The Battle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Behind the barricades of ice and snow,

 

 

 

Lie eager warriors ready for the fight.

 

 

 

Armed with snowballs of every size,

 

 

 

Ready for the icy combat on the frosty plain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A distant shout from the other side

 

 

 

Signals the first encounter.

 

 

 

A volley of icy hale begins

 

 

 

The frenzy of freezing play.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The snowballs fall from every height,

 

 

 

Covering the unsuspecting in white.

 

 

 

A groan, a mouthful of ice.

 

 

 

Still a rallying cry! Get up and fight!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then bravely one by one,

 

 

 

They turn to face there foes.

 

 

 

They smell victory with every throw.

 

 

 

The enemy defeated limp slowly home,

 

 

 

Victory warms the winners as they roar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

took forever

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

please rate it or hate or whatever you do here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

never been on this forum before

come on, this took forever!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

pl33z post!

Ok no rhyme or rythem to speak of. The poem had words that just stuck out in the middle of the sentance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would serouisly rethink this poem. There is nothing that suggests its a poem, other than the short lines. It is written like a story is written. You even have a sentance end in the the middle of a line.

 

 

 

Still a rallying cry! Get up and fight!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would rewrite this as a story. Or rewrite it to have a pattern to it.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell. I thought that the words and phrases you sstructured your poem around were very good. However i think you could greatly improve on this if you.......................................

 

 

 

a) possibly rhyme it. The poem has that kind of feel to it.

 

 

 

B) rythm. No constant rythm a bit disappointing in that sense.

 

 

 

c) redrafted the entire poem using the descriptive devices you did before with a new form.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other than that i thought that it was swell. Hip hip hooray for the snow i say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :

I'll be frank with you. And rememeber this is coming from a boy of 14, but it sucked. I'm not being nice I'm jus being honest unlike some of these other weirdo kids here.

I'll be frank with you. And rememeber this is coming from a boy of 14, but it sucked. I'm not being nice I'm jus being honest unlike some of these other weirdo kids here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please learn to respect other people's opinions. Lee and archimage were being honest and you have no reason to doubt them - this doesn't give you the right to accuse others of being dishonest, or, far worse, 'weirdo's. So, please, in future keep your narrow minded assumptious opinions to yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Personally, I really enjoyed reading it. It needs alot of editing as the rhythm is kinda non existent in about 3 of the verses but some of the phrases you used I thought were very creative. The rhyming too was fun, but (and this is a lesson I need to learn too, lol) if you're going to rhyme, make it more consistent.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A distant shout from the other side

 

 

 

Signals the first encounter.

 

 

 

A volley of icy hale begins

 

 

 

The frenzy of freezing play.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hooray for this verse! The rhythm is great, it just reads professionally.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, yeah - it's pretty good I think, but like lee said - work on the rhythm and rhyme! Otherwise, it was a fun, descriptive poem.

Why the hell you should i give respect to anyone i don't even know. All I know about you people is spend your lifes on the computer. And I have evryreason to doubt them, I dont even know them. And who are you to say i have a narrow headed mind, you dweeby little kid, and why should i keep my opinions to myself, when the weird little kid with the poem asked us for em? So why don't you think before you write, you narrow minded weirdo.

Why the hell you should i give respect to anyone i don't even know. All I know about you people is spend your lifes on the computer. And I have evryreason to doubt them, I dont even know them. And who are you to say i have a narrow headed mind, you dweeby little kid, and why should i keep my opinions to myself, when the weird little kid with the poem asked us for em? So why don't you think before you write, you narrow minded weirdo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I certainly don't have a problem with anyone disliking this poem. What I do have a problem with, however, is you assuming that we're not being honest just because they liked it. I am saying you're narrow minded because you're refusing to accept someone could have different opinions to you - because Lee and archimage enjoyed it you are saying they're dishonest. Not fair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And before you go throwing insults about, you're just making a fool of yourself by swearing and calling various people weirdos. If you want to make a good impression then start acting your age and not like a spoilt six year old.

I agree with Issy. You were swearing at us and everything when we wouldn't let you come into the RPG, and you just have to calm down, and when we say you can't do something you can't do it. It's also quite idiotic that you make fun of posts. That's not encouraging. What if I said the legend of five sucked and it deserves to die? And when you called us dweeby little kids how about look at the side were it says: RETIRED. We have lives, because we don't play anymore, just make stories here, were we can see whats going on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is it, Termenator 10? Well, you have no life at the moment because you are playing now. Some people, though, like Issy and I, have controlled the urge to play, and I don't want to throw words in Issy's mouth, because:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A) It became boring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

B) Because we don't like playing with people whom are 27.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

C) Because we wanted a life, and losers like you who go on and make fun of others ruined the fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So shut-up, kid. At the moment, you are playing and thus have no life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I liked it, but then again, I'm not a poet. But still, it needs a rythm to it. But good job anyway.

I didn't wrte the legend of five, so shut the hell up! And I ain't swearing. And who are you to tell me to calm down, you don't know me, besides if we did meet and fight, I'd win. Whaddya mean "when we say you can't do something you can't do it." So what it's not encouraging, eventually you nerds are going to leave your moms basement and face the world.

I didn't wrte the legend of five, so shut the hell up! And I ain't swearing. And who are you to tell me to calm down, you don't know me, besides if we did meet and fight, I'd win. Whaddya mean "when we say you can't do something you can't do it." So what it's not encouraging, eventually you nerds are going to leave your moms basement and face the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How bout re-reading what I posted, it makes sense now. Yes, you won't calm down. How old are you, because I'm not even close to my eighteenth Birthday yet, I'm a freaking freshman in High school.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. Did you plagurize the Legend of Five then? Cause it says you are the author, idiot. You even said it's yours when you wanted to join the RPG, freak.

I didn't wrte the legend of five, so shut the hell up! And I ain't swearing.

 

 

 

And who are you to tell me to calm down, you don't know me, besides if we did meet and fight, I'd win.

 

 

 

Whaddya mean "when we say you can't do something you can't do it." So

 

 

 

what it's not encouraging, eventually you nerds are going to leave your moms basement and face the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have got to be one of the most unintelligent kids I've ever had the misfortune to encounter. I've separated your post into separate points to distinguise what you're actually trying to say.

 

 

 

1. As far as I'm concerned, 'shut the hell up' is swearing. But hey even it's not it's really not a nice thing to say. Sephiroth King was either getting at something you haven't understood, or he made a simple mistake.

 

 

 

2. Phsyical strength has absolutely no moral meaning when it comes to right and wrong. The fact that you've even mentioned you could beat Sephiroth King in a fight is sickening. Do you think anyone actually cares who is muscly? The fact is, you need to calm down. Anyhow I'm guessing you're about eight years old - so he probably could, not that it matters.

 

 

 

3. Um where the heck did you get that quote from? You are completely misinterpreting everything we've both said. We are not nerds and you have no right to make assumptions like that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I suggest that you've until matured a little, get out of these forums and stop annoying us.

Thank you Issy, 100% fully agree.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Issy's right kid. I don't care if I'd win or lose to you in a fight, the fact of the matter is, why are you instigating that?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I suppose you didn't read this, either:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Silence is golden. No spamming is permitted. This forum is for works of fiction, poetry, and any other types of literary works. This does not include your latest trip into the wilderness, thesis about the state of the RuneScape economy, or other discussion type threads.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Respect others. Stories which attack another player are not permitted. The use of famous or well-known players is not allowed. Please do remember that the library is home to many old and valuable tomes, so flame is not allowed in here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Only original works will be allowed. Do not post any literary works that are not of your own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. When writing a multi-part story, please use one thread. This will help us to keep the Library in order.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Some creative license will be allowed for language, though excessive swearing is not allowed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. No adult situations or depictions thereof. Literary works that are derogatory towards any individual or group will not be allowed. This includes racist, gender based, or jokes at the expense of religious groups.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. Jokes, riddles, brain teaser, and anything else belonging in those categories are to be posted in the Forum Games Forum.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Please be sure to save your work. We recently had a fire that resulted in thousands of works of art to be burned or badly damaged, which explains why the Library is currently empty. We do not keep extra copies of works posted here, so if you wish to keep your works, do so by saving it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. All users are still bound by the Forum Rules.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look at all of the bold rules. Hmm, you broke 5 so far. Wanna keep going? Go on ahead, I'm not stopping you. But the Moderators will.

thanks for your opinions, but my english teacher just wanted a descriptive poem and said that if you rhyme, you tend to focus on rhyming and not description

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

edit: im also only 12 so dont think im a [developmentally delayed]ed 16 year old because im not

On a point of accuracy I did not like or dislike the poem. It was ok but was just a bit too...storyish. Not a poem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also anyone can write a poem, if you want to do it right you spend months doing it. Simon Armitage has said before that once you get the idea of what is in the poem you don't just say thats that. You spend weeks, or months painstakingly checking each line, looking for the rhymes and rthyms you take for granted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also I do not like being called a 'Weirdo Kid' I may be strange but there is no need to resort to name calling. What you said was honest. You thought it sucked. Thats fine, you should say what you really think of the poem. But then you spoilt it by name calling...you can't win in an argument you start, especially when you are in the wrong.

I really like it! I never thought you would be a sixteen year old (sorry I jsut felt it was) And I think you've got some talent waiting to be unlocked!

 

 

 

ALso, i dont play rs all the time I'm actually considered a good looking guy by the girls so... And I'm top in the class!

Hey all! Um.. ingore termenator10! In real life he's my cousin, and i love him, but he's sort of a brat. What you guys are doin is like pouring gasoline on fire. He called and told me about this site, and laughed like an idoit hanging up. I had no clue what was going on. Since he's real bad on communication skills and on R.S. He stole my acounts and their names and uses them anywhere. I got reported on runescape cause of him... well anyways sorry please, please i am real sorry about him. If you can report him. Thanks alot for your time, and sorry about him ruining your poem and all. Have a good night!

The rhythem was fine, and as for everyone who's bagging this poem because it DOESN'T RHYME, you're sad. Take a literature, or english class, PLEASE! Poems DON'T HAVE TO RHYME! It's called FREE VERSE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I liked it, it was nice, nice use of a FREE VERSE poem, the rhythem as I mentioned earlier works well too. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ignore the ignorant ones who don't know much about poetry.

The rhythem was fine, and as for everyone who's bagging this poem because it DOESN'T RHYME, you're sad. Take a literature, or english class, PLEASE! Poems DON'T HAVE TO RHYME! It's called FREE VERSE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I liked it, it was nice, nice use of a FREE VERSE poem, the rhythem as I mentioned earlier works well too. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ignore the ignorant ones who don't know much about poetry.

 

 

 

What he said, poems don't have to Rhyme, because half the poems that are already out there don't...

I would liek clarify that we did not say that the poem HAD to rhyme. We said it would sound better if it did. I did not think that the rythem was devoloped enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then bravely one by one,

 

 

 

They turn to face there foes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps it is grammar lacking, if a poem has the exact format it needs then it will make sense.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then. Bravely. One. By one.

 

 

 

They turned. To face their foes.

 

 

 

The poem needs to be read in a certain way, if you read it as it was origionally then it sounds like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then bravely onebyone,

 

 

 

theyturn to face their foes.

 

 

 

It seems rushed and is read in the way a story woukld be read.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be grammatically correct the poem should sound similar to this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Behind the barricades. Of snow and ice.

 

 

 

Lie the eager warriors. Ready for the fight.

 

 

 

Armed with snowballs. Of every size. Shape.

 

 

 

Ready for the icy. Combat on a frosty plain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A distant shout. From the other side.

 

 

 

Signals. Of the first encounter.

 

 

 

A volley of icy. Of hail begins.

 

 

 

The frenzyed freezing play.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The snowballs fall. From every height.

 

 

 

The unsuspecting. Now dressed in white.

 

 

 

A groan. A mouth of ice.

 

 

 

Still a rallying cry. 'Get up and fight!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then bravely. One. By one.

 

 

 

They turn. To face there foes.

 

 

 

They smell victory. With every throw.

 

 

 

The enemy. Defeated. Limp slowly home.

 

 

 

Victory. We, the winter winners roar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take it or leave it, I am not the perfect poet, I just think that it sounds better like this. There is a clear way of reading it. Each full stop means that each phrase is empathesised. Something like 'We quickly ran though the forest' doesn't need empthesis on any particular part. But it is most likely to be found in a story, rather than a poem. Thats what makes the difference between poems and stories. A story flows because it has enjambed lines(Lines that run on), there is no pattern required because it has nothing to follow. In a poem the lines are seperate, enjambing a line or a verse is a poetic technique, it makes a poem flow while keeping the structure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway I think thats it. As said before it was an ok poem, subject was good, just a shame about the way it would be read.

me again,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought the poem was great and i wish we could talk about it in peace withought being penalised by what, as far as i'm concerned is just noise and ignorance.

thanks people, i got some real reward in school :D

Hey! that was a good poem, I wish I could write as good poems as you can. Please again ignore my cousin, that was actually a really good poem.