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This blog post contains a lot of depressing material. If you don't want to read it, don't. I don't want any [bleep]ing replies 'tl:dr' or something from some [bleep]ing stupid troll trying to flame bait me.


*slams head repeatedly into keyboard*




[hide=Don't read unless you want to.]So I think the best way for me to put the way I'm feeling into writing is to put it into order.






I'm burnt out with Dungeoneering! Having to play with the [developmentally delayed]ed tools of W117 really starts to grind on you, and its got to the point today where they've been making me feeling like smashing my head repeatedly into a wall! I know that I could do something different on Runescape, but I don't find anything else fun at the moment, and I enjoy the damn skill. Its just the [bleep]ing people I play it with that I have a problem with.


I've also found out that one the friends that I really enjoy talking to on Runescape is leaving (perhaps for good), and while I will not name that person for their privacy, I'll miss them more than they probably realise. They've been a great help to me in the past when I've been feeling down, and because of the lack of real life friends due to social difficulties, I think of them as one of my best friends. (The only way we'll be able to communicate if they leave for good will be text messages)


I'm sick of people in the HYT clan chat for no real reason other than the fact that I'm in a foul mood as it is today anyway, and it all just makes me want to scream!





-Other Game-


I play another online game called Command and Conquer Renegade, and I'm part of one of the leading community's there as a moderator.


In the last few days, certain people have had trouble with the leadership of the community, and its got to the point where three people left their jobs as moderators, and left the community.


While two of those have come back (one has been made a moderator again, one hasn't), the other friend has gone for good, as while he is personally a complete muppet, he's a great laugh, and a good guy.


Also, after having some technical difficulties connecting to my community's server, the owner decides to act like a complete and total [bleep]ing [developmentally delayed], and talks to me like I'm a piece of [bleep]ing [cabbage].





-Real Life-


The most annoying thing right at the moment when I'm typing this is that I've slept funny last night, and now both arms are hurting to move at the elbow, which makes typing a [bleep], and moving sucks.


I've also burnt the sides of both index fingers trying to carry some plates when my family and I went out for a meal at our local carvery. The meal was nice, but the rest of the people there were [bleep]ing [developmentally delayed]s who laugh really loud, and have no [bleep]ing courtesy for anyone but themselves.


My cousin stayed over last night in place of one of my sisters (who is staying over my cousins), and she's so [bleep]ing annoying. She's only 11, but she makes me want to [bleep]ing murder the little [bleep]ing [bleep]. She's also staying tonight as well, which just makes it soooo much better...

I've been bitten on my arms and neck by [bleep]ing gnats, and its itching like hell (hurting too on my neck).


Also, my [bleep]ing insomnia has come back in full force, and I'm getting very little sleep of a night. My dad... he keeps getting angry at me about it, and its almost as though he thinks I'm staying up late on purpose.. why the hell would I do that. He knows that I have insomnia, but sometimes, even though I love him as my dad, he's a [bleep]ing unreasonable bastard.





-Carry On from my Previous Blog-


Well, if you don't know the story, go read it.

So I was seen by that [bleep]ing early intervention team a few times, and they tell me that I have no mental illness in their opinions, and the fact that I hear [bleep]ing voices telling me to kill myself is just depression. They tell me that they are only counsellors though, and their opinions are not medically based. The stupid [bleep]ing [bleep]es (both were middle aged women) also seemed to think that I was [bleep]ing disappointed that they didn't think I had a mental illness. WHY THE [bleep]ING HELL WOULD I WANT A [bleep]ING MENTAL ILLNESS YOU STUPID [bleep]ING [bleep]ES?! GAH!


So I was made an appointment to see a [bleep]ing psychologist, and the appointment card goes missing.. I ring the place up where I'm supposed to have the appointment to check that the time I remember is right, and they [bleep]ing tell me that they have no record of having a [bleep]ing appointment booked for me at all!

I get ANOTHER [bleep]ing appointment through a letter through the post, and I went to that about two weeks ago. I sit in the [bleep]ing waiting room for about an hour, before the receptionist has the goodness of her heart to tell me that I don't have a [bleep]ing appointment until September 7th. EVEN THOUGH I GOT THE [bleep]ING APPOINTMENT CONFIRMED WITH A LETTER, ITS NOT ON THEIR [bleep]ING COMPUTERS?!


So I've spent the last two weeks or so feeling down now and then, but tonight its really hit me hard, and right at this very [bleep]ing moment, I want to go downstairs, find a knife and slice my [bleep]ing arms.


I know that the feeling of wanting to do that is just in my head, and I personally don't want to do it, but its still really hard to ignore...





I don't want or expect sympathy or attention like some of the [bleep]ing trolls that come on this forum and post their own blog posts, but putting the way I'm feeling and the troubles I've been having lately into words has helped my head a little bit at this very moment. I'm sorry if people didn't want to read this, and I've upset them in some way, but there was a spoiler at the start of this blog, so if you've read it, on your own [bleep]ing head be it.


Sorry for the language (if not censored) and the depressing materials of this blog again.


Now I'm off to get some food because I'm staving and try and get some sleep. Pft.

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:mellow: Well I really don't know what to say, but I feel that I can't read without responding. I've had to deal with some of the things mentioned in here myself, either recently or sometime in the past, although perhaps not on the same scale. It probably means nothing coming from someone like me, being that we haven't really talked much directly, but I'm sure some improvements will come in the near future. :)

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I think this is a good way to release your problems. I've had problems last year around this time. Heck, I nearly went suicidal.


But remember, there is not one person on this planet, that has a perfect life. Everyone has their "ups" and "downs".

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I love you buddy, more than you realize. We've been friends a long time. I hope everything gets well with you soon, and I'm always here if you need to vent. :) Keep your chin up, mate.

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I've had similar problems in the past (concerning depression), so I understand where you're coming from.


Likewise, going on the HYT clan chat is not a good idea if you're expecting people to be friendly. The majority of people in the chat appear to be cliquish and don't answer your questions or just completely blow you off. :roll:


Also, I understand your frustration with the C&C community that you moderate. I am the second-in-command of a village/city in another MMO game (you can build your own towns and such), and I've seen the town go from competing with the largest city in terms of membership and size to becoming a place where only a fraction of our citizenry currently live. I get really frustrated because it appears that half of these remnant citizens are really lazy and don't help us maintain the city (buildings and walls can decay over time). That, along with inactivity/low activity within the city makes the place seem desolate and lonely. It can be depressing, and it's especially depressing when you lose friends on the game because they decided to quit.




Just hang in there. From my personal experience, writing about stuff really helped me pull through it.

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You're under a lot of tension. I know where you're coming from. Whenever I'm like that, I take a break off Runescape and only come back when the tension is completely gone and when I feel like I'll have fun on it. I'd suggest you do the same, but it's your call of course.

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This just makes me wanna come to England even more and give you a big hug. :wub:

Hang in there Buddy! We're al here for you. |^_^|

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I think you should try getting some time away from your sources of irritation, as far as possible. Get away from your computer, go find a nearby park or similar local facility, get away from noise, and just sit there and try your deepest to unwind. You have to loose yourself from all that pent-up stress or you'll reach breaking point.


And sorry about Hyt Draggle <3 Just keep your being together for now!

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Hello there!

Idk how i ended reading your blog, but here I am.

Keep writting, keep expresing how you feel, that´s always good and helps you to take out any bad feeling and allows everyone arround you to know what´s going on with you and be there for you in case you need it.

I see you have a lot of friends who loves you and care for you, that´s simple great! Keep that in mind, and count with them (and with me if you want) if you need anything.

You are going to be fine! :)

Good luck!

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You are amazing Draggle, can't put into words how much of a star you are. You know I'm a click away if you need to vent and your doing the best thing you can do talking about it.

Keep strong and sodd the annoying noobs. Keep strong you lovely lovely man

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You are amazing Draggle, can't put into words how much of a star you are. You know I'm a click away if you need to vent and your doing the best thing you can do talking about it.

Keep strong and sodd the annoying noobs. Keep strong you lovely lovely man

Why don't you talk to me like that! :(

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