well, It flows ok and there are some good discriptions in it. I know i'm not very good at writing and can't talk but I don't care and am going to tell you anyway. I don't really like the name Rosa it doesn't sound special or anything Rose might be a bit bettter. You haven't fully used Imagery for your advantege throw in a few similies and metaphors so change "Her eyes where a dull grey" to something like "her eyes where like old iron in colour, dull as if the metal had long lost it's shine" and describe everything a bit more. like "her hair a mousy brown" Whats that? is it short, long, curly, strait or what? have something like "he examined her long, curly mousy brown hair, which she had tried and failed to straiten" or something I'm a bit harsh so sorry, but I'd give it a 14