy pavement; it hasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t been washed in days. The street is extremely grubby, but is somehow even in the middle of the night it was busy. I look over to the old park I used to play in; the white paint on the fence was peeling badly. Then I see a small child who I donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t recognise, and being the person I am I recognising most faces. He sits there on the swing, swinging away merrily. Suddenly, it starts to rain. Scared the small child screams, somehow my eyes are glued to him. As I run over to check he is ok, I know that something bad is about to happen. I can feel it. I notice that I am not the only one coming closer to him, as we all approach him there is a flash of light. But it wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t lightning, a strange light was emitting from his mouth, and then a nanosecond later. I realise it is an energy surge. Everyone was sent flying backwards, bones breaking, ankles spraining. Suddenly I notice that a tattoo is forming around his body, but my vision gets blurry but then it goes black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wake up and look around; IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m in a hospital bed! A nurse comes rushing over and looks at me. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHmmÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ. You seem fine to me young manÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Your Grammar is a bit scratchy. And you need to elaborate more on the situation, especially as its your first chapter. Set the Scene more like what andufusthebronze has contributed to your story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Luck. :wink:

I hated it. It's got little flow, each event seems detached to the next. Your grammar (sorry about this) is awful and you should use ' for speech marks instead of ". You really need to check your writing before you post it... it's only about 6 lines long and I couldn't wait to finish it. Maybe try to explain things in more detail, instead of seemingly rushing through them. Description would be welcome too.

well, Issy seems to have it covered but... You need to write more than 5 lines to post it in the varrock library. I know there is no official rule or anything and I'm brand new, but it doesn't seem right. If you spend an hour on a peice of writing you will get a lot more helpful critisism and less "Do this!" because it will flow more, yur grammer will be better, and in total it will be greatly improved

its been 6 days with no improvement, i dont think he is coming bak