The retreat of the elves.

 

 

 

Ok, first of all, let me explain a few things.

 

 

 

Introduction

 

 

 

Elves have naturally long life spans, usually of a few thousand years. So, they grow a lot slower. They are usually looking around human age 20 for 2000 years at least. They reach the look at 75, and that is when they begin their magic lessons. Now, this story is of the special case. 75 year old Yrura, a western elf, found with great magical prowess for such a young mind. Now, on with the story, we will start at the discovery of her powers. So, enough delay, on with it!

 

 

 

Chapter one: Magical prowess.

 

 

 

The setting sunÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s rays gently came through the classroom window, giving the room a dim light. The room was filled up with around twelve different sized desks; they appeared to be made out of maple. They where all quite dusty, as where the chairs. The teacher stood at the front of the class. He looked quite old, even for an elf. He was grey haired, and had the odd wrinkle. His eyes where sharp, and green. His nose was long and slopish, and his glasses fit perfectly on it. He was writing on the old board, made of strengthened slate. He scribbled in elegant writing: Mr. Hyaline

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHello class, my name as you can see.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Good so far. You might want to say just where they are located, or elaborate on the other students, but you can do without these suggestions and be perfectly fine.

Its interesting, but it gives too much information up front. The entire introduction should just be revealed in the main body. In other words show me, don't tell me. extreme example here, but don't make your reader memorize an encyclopedia to read the first page.

 

 

 

I'll check back to see where this goes though!

I dont know what others think (apart from a few... the ones above me lol) but i like it :D

Ok I really hate the refresh button. Ummm where was I?

 

 

 

Oh yes. The story seemed fact because the lenghs of time seemed casually mentioned. 2000 years seems like a long time, but when you look back on it....Like a Holiday...6 weeks off and nothing much to do...or doing the same thing every day. It has soon drifted by, but all the time it seemed to be dragging out...

 

 

 

Well anyway sorry to seem blunt, I hate doing things more than once...Ummm I rate it as Intrieged out of Enthralled.

A few thousand years? It's a fantasy story, but you should try to be a bit realistic. A few hundred years would be more like it.

I found this story very interesting even if it was a bit un-realistic, if you want to make it more realistic try and improve the time span and also I suggest not rushing into it. Think, instead of taking her straight to the council he would of asked her to perform more spells, more difficult spells.