Gaalsien Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 (Anybody who writes a good, intelligent review can claim between 1k and 20k, depending on how helpful the review is at improving the writing.) I wanted Gaal and Smoke 2: the Return of the Gaal or where there's Smoke there's Gaal but meh. It's sub-parificic Chapter One Anyway, on with the story. The first few chapters are written by me so aren't very humourous. But we have to give the story at least some dignity first. I reached the edge of the forest and dropped to the floor, crawling forwards on my belly through the dry, brown grass until I reached a place where I had an adequate view of the entire banana plantation and could see down all of the neatly-grown rows. It all seemed still but tonights full-moon was creating long, dark shadows between the banana trees in which anything could be hiding. Meh. Rising into a crouch, I descended the hill, crossed the path and pressed myself against the security fence that skirted the plantation. I held my breath and peeled my ears. A minute passed - it seemed clear. Cupping my mouth with my hands, I did a fairly good imitation of a monkey. There was a rustling and the foliage of the forest parted, dispensing a young woman. She struggled noisily to free herself from some vines and then scurried towards me. At the footpath, she tripped over her own foot and exclaimed a loud ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅOWW!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazzy_g Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 well carry on then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blipo Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 ive been looging forward to this for a while :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Although I'm posting this chapter, it's still Gaal who's writing them. At the moment I'm writing a few of the later chapters to try and increase the speed at which we churn out the chapters for this poor excuse for literature. ---------------------- For the first time since IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d got here, I was tempted to give up my quest to return home and stay here. Back home people were stressed, obnoxious, money-grabbing. Over here, you couldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t get more laid back if you were horizontal. Pushing back the brim of my home-made straw hat, I took another sip of Karamja rum. There was a thud from the beach. Glancing up, I watched the n00b jump to her feet. A coconut had just landed in the sand next to her. She backed away, glaring at it. Watching the suspicion and fear grow on her face was almost endearing. Almost. Gradually however, as the coconut refused to act viciously, she grew more confident and edged closer until she was finally able to jab it with her foot. The coconut rolled gently down the beach. Sand was kicked up by the extreme speed at which the n00b fled in terror. I lay back down ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ it would be hours before she mustered up the courage and the weaponry to return. Lulled by the sound of the waves and the heat, I dozed off and was woken sometime around midday by a bloodcurdling war cry and a number of dull thuds. She'd returned with a vengeance, attacking it with the bronze sword that I'd bought her a week ago. Throwing off my hat, I stormed down the beach, grabbed the coconut, and lobbed it down the beach. The noob chased after it, sword brandished high, and resumed her offensive. It was nearing midday and time for the 12:30 from Port Sarim to Crandor via the jagged rocks. For the last few months I'd been spending my mornings here, waiting for the eternally ill-fated ship to come along laden with eager adventurers and their equipment, crash open on the rocks, and spill its cargo like a piÃÆÃâÃâñata. Whilst bounties were never particularly great ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ a few dragonfire shields daily ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ I occasionally got lucky and it was my main source of supplies. Reliable as clockwork, the ship came ploughing over the horizon, past the island, and into the rocks. I took great satisfaction in the thought of the people onboard getting pulled under by the weight of their fancy equipment and wallets. The n00b returned; bits of coconut shell in her hair and drenched in milk, and sat, sticky and proud, while we waited for the flotsam to arrive. She started fidgeting. I glanced over at her to see what she was so eager about: the defeat of the coconut had got her to level 4 attack. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅCongratulations.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runescape102 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 that wasn't too long :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 They're short at the moment because... well... erm... because :D Seriously though, we don't want to make LoTR esque chapter lengths as most people don't want to spend half an hour at a time reading a chapter on a computer screen or one thats just posted on a web forum. The real reason is that we can't be bothered writing longer ones at the moment ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 great as usual Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 Got kinda bored waiting for Gaal to stop being lazy and post the next chapter so I figured that I'd post it myself. :) ----------------------- Pulling the crate through the dense foliage and soft mulch was annoying, but eventually we reached the small rise overlooking the banana plantation. Workers scurried up and down the rows, clambered up the trees, unaware that horrible, magical death was about to be rained down on them from above. Luthas reclined in a hammock, beaming as he did a roaring trade in selling space in his crates for illegal shipment, and in my minds eye I drew a large, red cross over him. I chose the spell that would inflict the greatest damage and then selected the runes. Closing my fist tightly around them, I drew the magical extract into my soul and used them to manipulate and deform the laws of physics around me. A strong wind blew up, catching the dust of the spent runes as they crumbled beneath my fingers. I concentrated it a short way infront of me until a spinning column of air formed, and quickly grew in size and speed. Positioning the energy of the mind runes within its centre to maintain and direct it, I let it lose. The tornado tore down the hillside, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake, passed through the chain-link fence, and headed straight for the heart of the plantation. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWhat the ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹Ãâells that?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 NEW!! Yes, now you too can get your very own Smoke & Gaal 2: The Tale of two cities signature sticker! It's true! Hold on just one moment, don't go clicking the reply button so you can either congratulate me on my amasing pixel art skills or just to type "OMFG!!! WHOOTAGE!1!!one!" and let me explain. I've drawn the darned thing and Gaal doesnt seem to want to put in his sig and I'm beggining to feel it was a waste of time, so please whack this in your signature to make me jump for joy. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/F ... ticker.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅAww, cute, init?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted August 25, 2005 Author Share Posted August 25, 2005 I wrote that line! I just thought it was so adorable. Anyway, Smokeeagle's in France at the moment, so in his absence, I can finally turn this series into what it was origonally intended to be: a freaking huge orgy of blood, guts, and orgies. Anyway, I've decided to offer 1k to anybody who writes an intelligent review and 10k to anybody who actually gives one which helps us to improve at writing and the storyline. Anybody who uses l33t in their review must pay me. j/k Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 They have the internet in France too, Gaal. :lol: Ive also noticed how you have conviniently forgot to mention the idea for a 3ft high tornado came from me, strange that... And from now on Ill be watching your writing VERY carefully :shock: Also; visit my also sub-parrific blog! http://spaces.msn.com/members/welshiehq Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted August 27, 2005 Author Share Posted August 27, 2005 The next chapter is completed by the way, Mr France, if that is your real name. Just going to try this before I go, hope it works. Sweet. It worked. I think. Mr French, if you replace your banner with this: http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/650/bumbersticker1tu.png But with // things installed, then it acts as a link to the story thread. Pretty neato, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archimage_a Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 i see you have a good thing going buy other ppls ideas then sell them for a profit... http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted August 28, 2005 Author Share Posted August 28, 2005 Err, whut? Buy other people's ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archimage_a Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 Yes if I come up with a really good idea and sell it to you (as a review gives you ideas for the story) then you find that it doesnt work for some reason you would sell it on http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 Yes if I come up with a really good idea and sell it to you (as a review gives you ideas for the story) then you find that it doesnt work for some reason you would sell it on Have you ever heard of constructive criticism? obviously not. they never asked for ideas they asked about how to make their writing styles better. (gaalsien or smokeeagle can correct me if I'm wrong). also how in the world are they going to sell these ideas if their posted for free on the forums? I think that that is one of the most rude and insentive remarks I have heard on these forums. please remove it. Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 Dont worry about Noobymage_a, Dragon: hes a paranoid eejit whos said similar stupid things before. Also, Gaal, if that IS your real name, I cant get the siggy thing to work: it doesnt link to the image but I can sort that out when I get back on Wednesday. Also a quick note: I have sunburn. Owww... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragoncmd Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 Dont worry about Noobymage_a, Dragon: hes a paranoid eejit whos said similar stupid things before. yes I know but keep in mind that since hes watching your story you can't mentiong anything to do with zaros that does not portray him as the deity of cute fuzzly-wuzzly kitties :D Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.A Seal Clubber is me!A Oxygenarin is me!6*9=42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted August 29, 2005 Author Share Posted August 29, 2005 Do you think we should fit Zaros into it somewhere and then kill him? Also, Smoke, you need to add the /s back in to your sig at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeEagle Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Looks like its going to be late Wednesday when I get back, btw. Would you lind sending me the chapter via e-mail (as text)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archimage_a Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Have you ever heard of constructive criticism? obviously not. I ask for it so much its unbeliveable.like so. You should talking about me and get on with(paying me) writing this story which if it is a good as the others would be some sort of miracle as they were all pretty stunning. Your posts are like secret sauce Its a combination of mystery, humor and adventure, with the last tantilising ingredient that you can't quite put your finger on. Its that magical something that is just out of reach. http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 You get paid for constructive criticism, not kissing [wagon]. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archimage_a Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Yeah I know :wink: but you do have IT That thing that makes writer http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaalsien Posted September 4, 2005 Author Share Posted September 4, 2005 We need a better name than Winter. Other ideas are Spring, Summer, Autumn, Death_incarnatinator, or Jebs. Chapter I Stopped Counting Long Ago The darkening hillside was lit by the flames of another fire bolt. A wave of heat fought for a moment against the cool evening breeze. The n00b paused. As the fireworks above her head dispersed and faded, she swayed unsteadily on feet, clutched at her head, and groaned. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅYou OK?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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