Waiting for Reality.

[Mike_Ike111]

I've seen the stars, the vacant space of nothingness in the presence of everything, and the way it moves and contracts, retracts, pulls back, and how it gazes down on me as I lay my back against the moon. The intergalactic space track, a cassette tape to the soul, plays it's mellow tune; a slight Twelve Kilohertz buzz of the sound that nothing makes when you're silently waiting for nothing to make it's sound again. The weightlessness of the gravity, where giant beams of steel feel like child's toys and feathers feel as light as they always have, lifts me up. It feels as though each gasp for the surreal oxygen could send me off to earth, as my lungs expand and the warmth of each breath pull me off my back like a Hot Air Balloon.

 

 

 

I'm floating up, towards what telescopes and brainiacs call the distant future, in the midst of abyssal protrusion and the place where sound waves and light take off their chains and walk free from their duties. It seems as though this debauchery is more than just the wake of a new beginning, as it is the end to something that hasn't happened yet. A wasteful expenditure, or dissipation if you will, has been taken into account when looking into this happening. I've taken off from the moon to reality, though at a cost of my own equilibrium, however with a slight accustomed nod of the head I've found myself swaying and swooning to the galactic space waves, between once upon a time and this time is now.

 

 

 

I am lifted in space, floating towards the earth as I drift by satellites and space ships. I can see the every day people as they head to work and drive their cars and pull their ropes and push their buttons. They are little specks of nothing, scurrying across the land they live by, all the way to their little ticky tacky houses. A simple breeze could meander across the earthen crust and each and ever speck would be swooped out from their houses and jobs and lives, and then there would be nothing, as nothing was seconds before.

 

 

 

I am floating in space, just minutes from hitting the O-Zone's corruption and pollution, as I break into the thick smug, an intrusion into gravitational pull. It's seen through the ages, that falling down is not the hardest part when looking into the future's anticipation. The truth is, falling down is not as hard as knowing the earth you are about to hit is still so far away. I'm watching the earth and the people as I fall to the floor. It's as though I'm in slow motion, and everything that is happening is black and white, on a paper back flip book being flipped too slow. I can hear the pages as they turn and scrape against the dead skin celled finger. Each ripple of the finger print's groove touch the edge of the paper, and the page collides with the next.

 

 

 

The earth is waiting for me to smash into it's outer shell; it's watching me with it's gaze. A hundred million eyes follow my body, as my clothes rip and tear off and my skin heats up, and with my eyes shut I make my descent. I press out of the clouds with a trail of white fluff leading my stale body towards the planet. I'm seconds from impact, however a life time of eternity from hitting the earth. I wrap my arms around my chest and close my legs straight, and with my head first I fall. Falling and falling and falling; waiting for reality.

[issy2]

Well first off you obviously have a very good vocabulary and a relatively mature writing style: it doesn't sound particularly clumsy or choppy.

 

 

 

I would say, though, that the paragraphs are too structured. While the words and phrases themselves are pretty fluent the sequence of paragraphs aren't. In some styles of writing that's a good thing, essays and arguments for instance, but here it seems a touch overdone.

 

As I said you obviously have a very good vocabulary but it seems like there's too many long words in there - it's very detailed, is there a way of thinning it out a bit?

 

 

 

I do like it, though, it's very interesting, got a thoughtful, philosophical atmosphere about it.

[VEGHATERMEATLOVER]

Wow, this is amazing. its really good, almost poetic. Its very very good. the vocabulary is large.

 

 

 

10/10

[Mike_Ike111]

Haha thanks guys, I think. I hadn't even realized I was using a large vocabulary until you guys pointed it out. The first few paragraphs start out a little extravagant, however you can tell near the middle I stop using an expanded vocabulary. After the second paragraph I realized what I was actually writing about, as this little story has a much deeper meaning than you would think it does.

 

I'll look into the paragraph structure to see what I could have done better. I certainly won't stop here. This is just another stepping stone to my masterpiece :)

[Kilo]

I liked it a lot, and I didn't find the vocabulary that large.

[EdgedThesis]

Pretty sure I commented on this after you wrote it. What the hell?

Anyway-- wanted to say that this was great.

Writing style fit the subject perfectly.

 

Good job, man.

[Jeffwilson99]

I like your writing style, but I think the first sentence is a bit too long. Maybe if you could split it, it'd grab peoples attention more, I had to read it twice to take it all in.